The Crisis of Masculinity and Femininity in Marriage

I was listening to a Catholic women’s podcast yesterday (no, not Abiding Together), and the podcast host and her two guests kept talking about the crisis of masculinity and femininity. They said that the modern world has told men and women that there is no difference between them, that they are not just equal, but the same, and this has resulted in widespread confusion and shaky marriages, increased likelihood of divorce, and a weaker family life.

I’m inclined to agree with them until there. I recently read a Humans of Bombay story about a woman who grew up in an extremely conservative family that married her off at a young age, but her husband supported her in completing her education and pursuing a career. All well and good. But it ended with this woman sharing that she now lives in a different city than her husband and young child (with their full support), in order to continue pursuing her career. Almost all the comments were congratulatory, because it seems that everyone thought this was WOMEN’S LIBERATION AND IF MEN CAN DO IT, WHY NOT WOMEN?!!

I have thoughts about this but before I express them, let me tell you how the Catholic women’s podcast progressed. According to one of the guest speakers, the solution for these blurred and confused gender identities and struggling marriages was for men and women to return to their ‘traditional gender roles’.

According to her, women WANT men who are earning more than them, more intelligent than them and stronger than them. She quoted a study that said couples who stuck to traditional gender roles and household tasks enjoyed a better sex life. (To be fair, the podcast host said SHE found it incredibly attractive when her husband folded laundry.) According to her, women turn to masochistic and abusive sex stories like Fifty Shades, because it’s a warped desire for strong men, in a world which has told men that their strength is not needed or appreciated. She kept harping back to ‘John Wayne’ type men. Ugh.

So here you see two extreme ideologies both of which seem unhealthy and unbalanced.

If people tell women that being a mom, or caring for a home, or being supportive of her husband diminishes her value and her worth, then she feels as if she has no choice but to be a ‘career woman’ who gets back to a 9 to 5 job a few months after giving birth, no matter what her desires are. (In India, she is also expected to cook and keep house WHILE holding down a full-time job outside the home.) The only path laid out for her is to ‘do it all’.

If people tell women that her ONLY role and worth in life comes from her husband and children, then she starts feeling trapped and undervalued, her many other gifts and talents are never developed or used, and she may never learn what she is capable of or what she has to offer the world. Jennifer Fulwiler had an awesome talk about it at SEEK, and the Abiding Together podcast often talks about the ‘feminine genius’ needing to be uncovered, a JPII reference.

What about men?

If people tell men that women don’t need them ('women need men like fish need bicycles!'), that they have no value or unique gifts to add to anything because WOMEN CAN DO IT ALL, that when they use their strength to serve or protect, they are being sexist or condescending, that they are superfluous, and the world would do much better without them, then they believe it and become physically or emotionally checked out fathers and husbands, or resentful and passive and afraid to ever take the initiative (because women don’t NEED men to take the initiative). The superwomen never let on that they too are vulnerable sometimes (perhaps because they have been hurt before?) and so the men sit back and make jokes about bossy wives, but secretly struggle with their value and identity. Everyone needs to be needed.

But if people tell men that a woman with an opinion or a salary is undermining their role, or that the right order of things is for men to be the decision-makers and women to blindly trust their judgment in all matters, that it is less manly to admit weakness, that strength and aggression are synonymous, that respect is owed them and expressed in unquestioning obedience, and that women are weak indecisive creatures who love nothing better than a man to figure out everything for them, then at best, they are losing out on a mutually satisfying equal partnership and carrying burdens alone that they could have shared, or at worst, they turn into tyrants in their own homes who lash out (physically or verbally) when challenged in any way.

So what is the happy balance, one that respects both the equality and the differences between men and women, that allows them to be unashamedly who they are? Should there be a difference in the roles of men and women, and if so, what should they be?

I think the key is to remember that men and women ARE different, but no one else can tell us exactly how that's going to play out in each individual marriage. One may prefer cooking to cleaning, one may be more skilled at tech support or fixing things than the other, one may like doing the accounts, while the other may prefer buying the groceries. Women tend to be more sensitive to people's needs and feelings, men tend to like to work with their hands. But not always. Women tend to be more empathetic, men tend to be more logical. But not always. You need to get to know that unique man or woman, and allow them to be who they are, use and develop their gifts, and affirm each other while doing so. You need to listen to the other person express their feelings and desires about your roles, and be willing to accommodate their needs.

But here's the catch that most people don't talk about, and it works for men AND women. The choices you make, and the way you live out your masculinity and femininity is not just for your own fulfillment, but should be at the service of each other and your family (in the context of marriage). So if young children need their mom especially in the early years, embrace that call. We have differences that can help and serve each other. Only a woman can bear a child in her body, and men can use their strength to serve and protect his wife and kids when they are the most vulnerable. That could mean being the primary earner, but it could also mean cooking and caring for the older kids when the wife is pregnant or breastfeeding.

'A mother who watches over her child with tenderness and compassion helps him or her to grow in confidence and to experience that the world is a good and welcoming place. This helps the child to grow in self-esteem and, in turn, to develop a capacity for intimacy and empathy. A father, for his part, helps the child to perceive the limits of life, to be open to the challenges of the wider world, and to see the need for hard work and strenuous effort. A father possessed of a clear and serene masculine identity who demonstrates affection and concern for his wife is just as necessary as a caring mother. There can be a certain flexibility of roles and responsibilities, depending on the concrete circumstances of each particular family. But the clear and well-defined presence of both figures, female and male, creates the environment best suited to the growth of the child.' Pope Francis

Prioritizing the needs of the family sometimes means that a woman may need to work outside the home while the man stays home with the kids. It means for both men and women that your career goals should never be more important than the needs of each other or your children. It may mean giving up a promotion so that you still have time to help your kids with their homework. It may mean giving up cool travel opportunities because your relationship with your spouse takes time too. It may mean travelling together with your family even though it will slow you down.

Using your strengths to serve each other as spouses should work both ways. It may mean one spouse taking a step back from their own goals and dreams at a particular stage in their life to support the other in pursuing theirs. It means men stepping up to be servant leaders and present fathers, because women need to know it's NOT all on them. It means women not trying to micro-manage everything and not acting like dads are 'babysitting' when they're look after their own kids.

It's not a competition, it's a collaboration. We don't have to be independent beings pursuing our own personal goals while happening to be married to each other. We need to allow ourselves to be dependent on each other, to be vulnerable with each other, to respond to each other's vulnerability, and to allow the other's gifts to enrich us.

When women affirm men in their natural gifts and strengths, men feel confident enough to step up and use those gifts and strengths. When men affirm women in THEIR strength and ability, then women feel seen and valued. Both feel a confidence in being the men and women God called them to be because they no longer have to fight their own spouse to be that man or woman.

This is a hard adjustment to make because we've all grown up influenced by the ways our own parents and families did things (for better or worse), our own assumptions, insecurities, and wounds, and by the messages social media is shouting at us constantly (for better or worse). Sometime we overcompensate, sometimes we feel threatened by new ideas or ways of doing things that feel unfamiliar and not socially acceptable.

'There are those who believe that many of today’s problems have arisen because of feminine emancipation. This argument, however, is not valid, “it is false, untrue, a form of male chauvinism”. The equal dignity of men and women makes us rejoice to see old forms of discrimination disappear, and within families there is a growing reciprocity.' Pope Francis

I think three things can help us rediscover how to be authentically 'masculine' or 'feminine' within marriages and relationships - a relationship with God, regular prayer and discernment about what needs to change, and how, and when. Good and regular communication and listening to each other's feelings and needs. And good community, with other healthy and happily married couples whom you respect and who are willing to share from their own experiences and mistakes.

Nuptial blessing during a Catholic Wedding Mass

O God, who by your mighty power
created all things out of nothing,
and, when you had set in place
the beginnings of the universe,
formed man and woman in your own image,
making the woman an inseparable helpmate to the man,
that they might be no longer two, but one flesh,
and taught that what you were pleased to make one
must never be divided;

O God, who consecrated the bond of Marriage
by so great a mystery
that in the wedding covenant you foreshadowed
the Sacrament of Christ and his Church;

O God, by whom woman is joined to man
and the companionship they had in the beginning
is endowed with the one blessing
not forfeited by original sin
nor washed away by the flood.

Look now with favor on these your servants,
joined together in Marriage,
who ask to be strengthened by your blessing.
Send down on them the grace of the Holy Spirit
and pour your love into their hearts,
that they may remain faithful in the Marriage covenant.

May the grace of love and peace
abide in your daughter [name],
and let her always follow the example of those holy women
whose praises are sung in the Scriptures.

May her husband entrust his heart to her,
so that, acknowledging her as his equal
and his joint heir to the life of grace,
he may show her due honor
and cherish her always
with the love that Christ has for his Church.

And now, Lord, we implore you:
may these your servants
hold fast to the faith and keep your commandments;
made one in the flesh,
may they be blameless in all they do;
and with the strength that comes from the Gospel,
may they bear true witness to Christ before all;
may they be blessed with children,
and prove themselves virtuous parents,
who live to see their children’s children.

And grant that,
reaching at last together the fullness of years
for which they hope,
they may come to the life of the blessed
in the Kingdom of Heaven.
Through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Related Reading

I’m a Catholic Feminist – What Does That Even Mean?

Don't Be Afraid of Strong Women: A Reflection on Wonder Woman

Why I Can’t Stand Marriage Jokes

Pope John Paul II's Letter on the Dignity and Vocation of Women

Captain Marvel Vs Wonder Woman

When I googled Captain Marvel versus Wonder Woman, it turned out most of the world wants to know who would win in a fight. That is not, however, my burning concern. I was more interested in figuring out why I liked Wonder Woman when I found Captain Marvel so annoying.

On the surface, they are very similar. They are both gorgeous female superheroes who seem to be sending rather clichéd feminist messages: “Girls, you can do it! You don’t have to have a man or be a man to be significant! You are stronger then you think!” Even though I consider myself a Catholic feminist, I am capable of noticing when feminist messages are used to sell movies... Captain Marvel came out on International Women’s Day.

But to me, Captain Marvel detracts from an authentic feminist message. Maybe it was the acting, or maybe it was the original story, but it seemed to me that in order for Carol Danvers to be a superhero, she had to be cold, emotionless and just powerful. It was practically impossible to relate to her. I could admire her beauty without feeling like I could empathize with her in the slightest, because she seemed so detached. I think that’s what some people think it takes for a woman to succeed, to be strong.

But strength doesn’t mean becoming a robot, or so focussed on achieving our goals or proving ourselves that we forget to be real. Our emotions and sensitivity are a part of our strength and we don’t need to deny them. Not only that, being authentic, acknowledging our weaknesses and working alongside others whom we trust can be a wonderful way to be wholly who we are.

Wonder Woman on the other hand seemed so much more real, in the way she related to people, in her passion for justice and truth and people. Was it just the acting? (Gal Gadot fangirl alert) Or the story? I’m not sure. I loved how she was sensitive and aware of the people and the needs around her, how she didn’t seem to feel the need to prove herself because it wasn’t about her. She was a woman on a mission, with a heart on fire for a better world. Her struggle was believing that people could do evil, and yet be worth saving. Now that is a deep and very relatable struggle. (Although I wasn’t too fond of the long drawn out fight scene at the end of Wonder Woman that could have greatly benefited from being a fraction of the length.)

 What did Carol Danvers struggle with? The hurdle she had to cross seemed overly simplistic – people didn’t believe in her, didn’t think she could do it because she was a girl, and she just had to GET UP AGAIN. Come on, I expect a little more from movies made in the 21st century. Not that people doubting us isn’t a reality, but isn’t there more to it? Where does that inner strength and belief come from? Where does our power come from? How do we tap into it? What is it for? Apparently no one else had those questions or were looking for stronger analogies from Captain Marvel. Instead we are just supposed to cheer because she GOT UP, and hey, she is now SUPER POWERFUL and also NOW SHE FIGURED OUT SHE CAN FLY. Wait, what?

We Can Fly! GIF from Peterpan GIFs

Both movies had something to offer though. They both portrayed women as more than a part of a man’s story, more than sidekicks or love interests, or seductresses or sirens. Every woman has a unique role to play in the salvation of the world. For some, part of that role is that of a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a homemaker. For some, it is as consecrated singles, mothers and sisters to the world. But being a mother, a sister and a wife does not mean there are not other ways God is calling women to step up, just as for men, being husbands, fathers, and brothers, does not mean they do not have other work to do in the world too.


via GIPHY

Some women will take on political roles, some will use their gifts, strengths and training in science, medicine, the arts, writing, teaching, speaking, creating, forming, inspiring, challenging and building. We need to help women to find and follow God’s call for their lives. Movies with strong female leads help us remember that many women need to be encouraged to be all they were created to be.

All in all, although Captain Marvel wasn’t terrible, it was very forgettable (I’m stretching to remember it now, a couple of weeks after watching it), whereas I’d be willing to recommend Wonder Woman, and even watch it a third time. And if we’re looking for messages about strong women that we can relate to, I’d give Captain Marvel a pass, and watch Wonder Woman. Or even better, Hidden Figures.

Related Reading 

Don't Be Afraid of Strong Women: A Reflection on Wonder Woman

I’m a Catholic Feminist – What Does That Even Mean?

The Subtle and Appealing Evil of Thanos

Why 'Finding Dory' Made Me Cry

Don't Be Afraid of Strong Women: A Reflection on Wonder Woman

I watched Wonder Woman for the second time a couple of weeks ago, and I had the same thought as I did the first time I watched it – ‘I need to blog about this character.’ Also, ‘I wish I were as cool as Gal Gadot.’ First of all, my usual disclaimer, I’m not an expert on superhero movies, and don’t typically know the entire back story and character arc of every superhero. Still, I love these movies. And I loved Wonder Woman for so many reasons.

The whole initial part about the island Princess Diana grew up on was so aesthetically pleasing, strength and beauty and grace and courage effortlessly interwoven in these Amazons. I loved Gal Gadot as the choice of actress to play Wonder Woman. Man, she’s gorgeous, but also not at all the typical face you see in Hollywood movies.

But mostly I loved her character. Here was a woman who was the protagonist of her own story, not just a sidekick or a love interest or a prop for the male character. I think many women need to learn that their story is important, that they are worthy and valuable and that God has a plan for their life specifically. They are not just valuable in relation to other people, they don’t gain value by becoming a girlfriend or a wife, neither do they lose value if a man leaves them or rejects them or chooses someone else over them. Women, you are valuable and your life is important! Your story matters.

Princess Diana was a strong woman. Physically, yes... and it kind of makes me want to get fit and stop leading such a sedentary life. But she also had strength of conviction, and wasn’t embarrassed or hesitant to speak up for the truth. My favourite scene is when she overhears the British leaders talking about peace at any cost, without being willing to protect their soldiers, and she just can’t be silent. 

Steve: Diana, I know this confusing... '

Diana: It is not confusing! It's unthinkable! 

Some general: Who is this woman? 

Steve: She is with me, she is with us. 

Diana: I'm not.. I am not with you! You would knowingly sacrifice all those lives....as if they mean less than yours. 

Steve: Diana, let's talk about it outside. 

Diana: As if they mean nothing? Where I come from, generals don't hide in their offices like cowards. They fight alongside their soldiers.They die with them on the battlefield! 

Steve: That's enough! My apologies. 

Diana: You should be ashamed. 

Steve: My apologies. 

Diana: You should be ashamed. All of you should be ashamed! 

She just goes in there and calls them out. Man! She reminds me of Saint Catherine and Saint Teresa of Avila and even Saint Teresa of Kolkata boldly and confidently calling out the powers that be. They weren’t arrogant or brash or full of themselves, but full of the Holy Spirit moving them to speak, whether or not it would be received well.

Women, don’t be afraid to use your voice – not in anger, or bitterness, or accusation, or harshness, or nagging. But with conviction and holiness and truth, speak up for those who have no voice, speak up for the things that are counter-cultural but TRUE. You have something to say! Ask God to purify your motives, then SPEAK UP. Sometimes people feel threatened by strong women, but this an opportunity to change that.

What I loved about Diana's strength was that it was purified by her innocence and her softness. It was not a self-serving strength. It was not manipulative or sly or controlling. It was at the service of the good. Like Captain America, here is a superhero who is not focussed on his or her own issues or dealing with personal demons. Instead for both of them, they believed in the good and just wanted to do what was right! How much like the lives of the saints we know about. Of course, we ARE human and do have personal demons, and yet in Christ, hearts and motives can be purified, our perspective changes to see the world as God sees it, and our heart longs to join in His saving work. It’s not just being idealistic, but believing that the world CAN be better.

Diana: It is our sacred duty to defend the world. And I wish to go… 

Steve: My father told me once he said... ‘If you see something wrong happening in the world, you can either do nothing, or you can do something.’ And I already tried nothing. 

Diana (as her mother tries to stop her): I am going, mother. I cannot stand by while innocent lives are lost. If no one else will defend the world from Ares, then I must. I have to go. 

Diana’s strength did not detract from her softness and tenderness at all. I LOVE the tiny scene where she arrives in London for the first time, and is looking at everything with surprise and some amount of disgust (grimy London was ugly compared to her beautiful home island). But then she sees a woman with a stroller, and she runs toward her with excitement, “A BABY!” You could see how filled with compassion she was when she heard or saw different people’s sufferings. Her strength and idealism didn’t blind her to the person in front of her.

Women, don’t be afraid to be soft and gentle either. You have both strength AND tenderness. Your gentleness does not detract from your strength. The world needs your strength AND your tenderness. And to the rest of the world, don’t be afraid of strong women. Help them find their strength and their voice, because God has a unique role for them in the healing and salvation of this broken, messed up world.

Disclaimers: There were certain parts of Diana’s story that didn’t really fit into her character, and I don’t think they rang true. Like the conversation she and Steve had on the boat about not needing men and marriage being an unfamiliar concept. With her idealism and value for the human person, it seems obvious she would have believed in lifelong marriage and sex only in that context. Come on, Hollywood.

Related Links:

Steven Greydanus reviews Wonder Woman at Decent Films

How Bad Sexual Ethics Ruin Good Superhero Movies

Abiding Together Podcast about Saint Catherine of Siena 

Description: Today we begin our 5 part series on the women Doctors of the Church by first exploring the life of St. Catherine of Siena. St. Catherine was a preacher, influencer, writer, miracle worker, and mystic. In this episode, we chat about Catherine’s example of intimacy with God, her fiery heart and voice of conviction, how her hidden life fueled her passion for the Church and restoration, and how we can follow her example in specific ways.

Abiding Together Podcast about Saint Hildegard of Bingen

Description: Today’s episode we dive into the life of St. Hildegard of Bingen, part 2 of our series on the women doctors of the Church. We talk about how amazing this woman was, her many talents and how she used the power of her voice and influence to help restore the Church. We also discuss places that we have lost our voice, the trap of self doubt, and letting God be strong in our weakness.

Abiding Together Podcast about Saint Teresa of Avila 

Description: Today’s episode is Part 3 of our series on the women doctors of the Church, on the life of St. Teresa of Avila. We talk about the great gift of her spiritual writings, her humor, her practical wisdom and her reforming spirit. We talk about growing in self awareness and how we can move through spiritual pitfalls.

I’m a Catholic Feminist – What Does That Even Mean?

I used to be one of those kids who was very gleeful about entering the battle of the sexes. I once wrote on our neighbourhood blackboard this gem: “Girls have many faults, boys have only two: everything they say and everything they do.” I remember carrying a stack of chairs somewhere when I was a 16 year old in the church youth group, and practically yelling at a guy who tried to take them from me. “You think I can’t do this? Obviously I can!” I loved quotes like “Women need men like fish need bicycles.”

It seemed obvious that feminism was the Right Choice. It suited my activist personality. But as I grew older, I found that the online Catholic world wasn’t too fond of the word ‘feminist’. It seemed to evoke a vision of angry man-hating topless profanity-spewing women who hated all religion and viewed the Church in particular as a backward patriarchal woman-hating institution.

Today I still identify as a Catholic feminist, but I no longer assume that anyone understand what that means, or that other feminists would agree with me on every issue, or that there is only one accepted definition of feminism.

This is what Catholic feminism looks like:

Catholics believe that men and women are created equal - equal in value and dignity and worth. There are many inherent differences that do not diminish our worth in any way. Many men (not all) are physically bigger and stronger than many women. Many women (not all) have a knack for tenderness and nurturing that many men (not all) lack. I do not believe that being equal means being exactly the same, or needing to do exactly the same things. I don't, for example, feel discriminated against because I can't be a priest. I hope men feel the same way about being able to bear a child in their body.

Catholic feminism says that it is not just okay, but GOOD for men and women to use their innate gifts to serve each other. I may not need A man, but women need men AND men need women. Feminism does not mean the world would be a better place without men. I gradually learned to accept graciously the help that men offered especially when it involved physical strength and carrying heavy bags. I am capable of carrying my own bags most of the time, it is just a lot harder. I am very grateful for the men in my life (I remember that especially when I am alone dragging heavy bags up flights of stairs), and my feminism does not negate that. I have also learned to offer help in areas where men often struggle, instead of mocking them for their inadequacy.

But as a feminist, even though I agree that men and women are different in some ways, I think that many of the differences are not God-given, but social constructs, traditions of generations that may need to change. Why don’t we teach both men and women to cook, fix things, buy vegetables, clean, look after kids and be empathetic? Different people prefer different things, but they should all have a basic grounding in all life skills. By creating opportunities for boys and girls to learn different things, they may find their calling in a non-traditional field for their sex, but a field that exactly fits their strengths and interests. Maybe they will not feel like they are ‘tomboys’ or ‘effeminate’ just because they happen to be more active, logical, artistic, empathetic or gentle than most members of their sex. By teaching empathy and confidence to both, maybe we will also have fathers who are able to express affection and mothers who are able to not be afraid of the world outside the home. Win-win!

Being a Catholic feminist means getting rid of double standards. Why is it okay for guys to have sexual experience and girls not to? Boys will be boys? Psssht. But instead of lowering everyone’s standards so that we now ALL have permission to be sexually permissive and drunken revellers, how about we raise the standards, so that both men and women are encouraged to save sex for faithful committed relationships (aka marriage), and to be prudent and wise in their partying habits?

Being a Catholic feminist means acknowledging that although men and women HAVE been created equal, they have historically not been treated so. Even today in many parts of the world and society, women are not allowed a say in their own lives, in their families or their children. I was once teaching children from the slum something about economics and household finances. The textbook said something about the parents making decisions together, so I asked the children if that happened. It was clear that that was not how their family worked. In the village school I once taught, girls were usually taken out from school by the time they were in high school because their parents had decided that their only life option was to marry young and stay home looking after their families for the rest of their lives. If you follow Humans of Bombay, you can see just how often these young uneducated women in arranged marriages are taken advantage of by alcoholic, abusive husbands who abandoned them and their children.

Being a feminist means caring about social justice which is a very Catholic thing to do. It means fighting for girls to get an education, to have the ability to gain marketable skills, to develop their talents and interests, to have choices and not be dependent on the men in their life to be good and honourable (because men are not always good and honourable). It means helping women to see themselves as capable and strong and valuable.

But being a Catholic feminist also means valuing and supporting women in their calling as wives and mothers (if that is what they are called to). It means not belittling women who are home-makers, not glorifying careers, or expecting women to have to ‘do it all’. It is not mocking women who love cooking for their husbands, or women who long to have children. It means supporting women in their fertility (and not promoting harmful chemical contraceptives or treating their fertility like a disease) and educating them about their bodies and cycles.

Being a Catholic feminist means caring for women at every stage of their lives, right from conception when they are the most vulnerable. Though the right to abortion is seen a key aspect of modern feminism, Catholic feminists do not believe that abortion can ever bring true freedom. Like this New Wave Feminists’ sign: "When our liberation costs innocent lives, it is merely oppression redistributed." Most stories of women seeking abortion contain the words or the impression that women felt like they had NO choice. Being a pro-life feminist means not just opposing abortion, but offering women the support they need to bear a child and rebuild their lives. It means withholding judgment and offering support.

New Wave Feminists are the best. 

Being a Catholic feminist means allowing oneself to feel and express righteous anger, but not allowing that to make one bitter or resentful. Instead it is allowing pain at injustice to be transformed into a LOVE that changes things, because in the end only love can do that.

Being a Catholic feminist does not mean teaching women to see men as the enemy. They are not. They are also deserving of respect and kindness as are all human being created in the image and likeness of God. Feminism should not be a weapon for a woman to wield that destroys the unity of marriages. Instead true feminism is helping both husbands and wives (and men and women in general) accept each other, respect and listen to each other, work as partners for the good of each other and the family, and gently help each other get over prejudices and blind spots and gender stereotypes. It also means making adjustments for the good of the family, whether it means taking turns to be the stay-at-home parent, or to get the kids ready for school, or to clean the kitchen, or to give up a promotion.

Being a Catholic feminist doesn’t mean that a woman’s needs come ahead of everyone else’s. But it does need that a woman’s needs are important and that she needs to communicate them (something many women don’t do), and learn how to take care of herself, while also balancing the needs of those who are in her care. It also means building a marriage where both partners support each others’ dreams, and discern how God wants them to do that at different points of their marriage. 

You know, almost all of these points apply to men too. We want men to have all these things as well. The reason why we talk more about women than about men is because women have usually been the ones who have NOT received these things. This is not men versus women. This is about all men and women of good will fighting to right an injustice. Let’s do our part. Let’s not be afraid of feminism. But let’s not lose sight of the larger truth that we are known, loved and created uniquely by a God who made us, man and woman, in the beginning, and who has a beautiful plan for us to live and work together in this Garden of earth .

Related Reading: 
Pope John Paul II's Letter on the Dignity and Vocation of Women
Sex, Style and Substance: Ten Catholic Women Consider The Things That Really Matter
New Wave Feminists