How I Have Experienced the Love of God

I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is 'Experiencing the Love of God'. If you are an Indian Catholic, and would like to participate, sign up here: https://forms.gle/o5A1ZzBNFM94HoFP8  

I’m not the most touchy-feely, emotional kind of person, as I’ve mentioned before on this blog. I’m more likely to analyse feelings of love than to just feel them. I wouldn’t say ‘I love you’ to my now-husband until I did some more research and reading and thinking about what it really meant to ‘love’ someone. Part of this was personality, and part of it was growing up in a family that didn’t easily express verbal or physical affection. Verbal sparring and witty comebacks were more common than saying ‘I love you’ or hugging. 

In many ways, this analytical approach to life has made it a little more difficult to experience God. God is love, at the core of the Christian faith is a relationship, not just a set of beliefs. But for some of us, moving from the head to the heart is a challenge. 

I grew up in the charismatic renewal which often seems to prize and prioritize experiences, so I often felt disappointed and cheated when everybody else was having experiences except for me. ‘What about me, God?’ I would cry out as yet another friend would share some amazing experience of feeling loved.  

But little by little I let go of the desperate need for that experience. I had enough reasons to believe. I had read a lot of apologetics, I had come across enough rational believers, I had seen many answered prayers, and read about many changed lives. CS Lewis says ‘Faith is the art of holding on to what your reason has accepted in spite of your changing moods.’ So that’s how I approached my faith. 

As I let go, as I surrendered myself more honestly and sincerely, letting go of long-held sins, as I prioritized prayer, sacraments and obedience to His promptings, something began to change. There was healing and growth in my family relationships, and a door opened in my heart to God too. I let myself be found.

‘Slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.’ 

I began to experience the tender love of the Father, who was not impatient with my mistakes and sins, not demanding instant perfection, and who was willing to help me get up again and again and again. Reading the book ‘Searching for and Maintaining Peace’ by Father Jacques Philippe was one of the healing tools God sent into my life. I once went on a two day personal silent retreat without any specific plan of what I would do there. I landed up just reading and meditating on that book, and it was immensely healing. God showed me that He wanted to heal my heart of its lack of hope. 

‘A God who delights in me with singing’ 

I began to learn how to receive His love and delight in me, His unconditional love, not dependent on what I could do for him, or what I had accomplished. He first sent my little nieces into my life to teach me that lesson, and then my husband, and now my own little daughter. Sometimes my husband asks me, “Why do you love me?” And I always answer, “Because you are mine.” And as I learn to receive and give this kind of love on a human level, God shows me that THIS is how He loves me too - just because I am His. 

‘A God who hears and answers’ 

 When I was five years old, my dad was supposed to pick me up from kindergarten. But when I came out of the classroom, there were a lot of people and no sight of my father. I burst into tears. But I remembered my mum telling me that if I was ever scared, to close my eyes and talk to Jesus. So I did. I closed my eyes and said, “Dear Jesus, please send my Dada.” And I opened my eyes, and there he was. Obviously this made a big enough impression on me that I remembered it years later. But I knew something very profound then- that our dear Lord loves to be approached with confidence and trust, and that He can and will show is His love and presence in very practical ways if we are willing to ask Him to. I’ve seen this to be true again and again through my life. He’s not a vending machine or an ATM, nor are we guaranteed that all suffering will go away (He never promised that anyway, quite the contrary). But He has shown me His love through His provision innumerable times, usually only when I’ve asked. 

How do I continue to tap into His love? It’s easy to let my heart grow cold, to doubt, to forget, to become cynical. But His love remains accessible. Like my relationship with my own husband, I have to allow him to hold me and love me, instead of getting wrapped up in my own world. 

So some of the channels of God’s love for me, ways and places and times that I experience His love are- 

Listening to or worshipping with Bethel music 

Sitting in an Adoration chapel (haven’t been able to do this in a long time) 

Reading certain passages from the bible, and certain spiritual books like He and I by Gabrielle Bossis or anything by Fr. Jacques Philippe. 

Writing down and rereading past encounters in my prayer journal or blog (I have such a short memory)

Going on good retreats (not all retreats are equal) 

Asking Him for big and little miracles for myself and others- then giving Him credit and acknowledging His loving providence when He grants them 

Asking others to share their own testimonies and encounters with God- it’s always so edifying 

Daily personal prayer, honest conversations and crying out to Him in the midst of rough days 

Spending time and building relationships with people who reflect His love to me, whose faces reveal Jesus 

God’s love isn’t meant to be just a theory, a belief, a theme for hymns or inspirational posters. It is something He desires even the most cold-hearted or cynical of us to experience. It may not happen immediately. But if you really desire it, and ask Him, and make yourself available to Him, as you allow Him to heal you... He will reveal it to you, as He did to me.

Related Posts

You Are Delightful

Stop Bothering God

Jesus Knows My Love Language

A Ten-Year-Old Teaches Her Auntie to Pray

The Delicate Touches of Love

To Be Someone's Darling

Ten Typical Temptations in the Battle of Prayer

I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is The Battle of Prayer, a section in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. If you are an Indian Catholic, and would like to participate, sign up here: https://forms.gle/o5A1ZzBNFM94HoFP8  

Prayer is both a gift of grace and a determined response on our part. It always presupposes effort. The great figures of prayer of the Old Covenant before Christ, as well as the Mother of God, the saints, and he himself, all teach us this: prayer is a battle. Against whom? Against ourselves and against the wiles of the tempter who does all he can to turn man away from prayer, away from union with God. CCC 2725

You'd have thought after about twenty years of attempting to follow Jesus and prioritize prayer, I would have this down. I should have been a prayer expert by now- effortlessly awaking at dawn to spend a few hours in joyful communion with my Creator. Right? Wrong. I still struggle! Some seasons of life are easier than others, but more often than not, I am still tempted to compromise on my prayer time.

What are the typical lies and temptations I face?

1. If it was meant to be, it would be easier: This is just a general lazy principle of life, a lie I subconsciously tell myself, allowing me to take the easier path, to do what I feel like rather than what I know I should do, choosing instant gratification over long-term fruit. It's so much easier to just go with the flow and ride with the tide, but usually the flow doesn't take me into consistent personal prayer.

2. I'm not in the right state of mind: I tell myself that I can't present myself to God just yet, because I'm distracted, tired, not really in a 'spiritual frame of mind', and that when I'm in the right mood, of course, I'll come to prayer. What an easy way to forget that God wants me AS I AM, and not as I think I should be. He embraced the prodigal son while he was still dirty, dusty, smelly, sinful... and then HE cleaned him up.

3. I have many more productive things I should be doing: Somehow prayer doesn't give me the adrenaline shot of feeling like I've ACCOMPLISHED THINGS. So I'll wander around the house doing laundry, putting away dishes, writing schedules on my whiteboard, and I'll feel really good about myself... but I haven't prayed. It's the lie that achieving things makes me valuable, and valued, that my life has meaning because of what I achieve. Because it's so much harder to accept the truth that I don't have to be useful to be loved.

Others overly prize production and profit; thus prayer, being unproductive, is useless. CCC 2727

4. I am just not good at prayer: There are probably some people out there who pray easily, who have focussed, calm, holy minds. Unlike me - my mind is constantly jumping from one thing to another, I am distracted, pulled in so many different directions, more likely to start thinking of a blog about prayer instead of actually praying. Minds like mine aren't contemplative... so why even try?

Some people view prayer as a simple psychological activity, others as an effort of concentration to reach a mental void. CCC 2726

5. It's really my own fault that I can't pray, the guilt and shame and embarrassment keep me from trying: I know I'm making excuses. I know I have allowed habits of laziness and indiscipline to grow and take control of my life. I know I COULD try harder. Why am I like this? If I was God, I would be so done with all these stupid excuses. I make God like me, impatient, unforgiving, demanding, instead of recognizing that He is ready to receive me EVEN when it's my own fault that it's so late, so second best. A contrite spirit He will not spurn.

Another temptation, to which presumption opens the gate, is acedia. The spiritual writers understand by this a form of depression due to lax ascetical practice, decreasing vigilance, carelessness of heart. "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." The greater the height, the harder the fall...The humble are not surprised by their distress; it leads them to trust more, to hold fast in constancy.

6. I just don't love God enough: If I really loved Him, wouldn't prayer always be a sweet and easy experience? Wouldn't I desire His presence above all things? Why then do I return to social media, to the accomplishment of tasks, to my phone games, to anything except Him? Obviously my love is weak, or at best, fluctuating. But I forget - love comes down to the will, the choice. And the desire to love Him is of value to Him.

When we begin to pray, a thousand labors or cares thought to be urgent vie for priority; once again, it is the moment of truth for the heart: what is its real love?

7. It's too late now: I should have developed holier habits decades ago. I should have picked up my cross daily years ago. But now I am so far behind. I should have started praying earlier this morning. I should have never wasted those two hours. It's already night, it's too late to pray now. But the truth is - it's never too late. I have the choice to BEGIN AGAIN right now, the moment the thought comes to my mind. Even if it's ten minutes instead of an hour, Jesus would rather have ten minutes of my attention than a continued cold shoulder.

8. I'm never going to get better at this: I am going to get old and gray and still be struggling to have fruitful times of prayer. I am always going to have a head full of distracted thoughts, I am never going to learn to pray before looking at my phone, I am always going to be behind in this area. 

This is the lie of despair and hopelessness. In Jesus, there is ALWAYS hope. Things change. People change. I can change. There ARE some sins of the past I don't struggle with now. Why not this? Can I visualize a more rooted, prayerful me? It is possible.

9. Prayer feels like an obligation, a necessary but annoying task: This perspective leaves out the truth that prayer is about relationship, and that it is a PERSON waiting to meet me and love me, not a taskmaster, with crossed arms and a tapping foot demanding why I haven't prayed YET. That perspective can change everything. No wonder Satan tries to distort our idea of God. 

10. Prayer has to happen all inside my head: I so often forget the helpfulness of singing aloud, or speaking aloud, of praising God aloud, of reading His word aloud. It seems as if it's just me and my distracted thoughts having a conversation when I'm 'in prayer'. Using my voice, my body, writing in a journal, and reading the Word helps me escape the prison of my own thoughts. 

'Prayer and Christian life are inseparable, for they concern the same love and the same renunciation, proceeding from love; the same filial and loving conformity with the Father's plan of love; the same transforming union in the Holy Spirit who conforms us more and more to Christ Jesus; the same love for all men, the love with which Jesus has loved us.' CCC 2745

It shouldn't surprise us that the Liar and Accuser works extra hard when it comes to separating us from prayer. This is a battle, but the first step in winning it is recognizing it AS a battle, and identifying attacks and lies and traps. Next, we need to figure out how to defend ourselves with weapons of truth.

Coming Up: Ten Simple Truths to Hold on to in the Battle of Prayer

Related Links: 

A Ten-Year-Old Teaches Her Auntie To Pray 

You Are Delightful 

Stop Bothering God! 

Basics of Personal Prayer (Youtube video interview with my mum)

Hearing from God in Prayer (Youtube video interview with my mum)

The 'Am I a Racist?' Test for Indians

“I’m Indian! I’m brown! I can’t be racist!”

Oh, no?

Do you think fairer people are objectively more attractive? Have you complimented someone’s looks by referring to how fair they are, or how they look like (white) foreigners? Do you often comment on your own or others’ skin tone changes after being in the sun? Do you tell people to cover up so they don't get darker? Do you wear socks and gloves and long sleeves when you go out in the sun because you're afraid of getting darker? Do you think ‘fair North Indians’ are more ‘beautiful’ than ‘dark South Indians?’

How often do you see Indian couples with very different skin tones? Does it surprise you when you do? Do you think it's natural that someone who is darker is less likely to find a spouse easily? Do you think it's natural that a fairer skinned applicant would be preferred in many jobs? Have you noticed fairer kids in school are treated better by the teachers than darker-skinned kids?

Do you feel bad for parents when their new baby has a darker skin tone? Have you seen siblings treated a little differently because one is darker and the other fairer? Have you ever comfortingly told someone that they’re also fair? Not that dark comparatively? Have you ever heard kids use nicknames based on the darkness of someone’s skin? Have you used nicknames like that? Have you ever felt instinctively that darker-skinned people are 'dirtier', and shied away from touching them?

Have you ever felt the lack of dark skinned dolls? Or thought it was normal to colour skin with what is called 'skin colour' but which is really pinky-peach? Have you ever encouraged kids to colour pictures of themselves with their actual skin colour- usually brown?

Do you instinctively trust someone who is fairer, or assume they must be educated and privileged? Do you look with suspicion at darker strangers? Do you use fairness products and get your own skin bleached? Do you think it’s normal for brides to look five shades fairer on their wedding day? Are you more likely to be respectful and accepting of white foreigners than black foreigners? African students in India have shared many horrible experiences at the hands of locals. But white foreigners are usually treated like royalty.

Have you noticed how often billboard advertisements for everything from housing societies to hospitals to schools feature families of white foreigners instead of Indians? And when they do feature Indians they are very fair too? Most movies and ads use fairer skinned actors and models. It’s extremely rare to see even medium brown skin on a main character, let alone really dark skin.

We are all the product of the prejudices of our society, of our families, of the people around us, of the media we consume and are exposed to. Biases don’t automatically go away unless we acknowledge them and work on allowing the truth into our minds and hearts. It’s not only skin colour. It's weight, height, and clothes. It’s subconscious biases based on education, community (aka caste), religion, language, and wealth. It's every time we refer to an entire group as ‘those people’. It’s easier to see it when other people are doing it. But self-examination is far more fruitful than pointing fingers and feeling self-righteous.

Sometimes when I work with kids, I’ve had these kinds of conversations: “Which is better? Dark skin or fair skin?” If they know me well, they hesitate, knowing that the obvious answer may not be right. Sometimes they’ll answer the obvious answer: “Fair skin!”

“Why is fair skin better? Did you know God made people all over the world with different colours?”

I show them pictures. “Do you think God loves some more than others? Or he made a mistake? No! He gave each one their own skin colour because he thinks they’re ALL beautiful! Now we just have to look at people the way God looks at them!”

Then we look at babies of different ethnicities and skin tones and say “Wow! So cute!” to all of them. “He thinks you are beautiful too! And your skin colour is lovely!” They look at their arms in surprise. You can see the slow change of perspective. It will probably take a while. But we must start somewhere. Preferably with ourselves and our own families.

Related Posts

Fluency in English is the White Privilege of India

We Belong to Each Other

What COVID-19, Seeking a Spouse and Discipleship Have in Common

A surprising wedding, marriage and spouse

I started a matchmaking service a few months ago. It was something I had been thinking about for quite a while, largely because of the many years I had spent single and rarely encountering the kind of man I was looking for. 'There have GOT to be more disciples out there!'

Well, I met my spouse unexpectedly - not through a matchmaking agency, not through a set-up, not in my mission organization, but at a youth retreat that my team was speaking at. Neither he nor I were 'youth', but in our thirties, and he just happened to be there as one of the youth leaders of their community.

There were so many unlikely aspects of our relationship and eventual marriage. Though we both loved Jesus and the Church, and had been formed in the Charismatic renewal, he came from a very different culture than mine, and it was quite a surprise to his family that he was seriously pursuing someone so far removed from their world. Marrying him meant leaving my home base in Pune, and moving to the small-town world of Vasai, where most people prefer to speak Marathi (and his family speaks a dialect of that called Kadodi), and have a different set of traditions, expectations and relationships than I am used to. We both made adjustments to each other, and our families had to do the same. No one got exactly what they wanted, especially with the wedding. Also, he is FAR more educationally qualified, we're from completely different fields, and even our personalities are quite different. If I had just looked at his profile, and seen his Myers-Briggs personality type, I would have not expected us to get along at all. Almost no one who knew both him and me thought of setting us up. And yet, after just one conversation, I could see there was something there, and after a few short months, I knew I wanted to marry him. There were many questions about the future, but I felt sure about him, and about the Lord.

I felt sure - God would provide. God would work it out. God was enough. And He did, and He was.

So what's this got to do with COVID-19, seeking a spouse and discipleship?

One of the big lessons that God has taught me over the years is the lesson of detachment from my own will, letting go of control, abandoning myself to divine providence and being open to God's surprises. 

Practically it meant not holding on to ANYTHING more than God's will for me. Missionary life stripped away many of my comforts and preferences. Living in a foreign country and working closely with other people meant things often didn't go the way I expected them to or planned them to. I like having a plan. I like having control, because then I can ensure a particular outcome (in which my comfort is a priority).

But that illusion of control was stripped away pretty soon. Everything was often crazy. When that happened, I had two choices - frustration or abandonment. Of course I chose frustration. I used to get mad and frustrated about so many things - meetings we were expected to go to that went on forever, team members who were late for everything, leaders who failed me, ministries that didn't work out, people who made bad decisions that affected me, so many factors that made my life less than perfect.

It took a while, but FINALLY I began to learn to let go. People weren't perfect, situations weren't perfect, I didn't always have everything I thought I needed, and yet, and yet... there was peace. I learned to go with the flow, to see God's hand in the unfamiliar and unexpected, to seek His will when doors closed or obstacles came up. I loosened my grip on the reins. And I began to see fruit in my own life and the people around me. I would never exchange the gifts I received in the painful but transforming years as a foreign missionary.

A few months ago COVID-19 came and upended our world with its surprising and scary influence. No one has escaped their lives being affected. For some, it has been a matter of life and death, for others, it's been an inconvenience, isolation, a change in schedule and a limiting of our freedom and preferences. For many, it has serious potential consequences, affecting their careers and incomes, their family's health and education. Many have lost relatives. Anyone in essential services, especially healthcare professionals, have entered a world of higher risk.

I'm having a baby in less than three months. My husband is a doctor who still has to go to the hospital every day, and come in contact with patients (so much for physical distancing for us). The hospital where we plan to deliver is in Mumbai, one of the worst hit of the COVID hotspots. My parents who I hope will be there with me live in Pune which has also been badly hit. This is not exactly how I imagined my first delivery, or even my first year of marriage.

And yet, there is peace. God will provide. God will work it out. God is enough.

COVID-19 is an opportunity for all of us to give up the illusion of control. We are NOT in control. We do our best to keep our lives secure, but really our lives and this world are fragile, and everything that is normal to us can be swept away in the blink of an eye, with or without COVID-19. So we may as well let go of the anxiety and frustration.

God will provide. God will work it out. God is enough.

For my matchmaking candidates, I've been hitting some unexpected walls. The basis of this matchmaking service is a common faith and discipleship. Even with different personalities and ages and backgrounds, I hoped that there would be many good conversations between potential matches, opportunities to meet and get to know people with the same foundation, and see if there's something more.

But I find many people come in with preconceived ideas, with their hands firmly on the reins, with a very specific idea of what they are and aren't open to. That's not always a bad thing. It's good to know what you want. But with too many conditions, too much desire for control, too much value on self-protection and self-preservation, they will not even talk once to a potential match for reasons that seem to me to be more about externals than the persons themselves. Character matters, externals less so.

Discipleship means being OPEN to God's surprises, letting go of our need to control everything, and having an iron-clad list of what will and won't make us happy. We THINK we'll be happy in our comfort zones, but God knows us better, and we have to be willing to give Him a chance. If I hadn't learned that lesson, I would not have been able to receive the gift of my husband and baby and new life and adventure together.

God is surprising. Life with God is a beautiful adventure. But the cost of the adventure is letting go of OUR plans and OUR lists, and letting Him write the story. Like Saint John Paul said, "Be not afraid!"

God will provide. God will work it out. God is enough.

P.S. If any of my matchmaking candidates read this, please say yes to talking to someone before deciding you're not interested!

Can God Protect Us From a Pandemic? And Other Tough Questions about God and COVID-19

To all those religious people out there, this is a no-brainer. Of course He can! Isn't He a Protector? Isn't that what Psalm 91 is written for? What better refuge have we than our mighty God?

But for those who are rationalists, it's not such an easy answer.

If God CAN protect us from a pandemic, why are so many people dying? Why doesn't He just stop it with one word? 'THUS FAR, AND NO FARTHER!' That's what we want Him to say, so why won't He? Doesn't He care about the suffering of our world?

Or could this be a test of faith, a call to repentance, and a chance for those who believe in Him to experience miracles?

Again, a question with complicated answers. If it WAS, then are we assuming all those who suffered and died din't have faith? Or didn't have enough faith? They didn't ask for miracles?

Well then maybe He CAN'T do anything about it. But then how can He be God, the ALL-powerful? Is our religion just a coping mechanism, something to help us face a cruel, meaningless, random world, and are all the atheists right? Is this all there is?

Tough questions, right? Let's all become agnostics.

Or let's not.

Something in us recognizes that chaos and suffering is not normal, not the way things were supposed to be. Something in us is drawn to goodness, to order, to harmony. Something in us longs for a Good, greater than all goods we have known in this world. That Ultimate Good is God, not just a force, or an energy, but a Person who revealed Himself by entering into our world. Jesus is the the face of God, the proof that God not only exists, but cares about His creatures.

Some of us have experienced that personally, through answered prayers, supernatural encounters with God's presence, or breakthroughs and conversions in ourselves and our families.

But still, confronted with the widespread suffering in this world, we cannot but ask: "Where are You, Lord? Where is Your goodness and Your power now, when we need it most? Why would you allow this to happen anyway?"

I answered some of these questions when Nepal was slammed with destructive earthquakes in 2015: Where was God when the Earthquake hit Nepal? 

We can't know or understand everything, but there are some things that we can hold on to:

1. God is not a vengeful judge who sends suffering as a punishment. While suffering, sin and disorder entered our world as a natural consequence of man's broken relationship with God, His response as a loving Father is to help us, to draw near to those who are crushed and broken in spirit. Why would He send a punishment that disproportionately hurts the poor and weak and old?

2. God does not SEND suffering, but He does permit it for a time: We don't have some ready-made answers for WHY He does so, but we are invited to trust that He would only allow temporary suffering because He could draw some eternal fruit from it. Every event in our life is an opportunity to turn to God, and allow ourselves to be transformed by Him. This pandemic can be too. Every disaster is a reminder that our lives on earth are temporary, and we must prepare for our deaths.

3. God promises to draw near to all who call on Him: We can choose whether we allow God into our suffering, into our fear, into our insecurity, into our need, into our loss. Many have testified the supernatural peace and help they have received when they have turned their gaze upwards, and called out in desperation to Him. He drew so near that Emmanuel, God-with-us, shared our suffering and even tasted death.

4. God CAN heal and protect us if we ask Him to: In the Gospels, Jesus healed all who asked in faith, and many believers have experienced supernatural healing over the years. The God who created the universe and its laws is able to suspend them occasionally - to confirm His presence, and show that He is still around. So go ahead and ask for those miracles!

5. Illness and death is not something to be feared: Not all who ask are physically healed, and EVERYONE tastes suffering in their life, and eventually death. But ALL are promised an end to suffering, and a place in our eternal home, if they will only turn to God and die at peace with Him.

6. God can use our prayers to end the pandemic: This is one of those mysterious ways of God, that He allows to participate in His saving plan. Our prayers are the key He has handed to us to open up His good gifts.

Our Father knows what we need before we ask him, but he awaits our petition because the dignity of his children lies in their freedom. We must pray, then, with his Spirit of freedom, to be able truly to know what he wants. CCC 2736

7. We are invited to pray in a spirit of trust and hope: Pray in joyful hope, that God will provide for those in need, console those who are dying alone, and bring great good from what seems like a horrible disaster. Negativity, pessimism, despair do not reflect the eternal realities - of the ultimate victory of good over evil, of life over death.

Do not be troubled if you do not immediately receive from God what you ask him; for he desires to do something even greater for you, while you cling to him in prayer. CCC 2736

8. God can use US as part of His answer to our own prayers: Prayer moves us to action. So many heroic people are participating in the very Jesus-like action of putting their lives at risk for the sake of others. Others are looking for ways to help and serve and comfort and encourage, some are donating money, some are distributing food, some are calling to check in on those who are struggling.

God has not abandoned us. God is not far away. God is here, and sincere and fervent prayer is a sure way to experience this truth whatever we are going through.

Related Posts and Other Links

The Problem of Evil by Peter Kreeft

God's Answer to Suffering by Peter Kreeft 

Natural disasters - from God or because of us?

You Were on the Cross- Matt Maher (Youtube song)

Where was God when the Earthquake hit Nepal? 

How NOT To Do the Coronavirus Self-Quarantine

How To Be Holy and Happy During the Coronavirus Quarantine

How To Be Holy and Happy During the Coronavirus Quarantine

BREAKING NEWS: India has just been put on lock down for the next three weeks, so this post is even more relevant. PS Please ration your supplies!

It's easy to write a post about what NOT to do because all I have to do is take notes from my own life and everybody else I know. But what we really need is a not-too-complicated list of what we CAN and SHOULD do. So here goes:

1. Make a daily schedule! Structure structure structure! Anyone who works from home can tell you the best way to sabotage yourself is to have great ambitions and refuse to put them into a schedule. Spontaneity is all very well for a while, but most of us humans need some kind of rhythm to our life in order to be productive and peaceful. Some of my friends have done this (especially those with kids). It doesn't have to be a tight schedule with every minute accounted for, but it should exist.

2. Get offline for at least a few hours every day! The Online World of Coronavirus News is a disease in itself. There's too much information! It's everywhere! There are gossip, jokes, news, opinions, medical advice, explanations, home remedies, warnings, predictions, but they can leave us sucked dry, motionless, anxious, panicky, or just distracted. You will find you mind relaxing, and your heartbeat returning to normal as you cook while listening to instrumental music, or clean your house, or draw a picture, or play an instrument, or go for a walk (for those who are still able to).

3. Pick two or three online pastimes, but stop there: Apart from Coronavirus news, there's also SO MANY productive options to spend time online - online retreats, online Masses and rosaries and reflections, free audio books, free operas, free concerts, online museums. We're spoiled for choice. We could learn new languages, watch movies, documentaries, learn crafts, research topics we're interested in... but if you're anything like me, perhaps the fact that there are so many options is paralyzing, and it's easier to just keep scrolling through social media feeds and thinking about how many great options there are and perhaps I should do that one.. and that one.. or perhaps that one? Just pick two or three, add them to your schedule, and stop there.

4. Take prayer breaks: Start your day with prayer and coffee, end your day with prayer, but don't forget to take little pauses during the day to pray too. Some people say a Hail Mary every time they wash their hands. I've been trying to do an Examen at least once a day. Say little prayers like "I love you, Lord." "I offer this moment to you." "Jesus, I trust in you." Participate in an online Mass if that helps you. Say a Rosary. My husband reminds me to pray the Angelus when the church bells ring. Pray a Divine Mercy chaplet for people dying alone. It's surprising how these little prayer habits make room for peace in your heart, home and day.

5. Take time alone and together: If you're living with other people, add some alone, quiet time to your schedule. If you tend to do things by yourself most of the time, add some people time to your schedule. Eat meals together and watch a movie. Play board games. Do jigsaw puzzles. If you're living alone, set up a video call to a friend at least once a day. This is a good time to reconnect, to love each other by 'wasting time together'. Don't let the desire to be productive or the temptation to anxiety and panic rob you of family time or people time.

6. Talk about things other than the pandemic: It's already on everyone's minds. But there is more to life than that, and our minds need a break from it. So intentionally choose to talk and think about other things as well - hopes, dreams, plans, memories, ideas, jokes.

7. Rediscover the Bible: Rather than focussing on what we have been deprived of (the sacraments, for a while). let's rediscover the gift and jewel most of us have lying in our homes. Eh. the bible, you say. Approach it in new ways! Start reading one book of the bible, underline verses that stand out and journal about them. (Look up a commentary to help you understand them.) Do a bible sharing with your family every day. Pick one bible verse every day to memorize and illustrate. Play bible trivia games:
- Everyone gets one chapter or book of the bible to read and study, and quiz questions will be asked at the end of the day.
- Everyone gets 5 minutes to study and memorize the names and order of the books in the bible, and then write them out without referring to the bible.
- Pick a bible verse at random and get the rest of the family to guess which book it comes from.
- Find the biblical passages certain famous hymns are based on.
- Choose a keyword like 'light', or 'bread', or 'mountain' and see how many bible verses each person or team can find in 10 minutes.
- Say a bible reference (book, chapter and verse) and the first person to find it wins the point
- Write your own song or tune based on a Psalm. Record it

8. Find ways to reach out to others: Just because you have been asked to distance yourself socially doesn't mean you have full permission to be as selfish and self-absorbed as possible. Ask God to show you how you can still reach out to others. Phone someone who might be lonely. Donate to those who have lost their livelihood because of the shutdowns. Make sure you are continuing to pay your maids, domestic workers, etc who are not allowed to go to work. Check in on your friends. Find little ways to bless your family members or housemates - join them in activities they would prefer, help them in their work, ask them how they are doing.

9. Take time for silence: You don't have to fill up every moment of the day. Take a few minutes here and there just to BE, to breathe, to surrender. It's hard, I know. But in the moments of silence, your soul will breathe.

Are you doing any of these things already? Any other suggestions?

How Do I Know If I’m a Disciple?

A lot of us grew up in Catholic homes, attending Sunday Mass as a matter of course, the same way we attended school and wrote exams and ate our meals – just because it was a part of our life and culture and family tradition. As teenagers or adults, some rebelled or just lost interest and no longer identified as Catholic, while others just continued as a matter of course.

But being baptized a Catholic and growing up in a Catholic family no more makes one a disciple than hanging around in medical school makes you a doctor, or sitting in a car makes you a driver. Becoming a disciple takes intentionality and choice. You can’t sort of drift into a life-changing relationship.

But maybe you’re not sure. “I take my faith pretty seriously. It’s an important part of my life. Am I or am I not a ‘disciple’?”

Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself this Lent to know whether there is perhaps a further step God is inviting you.

1. Do I KNOW Jesus as a person, not just as a concept or name or idea? Am I able to talk to Him intimately every day, and believe that His presence is as real as my family members around my house? Am I able to chat to Him about what is going on in my life, or am I more likely to talk to myself, and remember Him at the end of a formal prayer at the end of the day… ‘in Jesus’ name, Amen.’ Being a disciple is primarily being in a relationship with Jesus, not just following a set of moral teachings.
If you don’t, ask Him to reveal Himself to you as a person, put your phone down, start sitting alone with Him every day for 20 minutes, and be very, very honest. He is more than able to reveal Himself to those who desire to meet Him. 

2. Do I hear God speaking with me regularly? Not as an audible voice, but usually through the bible, through the events and people of my life. I remember once reading my bible on the way to a youth camp where I was a volunteer, and a young man of about 16 asked me why I was doing so. I told him God often spoke to me through the words I read. He seemed shocked. “God actually TALKS to you?”
If you don’t, tell him you’d like to hear from Him, and start reading a short passage from the bible every day. We can’t expect to hear Him if we will not use the means He uses to communicate with us. 

3. Am I aware of my own personal sin? It’s so much easier to be aware of all the other sinners in the world than to take responsibility for my own selfishness, laziness, lack of love, deliberate neglect of God and His invitations and commands. Once you start rationalizing your sin, there is no room for a Saviour in your life. "Those who (think they) are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do. I have not come to call the righteous to repentance, but sinners." Lk 5: 31-32
If you are not and feel like you’re on the whole a pretty righteous person, ask God to shine His light into every corner of your life and heart and reveal to you the truth. 

4. Am I engaged in ongoing repentance and conversion? It’s not enough to be aware of my sin, to wallow in my own dirt, and to get complacent about the fact that I’m a sinner. ‘Oh well, a sinner I was conceived in my mother’s womb.’ Shrug. I need to be actively fighting the sin in my life, going to Confession regularly, asking forgiveness of the people I am hurting, and allowing the mercy of Jesus to cleanse me of my sin. When’s the last time I asked someone to forgive me?
If you are not, go to Confession, and do a daily Examen. Ask God for a greater desire for holiness. 

5. Do I talk and think more about Jesus than about anything or anyone else? This is a good way to know who or what my passion is. Not that we are not called to have interests, passions and hobbies as disciples, but where do our hearts lie? Who or what do I think of as I fall asleep at night? What do I get into passionate discussions about regularly? What do I promote and want people to know about? Even if we talk more about the Catholic Church, or a particular saint, or our community or organization, or some devotion, or some awesome leader, than we do about JESUS Himself, we’re missing out on the core of being a disciple.
If you do not, ask Him to help you fall in love with Him again (or for the first time). 

6. Am I willing to change my plan when I hear God convicting me to do so? We all have plans, preferences and desires, and we often make our choices based on them. But a disciple brings everything to the Lord and allows Him to direct his or her life. It could mean giving up a plan to emigrate, pursuing reconciliation in a relationship that I’d rather wash my hands off, being open to a spouse and a life in a different culture than I wanted, using my free time for His work, making a career change, and a great number of other things.
If you are not, ask Him for the grace to trust Him more than you trust yourself, to give up the illusion of control, and to grow in obedience and abandonment. 

7. Am I willing to obey the challenging teachings that Jesus gives me through His Church? If the only teachings I obey are the ones I am comfortable with, then I have chosen myself as God, and not Him. Trust includes obedience and humility. Just because I do not fully understand why Jesus asks the things He asks, doesn’t mean He is wrong and I am right. Like a child who takes his medicine or eats his vegetables because Mama says so, sometimes we obey even as we seek understanding. For example, staying away from artificial methods of birth control, accepting that IVF, surrogacy and artificial insemination are not legitimate ways to bear a child, choosing to love those with same-sex attraction while not endorsing gay marriage or relationships, reserving sex for marriage, rejecting abortion even in the case of unexpected or difficult pregnancies, rejecting the death penalty, etc. It also means accepting the smaller but also difficult requirements like fasting for an hour before receiving Communion, not eating meat on the Fridays of Lent, fasting on Good Friday and Ash Wednesday, attending Mass on Sunday and other days of obligation without fail, etc.
If you are not able to accept these teachings, ask God to open your heart and help you understand. There are good reasons for all these hard teachings, and we need to be willing to find out what they are. (Links below.) 

8. Have I intentionally placed myself in relationship with other disciples? It’s easy to think you’re being a disciple on your own because there’s no one to call you out, to challenge you when you’re getting complacent or lazy or making excuses, and to encourage you when you’re slackening in zeal. It’s obvious that Jesus didn’t come to save us in isolation, but in community. Unfortunately our parish communities don’t usually offer an opportunity to grow in relationship with other disciples, so we have to be very intentional about fighting our laziness and our fear of vulnerability and either joining some kind of community or creating some kind of community.
If you have not, start looking for disciples and ask them where they find fellowship. 

9. Am I regularly consuming content that remind me of what it means to be a disciple? Whether it is attending solid talks and formation, listing to podcasts, reading spiritual books (apart from the bible), learning about the saints, we need to consume healthy disciple-making food, or our growth will be stunted. I can see the difference when I stop doing that, or when I only consume mindless entertainment – I lose my appetite for God. We are what we eat.
If you do not, Lent is a great time to start! Ask me for recommendations: Abiding Together podcast, any Henry Nouwen or Fulton Sheen or Jacques Philippe, etc.

Related Links

[Video] Why We Don't Use Contraception in Our Marriage by Jackie and Bobby Angel

After the Vows: Sex Within Marriage By Brian Kissinger

[Video] Fr. Mike Schmitz explaining IVF and Contraception 

Birth Control - Catholic Answers

Catholic Teaching on Openness to Life - Jennifer Fulwiler

The Impossible Dreams I Dreamed

"I want to do something meaningful with my life, I want to get out of this selfish, self-centred rut, and live for others."
"Good luck with that. I used to think like that too. We all did. But once you start working, you forget about those dreams."

I was a naive 20 year old just out of my teacher's training, and instead doing a stint in the corporate world as an instructional designer in an e-learning company. Would I forget about those silly dreams with (what seemed to be to be) a fat pay cheque coming in every month, settling down into the real world?

*******

"Susanna is open to getting married, but she is waiting to find someone whose faith is strong and central to his life."
The Catholic auntie who was questioning my mum and me about my life choices made a skeptical face. "That's a little unrealistic these days, isn't it?"

Was it unrealistic, overly idealistic? Would I die waiting for someone who didn't exist, the laughing stock of onlookers, a good example of kooky Christians out of touch with the real world?

I had consistently desired and believed from the time I was young that I was called to family life, to be a mother and a wife. As I grew older, I sometimes wondered, why would God have put these strong desires in my heart (not everyone had them) if they were not meant to be fulfilled? I began to be embarrassed to share that dream with others as I crossed 30.

*******

On the Feast of the Epiphany yesterday, I suddenly thought about how ridiculous the three wise men must have seemed as they started their journey, following a... star??!! There must have been more socially acceptable ways to spend their time, or search for truth and meaning. Who gets on camels and follows a star? Maybe people didn't outwardly deride them, because they were obviously important, well-to-do men known for their wisdom. But in all times and places and cultures, there are social norms for what are and are not acceptable life goals.

It must have taken a very long time, probably years of preparation and study, and months of the actual journey. But, oh the joy, when they found the One they had been searching for!

And behold, the star that they had seen at its rising preceded them, 
until it came and stopped over the place where the child was. 
They were overjoyed at seeing the star, 
and on entering the house they saw the child with Mary his mother. 
They prostrated themselves and did him homage. (Matt 2: 9-11)

This is not a blog post about believing in yourself and following your dreams. Not all dreams are worth pursuing. (Unpopular opinion, I know.)

But when we quiet ourselves, and search within, we often find the God-given dreams and hopes, the purest desires of our hearts. Many have not yet been fulfilled.

Maybe it's a dream of a strong Christian community where your faith is nourished and strengthened.

Maybe it's a desire for a specific kind of mission - a community centre where all are welcomed and loved and offered Christ, an outreach to sex workers, a prolife ministry.

Maybe it's a dream for mental, emotional or physical healing, where you are not constantly struggling and overwhelmed and drowning.

Maybe it's a dream for reconciliation and healing in your family.

Maybe it's a dream for a solid Christian spouse and a family.

Maybe it's a simple dream to live a happy and holy life wherever you are.

Maybe it's a dream to be free of a certain sin that you struggle with - pornography, indiscipline, anger.

Maybe these dreams seem unrealistic and far away and unlikely to ever reach completion.

Do not stifle these dreams! Hold on to them! Pursue them! Wait for them! Pray for them! Write them down! Find people who will encourage you in your dreams. (No cynics or pessimists allowed.) Do not allow despair or frustration rob your heart of hope.

Pope John Paul II said, "“It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provoked you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your heart your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle. It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives, the will to follow an ideal, the refusal to allow yourselves to be ground down by mediocrity, the courage to commit yourselves humbly and patiently to improving yourselves and society, making the world more human and more fraternal.”

*********

You know my story. I left my job, worked for a happy year in a school in a village. I joined a Catholic mission organization, and learned to be holy and less selfish over the next nine years. A year ago, I met and was courted by a strong man of faith, and we are now married and have started our family life together. Some dreams take time, but they are worth waiting for.

I have more dreams. I am tempted to get impatient and doubtful when I don't see them immediately take form. But remembering the slow ways God led me forward in the past gives me hope.

I pray this post gives you hope too.

Related Resources

How To Begin Dreaming (Abiding Together podcast: 33 minutes audio)

The Wedding Chronicles: The Secret to a Peaceful Bride

I don't really like weddings. Well, in theory they sound exciting and fun, but in reality they're usually overwhelming and just too much... and that's just as a guest. If you ask a bride and groom to be honest about the wedding, it's much worse. All that planning and organization, all the expectations thrown at you by everybody, all the people to meet and greet and take care of, all the little details that can go wrong... it's a recipe for anxiety.

I was worried about the wedding from the beginning. "What if I don't sleep well the night before? I know what a mess I am when I'm tired. How do I smile for 700 guests and the photographer? I can't smile on demand. How do I even relate to 700 people? How do introverts survive their own weddings?"

Many months before Joel and I had prayed about it, and I felt the Lord asking me to surrender having the wedding in my own hometown, and having it in Joel's village instead. There were a variety of reasons, but in the end, the Lord told me clearly to give up my attachments to my plan.

The week before the wedding I read a bible passage during my prayer time:

Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 12: 24-25

I love my comfort zone, doing things the safe way, the predictable way. But God was telling me again that if I wanted to grow, to be fruitful, to be happy,  I had to stop clinging to comfort and to safety and to the things that I thought would make me safe and happy, and allow HIM to be in charge of both my peace and my happiness.

We had a crazy wedding day. There were completely unexpected heavy rains in the weeks leading up to the wedding, and despite the prayers, it rained heavily the day before the wedding. There was no alternate reception venue indoors because of the numbers, so we stuck to the grounds where we originally planned to have it, but large parts of the ground were marshy and wet. The weather was sweltering and humid. I was mopping up sweat under my veil during the Mass.

The priests didn't enter as we expected, so our entrance hymn which we both had looked forward to was cancelled. Our caterer and decorator turned out to be inept and messed up most of the things we asked him to take care of. The centerpieces I planned didn't happen, there were no fairy lights, the stage was rickety, people toasted us in plastic cups, the sound stopped working intermittently. I could go on, but I should stop.

In the midst of all this chaos, was I an anxious, angry wreck? Praise be to God, we were both happy and peaceful. It was the Miracle of the Wedding at Vasai.

Because of an attitude of abandonment and trust, we prayed our way through every struggle that came up. The day before the wedding we were not supposed to see each other, and in fact, were supposed to remain in our respective homes. Instead, Joel and I together with my maid of honour headed out for Confession, spent time at an Adoration chapel, and had lunch together. In the evening after the wedding rehearsal, we had a time of quiet prayer with some of our family and friends in Adoration.

Fr. Jacques Philippe says, ''Any reasons to lose your peace are bad reasons."

Though so many things went wrong that day, I received so many gifts I would have missed if I had been anxious or controlling.

- There was peace and perfect harmony between Joel and me and our immediate families throughout.

- I slept NINE hours the night before the wedding and was peaceful and relaxed even when I kept hearing about things going wrong. In fact, Joel had left me a letter to be opened IN CASE I felt anxious... and I didn't need to open it at all.

- The church looked beautiful and was packed. One of my desires was that I had a full church at my wedding, in opposition to the common practice many guests have of skipping the wedding Mass and coming for the reception.

- My sweet bridegroom actually did cry as I walked up the aisle to him. He said he was able to fully enter into the liturgy and received a lot, which was one of our prayers beforehand.

- So many of my friends and family travelled all the way (some from out of the country) to be with me on this important day, and even though I couldn't spend much time with most of them, it blessed my heart that they loved me enough to be present.

- In the moments of realizing the imperfections around me, and beginning to get stressed out, the Lord sent me my little niece who stuck to me through most of the reception.

- We had some fun moments with the wedding march and a group dance we call the Belgian dance that lots of guests joined in.

- There were many touches of beauty that soothed my heart - my aunt put together gorgeous bouquets, my mum created the wedding cake, the stage backdrop was exactly what I asked for, my bridesmaids'outfits that I had envisioned looked beautiful (I had picked very unusual outfits for them so I wasn't sure how it would all work), my hair and makeup done by my cousin and friend survived the humidity, and of course you read about the dress.

By the end of the reception though, I was hungry, tired, and totally done. I actually burst into tears and told my new husband I wanted to go home. The next morning we had to go for 7 am Mass (I was dressed in the traditional shalu) and then there was a bangle ceremony at his home. I was exhausted, but I made it through all the traditions and expectations (a very toned down version of typical weddings in his culture).

A few days later we returned to Pune for a small party with my family and some friends, and my cousins and friends went out of their way to make sure the party was beautifully decorated. I finally got my fairy lights and centerpieces!

Being a bride was definitely not a fairy tale, and I don't think it is for most women. At the end of the wedding celebrations, I was exhausted, and ready to return to a life of introversion. But my heart was at peace, because I knew I had married the right man, and was able to start my life together with him. I could have missed out on the joy of marriage if I had allowed the fear of discomfort to control me.

So what was the secret to a peaceful bride?

An attitude of abandonment and trust, and detachment from the perfect wedding. God didn't promise us that everything would be perfect, but He did promise us His presence and His peace if we were willing to accept it... and He kept His promise.

Related Reading

The Secret to Peace, Lent and Everything

The Wedding Chronicles: God Designed My Wedding Dress

The Advent To-Do List

So it's already Day 3 of Advent, and if you, like me, have been procrastinating on making some Advent decisions, this post is here to help you out! It's so easy to get bogged down by searching for the perfect Advent discipline (apt enough, not too hard, not too easy, unique enough) and never get down to making some concrete decisions. Not that different from New Year's Resolutions and Lenten penances.

Here's the thing though. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to happen. Do something.

I'm not going to give you a bunch of options in case you have a hard time choosing between them. Just follow this calendar, and make sure you don't stop. (If you already have something you've decided on, awesome! Let me know in the comments.) If you miss a day, just keep going, and do it another day if possible. If a particular task is not possible one day, switch it with another day. Read your task a day before, so you can add it to your schedule.

Day 3 of 24
Tuesday, 3rd December, 2019

Read this post about Advent and spend five minutes in silence asking God for the grace to make space for Him in your heart this month. [10 minutes]

Day 4 of 24
Wednesday, 4th December, 2019
Listen to the latest Abiding Together podcast: The Light Shines in the Darkness and journal: How is Satan is using fear to keep me away from God? [45 minutes]

Day 5 of 24
Thursday, 5th December, 2019
Before going to bed, do an Examen. Reflect on your day, and where you encountered God. Thank Him for the times you responded to His love, and ask forgiveness for the times you did not. Make a decision for tomorrow. [15 minutes]

Day 6 of 24
Friday, 6th December, 2019
Go for Mass. Journal: What is one thing God said to me during Mass today? [1 hour]

Day 7 of 24
Saturday, 7th December, 2019
Visit an Adoration chapel and tell Him about a problem you don't know how to solve. Try to be quiet and open to His response. [30 minutes]

Day 8 of 24
Sunday, 8th December 2019
It's the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Pray a Memorare or nine Memorares for the intention of someone who is suffering in some way (infertility, physical sickness, mental health, grief). The Memorare is not magic, but a powerful prayer calling out to a powerful intercessor. [15 minutes.]

Day 9 of 24
Monday, 9th December, 2019
Read Isaiah 40:11 several times slowly.
Like a shepherd he feeds his flock; in his arms he gathers the lambs, 
Carrying them in his bosom, leading the ewes with care.
Imagine God holding you close to his heart. Stay in His embrace for a while.Then go and give someone a hug and remind them that God loves them. [20 minutes.]

Day 10 of 24
Tuesday, 10th December, 2019
Sing a worship song out loud. Even if you feel stupid singing by yourself. Sacrifice your dignity and receive His freedom in exchange. [15 minutes.]

Day 11 of 24
Wednesday, 11th December. 2019
Read Matthew 11: 28-30. Write down the list of burdens you are handing over to God. [20 minutes.]

Day 12 of 24
Thursday, 12th December, 2019
Read about Our Lady of Guadalupe and pray a Rosary for all nations to come to know Jesus. [30 minutes.]

Day 13 of 24
Friday, 13th December, 2019
Go for Mass. Read Psalm 1 slowly before you go. [45 minutes]

Day 14 of 24
Saturday, 14th December, 2019
Think about someone who has hurt your feelings or offended you recently. Ask God for the grace to forgive them from the heart, and to give up all thoughts of blame, accusation and resentment. Pray for that person's needs. [30 minutes.]

Day 15 of 24
Sunday, 15th December, 2019
It's Gaudete Sunday - share the joy of Christ by texting, calling or visiting someone you had been estranged from (could be yesterday's person). [5 minutes - 1 hour]

Day 16 of 24
Monday, 16th December, 2019
Pray the Divine Office today. [30 minutes]

Day 17 of 24
Tuesday, 17th December, 2019
Make a plan with your family or a group of friends to reach out personally to someone in need this month. [1 hour]

Day 18 of 24
Wednesday, 18th December, 2019
Buy a gift for someone you know who is likely to be in need. Think especially of domestic workers and their children, big families, and people who have lost their jobs recently. If you don't know anyone like that, ask your parish priest. [30 minutes]

Day 19 of 24
Thursday, 19th December, 2019
Wake up in the morning and before touching your phone, give thanks to God for ten blessings. [10  minutes.]

Day 20 of 24
Friday, 20th December. 2019
Go to Mass and visit an Adoration chapel. Invite a friend who wouldn't usually do that to accompany you. [1 hour]

Day 21 of 24
Saturday, 21st December, 2019
Make a morning offering. Through the day, remember to say "I'm doing this for You, Jesus'" as you run errands and get things done. [5 minutes]

Day 22 of 24
Sunday, 22nd December, 2019
Read Eight Tips to Surviving Christmas and make a plan for Christmas week that incorporates the tips. [30 minutes]

Day 23 of 24
Monday, 23rd December, 2019
Visit an Adoration Chapel and re-surrender everything on your mind and heart, especially family tensions and unfulfilled desires. [45  minutes.]

Day 24 of 24
Tuesday, 24th December, 2019
Read Matthew 1: 18 -25. Draw a sketch and place yourself in the Christmas story. Listen to Wonder by Bethel. [45 minutes]

Let me know if you are using this calendar, and if you'd like me to create a printable pdf version. Have a Holy Advent!

Related Reading

Hey, It’s Not Christmas Yet!

On Waiting

Changing My Christmas Wish List

The Wedding Chronicles: God Designed My Wedding Dress

Full disclosure: It was on the 11th of December last year, before Joel had even proposed that I started texting my maid of honour, Teresa, about wedding dress options. I knew I was going to marry this guy. I had already decided I didn’t want to buy a dress, and wanted to borrow one from another mutual friend. I had attended her wedding a few years ago, and LOVED her dress, and had hoped I could use it since then since we were of a similar build. The mutual friend agreed, and in February, I had a wedding dress! As Joel and I struggled through making headway with the rest of wedding planning, I would joke, “At least I have a dress! The essentials are in place.”

Unfortunately two months before the wedding I came to the realization that the minor adjustments I thought I needed to make were not so minor. I was (gasp) a little broader than the owner of the dress. I very, very regretfully, urged on by my mother, tailor and fiancé, gave up the idea of wearing that particular dress.

Two months to the wedding, and no dress! Wouldn’t that be a valid reason for a Bridezilla meltdown? Okay, I’ll admit I shed a few tears, but since the Lord had been training me for a while to be detached from ‘stuff’, I was able to let go.

“You could buy a dress, you know,” my fiancé suggested.

“But I don’t want to. I’m sure the Lord will provide something. I’ll ask around.”

So I asked around. I sent out discreet messages though different friends who were likely to know recent brides. My good friend, Adele, called back.

“SUZIE!!! God has a plan for your wedding dress!!!”

She told me that she shared my message on her ministry team group, and to her surprise, a young unmarried man contacted her.

“I have some wedding dress material, enough to make a dress, to give away.”

What was a bachelor doing with wedding dress material?? Apparently a relative of his had ordered the material from Dubai for her own wedding dress, but it hadn’t arrived in time, so she bought another dress to use, and told him to give away this material to anyone who needed it.

Adele was beside herself with excitement, while I was, as is my wont, skeptical. Just because it’s free, doesn’t mean it’s the type of material I would like. I couldn't tell from the picture. Anyway, it is extremely expensive to get a dress stitched from scratch, so I was still hoping for a ready-made dress that would somehow miraculously fit me and be the style I wanted. But her excitement made me feel like I should at least give this free material a chance. I arranged with the guy who had it to pick it up from him on my next trip to Mumbai.

Meanwhile I asked another close friend if I could use her dress, as I was sure it would fit. It wasn’t exactly the style I wanted, but in the end a wedding dress is just a white dress, right? I picked up her dress the same weekend I was supposed to go to Mumbai, but didn’t try it on. When I picked up the material, I still couldn’t tell if I really liked the style. It was some kind of net with heavy embroidery and beading all over it, and there was a LOT of material. I took it back home with me to get my mum’s opinion.

I returned from that trip and finally tried on my friend’s dress. It fit perfectly, like it had been made for me.

“Well, I guess I have a dress!”I told my mum.

“Let’s just look at the material too,” she said.

We opened it up and held it against the satin of the skirt of the dress. To our surprise, it looked beautiful over the satin. We looked more closely, and suddenly realized that the existing bead work on the bodice of my friend’s dress matched the material from Dubai exactly! I realized we wouldn’t have to make a dress from scratch, just find a tailor willing to add the material to the skirt and make sleeves for the dress too. I did find a tailor willing to do it within my budget, and willing to have it ready two weeks before the wedding. My aunt made a veil for me, and edged it with the same material as the skirt and sleeves.

The dress was beautiful. I felt beautiful in it. It was modest, old-fashioned, and almost regal. I had a couple of little girls fascinated with my dress, who would just come up and stroke it. I grabbed the opportunity to wear it twice – once on my wedding day, and a few days later at a smaller party in my hometown. When I wrote about a friend’s wedding dress miracle a few years ago, I didn’t realize I would get my own too. Although God isn’t a magician or a genie who appears to grant our every wish, He is a Father who loves to surprise and delight His children with his unexpected gifts. Although not every detail of my wedding went the way I would have preferred, I was surprised, delighted and blessed by a beautiful wedding dress.

Ps. My sister-in-law, sister and I came up with a cool idea. We want to create a database of wedding dresses that women are willing to lend new brides in Pune and Mumbai. The new bride would look through the pictures of dresses, contact the owner of the one she likes, try it on, pay a deposit, use it, dry clean it and return it. It would save new brides a lot of money and be a small way for brides to bless other brides. Who is in?

A Little Story on World Mission Sunday

About a month ago, my fiance, my parents and my ten year old niece went on a little mini-vacation to the hills, a couple of hours out of the big city. We often retreat there, but not typically in the monsoons. It was cold and rainy, and we stayed indoors most of the time, but it was still a special time (is every shared holiday special when you're in love?) apart from my niece sticking to us like a leech because she had been secretly enlisted as a chaperone by my mum and my other niece, and she took her responsibility VERY seriously.

One day we went out for a meal to the town. Joel and I remembered some yummy bhakri (a kind of local bread) and chicken curry from our trip in January, so we took my parents and niece out to share our experience. We found a restaurant willing to make us hot, fresh bhakris, perfect for a rainy day.

As we waited for our meal, my mother suggested that we each share a story of some time in our life that we experienced God's presence or miracles. Typical of  my mum, finding a way to bring Jesus into a conversation. We were all happy to share, though I had to search my memory for a story I hadn't shared with them before. (I am a notorious chatterbox and sharer in my family, they've never had to complain they don't know what's going on in my life. Lucky them.)

I told a story from my time in the Philippines, Joel shared his own conversion story from medical college, and even my ten year old niece shared a little story from her own life. My parents shared too, and then the waiter, a young man with a simple, honest face, brought out our steaming and delicious-smelling meal. We made the sign of the Cross, blessed the food, and began our meal. It was as tasty as we had hoped.

As we ended our meal, and walked out of the restaurant,  we thanked the waiter. To our utter surprise, he smiled and said, "Praise the Lord." We smiled back and headed out to the car. "I guess he is a Christian!" The reason why we were so surprised is because Christians are a small minority in India, and in our city, usually a very specific socio-economic group - educated, English-speakers, often from Goa and Mumbai. This young man was obviously a local Marathi-speaker. We were surprised and curious.

A couple of days later, Joel and I returned to the restaurant, partly for the bhakri and chicken curry, and partly to talk to the young man. He seemed happy to see us, and after the meal, Joel, who is a native Marathi-speaker himself, had a long conversation with the young man.

It turned out he had come to faith through another relative who had become a Christian, and was obviously very committed to Jesus. He said he woke up every morning and read the bible for two hours before coming to work and working all day until late in the night. He didn't have a day off at his job, and so he hadn't found a church to go to, but he used to attend a church in his hometown.

"How did you know we were Christians?" we asked him. "I understand a lot of English, even though I can't speak it, and I heard you all talking about Jesus," he replied in Marathi. We hadn't even realized he was there when we were sharing, much less that he could understand us.

"Is your bible a Marathi bible?" I nudged Joel to ask him.

"No, it's Hindi."

"Would you like a Marathi one?"

He said he would, so we took down his name and number, and told him we would find one to send him later. After we said goodbye, I suddenly remembered that a friend had told me he was sending me two Marathi bibles to use in my ministry, except that I had no idea what to do with them. I guess God knew what I could do with them.

It was such a short and simple encounter, but it blessed me so much. Today is World Mission Sunday, and in his message, Pope Francis wrote:

'This missionary mandate touches us personally: I am a mission, always; you are a mission, always; every baptized man and woman is a mission. People in love never stand still: they are drawn out of themselves; they are attracted and attract others in turn; they give themselves to others and build relationships that are life-giving. As far as God’s love is concerned, no one is useless or insignificant.'

I was reminded of the need to notice and connect with the people around me, something that it's easy for introverts to forget to do. Even though talking to strangers may not be something I do as easily as others, God can still use me if I allow Him to.

'This divine life is not a product for sale – we do not practise proselytism – but a treasure to be given, communicated and proclaimed: that is the meaning of mission. We received this gift freely and we share it freely (cf. Mt 10:8), without excluding anyone. God wills that all people be saved by coming to know the truth and experiencing his mercy through the ministry of the Church, the universal sacrament of salvation.'

I was reminded that God does not exclude anyone, and that neither should I. Jesus didn't come only for people who look like me, or talk like me, or who speak only the same language as I do. His love goes beyond the walls and boundaries I build in my own mind. As I have experienced freedom and mercy through my relationship with Him, so too have others from different cultures and socioeconomic backgrounds. As I need His grace for my bad days and difficult relationships and sinful inclinations, so do they.

It's not always easy to know how to practically share BOTH the truth and the mercy of Jesus in a sensitive but effective way. But that doesn't mean it's not possible. I think it starts with an awareness of my own privilege (my treasure!), an openness to encounter, a desire to see people become who they were meant to be, and a sincere invitation to the Holy Spirit to guide me and use me every day. The harvest is plentiful, willing laborers are few. Come. Holy Spirit!

Related Reading

Full Message for World Mission Sunday

Should Conversions Be Illegal?

Non-Christians in Heaven: Ten Catholic Teaching Most Indian Catholics Get Wrong