INSPIRE2020: Why I Am Catholic

I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is 'Why I Am Catholic'. Also, follow Desi Catholics on Insta and FB!

I am Catholic because my parents chose to have me baptized. But I am a faithful, believing Catholic instead of an agnostic or atheist because of a combination of many factors:

A consistent life ethic 

The litany of the saints 

Truth, Beauty, Goodness 

The Eucharistic Jesus 

Adoration chapels 

The grace of Confession 

Theology of the Body 

Mother Teresa 

Saint John Paul II

The call to holiness 

Holy balance 

A place for every culture and nation 

A place for the little ones 

A commitment to social justice 

Redemptive suffering 

A place for the misfits and outcasts 

The Catechism of the Catholic Church 

The Emergency Novena 

Consecration to Jesus through Mary 

Travelling Rosaries 

Mary’s maternal care 

Spiritual warfare and sacramentals 

The St. Michael prayer 

Guardian angels 

Reason and faith 

The Church of Peter 

The promise of Jesus

The early Church Fathers 

Authority given by Jesus to dispense the sacraments 

Faithfulness to the truth entrusted by Jesus 

The Charismatic renewal 

The living saints 

An openness to renewal and re-examining ways of doing things 

Vatican 2 

Catholic communities focussing on discipleship and evangelization 

Catholic Twitter 

The fellowship of wise and holy Catholic brothers and sisters 

I’m Catholic in spite of 

The abuse scandals 

The hypocrisy of many leaders 

The polarised political American Catholic Church 

The lack of clarity and unity in communication and teaching from most Catholic leaders 

A failure to live by the Spirit 

Lack of fellowship and accountability in most Catholic parishes 

Parish politics 

My Catholic convent school 

My parish youth group

My parish culture

Many loud Catholic celebrities and speakers 

A failure to evangelise even our own flock 

The lies and half-truths coming out of many seminaries 

A culture of authoritarianism and clericalism 

Horrible Church music 

Rad-trads

New Ages practices promoted by Indian Catholic priests

Pauline bookstores

Action songs 

“The difficulty of explaining ‘why I am a Catholic’ is that there are ten thousand reasons all amounting to one reason: that Catholicism is true.” (G.K. Chesterton, Why I Am A Catholic)

I wrote a more detailed post here: When I Get Tired of Being Catholic

INSPIRE2020: Tough Topics - Love is Love... Or Is It?

I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is 'Tough Topics'.

Although the Church's stance on same-sex marriage is not the central or most important teaching of the Church, it is one of the more controversial ones, and one that seems to be a hot-topic online. I'm writing about it because I know it can be a confusing issue especially for young Catholics who care passionately about social justice issues, equality, and human rights, and if Catholics don't explain it well it could easily alienate them from the Church.

First of all the reason this is such a tough topic to broach is that social justice issues seem to be presented as package deal. If you care about women's rights, you are supposed to fight for abortion rights. If you care about LGBTQ struggles, you should be fighting for their right to marry and adopt. And if you do NOT accept everything, most people assume you're on the same page as 'Gays go to hell', 'Women belong barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen' kind of extremists.

Let’s clear up a few beliefs that I as an orthodox Catholic have: 

- I do NOT believe it’s a sin to ‘be gay’ or to be attracted to the same sex. Neither is a person with such an orientation a mistake or an accident. 

- Self-identifying as LGBTQ is not the same as a statement of someone's sexual activity.

- I do not believe that people who choose to call themselves ‘gay’ or LGBTQ (instead of ‘struggling with SSA, etc) is a terrible thing, and definitely not a sin. Your sexual orientation is obviously not your whole identity, but it is an important part of your identity which has consciously or subconsciously influenced your relationships, your perspective on the world, your idea of your own value, the way people have treated you, the confusion you may have faced as a teenager, etc. It’s fairly easy to see how big an influence it is when we listen to any real life stories or experiences of LGBTQ people. Naming that experience or struggle can help you feel you’re not alone. (There are some who disagree with me.)

- I think the representatives of the local Catholic Church need to do much better at talking about these struggles instead of ignoring them or pretending they don’t exist.

- I believe homosexual activity should be decriminalised. Not every sin is a criminal matter. We need to stop acting as if other people’s sins are far more repulsive than our own. LGBTQ sexual activity is on the same level as all other sexual sin - premarital or extramarital sex, masturbation, pornography, contraceptive sex or pretty much any sexual activity outside of God’s design - free, total, faithful and fruitful sex between a man and woman committed to each other for life. 

- I think we need to do far more to help LGBTQ people especially with creating safe spaces where bullying is not tolerated, and with addressing the high rate of depression, self harm and suicide found among them. 

- I think there are so-called Christians who have done a great deal of harm to our witness to the LGBTQ community- from parents kicking out their children who come out to them, to the crazies with their ‘God hates fags’ posters, or those obsessed with narrowly defining true masculinity or femininity, or  those whose hackles rise as soon as the label LGBTQ is used. 

- I think our first response to someone who comes out as LGBTQ to us should be acceptance and love, not immediately checking whether they are chaste or not. That conversation can happen if and when the Spirit prompts. Lead with love, as always.

Most of the beliefs I’ve stated above are not very controversial on social media. But being Catholic means being willing to hold on to and talk about the unpopular aspects of our faith too. 

As a Catholic, I believe- 

- God’s design for marriage was between a man and a woman, for life. Our bodies are created in such a way that even in a world marred by sin and dysfunction, it’s fairly easy to see the original design and plan for human sexual relationships. 

- The healthiest and most secure place for a child to grow is with a mother and a father who are faithful to each other and who emulate the love of God to their children. Of course there are many who have not had that privilege due to death, abuse, divorce or other factors out of their control, and God is able to bring healing and provide what is lacking. But that doesn’t change His original design and plan. (The polygamy of the OT was part of the dysfunction of a world twisted by original sin, but Jesus came to restore God’s original plan.) 

- If I really love and care for an LGBTQ person, I cannot cheer them on in a relationship that cuts them off from God’s good plan for their lives. However I can and should love them and find other ways to build that relationship (apart from getting excited about their love life).

- If I really love an LGBTQ person, I will help them find healing* from any abuse or trauma they have suffered rather than just affirming and celebrating their sexual orientation. (Obviously this is not the situation for all LGBTQ people, but it is not uncommon.)

The reason Catholic beliefs about homosexuality are so hard to swallow is because they have been presented as an opposition to the overly simple phrase - Love is love. 

This is how it is articulated- love is love, whether it’s between a man and a woman, or between two men, or between two women. We don’t choose who we love. Everyone deserves to be in a loving relationship/to find love. These thoughts are always presented alongside a picture of a cute affectionate same sex couple. 

It is so much easier to go with the flow and think “Well yeah, everyone DOES deserve love.. so what if they love in a different way than I do? They’re so cute. I can’t imagine the God of love would have a problem with this.’ Who could fight with it when you put it like that? So Catholics either ignore the inconvenient teachings of the Church, or try not to think about them, or choose to hope the Church will eventually ‘get with the times’. 

What DOES the Church say about this? Here's part of the Catechism's section on chastity:

2357 Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered." They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved. 

2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition. 

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection. 

And here are some of my thoughts about the ‘love is love’ statement: 

Love is love, whether it’s between two men, or between two women. 

What about between three people - two women and a man? Sounds a little weird? Well, polyamory has already become socially acceptable in many circles. What about between an adult and a child? Or between siblings? If you call it ‘love’ and take cute pics, does it somehow become acceptable? We need to be wary of the ways we are being emotionally manipulated to accept lies as truth.

People used to be against interracial marriage or inter caste marriage or inter-religious marriage. This is the same thing. 

No it’s not. The colour of our skin and our beliefs or family backgrounds are very different from our basic biological make up. Our bodies are not just our shells, but who we are. We are embodied spirits, not just souls knocking about in an outer casing. 

We don’t choose who we love. 

We don’t choose who we are attracted to, but attraction is not the same as love. The same rationale is used to allow people to cheat on their spouses. Love is willing the good of the other, doing what is best for them. If you truly love someone, you help them follow God’s plan for their lives and find a deeper peace and a clear conscience, even if it includes self-denial and sacrifice. 

Everyone deserves to be in a loving relationship/to find love. 

This is true! But marriage is not the only loving relationship we should have. We have made an idol of marriage or romantic relationships, acting as if that is the only path to fulfillment and love. No wonder single people feel such pressure not to land up ‘alone, with cats’. Not all are called to marriage for different reasons. It’s our job to encourage and build up holy relationships and communities so all can find a home, a community where they feel accepted and loved.

There is obviously a LOT more to discuss and think about and say on this topic. But most importantly, let's remember - As Catholics, we have to accept the uncomfortable position of not fully belonging to any camps, but following faithfully in the footsteps of Jesus who is love AND truth**. We are called to speak for truth, whether those particular truths are popular or unpopular. We are called to act with love whether it feels comfortable or uncomfortable. 

*There's a really nice podcast that addresses a lot of these issues sensitively. It's called Restore the Glory.

**I have been blessed to follow some Catholics who get this on Catholic Twitter. It's very freeing to know you don't have to accept the bad beliefs of either side, and that you can and should call out the problems you see on 'your own side'.

Related Links 

The Very Touchy Topic of the Christian Perspective on Homosexuality

A conversation with my gay friend by Jennifer Fulwiler

And this video:

 

The Third Way from Blackstone Films on Vimeo.

#INSPIRE2020: Moments with Mary

I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is 'Mama Mary'. If you are an Indian Catholic, and would like to participate, sign up here: https://forms.gle/o5A1ZzBNFM94HoFP8  

Although I grew up very Catholic, I didn’t always relate well to Mother Mary. I must have played her in several Nativity plays in Sunday School, prayed many Hail Marys over the years, could explain and describe all the mysteries of the Rosary and had a picture of her up next to the Sacred Heart of Jesus in our home. I even wrote an essay biblically defending her role as Mother of all Christians in my Catechism class in the ninth standard (which I remember with much pride because I got full marks). 

And yet... she remained a distant figure. As my faith and intimacy with Jesus grew as a teenager, I began to feel irritated by the way many Catholics seemed to relate to her. It was as if SHE was the approachable, gracious Queen, and Jesus was the distant unapproachable King. I knew Catholics who were far more likely to turn to her, than to Jesus. And then of course, I saw many treat her like a goddess, almost indistinguishable from the way Hindus treat their idols - a giant statue at home at which flowers and garlands and incense were placed, no sign of Jesus anywhere, many Rosaries piously mumbled (at top speed, with no reflection on the mysteries), and a focus on miracles granted by Mother Mary, with little or no reference to Jesus, the Father, or the Holy Spirit.

The statues of Mary didn’t help. She always seemed so perfect, so emotionless, or maybe a little sad. She didn’t seem very human. 

I remember wrestling with her place and role in my life. Obviously I knew that Jesus WAS approachable, tender, easy to turn to, and that He desired a close intimate relationship with me. Then what was all the hullabaloo about His Mother? Could I just be inspired by her yes without necessarily being in a relationship with her? What was the will of Jesus in all this? 

There were a few things that convinced me that I DID need her too. 

- I had a relationship with Jesus for many years, and still often struggled with sin, darkness, lukewarmness, etc. I began to realize that while my relationship with Christ was foundational, He loved me enough to give me additional ways or tools to bind myself more closely to Him, and aid me in my Christian life. His own Mother was a gift from Him, not to take His place, but to draw me closer to Him. I began to see her as a belt that would bind me more closely to Christ. 

- This view was strengthened when I read a book about Saint John Paul II, who obviously had a close and personal relationship with Jesus... and a strong love and devotion to Mary. Because of his witness, I consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary a few years ago (using the reflections from the book 33 Days to Morning Glory: A Do-It-Yourself Retreat In Preparation for Marian Consecration by Michael E. Gaitley). 

- Some years ago I had a few experiences which I felt were spiritually oppressive. It only happened a few times, usually just before I was about to make some major life change. It would start with a (normal) nightmare and then turn into a strong sense of oppressive evil that I couldn’t escape from, a sense of abandonment, being cut off from God. In those moments, I called out to Jesus... and to Mary, and I felt a strong sense of her presence and protection. Catholics have often held that Mary has been given a special role in spiritual warfare. 

- In the past two months, I have felt a special connection to Mary as a mother. On the nights when Baby is crying in pain, I’m exhausted and near tears myself, I call out to her and to her cousin Elizabeth (after whom our baby is named). ‘You know what it’s like to care for a baby! Your babies probably struggled with gas pain and reflux. Babies through the ages have had the same struggles. PLEASE come and babysit for me so I can get some rest!’ And I believe they do come, and help me. Jesus loves me enough that He gave me not only Himself, but a whole bunch of heavenly (and earthly) friends and intercessors to accompany me and aid me in my struggles. 

I still feel that there are many Catholics who do not have a Christ-centred devotion to or understanding of Mary. But I also believe that we are missing out if we refuse the gift Jesus gave us - a relationship with His Mother, who is known as the Star of Evangelization, because her mission is to draw us closer to Christ. 

Related Articles

If My Friends and I Were Mary and Elizabeth at the Visitation… 

Reflecting on the Immaculate Conception

Ten Typical Temptations in the Battle of Prayer

I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is The Battle of Prayer, a section in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. If you are an Indian Catholic, and would like to participate, sign up here: https://forms.gle/o5A1ZzBNFM94HoFP8  

Prayer is both a gift of grace and a determined response on our part. It always presupposes effort. The great figures of prayer of the Old Covenant before Christ, as well as the Mother of God, the saints, and he himself, all teach us this: prayer is a battle. Against whom? Against ourselves and against the wiles of the tempter who does all he can to turn man away from prayer, away from union with God. CCC 2725

You'd have thought after about twenty years of attempting to follow Jesus and prioritize prayer, I would have this down. I should have been a prayer expert by now- effortlessly awaking at dawn to spend a few hours in joyful communion with my Creator. Right? Wrong. I still struggle! Some seasons of life are easier than others, but more often than not, I am still tempted to compromise on my prayer time.

What are the typical lies and temptations I face?

1. If it was meant to be, it would be easier: This is just a general lazy principle of life, a lie I subconsciously tell myself, allowing me to take the easier path, to do what I feel like rather than what I know I should do, choosing instant gratification over long-term fruit. It's so much easier to just go with the flow and ride with the tide, but usually the flow doesn't take me into consistent personal prayer.

2. I'm not in the right state of mind: I tell myself that I can't present myself to God just yet, because I'm distracted, tired, not really in a 'spiritual frame of mind', and that when I'm in the right mood, of course, I'll come to prayer. What an easy way to forget that God wants me AS I AM, and not as I think I should be. He embraced the prodigal son while he was still dirty, dusty, smelly, sinful... and then HE cleaned him up.

3. I have many more productive things I should be doing: Somehow prayer doesn't give me the adrenaline shot of feeling like I've ACCOMPLISHED THINGS. So I'll wander around the house doing laundry, putting away dishes, writing schedules on my whiteboard, and I'll feel really good about myself... but I haven't prayed. It's the lie that achieving things makes me valuable, and valued, that my life has meaning because of what I achieve. Because it's so much harder to accept the truth that I don't have to be useful to be loved.

Others overly prize production and profit; thus prayer, being unproductive, is useless. CCC 2727

4. I am just not good at prayer: There are probably some people out there who pray easily, who have focussed, calm, holy minds. Unlike me - my mind is constantly jumping from one thing to another, I am distracted, pulled in so many different directions, more likely to start thinking of a blog about prayer instead of actually praying. Minds like mine aren't contemplative... so why even try?

Some people view prayer as a simple psychological activity, others as an effort of concentration to reach a mental void. CCC 2726

5. It's really my own fault that I can't pray, the guilt and shame and embarrassment keep me from trying: I know I'm making excuses. I know I have allowed habits of laziness and indiscipline to grow and take control of my life. I know I COULD try harder. Why am I like this? If I was God, I would be so done with all these stupid excuses. I make God like me, impatient, unforgiving, demanding, instead of recognizing that He is ready to receive me EVEN when it's my own fault that it's so late, so second best. A contrite spirit He will not spurn.

Another temptation, to which presumption opens the gate, is acedia. The spiritual writers understand by this a form of depression due to lax ascetical practice, decreasing vigilance, carelessness of heart. "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." The greater the height, the harder the fall...The humble are not surprised by their distress; it leads them to trust more, to hold fast in constancy.

6. I just don't love God enough: If I really loved Him, wouldn't prayer always be a sweet and easy experience? Wouldn't I desire His presence above all things? Why then do I return to social media, to the accomplishment of tasks, to my phone games, to anything except Him? Obviously my love is weak, or at best, fluctuating. But I forget - love comes down to the will, the choice. And the desire to love Him is of value to Him.

When we begin to pray, a thousand labors or cares thought to be urgent vie for priority; once again, it is the moment of truth for the heart: what is its real love?

7. It's too late now: I should have developed holier habits decades ago. I should have picked up my cross daily years ago. But now I am so far behind. I should have started praying earlier this morning. I should have never wasted those two hours. It's already night, it's too late to pray now. But the truth is - it's never too late. I have the choice to BEGIN AGAIN right now, the moment the thought comes to my mind. Even if it's ten minutes instead of an hour, Jesus would rather have ten minutes of my attention than a continued cold shoulder.

8. I'm never going to get better at this: I am going to get old and gray and still be struggling to have fruitful times of prayer. I am always going to have a head full of distracted thoughts, I am never going to learn to pray before looking at my phone, I am always going to be behind in this area. 

This is the lie of despair and hopelessness. In Jesus, there is ALWAYS hope. Things change. People change. I can change. There ARE some sins of the past I don't struggle with now. Why not this? Can I visualize a more rooted, prayerful me? It is possible.

9. Prayer feels like an obligation, a necessary but annoying task: This perspective leaves out the truth that prayer is about relationship, and that it is a PERSON waiting to meet me and love me, not a taskmaster, with crossed arms and a tapping foot demanding why I haven't prayed YET. That perspective can change everything. No wonder Satan tries to distort our idea of God. 

10. Prayer has to happen all inside my head: I so often forget the helpfulness of singing aloud, or speaking aloud, of praising God aloud, of reading His word aloud. It seems as if it's just me and my distracted thoughts having a conversation when I'm 'in prayer'. Using my voice, my body, writing in a journal, and reading the Word helps me escape the prison of my own thoughts. 

'Prayer and Christian life are inseparable, for they concern the same love and the same renunciation, proceeding from love; the same filial and loving conformity with the Father's plan of love; the same transforming union in the Holy Spirit who conforms us more and more to Christ Jesus; the same love for all men, the love with which Jesus has loved us.' CCC 2745

It shouldn't surprise us that the Liar and Accuser works extra hard when it comes to separating us from prayer. This is a battle, but the first step in winning it is recognizing it AS a battle, and identifying attacks and lies and traps. Next, we need to figure out how to defend ourselves with weapons of truth.

Coming Up: Ten Simple Truths to Hold on to in the Battle of Prayer

Related Links: 

A Ten-Year-Old Teaches Her Auntie To Pray 

You Are Delightful 

Stop Bothering God! 

Basics of Personal Prayer (Youtube video interview with my mum)

Hearing from God in Prayer (Youtube video interview with my mum)

How Do I Know If I’m a Disciple?

A lot of us grew up in Catholic homes, attending Sunday Mass as a matter of course, the same way we attended school and wrote exams and ate our meals – just because it was a part of our life and culture and family tradition. As teenagers or adults, some rebelled or just lost interest and no longer identified as Catholic, while others just continued as a matter of course.

But being baptized a Catholic and growing up in a Catholic family no more makes one a disciple than hanging around in medical school makes you a doctor, or sitting in a car makes you a driver. Becoming a disciple takes intentionality and choice. You can’t sort of drift into a life-changing relationship.

But maybe you’re not sure. “I take my faith pretty seriously. It’s an important part of my life. Am I or am I not a ‘disciple’?”

Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself this Lent to know whether there is perhaps a further step God is inviting you.

1. Do I KNOW Jesus as a person, not just as a concept or name or idea? Am I able to talk to Him intimately every day, and believe that His presence is as real as my family members around my house? Am I able to chat to Him about what is going on in my life, or am I more likely to talk to myself, and remember Him at the end of a formal prayer at the end of the day… ‘in Jesus’ name, Amen.’ Being a disciple is primarily being in a relationship with Jesus, not just following a set of moral teachings.
If you don’t, ask Him to reveal Himself to you as a person, put your phone down, start sitting alone with Him every day for 20 minutes, and be very, very honest. He is more than able to reveal Himself to those who desire to meet Him. 

2. Do I hear God speaking with me regularly? Not as an audible voice, but usually through the bible, through the events and people of my life. I remember once reading my bible on the way to a youth camp where I was a volunteer, and a young man of about 16 asked me why I was doing so. I told him God often spoke to me through the words I read. He seemed shocked. “God actually TALKS to you?”
If you don’t, tell him you’d like to hear from Him, and start reading a short passage from the bible every day. We can’t expect to hear Him if we will not use the means He uses to communicate with us. 

3. Am I aware of my own personal sin? It’s so much easier to be aware of all the other sinners in the world than to take responsibility for my own selfishness, laziness, lack of love, deliberate neglect of God and His invitations and commands. Once you start rationalizing your sin, there is no room for a Saviour in your life. "Those who (think they) are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do. I have not come to call the righteous to repentance, but sinners." Lk 5: 31-32
If you are not and feel like you’re on the whole a pretty righteous person, ask God to shine His light into every corner of your life and heart and reveal to you the truth. 

4. Am I engaged in ongoing repentance and conversion? It’s not enough to be aware of my sin, to wallow in my own dirt, and to get complacent about the fact that I’m a sinner. ‘Oh well, a sinner I was conceived in my mother’s womb.’ Shrug. I need to be actively fighting the sin in my life, going to Confession regularly, asking forgiveness of the people I am hurting, and allowing the mercy of Jesus to cleanse me of my sin. When’s the last time I asked someone to forgive me?
If you are not, go to Confession, and do a daily Examen. Ask God for a greater desire for holiness. 

5. Do I talk and think more about Jesus than about anything or anyone else? This is a good way to know who or what my passion is. Not that we are not called to have interests, passions and hobbies as disciples, but where do our hearts lie? Who or what do I think of as I fall asleep at night? What do I get into passionate discussions about regularly? What do I promote and want people to know about? Even if we talk more about the Catholic Church, or a particular saint, or our community or organization, or some devotion, or some awesome leader, than we do about JESUS Himself, we’re missing out on the core of being a disciple.
If you do not, ask Him to help you fall in love with Him again (or for the first time). 

6. Am I willing to change my plan when I hear God convicting me to do so? We all have plans, preferences and desires, and we often make our choices based on them. But a disciple brings everything to the Lord and allows Him to direct his or her life. It could mean giving up a plan to emigrate, pursuing reconciliation in a relationship that I’d rather wash my hands off, being open to a spouse and a life in a different culture than I wanted, using my free time for His work, making a career change, and a great number of other things.
If you are not, ask Him for the grace to trust Him more than you trust yourself, to give up the illusion of control, and to grow in obedience and abandonment. 

7. Am I willing to obey the challenging teachings that Jesus gives me through His Church? If the only teachings I obey are the ones I am comfortable with, then I have chosen myself as God, and not Him. Trust includes obedience and humility. Just because I do not fully understand why Jesus asks the things He asks, doesn’t mean He is wrong and I am right. Like a child who takes his medicine or eats his vegetables because Mama says so, sometimes we obey even as we seek understanding. For example, staying away from artificial methods of birth control, accepting that IVF, surrogacy and artificial insemination are not legitimate ways to bear a child, choosing to love those with same-sex attraction while not endorsing gay marriage or relationships, reserving sex for marriage, rejecting abortion even in the case of unexpected or difficult pregnancies, rejecting the death penalty, etc. It also means accepting the smaller but also difficult requirements like fasting for an hour before receiving Communion, not eating meat on the Fridays of Lent, fasting on Good Friday and Ash Wednesday, attending Mass on Sunday and other days of obligation without fail, etc.
If you are not able to accept these teachings, ask God to open your heart and help you understand. There are good reasons for all these hard teachings, and we need to be willing to find out what they are. (Links below.) 

8. Have I intentionally placed myself in relationship with other disciples? It’s easy to think you’re being a disciple on your own because there’s no one to call you out, to challenge you when you’re getting complacent or lazy or making excuses, and to encourage you when you’re slackening in zeal. It’s obvious that Jesus didn’t come to save us in isolation, but in community. Unfortunately our parish communities don’t usually offer an opportunity to grow in relationship with other disciples, so we have to be very intentional about fighting our laziness and our fear of vulnerability and either joining some kind of community or creating some kind of community.
If you have not, start looking for disciples and ask them where they find fellowship. 

9. Am I regularly consuming content that remind me of what it means to be a disciple? Whether it is attending solid talks and formation, listing to podcasts, reading spiritual books (apart from the bible), learning about the saints, we need to consume healthy disciple-making food, or our growth will be stunted. I can see the difference when I stop doing that, or when I only consume mindless entertainment – I lose my appetite for God. We are what we eat.
If you do not, Lent is a great time to start! Ask me for recommendations: Abiding Together podcast, any Henry Nouwen or Fulton Sheen or Jacques Philippe, etc.

Related Links

[Video] Why We Don't Use Contraception in Our Marriage by Jackie and Bobby Angel

After the Vows: Sex Within Marriage By Brian Kissinger

[Video] Fr. Mike Schmitz explaining IVF and Contraception 

Birth Control - Catholic Answers

Catholic Teaching on Openness to Life - Jennifer Fulwiler

Introducing the Catholic Disciples Matchmaking Service

IMPORTANT UPDATE: We have created a password-accessible CDMS website, for members to view profiles. There will be no more personalized matching. However, there will still be a personal processing of each application. Please visit the website if you are interested in joining CDMS.

Are you a Catholic disciple who feels called to marriage but have almost given up hope of finding a like-minded partner? Have you ever wished that someone would introduce you to more like-minded potential partners? Have you ever bemoaned the lack of easy ways to connect with eligible Catholic disciples? Has the traditional arranged marriage system and the casual dating system failed you so far?

Do you know people like that and wish you could help them out?

I’m here to help! (God willing) I’ve been pondering a matchmaking service for a while – but one with a difference.

First of all, who am I and why do I think I'm qualified to run this?

My name is Susanna, I'm a 33 year old (almost 34) Catholic disciple who has been working with young people for over a decade. I've run across the same problems and struggles again and again - disciples who feel that they have no options when it comes to looking for a good spouse. I've had my own struggles, but last year MY matchmaker (aka God) worked things out beautifully and I married another Catholic disciple and have begun to live out my vocation with him (fun read: one year ago I wrote 'What It's Like To Have a Catholic Boyfriend'). I'm based close to Mumbai, but I'm originally from Pune. My only qualification is that I feel inspired by the Holy Spirit to do this, and I don't know anyone else in India who is doing it. I've written a lot about relationships, dating, courtship, etc, and guided some people in real life too.

Second, what does ‘Catholic disciple’ mean?

Catholic – Faithful to all the teachings of the Church including the tough ones, willing to learn and grow in knowledge and practice of the Catholic faith, openness to and love for Mary, the saints and the sacraments; and committed to the Catholic understanding of marriage and family.

Disciple –  Committed to doing the will of Christ, trying to walk with Him every day, having a personal relationship with Jesus through a prayer life, dealing with personal sin, pursuing holiness, willing to ‘go wherever He asks you to go, do whatever He asks you to do, say whatever He asks you to say, and give up whatever He asks you to give up’.

I wrote more about it here: How Do I Know If I’m a Disciple?

Here’s what Catholic disciple does NOT mean: Perfect in every way, no longer struggling with any sin, only interested in talking about religious topics, extremely knowledgeable about every aspect of the Catholic faith, fanatical about all things Catholic. Yeah, no.

So how is Catholic Disciples Matchmaking Service going to work? 

1. Interested people fill in a Google form to help me get to know you better. It will include a photo, a bio, and a bunch of relevant questions. Job, salary, height, complexion, educational qualifications are NOT asked here. (If those are important to you, this is not a good place to join. You will eventually learn these thing after meeting someone, but they are not the most important things.) Instead, there will be questions about your interests, priorities, spiritual life and hopes for a spouse. The form should include a name and number of a priest you know who can vouch for you if necessary. Members pay a one-time registration fee.

2. As matchmaker, I personally will go through each member’s profile, and match members. I will send the photo and profile to two matched people, and if they both say yes, I’ll give them each other’s email ids to start a correspondence. If they feel comfortable doing so, they exchange numbers and eventually meet. There will be certain dating guidelines that all members should agree to – for example, that they should try to meet in person within a month of communicating (even if they’re from different cities), that both agree that no commitments or promises are implied in agreeing to go on a date, that they will maintain good boundaries, etc.

3. Once the two members have met in person, they will each debrief with me, and let me know what they thought and if they want to move ahead. Dating and courtship guidance will continue for those who want it.

4. As matchmaker I’m here to help and facilitate, but I am ultimately not responsible for your choices. It is up to each member to take this seriously, to be holy and responsible and prudent in the way they go about this process.

5. I hope to eventually add relationship advice videos and posts which will be available to members only.

What kind of attitude should a potential member have? 

1. Openness: Don’t come with a cardboard cut-out of the perfect spouse, or over specific ideas of how gorgeous they are, or where they are located, or their cultural background. Let God surprise you!

2. Adventurousness: You have to be willing to take a risk, to be courageous, to meet more than one person who may NOT be right for you. If you aren’t willing to take a risk, how can you hope for something amazing to happen to you?

3. Patience: It may not happen immediately, and it may not happen in your expected time frame. Some people take longer than others to know for sure. Marriage is a big enough commitment to merit investing time and patience into the search for the right spouse.

4. Willingness to step out of your comfort zone: Whether it means travelling to a different city for a date, or learning about love languages and marriage preparation and discernment, or more about your faith, or trying out spiritual activities that are new for you, or just learning to communicate with a completely different person, you can’t play it safe, or protect yourself completely. Be a learner! Whether or not you land up marrying that particular person, God can teach you a lot through the process.

5. Openness to God’s guidance: Commit to daily prayer for your future spouse, try out a novena or ask for a particular saint’s intercession and help, get your spiritual life in order, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you at each step. Trust that HE is your ultimate matchmaker.

Interested? Have suggestions? Have ideas about how to publicize this service? Shoot me an email at solosenilejive@gmail.com.

UPDATED: Here's the link to the Google form to register: https://forms.gle/UjWsqyMBuNe3t8zU9

P.S This service is mostly aimed at people in India to make real-life meeting more possible, but if you have the possibility of visiting India regularly (like our many Indian friends working in Middle-Eastern countries), you are welcome too.

UPDATED: Indians from other countries have expressed an interest too, so go ahead and register wherever you are, and if God sends other people from your part of the world, I'll set them up with you. If you are in the US, I'd suggest you look up Emily Zanotti, the Catholic Yenta, who is doing something very similar there.

P.P.S. Please share this blog post in all the Catholic disciples' groups you can think of, and ask individuals to spread the word too! 

The Advent To-Do List

So it's already Day 3 of Advent, and if you, like me, have been procrastinating on making some Advent decisions, this post is here to help you out! It's so easy to get bogged down by searching for the perfect Advent discipline (apt enough, not too hard, not too easy, unique enough) and never get down to making some concrete decisions. Not that different from New Year's Resolutions and Lenten penances.

Here's the thing though. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to happen. Do something.

I'm not going to give you a bunch of options in case you have a hard time choosing between them. Just follow this calendar, and make sure you don't stop. (If you already have something you've decided on, awesome! Let me know in the comments.) If you miss a day, just keep going, and do it another day if possible. If a particular task is not possible one day, switch it with another day. Read your task a day before, so you can add it to your schedule.

Day 3 of 24
Tuesday, 3rd December, 2019

Read this post about Advent and spend five minutes in silence asking God for the grace to make space for Him in your heart this month. [10 minutes]

Day 4 of 24
Wednesday, 4th December, 2019
Listen to the latest Abiding Together podcast: The Light Shines in the Darkness and journal: How is Satan is using fear to keep me away from God? [45 minutes]

Day 5 of 24
Thursday, 5th December, 2019
Before going to bed, do an Examen. Reflect on your day, and where you encountered God. Thank Him for the times you responded to His love, and ask forgiveness for the times you did not. Make a decision for tomorrow. [15 minutes]

Day 6 of 24
Friday, 6th December, 2019
Go for Mass. Journal: What is one thing God said to me during Mass today? [1 hour]

Day 7 of 24
Saturday, 7th December, 2019
Visit an Adoration chapel and tell Him about a problem you don't know how to solve. Try to be quiet and open to His response. [30 minutes]

Day 8 of 24
Sunday, 8th December 2019
It's the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Pray a Memorare or nine Memorares for the intention of someone who is suffering in some way (infertility, physical sickness, mental health, grief). The Memorare is not magic, but a powerful prayer calling out to a powerful intercessor. [15 minutes.]

Day 9 of 24
Monday, 9th December, 2019
Read Isaiah 40:11 several times slowly.
Like a shepherd he feeds his flock; in his arms he gathers the lambs, 
Carrying them in his bosom, leading the ewes with care.
Imagine God holding you close to his heart. Stay in His embrace for a while.Then go and give someone a hug and remind them that God loves them. [20 minutes.]

Day 10 of 24
Tuesday, 10th December, 2019
Sing a worship song out loud. Even if you feel stupid singing by yourself. Sacrifice your dignity and receive His freedom in exchange. [15 minutes.]

Day 11 of 24
Wednesday, 11th December. 2019
Read Matthew 11: 28-30. Write down the list of burdens you are handing over to God. [20 minutes.]

Day 12 of 24
Thursday, 12th December, 2019
Read about Our Lady of Guadalupe and pray a Rosary for all nations to come to know Jesus. [30 minutes.]

Day 13 of 24
Friday, 13th December, 2019
Go for Mass. Read Psalm 1 slowly before you go. [45 minutes]

Day 14 of 24
Saturday, 14th December, 2019
Think about someone who has hurt your feelings or offended you recently. Ask God for the grace to forgive them from the heart, and to give up all thoughts of blame, accusation and resentment. Pray for that person's needs. [30 minutes.]

Day 15 of 24
Sunday, 15th December, 2019
It's Gaudete Sunday - share the joy of Christ by texting, calling or visiting someone you had been estranged from (could be yesterday's person). [5 minutes - 1 hour]

Day 16 of 24
Monday, 16th December, 2019
Pray the Divine Office today. [30 minutes]

Day 17 of 24
Tuesday, 17th December, 2019
Make a plan with your family or a group of friends to reach out personally to someone in need this month. [1 hour]

Day 18 of 24
Wednesday, 18th December, 2019
Buy a gift for someone you know who is likely to be in need. Think especially of domestic workers and their children, big families, and people who have lost their jobs recently. If you don't know anyone like that, ask your parish priest. [30 minutes]

Day 19 of 24
Thursday, 19th December, 2019
Wake up in the morning and before touching your phone, give thanks to God for ten blessings. [10  minutes.]

Day 20 of 24
Friday, 20th December. 2019
Go to Mass and visit an Adoration chapel. Invite a friend who wouldn't usually do that to accompany you. [1 hour]

Day 21 of 24
Saturday, 21st December, 2019
Make a morning offering. Through the day, remember to say "I'm doing this for You, Jesus'" as you run errands and get things done. [5 minutes]

Day 22 of 24
Sunday, 22nd December, 2019
Read Eight Tips to Surviving Christmas and make a plan for Christmas week that incorporates the tips. [30 minutes]

Day 23 of 24
Monday, 23rd December, 2019
Visit an Adoration Chapel and re-surrender everything on your mind and heart, especially family tensions and unfulfilled desires. [45  minutes.]

Day 24 of 24
Tuesday, 24th December, 2019
Read Matthew 1: 18 -25. Draw a sketch and place yourself in the Christmas story. Listen to Wonder by Bethel. [45 minutes]

Let me know if you are using this calendar, and if you'd like me to create a printable pdf version. Have a Holy Advent!

Related Reading

Hey, It’s Not Christmas Yet!

On Waiting

Changing My Christmas Wish List

A Little Story on World Mission Sunday

About a month ago, my fiance, my parents and my ten year old niece went on a little mini-vacation to the hills, a couple of hours out of the big city. We often retreat there, but not typically in the monsoons. It was cold and rainy, and we stayed indoors most of the time, but it was still a special time (is every shared holiday special when you're in love?) apart from my niece sticking to us like a leech because she had been secretly enlisted as a chaperone by my mum and my other niece, and she took her responsibility VERY seriously.

One day we went out for a meal to the town. Joel and I remembered some yummy bhakri (a kind of local bread) and chicken curry from our trip in January, so we took my parents and niece out to share our experience. We found a restaurant willing to make us hot, fresh bhakris, perfect for a rainy day.

As we waited for our meal, my mother suggested that we each share a story of some time in our life that we experienced God's presence or miracles. Typical of  my mum, finding a way to bring Jesus into a conversation. We were all happy to share, though I had to search my memory for a story I hadn't shared with them before. (I am a notorious chatterbox and sharer in my family, they've never had to complain they don't know what's going on in my life. Lucky them.)

I told a story from my time in the Philippines, Joel shared his own conversion story from medical college, and even my ten year old niece shared a little story from her own life. My parents shared too, and then the waiter, a young man with a simple, honest face, brought out our steaming and delicious-smelling meal. We made the sign of the Cross, blessed the food, and began our meal. It was as tasty as we had hoped.

As we ended our meal, and walked out of the restaurant,  we thanked the waiter. To our utter surprise, he smiled and said, "Praise the Lord." We smiled back and headed out to the car. "I guess he is a Christian!" The reason why we were so surprised is because Christians are a small minority in India, and in our city, usually a very specific socio-economic group - educated, English-speakers, often from Goa and Mumbai. This young man was obviously a local Marathi-speaker. We were surprised and curious.

A couple of days later, Joel and I returned to the restaurant, partly for the bhakri and chicken curry, and partly to talk to the young man. He seemed happy to see us, and after the meal, Joel, who is a native Marathi-speaker himself, had a long conversation with the young man.

It turned out he had come to faith through another relative who had become a Christian, and was obviously very committed to Jesus. He said he woke up every morning and read the bible for two hours before coming to work and working all day until late in the night. He didn't have a day off at his job, and so he hadn't found a church to go to, but he used to attend a church in his hometown.

"How did you know we were Christians?" we asked him. "I understand a lot of English, even though I can't speak it, and I heard you all talking about Jesus," he replied in Marathi. We hadn't even realized he was there when we were sharing, much less that he could understand us.

"Is your bible a Marathi bible?" I nudged Joel to ask him.

"No, it's Hindi."

"Would you like a Marathi one?"

He said he would, so we took down his name and number, and told him we would find one to send him later. After we said goodbye, I suddenly remembered that a friend had told me he was sending me two Marathi bibles to use in my ministry, except that I had no idea what to do with them. I guess God knew what I could do with them.

It was such a short and simple encounter, but it blessed me so much. Today is World Mission Sunday, and in his message, Pope Francis wrote:

'This missionary mandate touches us personally: I am a mission, always; you are a mission, always; every baptized man and woman is a mission. People in love never stand still: they are drawn out of themselves; they are attracted and attract others in turn; they give themselves to others and build relationships that are life-giving. As far as God’s love is concerned, no one is useless or insignificant.'

I was reminded of the need to notice and connect with the people around me, something that it's easy for introverts to forget to do. Even though talking to strangers may not be something I do as easily as others, God can still use me if I allow Him to.

'This divine life is not a product for sale – we do not practise proselytism – but a treasure to be given, communicated and proclaimed: that is the meaning of mission. We received this gift freely and we share it freely (cf. Mt 10:8), without excluding anyone. God wills that all people be saved by coming to know the truth and experiencing his mercy through the ministry of the Church, the universal sacrament of salvation.'

I was reminded that God does not exclude anyone, and that neither should I. Jesus didn't come only for people who look like me, or talk like me, or who speak only the same language as I do. His love goes beyond the walls and boundaries I build in my own mind. As I have experienced freedom and mercy through my relationship with Him, so too have others from different cultures and socioeconomic backgrounds. As I need His grace for my bad days and difficult relationships and sinful inclinations, so do they.

It's not always easy to know how to practically share BOTH the truth and the mercy of Jesus in a sensitive but effective way. But that doesn't mean it's not possible. I think it starts with an awareness of my own privilege (my treasure!), an openness to encounter, a desire to see people become who they were meant to be, and a sincere invitation to the Holy Spirit to guide me and use me every day. The harvest is plentiful, willing laborers are few. Come. Holy Spirit!

Related Reading

Full Message for World Mission Sunday

Should Conversions Be Illegal?

Non-Christians in Heaven: Ten Catholic Teaching Most Indian Catholics Get Wrong

Practical Suggestions for How to Live Gospel Poverty

"It's ridiculous how wealthy those people are. They live in mansions, own several cars, and spend crores on weddings." You know, practically everyone compares themselves with someone wealthier and feel a sense of self-righteousness about how wasteful THEY are compared with us. But most of you reading this blog are probably privileged compared to the vast majority of the world and especially India.

- Are you fairly fluent in English? Many jobs and opportunities are open to you.
- Do you have an income big enough to be able to spend on little and big luxuries like eating out, going on holidays and buying non-essentials?
- Have you had the opportunity to travel abroad?
- Do you have a secure job and a steady income? Do you have savings?
- Do you have free time that allows you to spend hours on social media every day?
- Have you got an education or skills that enable you to earn money?
- Do you have friends and connections in the upper and upper-middle social classes?

Even if only some of these apply to you, you are privileged, and so am I. The point is not to feel guilty about our privilege - it is rarely helpful or productive - but to accept that we are indeed privileged, and therefore our conscience and our God expect us use our privilege well. 'From everyone to whom much has been given, much will be required.' Lk 2:48

So let's get down to it. What practical steps can you take to start embracing a life of Gospel poverty?

1. Ask God to open your eyes and open your heart: No one can force you to give up your privilege. You have to freely choose to detach yourself, and that is hard. I'd like to care less about 'stuff', but I love my stuff too much. But even wanting it is a great first step. God can work with that. Ask Him to soften your heart to those in need. 'Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God.'

2. Get to know some poor people: Theorizing about 'the poor' doesn't change anything. Then Gospel poverty just becomes a quirky hobby like minimalism often appears to be. Start somewhere. Visit the home of your maid or watchman. Ask her if she knows anyone in need in her neighborhood. Ask your local parish if there is a family you can visit and adopt. Get to know them and their needs. Don't come in as a benefactor, but as a friend who is genuinely interested in them. Or get personally involved in a charity.

My group was once given a sum of money to give away, so I contacted a teacher at the school I was working with to ask if there were any families we could give groceries to. The teacher told me about students who couldn't afford three meals every day, and sometimes drank a glass of water in the night instead of eating. It shook me. That's what my little luxuries were worth to someone else.

3. Go through your stuff: Pull everything out section by section, and ask yourself if you have used each item in the past year, and if you really even need it. It's amazing how may things we keep just because we think we MAY use it sometime. If you're not sure, put the maybe items in one area, and check again in a few months if you need them. Regularly make bags of giveaways and connect with someone who serves the poor directly. (Don't put ragged or filthy or unusable clothes in there!)

“When someone steals another's clothes, we call them a thief. Should we not give the same name to one who could clothe the naked and does not?" Saint Basil

4. Start tithing: Set aside (at least) ten percent of your income to give away. If you find it hard to remember, withdraw it, put the cash in an envelope, and label it. Ask God to show you to whom you should give it. Part of it could be to your church or faith community, but don't forget the poor. When you tell God you're available and your stuff is His stuff, He will take you at your word.

5. Evaluate your spending habits: Start keeping track of how much you spend on luxuries. Snacks, eating out, clothes and shoes, books, alcohol, parties, make-up and other beauty products, fancy ingredients, phones... you know your own temptations.

It's not bad to occasionally splurge, but when luxuries become habits and needs, then you know it's time to cut down. Ask God, "Where can I simplify? What can I cut down on? What can I give up this month?" Give up restaurants and outside food for a month. Or anything non-essential. Then take the money you would have spent and add it to the Giving envelope. (Pro-tip: If you are an impulse buyer, train yourself to wait 24 hours before buying something you are SURE you need. Leave it in the online shopping cart and close the tab. Most likely 24 hours later you'll change your mind.) Stay away from places and people who tempt you to waste money. Replace them with simpler pleasures.

"Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Cor 9: 6-8

6. Make a budget: Easier said than done, I can attest to that. But prayerfully plan for your month (with your spouse if you have one), and ask God how He wants you to be a good steward of what you have. Be responsible, but err on the side of generosity.

"At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by 'I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless, and you took me in.'" Mother Teresa

7. Give away something you are too attached to: Ask God to show you if there is something that you love more than Him, more than the people around you. I often share about an inspiring young Catholic missionary I met who told me he lived by the philosophy "Never own anything you cannot give away." Our possessions start to possess us, as Father Dubay puts it in Happy are You Poor, so we need to be proactive in exorcising these demons.

8. Give to all who ask: Give something to all who ask, even if it's a smile and an acknowledgment (when you feel uncomfortable about giving to what seem like professional beggars). Be willing to lend when someone asks for help instead of viewing everyone in need with suspicion. It is not a sin to be in need. If someone asks if they can stay with you, be hospitable. Offer a glass of water to the salesman who knocks on your door. Lend your stuff to those who ask. Don't make it a big deal if someone loses or damages your stuff. It's just stuff. Listen to the person who seems like they need someone to unburden to. When you know you are not able to give any more, when you are stretched too thin, it's okay to say no (kindly). But most of us are capable of more than we think we are.

9. Start a Gospel poverty Whatsapp group: Connect with people who have the same heart and desire. Share the needs you come across, or the stuff you want to give way. Let's use networking to benefit the poor. Do a book study of 'Happy are You Poor'. Read the Letter of James together. Plan a pilgrimage to Kolkata to be inspired by Mother Teresa. Read her writings.

In the end, we will only keep what we give away. If you could look at the last month and weigh what you gave away with what you spent on yourself, would you have an uneasy conscience? If so, today is the chance to begin again. Jesus is waiting for us to cut through the layers of our own stuff, and meet Him in the 'least of his brethren'. 

Related Reading

My Forays Into Gospel Poverty

When I was about six years old, I got a pink silk dress for my birthday. I remember how it looked and felt. It delighted my soul. It wasn't brand new, but it felt new. Brand new clothes were very rare in my home. There were five of us, and not a lot of extra money. People regularly gave us bags of hand-me-downs which we counted as 'new' clothes and were quite happy to accept and pick through....

Not Just Random Acts of Kindness

...The other thing I decided to do was buy a few bags of non-perishable groceries, and give them away to people the Lord pointed out to me, or poor people I saw on the streets. Unfortunately I hadn’t considered that carrying extra bags of groceries around was not the most practical idea, especially since I tend to overload my little two-wheeler on normal rides anywhere. So I did carry one bag out with me once, didn’t see anyone, and just brought the bag back and left it at home....

The Two Big Missing Pieces of Our Catholic Faith

... But most of us want to remain in our comfortable bubbles, our social circles of equally privileged friends and family and communities. We do our bible studies and prayer meetings and conferences and retreats. And we give a small percentage, making sure that it will not affect our hobbies and lifestyles. We live in our (sometimes metaphorical) gated communities occasionally making a quick awkward visit to an orphanage at Christmas, and then rush back to our comfy lives and our ministry among those like us. Gospel poverty is for a select few, we say, like Mother Teresa....

Seven Ways We Made Frugality a Way of Life or Yes, My Family is Weird 

So nowadays everybody's all about making good use of our resources, caring for the environment, not wasting stuff, reducing one's carbon footprint, reduce, reuse, recycle, etc. They think this is a new concept. They haven't met my family. While our family is usually known as the 'crazy Christian family with five kids', most people don't know that we are also the Original Recycling Family....

My Forays Into Gospel Poverty

When I was about six years old, I got a pink silk dress for my birthday. I remember how it looked and felt. It delighted my soul. It wasn't brand new, but it felt new. Brand new clothes were very rare in my home. There were five of us, and not a lot of extra money. People regularly gave us bags of hand-me-downs which we counted as 'new' clothes and were quite happy to accept and pick through. The Indian custom of new clothes at festivals (Christmas for Christians) or at birthdays didn't make it to our home. We didn't think it necessary and were quite happy to have pretty and appropriate 'church clothes' wherever they came from.

But that silk dress was something special. I had a birthday party and wore the dress and felt every bit as special as a little birthday girl should. I hung the dress up in my cupboard, and treasured it as my own birthday-magic dress. The following December, my parents sat down the five of us to have a little talk. They told us about a family in the nearby slum they had visited.

"They have five children too, around the same ages as you all. But they live in a small one room house. They have much less than we have. Would you each like to select one of your nice outfits to give them as a Christmas gift?"

They gave us the freedom to decide what we wanted to give, and I remember going to the church clothes cupboard, and pulling out my pink silk dress. And I still remember the sense of satisfaction and joy that I got to give that special dress to some little girl who probably didn't get nice things very often. Did I regret it later? Did I miss that pink silk dress? Maybe. But I don't remember that part of the experience.

*********

When I was 24, I left my job to join a volunteer organization that focussed on evangelization and service to the poor. We were encouraged to find ways to live simply, and in solidarity with the poor. We fundraised our own salaries, and budgeted what we had to provide for our needs and give the rest to the poor. My first year was in the Philippines, and we had very little extra money. So my team mate and I ate canned tuna, rice and salad for most meals. Compared to the variety of food I had growing up, that was not the most interesting cuisine. But it was a small way to identify with those who had even less than we did. Over my nine years as a full-timer, I have usually cooked only vegetarian food at home (except when we had guests), rarely eaten at expensive restaurants, rarely bought new clothes or shoes, and took the cheapest transport whenever it was safe.

Outdoor tuition classes in the poor community we worked with in the Philippines

During my second year in the Philippines, my team bought a big sack of rice at the beginning of the month, and whenever anyone came to our door asking for help because their family had run out of food, we'd give them a bag of rice. One day we were low on funds and with not a lot of food in the house. A priest friend of ours turned up at the door with bananas, mangoes, oranges, a pineapple and eggs from a mass he had celebrated. An hour later our house was filled with our friends from the poor community we worked with. They had just taken their babies for doctor visits with some of our volunteers. We set before them fruits and egg rice, a feast provided by the Lord. We had little, but we always had enough.

I have always seen God provide me with much more than I have given away or given up. I have never bought a phone in my life. I have rarely paid for housing. I have always had appropriate clothes for fancy occasions.

********

I have not always been successful at living simply or being as generous as I should have. I have bought unnecessary things at times, and regretted it later. I have been affected by wanting to look as cute or as cool as my contemporaries and wasted money trying to achieve that. I have wandered through malls with hungry eyes, wanting more, more, more and thinking "I need that! And that! And that!" I have filled my Amazon cart with things that I 'need', and then realized later that I didn't really NEED them. But the Lord has been patient with me, and I have learned to be patient with myself.

But each time I have been obedient I have experienced a new freedom, a spiritual openness, and a connection with Jesus in the poor.

*********

Today's Gospel is about the rich young man who Jesus asked to sell all he had, give to the poor and then go follow Jesus. He turned away sad because he had many possessions. Most people interpret that reading to mean we shouldn't be too attached to material possessions. Have them, but don't be too attached to them. But Thomas Dubay in the book 'Happy are You Poor' says that maybe Jesus really IS calling all of us who claim to follow Him to ACTUAL gospel poverty, not just detachment from our stuff.

But he says Gospel poverty isn't what we think it is. It isn't deprivation of our basic necessities. It doesn't mean not enjoying the pleasures of life. If we would like 'the poor' to have all they need and more, then God, our loving Father wants that for us too. It doesn't mean wearing shabby clothes or shoes with holes. It doesn't mean we shouldn't own homes or invest money or throw parties. So what is it then?

Gospel poverty is a lifestyle through which all I have is at the service of God and His children; a life of downward mobility, where I choose to live more simply in order to be able to give away more; a life where I ask God to guide my decisions of how much I should keep, save, spend, and give away; a life lived closer to actual poor people, forming real friendships, instead of in a bubble of other people as wealthy as I am.

It's going to look different for different people. It's going to look different for the same people at different stages of their life. It's going to look different for people in different states of life, vocations, and with different responsibilities and demands on their life. But that shouldn't stop us from starting somewhere, and allowing God to move our hearts and influence our decisions about our money and our possessions.

Next week: Practical Suggestions for How to Live Gospel Poverty

For more stories of my experiences in the Philippines, sign up as a patron, and receive my ebook for free.

Thoughts of a Typical Catholic at Sunday Mass aka Sixty Minutes of Daydreaming

(Enter church) Oh no, there’s someone in my usual pew! How annoying, don’t they know that’s where WE usually sit? People nowadays.

Who ARE all these people? So many new people in the parish. Not like the old days when we used to know everyone. Where is Hubby going now? He knows I don’t like to sit under the fan. Okay this works. Why won’t that lady scoot in? Maybe if I nudge her with my hip. Done.

(Briefly kneel) Thank God I got here on time and got place to sit. Hubby is always ironing his clothes last minute. And they say women are always late! I wish I had eaten breakfast.

(Sit) Oh, I see the D’Souzas. Is that their son? Must be home from the ship. So tall and handsome. That moustache is not a good idea though. They must be planning to get him settled soon, he must be 27 years old by now. High time.

(Stand for entrance hymn, join in ‘Enter His Gates’) The choir is sounding kind of screechy. May be it’s the mics. Usually I like this choir. They choose nice lively hymns. But this song we used to sing since I was in Sunday school. I like that girl’s outfit, very stylish. My goodness, that lector is wearing such a short skirt. And so much make up. Don’t they have a dress code? My blouse goes nicely with my skirt. But do the shoes really match? Oh no, my nail polish is all chipped! I should have worn my closed shoes. Hopefully no one looks at my feet.

(Priest:… who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever) Amen!

(Sits down) I should pay attention to the readings, I never remember what they’re about after Mass. That reader has a really funny accent. They should pick people who speak English properly. Did she just say meditate instead of mediate? And dessert instead of desert? Ha ha, that would make a good joke. Man, I just want some dessert. May be we can pick up some gulab jamun on the way home. But Hubby will make some comment about my diet. He better not! If he does, I’ll say…

(Reader: The word of the Lord.) Thanks be to God. Oh no, I missed the whole reading. What was it about? No idea. Oh well, I’m probably not the only one. Look at everyone else, they look so sober and staid. But I bet they are also thinking about dessert and lunch. Good thing I marinaded the chicken earlier. It shouldn’t take long to get lunch ready. I should have taken out another packet though… I don’t think it will be enough for dinner also.

(Stand up for acclamation and Gospel) This is a nice tune. Why is he saying Alleluia again? Didn’t the choir already sing it? I’m pretty sure you don’t have to sing it AND say it. Oh, I know this story! The lost sheep, nice one. But does it really make sense to leave all the other sheep to go after the one that’s lost. Not very logical. Maybe Father will bring out some meaning. Why does Father always talk in that way? Maybe he learned it at seminary, for emphasis. But I feel like he’s emphasizing all the wrong words. I wonder if I could imitate it. Hubby would laugh. Oh no, that’s not very respectful. We shouldn’t be disrespectful to priests. Or to the dead. Who can we be disrespectful to? Or at least make jokes about? Politicians, I suppose.

(Sit down for homily) I hope Father doesn’t talk too long. I don’t think that’s the correct pronunciation of Maximilian Kolbe. I wonder if anyone else in the church knows that, or if they will all start calling Saint Kolb! Or wait, maybe I’m wrong. No, I’m pretty sure I’m right. One should always admit it when one is wrong. I like being right though. When was the last time I said, “You’re right, I guess I got that wrong?” Wow, I’m having such a spiritual introspective moment right now, so appropriate for Mass.

But what is Father talking about? I missed the whole story he just told. Oh, he’s connecting the lost sheep with prison ministry Sunday. I’ve never been to a prison. I wonder what it would be like. I remember reading that book about that Communist guy from Mumbai talking about his experiences in prison. Or is it jail? I can never remember the difference. It was really horrific. Chilli powder and torture... ugh. I need to think about something else. What’s Father saying now? I’m feeling so sleepy. I shouldn’t have stayed up so late last night. At least I got some coffee before coming. Arrey! Hubby is dozing off! That’s why God gave him a wife! To poke him in the ribs. I bet he’d make an Adam and Eve and rib joke if I said that aloud. (Poke) Ha ha, he got such a shock. I hope no one else saw. I remember when I was a kid the Mass used to feel so long. It still feels long though. Especially when I’m sleepy and hungry. Oh, the chicken curry is going to taste so good. Is this homily ever going to end?

(Stand for the I Believe) Oh no, he’s taking the long version. No one knows it anyway. I guess I can look at the hymnal, but then I’ll look stupid. Guess I’ll just mumble at the parts I forget.. consubstantial with the Father.. Lord, the giver of life… I really should know this by now. It’s okay, even Father stumbles over some of the words.

(Sit for Offertory) Oh I like this song. But they’re talking it too high again. Hello, we want to join in too! I guess I can just croak along. God loves a cheerful singer. Or is it a cheerful giver? I forgot my purse. Did Hubby bring some cash? There’s a second offering after Communion but I don’t have two notes. Now what to do? Hopefully others will give more. I wonder if the main collection goes down when there’s a second collection. I wonder if offertory means offering our money. But it has something to do with the bread and wine. How do they choose who takes the bread and wine to the altar? I wonder if they’ll ever choose Hubby and me.

(Stand for Eucharistic prayer) We’ve got to be at least halfway through Mass by now. Why do I come to Mass? I guess it wouldn’t feel like Sunday if I didn’t come. I can’t even imagine how Mummy and Daddy would react if I stopped coming for Sunday Mass. I know Katie and Allen don’t come any more. They have such nice lazy Sunday mornings. I wish I could wake up late on Sunday... no, I shouldn’t think like that. I know Sunday Mass is important. I’m sure God will bless Hubby and me for being here.

(Kneel after the Sanctus) God, please bless Hubby and me, and our parents, and our work. Thank you for giving us such good jobs. Oh no, the presentation is due tomorrow. I have so much left to do. Maybe if we have an early lunch, I take a quick nap, I can spend the evening working on it. I know Hubby wanted to go see the parents, but now what to do? He can go alone, and I’ll have the house to myself.

(After the Consecration) Ugh, I can never remember if we’re supposed to stand or keep kneeling now. Why are half the people standing? Do they know something we don’t? Are the people kneeling holier than the people standing? Why can’t Father just give us clear instructions? I’ll just stay kneeling, it’ll look stupid to stand up now.

(Great Amen) Okay, NOW everyone is standing. Oh, people are opening their hands for the Our Father. Are they just imitating the priest? Or do they want me to hold their hand? I know many people hold hands for the Our Father. But how weird would it be if I held a stranger’s hand when he was just trying to pray. Awkward! I should do it just for the laugh. But I don’t really want to hold anyone’s hands. Except for Hubby. Remember when we used to hold hands all the time during our courtship?

(Sign of Peace) I always turn to the wrong side. Why do I feel like everyone I turn to show peace to is always wishing someone else? There’s like six people around me and I only manage to make eye contact with two. Is this deliberate? Why doesn’t anyone give a real smile? Oh! That lady just flashed me a huge smile. That’ll teach me not to be so judgy. Unless she actually knows me? She looks vaguely familiar.

(Communion Service – kneel briefly, then sit) The choir is very talented, but I feel the sopranos should be a little softer. Some people just like feeling like pop stars. Well, I guess in the US, many pop stars did start singing in their church choirs… though I suppose most of them get sucked into the wild celebrity life pretty soon. Wow, that Kaitlyn’s hair is very pretty. I wonder if I should colour my hair again. Just highlights. Not sure if Hubby really likes that or not. But I got lots of compliments last time.

(Get up to join Communion line) Wow, Kaitlyn is towering over me in those heels. I would be worried about stumbling in front of everyone if my heels were that high. Oh, the other line is getting shorter. Should I join it to even it out? But then it’s harder to get back to my side of the church. Anyway, Father is on this side and that old auntie is distributing Communion on the other side, so I’ll stay here. I know extraordinary ministers of communion are fine, but she probably has less experience than Father. Should I receive by hand or tongue? I read somewhere it’s more reverent to receive by tongue. But suppose Father’s hand touches my tongue accidentally, euggh. Or suppose his hand touched someone else’s tongue and they’re sick? I’ll just receive by hand.

(Returning to place and kneeling) Yuck, Kaitlyn’s hair is in my face. I wish she wouldn’t sit so far back. Dear Jesus., thank you for coming into my heart like they told me at my first Communion. But I guess You’re literally entering my digestive system right now. Does that mean your grace is filling my full body right now? If that’s the case, can you please heal my painful shoulder, and my stomach issues too. That may have been the food we ate outside last night. Anyway, Jesus, like I was saying earlier, bless me, bless my family, keep us all in good health, bless my work. Help Hubby and me to meet our work goals so we can get down to buying our own flat. Rent is so expensive. I guess we could have lived with his Mum and Dad but I think it’s better we’re on our own. Oh, I’m getting distracted again. Anyway thank you, Jesus for all your blessings. Amen.

(Sits) Who all are here for 8.30 am mass? It’s so packed. Will anyone notice if I sneak a glance around? Otherwise I can only see the people in front of me. Oh no, someone looked back at me! Oh well, they were probably doing the same thing as I was. Wow, that is a beautiful saree. I should wear sarees more often. But it’s such a pain draping them. They should have saree-draping lessons in school instead of cross-stitch, it would have been more useful.

(Stands as priest says ‘Let us pray’, then sits again) That always feels like it should be the end of Mass, but now there’ll be ten minutes of announcements. Oh no, it’s going to be even longer because of banns. Wait a minute, Sheena, daughter of Martin and Assunta? Wasn’t she in school with me? She’s marrying a guy from Mumbai. I wonder if it was love or arranged. Most people assume if you’ve crossed thirty it must be arranged. But who knows? The prayer group gets an announcement every week. I wonder if anyone goes for their talks. I wouldn’t go unless I knew it was going to be a really good speaker and a really good topic. Why do I assume most talks in church are going to be boring or not relatable? I guess word of mouth advertising and personal invitations always work better than announcements. Aren’t they over yet? What time is it? The people for the next Mass must be waiting outside. I think it’s getting over… wow, that is a LOT of money they get in collections. I suppose it takes a lot for the upkeep of the church. I wonder what percentage is spent on outreach to the poor. I suppose I could find out if I really cared.

OH NO! Now they’re having felicitations for the tenth standard students! This is ridiculous! It’s a hostage situation. Just because Father hasn’t given the final blessing, I’m stuck here. Hubby is looking restless too. Probably thinking of his bacon and eggs.

(Stands for Final Blessing. “Mass is ended. Go in peace.”) THANKS BE TO GOD! I’M OUT OF HERE!

[Keep watching this space for follow up posts on how NOT to be this typical Catholic.]