Friday, 10 February 2017

What PMS is Really Like

Ugh I'm hungry. I desperately need chips. Right. Now. Why am I so hungry? And why are there no chips in the house? There is NOTHING in this house to eat!!!!! DOES EVERYBODY HATE ME? Oh let me check the date. Yes indeed, PMS it is. Or is it? Maybe this is normal me. Let's keep track through this day. Hunger? Out of proportion irritability? Unexpected tears? Check, check, check. 

(Buy stash of chips. And chocolate.)

Unexpected setbacks/interruptions occur during the day: THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING! (RAGE) Okay. Calm down. You're over reacting. But I'm MAD!!! Aaarghh!!

(Deep breaths. Send message to friends to ask them to pray for me to survive the day. Pray a dramatic psalm calling on heaven to aid me. God responds by sending unexpected chocolates.)

I can do this. It's just PMS. Just because it FEELS like everything is sad and depressing and overwhelming doesn't mean it really is. Get a grip.

(Sigh angrily/stalk past/morosely ignore anyone who has the misfortune to be in my sphere. Expletives rise to the surface of my brain again and again. Some escape.)

Okay, Sue, stop acting like a jackass. Fake it till you make it.

(Eat chips)

I'm tired. And mad. And everything feels vaguely depressing. I should sleep. But I'm depressed so I can't. I know, I'll look at Facebook. Again. People I may know.. Who the heck are these people? Why do they look so boring? Why do most Indians have such terrible profile pics? OHMYGOD why does this idiot have those dog ears and nose? What the heck is wrong with these people? Facebook is SO boring!!!

(Eat chocolate)

Friend texts to ask if I want to go for a walk. Ugh. I just can't. I can't do anything.

I hate my life. Only I don't. This is PMS speaking. Don't forget!!! I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll just lie in bed and check Facebook again. OHMYGOD WHY IS MY PHONE RINGING??!!

(Answer phone and pretend to act like a normal human being.)

(Eat more chocolate.)

Watching 'About Time' (time travel rom-com): This makes no sense! So many plot holes. But oh.. (tears) it's about valuing each day because each moment is precious especially when you have a sweet little family of your own.. Which I don't.. (INTJ brain intrudes) although you're probably so sleep-deprived when you have babies that it's hard to appreciate how precious each moment is, so I guess I'm not missing that much.. Plus I do have a family.. BUT DO I REALIZE HOW PRECIOUS EVERY MOMENT IS WITH MY PARENTS NO I DON'T WASTING THIS PRECIOUS LIFE. Ugh get some sleep, Sue.

(Go to sleep late because I'm mad and sad, and repeat the next day.)

Thank God this only happens once a month.

[Okay this is slightly exaggerated for dramatic effect. But not that much. Some people think this is a private topic. But I think this is an act of service to men everywhere (and women who don't get it like this.) We don't really hate you. It's just PMS.]