Thursday, 11 April 2013

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Minutes: The Christian Version

I love to tell people what is wrong with them, how to live their lives and how to achieve true happiness. In other words, be bossy, condescending and overall annoying. People say guys can’t listen to a problem without immediately jumping in and giving advice.

Well, I go a step further- I can’t listen to ANYTHING without jumping and giving advice. Now before you judge me, let me tell you that this is the old version of Sue. My younger siblings have done their bit to curb my annoying-ness, and with age and maturity (stop snickering), I believe I have gotten a little better.

But sometimes, just sometimes, being insensitive and pushy can be a very good thing. Yes, I’m talking about getting rid of unwanted admirers.

I recently saw a guy who I had written off a few years ago for various reasons including the fact that he had been hitting on my sister and me at the same time, had posted an inappropriate graphic to her FB page, and was generally dense and pretty annoying. Unfortunately he made a beeline for me, and I couldn't escape because my equally dense brother and cousin re-introduced me to him.

Now how to say, “I am really, really, really not interested in responding to your advances, which you should actually know from the fact that I dropped many unsubtle hints years ago” in a socially acceptable and Christian way? I do realize that annoying guys are people too. And I would even be willing to be ‘just friends’, or possibly ‘just casual acquaintances who are interested in each other’s lives in a totally non-romantic way’, if that were an option. With normal guys, they read the signs, and that’s how it works out. But not this guy.

Girls all over the world have had to develop their own techniques. My method was to have a normal conversation... and then let myself go. This is kind of how it went.

Blah, blah, inanities...

He: I go to Mass sometimes (I don’t know how this came up, maybe throwing that in because I’m so ‘religious’)

Me: Going to Mass sometimes is not enough. You have to put God first.

He: Yes, yes... I pray that God will keep me safe every time before I (do dangerous and cool things that are apparently a part of his job)

Me: That’s good, but it’s still not enough. What are you living your life for? People can use their life for all sorts of things, but what is the purpose of our life? God needs to be at the center. (Warming up) There’s this quote I once heard that a Christian martyr in Ecuador said: “People ask me why I am wasting my life. I tell them everyone is wasting their life on something and when the bubble of this earthly life bursts, WHAT WILL THEY HAVE LEFT OF ETERNAL SIGNIFICANCE?”

LOL!

Even I would have run away from a guy who said that to me in a the first five minutes of a casual conversation at a church social event. Talk about coming on too strong. When I told my siblings, they were speechless with either disbelief or admiration.

 Yup, I lost him in ten minutes.

Disclaimer: I actually did believe what I was saying, but I was at least half aware that that was not the time or place. And I actually do love that quote, so I know I shouldn't have wasted it on chasing away guys. I guess my thoughts at that time were 50% chance this will make him start thinking about God and 50% chance it will make him go away. Win-win.

4 comments:

  1. New reader: I think that's awesome. When I was single, I used to lead with something about chastity/no birth control/lots of kids. A surprising number of guys were not scared by that, but the worst ones were. :) My atheist (now Catholic) husband was not!

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    1. Ha ha, so I'm not alone :-) Some day some guy is going to think that's awesome :-D

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  2. I admire your thought process Sue and i'm scared of you at the same time! Not because you are blunt ans straight forward, but you are blunt and polite! That's a scary combination for me. Nonetheless i'm sure the guy ran for is dear life though! Hahahahahahahahahaha

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