One of my patrons recently texted to ask this question:
How does one discern when to engage in online discourse? A friend saw an article posted on a neighbourhood page that seemed discriminatory to Muslims. She felt conflicted: posting a well-intentioned and informed contrary opinion would not change anything. But if she did say something, she would be defending her Muslim neighbours who would feel attacked by the article. She wanted to bring some objectivity to the discussion, but was worried about instigating even more inflammatory remarks making things worse for her neighbours. Any thoughts?
Ah, comment threads, how I love thee. Not. For someone like me who loves and values truth and accuracy, but also hates conflict, online discourse is a tricky place to be. I’ve only written about reading comment threads. What about participating in them? (This includes Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp groups, etc.)
Full disclosure: I almost never comment on online threads. But I admire those who do so courteously.
Still, here are a few thoughts and suggestions in case you are ever wondering whether or not to jump in:
Check your motives: If you’re just being defensive, trying to prove you’re right and someone else is wrong, close that app and go read a book. Proving a point rarely seems to make a real difference. Win an argument, lose a soul. But if, like my patron’s friend, your motive is to speak up for those who are being attacked or misunderstood, or to help people to see and consider the truth, then proceed further.
Check your emotions: If you are burning with anger or resentment, furious at the stupidity and ignorance of the other commenters, take a break before chiming in. How we say something is as important as what we say. If you’re angry, you’re far less likely to be kind or charitable. Being passionate about truth doesn’t require you to be rude or snarky. Remember that no human being is the enemy, no matter how erroneous or harmful their beliefs are.
Pause and say a prayer: This is one of the typical situations that the Holy Spirit was given to us for. This is not always a clear black and white situation. In some cases, it is better to be quiet, while in others, a prophetic voice is needed. Sometimes it may be your voice, sometimes it may be someone else. Don’t be afraid to be a prophet: The world needs prophets, speaking inconvenient truths. It’s far easier to say the things everyone already agrees on, than to voice an unpopular opinion. Your voice may make all the difference. But how, you may ask. Sometimes it is pretty obvious that the other people on a thread have already made up their minds. What’s the point of saying anything?
You’ve forgotten about all the silent observers sitting on the fence, people who have not yet made up their mind, but are open to hearing from both sides. I can’t tell you how often my mind has been opened to a new perspective by a charitable voice continuing a discussion. How many others are also watching!
When a reasonable voice is heard, people of goodwill consider new perspectives. Never underestimate the power of planting a seed. Most of us are lifelong learners, but we learn based on what we hear, what we see, what people say, how they say it, and how convincing their words are. If no one is willing to speak up for the truth, how can we blame people for being brainwashed by a lost world?
Acknowledge common ground: Usually there is something that you can agree on, and it's helpful to listen for any elements of truth in the other person's words. Acknowledging those elements shows the other person that you are seeking truth, not vindication.
Count the cost: Be aware that some people might attack you for your beliefs, however charitably spoken. If you are still convicted that you need to speak, do so, but don’t remain in a toxic environment. Go play with a baby, cook some dinner, hang out with a friend, or go for a walk. Don't be afraid to bow out when you need to, especially if continuing the discussion is causing you anxiety or interfering with your ability to love and be present to the people around you.
Surrender the outcome to God: You may or may not see visible fruit online. But if you were obedient to the promptings of the Spirit, if you were charitable and kind in your words, and if you remembered to say a prayer for all those involved in the discussion, God is more than able to multiply your little offering. It’s not your job to convince people or save their souls, it is God’s. Remember that you’re not God, and let go of the need for visible success.
Have nothing to do with stupid and senseless controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kindly to everyone, an apt teacher, patient, correcting opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant that they will repent and come to know the truth. 2 Timothy 2: 23-25
Very useful.. And extremely apt quote!
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