An INTJ's Guide to Praise and Worship

As an INTJ who grew up in the Charismatic Renewal, I have faced and battled with many of the natural clashes of this personality with a very demonstrative and uninhibited style of prayer. My theory is that 'T' (thinking) type personalities gravitate more towards more structured, less demonstrative and intellectual forms of prayer like Adoration, the Rosary, Lectio Divina (reflect and share about bible passages.. yes, please!), etc, and 'F' (feeling) type personalities gravitate towards more ‘touchy-feely’ forms of prayer- praise and worship, raising hands, holding hands at the Our Father, any kind of feel good music, etc. But I think 'T's sometimes need to learn how to let go of control a little, and 'F's need to build their faith on a more solid rock than their emotions that can easily be swayed. Anyway all that is to bring you back to how I as an INTJ have survived (and sometimes thrived) in what seems like an odd style of prayer. So here I am to answer your INTJ questions that deafeningly and irresistibly pop up just as you are right in the middle of a hymn at a prayer meeting.

INTJ: Wait.. what exactly does it mean to 'GIVE God glory and honour, magnify him' etc etc? How on earth can I 'lift God up' if He is already pretty much the most powerful being that exists? I exalt Him? What?

INTJ Guru: Great question! You CAN'T actually make God bigger than He already is. Even though it sounds like that it what you are saying, that's not actually what the words are pointing to. What you ARE called to do, is look at Him, acknowledge Who He is, in all His goodness and beauty, and allow Him to be magnified in your own soul, and thus in the world. It’s like opening the windows, and letting the beauty and awesomeness of a gorgeous sunshiny day into your home. It was there all along, it just wasn’t in your home yet.

INTJ: But what exactly is the point of all this worshipping? Wouldn’t it be better to just go out and do some good deeds? I know- I’m ‘made to worship God’. But isn’t that a little narcissistic on God’s part?

INTJ Guru: If God is really Love, and love is all about willing the good of the other, then there has to be a better explanation for God’s call for us to worship Him. God is always about doing what’s good for US. So how on earth can praise or worship be good for us? It’s simple- praise and worship frees us from our OWN narcissistic navel-gazing, from being imprisoned in the cell of our own ego, and frees us to see ourselves and God as we REALLY are. It’s a chance to get some perspective. Like dragging your kids away from their social media, and inviting them to take a look at the star-filled night sky, or the view from the top of a mountain. God knows how shallow and self-obsessed we are, and He says, “Look at Me, get a glimpse of the universe at it really is, and you will know who you really are.”

INTJ: That’s great, but a lot of the time I’m expected to sing songs and speak praises when I feel nothing at all. Why speak words of love when I feel no love? It reeks of hypocrisy.

INTJ Guru: Ah ha! You of all people, O INTJ should know that love is not a feeling but a choice. Praise is an act, not a feeling. Worship is a choice to give oneself regardless of what one is feeling in the moment. As C.S. Lewis said, “Faith is the art of holding on to the things your reason has accepted in spite of your changing moods.”And that right there is the secret to entering into true praise and worship.

INTJ: Okay, okay. But seriously, some of the songs the PnW leader chooses are truly cringe-worthy. They lack any value, doctrinal or aesthetic. Some seem childish and shallow. Every fibre in me screams “No! I can’t do this!”

INTJ Guru: O INTJ, I truly sympathize. Our minds and hearts and will are not disconnected. One affects the other. I have a couple of suggestions. One is, you could gently suggest a couple of solid and truly reverent and holy worship songs to your music leader. Share how they bless you and draw you to a more meaningful act of surrender.

However, you are still most likely going to be stuck in situations where you can’t do anything about it. In those cases, dear INTJ, as ridiculous as it may seem to other personality types, THAT is the cross God is asking you to embrace. You can offer to Him even your cringes, and choose to believe that nothing offered to God is wasted. Most likely, He is doing one of those cool-but-painful sanctifying things that He does. Although, if it's heretical, you're allowed to just not join in for that part of the song. But cheesy you can do.

INTJ: What about the whole hand raising expectation? Is there some guide to that? The deeper the emotion, the higher the arms? There seems to be an unspoken rule that at certain parts of certain songs everyone raises their arms. What about when the prayer leader demands that everyone raise their hands, or shout ‘Alleluia’, or clap, or some such thing?

INTJ Guru: I prefer to avoid the kind of prayer meetings or groups that are too directional about such things. Maybe it works for some people. But not you and me, O INTJ. When in doubt, remember that you are free. You don’t HAVE to do what everybody is doing. The safest thing is to close your eyes, and just do what you feel God is asking you to do in the moment. Raising your arms can help express an inner act of openness or surrender. Again, our body, mind and spirit are connected. So don’t dismiss outward forms of prayer.

INTJ: What about the whole ‘free praise’ thing? My eyes are semi-shut, and I mumble along while I hear people say things like ‘Mighty God! Holy One! King of Kings and Lord of Lords! All glory belongs to You! You are the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End!’What even?!!! Do they memorize a list of acceptable things to say? Those words and phrases feel so meaningless to me. Do I go on a bathroom break during these times, or hope that no one can hear clearly that my free praise goes something like ‘God, Ihavenoideawhattosaysopleasegetmethroughthis…’?

INTJ Guru: It might be more helpful to pick a few phrases that you DO identify with, ways that YOU have experienced God, and say those aloud instead. As you grow and experience God in new ways, you can add more ways to the list. For example, ‘You are beautiful, and all that is beautiful comes from Your heart. You are slow to anger and full of mercy. Your love is so precious to me. How good and patient You are. I love you so much. I praise You. I trust You. I believe in You. You are more than enough for me.’ It doesn’t have to be fancy or complicated or what anyone else is saying. You don’t have to shout. But again, speaking those words aloud is a way of internalizing and solidifying the truth that your mind has accepted. It’s also a way to let go of the control and image of control we cling to so tightly. Yes indeed, O INTJ, as a man or woman of faith, you do indeed have to be willing to look and sound just a little stupid.

INTJ: You are throwing the word ‘worship’ around a little too easily. I’m Catholic. Isn’t Mass the best and truest form of worship? In fact, isn’t Jesus the only one who can offer acceptable worship to the Father?

INTJ Guru: Welcome to the Catholic Church, my friend, the Church of ‘Both.., and.’ Worship can be offered both inside and outside of the celebration of the Eucharist. The Eucharist is the ‘culmination of the men offer to Christ and through Him to the Father in the Holy Spirit’. (CCC 1325) That means we can praise Him, give ourselves to Him in spirit and in truth, with song and vocal praise, in tongues and with arms raised, and all of that is brought to its culmination in the Eucharist, when Jesus accepts what we offer, joins it to His sacrifice on the Cross and offers it to the Father. The only problem would be if we replaced the Mass with what’s commonly known as ‘praise and worship’, or if we just went to Mass as an obligation and considered prayer meetings to be our only true worship. That would be misguided and counter-productive.

INTJ: Thanks, INTJ Guru. One more- How does one ‘climb this mountain with one’s hands wide open’? I have climbed mountains, and I need my hands to grab at rocks and bushes and haul myself up. Climbing a mountain with my hands wide open? (Also, they mean arms, right?) Sounds like a physical impossibility to me. And don’t tell me to ‘lean not on my own understanding’.

INTJ Guru: There are two possibilities. One is- yes, it’s impossible… but not for God. So the very seeming impossibility and helplessness is what you are called to reflect on. Not an adequate answer you say? Then do what I do- picture yourself climbing a mountain, arms stretched out, and God grabbing your hand, and guiding you up. I have had some pleasant experiences of chivalrous men helping me climb mountains, and it usually involved some amount of hand-holding. Mountain climbing can be sweaty, exhausting, thirsty, and scary work. You can reach halfway up and then your shaky legs collapse and you decide you want to die. Now picture our big, awesome God grabbing you by the hand and hauling you up, and you pretty much have a good picture of my faith life.

INTJ: Okay, so visuals and analogies help. One last question. I don't HAVE to sing ‘they will dance for joy like we are dancing now’ if no one is actually dancing, right?

INTJ Guru: No, you don’t. You can compromise by humming along. You could sway and shift feet and sing it, but then you kind of hope that when the world has seen the light, they would be dancing slightly more energetically and dramatically and a lot less awkwardly. So maybe just don’t.

Now go forth and worship!

Sue Recommends: Charming Roald Dahl Movie, and Other Delights

As many of you know, I can be one of the most critical critics ever, black spot on white page, etc. It can be a good thing sometimes. Sometimes. One of the good things about critics is that when they DO recommend something, it means a lot more. Or so I like to believe. So I thought I'd start a new feature on the blog- Sue Recommends. Books, movies, articles, recipes, and everything and anything else that happens to strike my fancy. You're very welcome. Who DOESN'T want more of my opinions on everything?

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The BFG

It's hard to find a movie that I genuinely delight in. Either they are badly directed/have poor acting (it's sometimes hard to tell the difference), enjoyable but morally iffy which spoils it for me (Italian Job), poorly disguising crudity as humour (most rom-coms or comedies), make my thumb ache from all the fast-forwarding because of the endless action scenes (James Bond) or gratuitous violence (Gladiator), or just have lame plots (Final Destination). Sometimes it feels like only kids' movies are left. But they're too kiddy. Yes, I AM hard to please.

But then I watched this kids' movie based on a Roald Dahl I read as a child. I didn't have high expectations because well, it was a kids' movie. Or at least based on a kids'book. But it was delightful! It was about a Big Friendly Giant, and oh, what a joy was every word that came out of his mouth! I enjoyed both the Giant and the little girl who played Sophie, and wholeheartedly enjoyed the inclusion of the Queen in the plot. If I ever think I would like to re-watch a movie, it seems like that's a good movie to own.

"Take a bite and I am positive you will be shouting out oh how scrumdiddlyumptious this wonderveg is!" 

"People would be rushing and bushing after me with goodness knows what and they would be catching me and locking me into a cage to be stared at. They would be putting me into the zoo or the bunkumhouse with all those squiggling hippodumplings and crocadowndillies."

Pros: Charming, family-friendly, BFG's accent and mumbly-jumbly language
Cons: Will completely confuse children who are trying to learn English

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Eshakti Dresses

I heard Simcha Fisher mention them a couple of times, so I finally looked up the website... and found that they recently came to India. Well, came HOME to India. But for every girl who loves dresses, and has a hard time finding any with sleeves, or knee length or below, or just with any kind of class, these are GORGEOUS. Well, most of them, I haven't bought any yet, they are a little expensive - Rs 2000 and above. But there are group presents for birthdays! And Christmas! And finally a quick answer when people ask what I want!

Pros: So many gorgeous options! POCKETS! You can customize them when you order- your neckline, skirt length, etc. Who does that?? Gift voucher to eshakti is a great gift for self, mothers (the type who wear dresses), sisters, and most female friends.

Cons: It would take forever to choose because there are so many GREAT options. (Even my cons are pros.) Well, I guess they ARE a little expensive. Sigh. And so tempting to just waste time on the website fantasizing about owning them all.

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Fr. Mike Schmitz' Videos

Fr. Mike reminds me of some of my American Catholic friends- informal, a little tongue-in-cheek, constantly referencing pop culture, and so full of asides, I sometimes wonder if he's as ADD as the rest of us. But that's why he's so relatable.

I always say that the Catholic Church has the best content and the worst marketing. Fr. Mike does a great job with these short videos talking about everything from death to coffee to sleep habits to purgatory, and does it all in a likable and non-aggressive manner. If you're looking for byte-sized ways to grow in your faith, and knowledge of your faith, or even just start thinking about aspects of your faith you hadn't before, watch one of these every day.

Pros: Very short videos, easy to share, very logical and relatable, new and unexpected topics (in other words not just the same ones every Catholic blogger seems to write about), and often new takes on the same topics. Great for young people (yes, I'm getting old, I just referred to 'young people', and I didn't mentally include myself in that category). Could be great for youth group discussion starters.

Cons: Sometimes Fr. Mike is so good looking and charming, I wonder if I'm being manipulated. But then I remember that I have my charming moments too, and have tried my hardest to be authentic even while being charming, which is something I see in Fr. Mike too. Also, because the video are short, they don't cover it all. Obviously. I suppose sometimes you have to trade depth for brevity, or try to find a healthy balance of the two. I feel like there are sometimes important points missing, but there is always something to take away from the videos. Also, these videos are largely aimed at American Catholic teenagers, so it won't perfectly work for people who don't fit into that category. Still, I think most people would get something.

Okay, that's it for tonight, folks. Look out for more of Sue Recommends every week. Just kidding. Whenever I feel like it, and get down to it, and have time. We'll see. 

Fluency in English is the White Privilege of India

English privilege. We grew up with it. With a much-coveted Convent education, jokes mocking those who spoke ‘broken’ English were too common. ‘On the light’ Ha ha! That’s ‘PUT on the light, or SWITCH on the light!’ ‘I’ll tell to Miss that you are teasing me!” “That’s ‘I’ll TELL Miss’, not ‘tell TO’! Gosh!” But practically everyone in school spoke ‘broken’ English at the beginning, because it was their second language. They came as little four year olds from homes where Marathi or Hindi was spoken, and were whipped (not literally) into English fluency through twelve years at an English medium school.

But I grew up in a home where English WAS our first language, and we prided ourselves on speaking English as well as (or better than) the British. It was a very desired skill. In a culture of humiliation, there was always something for fellow students to put others (and teachers too) down for, accents, ignorance, body size and shape, but mockery for imperfect English was pretty common. I don’t remember any incidents very clearly, but I know I subconsciously felt I was better than other people because I spoke better English, because that was the message I received from the world.

As I grew up I realized it wasn’t just school. Being fluent in English changed everything, opened doors that would have otherwise remained closed, gave us opportunities that most people didn’t have. Fluent English speakers have an edge on the job market, can grasp study material easily, present themselves better, and sound more intelligent and educated. Even socially, fluent English-speakers often band together, and often exclude people who didn't fit in that narrow social class. I've often heard young people talk about 'the wrong kind of crowd', and they're not talking about their morals, but their social class, their culture, and yes, their English. I've seen the divide even in our church community.

I realized as I worked with the underprivileged that the things that came so easily to me didn’t come as easily to everyone else. I could walk into a church or school office, approach someone in authority, and quickly win trust or at least lessen suspicion, and often get the help I needed by fluently and convincingly explaining myself. Even if I wore clothes that were not expensive or ‘upper class’, (in fact I more often look like a college student, with jeans and backpack), my English would convince people that I was someone of importance, someone they probably shouldn’t ignore. Basically, English has snob value.

Of course now there are a lot of people in India who have felt the sting for too long, and are turning the tables, with anger against anyone who is not fluent with the local language. English is simultaneously connected with snob value and an inferiority complex, not surprisingly since it came with the British and their class system and superior attitude towards the ‘natives’.

Still, 70 years later, fluency in English in India is usually equated with intelligence, education, ability, position, trustworthiness, status and often value. I only re-examined these assumptions as an adult, and realized that they were faulty. Slowly over the years I have tried to root out these lies and re-align my mind and behaviour with the truth. What is the truth?

1. English is just a language, a skill. It does not reflect character, intelligence or value.

2. As a language, it is for communication, not a status symbol. If someone with ‘broken’ English can communicate a thought, instruction or idea, then they have successfully used the language as a means to an end.

3. Someone who speaks several languages imperfectly is far more skilled and laudable than someone who speaks ONLY English perfectly (for example, I).

4. But a person’s skills in language or lack thereof can never detract or add to his or her value. Everyone deserves to be treated with the same respect and consideration.

5. Because society at large gives me a privilege and advantage that I don’t deserve, I am responsible for using that privilege for the sake of those who have been deprived of it. ‘From everyone to whom much has been given, much will be required.’

6. English DOES open doors, especially in getting jobs, and a higher education, so whenever possible I should help people pick up that skill.

7. Reading books, articles and blogs, and watching movies and documentaries in English have given me a glimpse of a world outside of my small world, and that is a good thing. Once again, it is a good reason to help especially students with English.

8. The class (and caste) system is so ingrained in people’s minds, that I need to go out of my way to show and remind people that we are equal, that we are brothers and sisters, no matter our background, privilege or social status. Whenever possible, I need to choose the discomfort of speaking the language I am uncomfortable with in order to allow others to speak the language they are comfortable with.

This is one of the most beautiful and enlightening aspects of Christianity. Unfortunately too many Christians have ignored the truth and teachings of Christ and stuck to the status quo, because it protects their privilege. It’s time for us to make a change.

The Chilling Last Scene of The Prestige

Have you watched ‘The Prestige’? I watched it years ago, but it made a strong impression on my mind and heart, and for a while I couldn’t pinpoint why. SPOILER ALERT SERIOUSLY IF YOU ARE PLANNING TO WATCH THIS MOVIE DON’T READ ON. In brief, it was about the rivalry between two stage magicians. One is apparently the protagonist, and you begin to see how he one-ups the antagonist with his tricks, unexplained to us, the audience. You keep waiting for the secret of how he did what he did, but when you reach the end, everything changes in a chilling way, as you realize that the person you thought was the protagonist was actually the villain (sort of). Excellent story-telling.

But here’s the secret of his amazing disappearances and re-appearances. He had once found a way to tap into some mysterious way of cloning himself. (I’m a little hazy on the details of how he did it- using some electrical energy?) Anyway, the chilling part is when you realized that he would clone himself, and mysteriously appear in a different spot, to the wonder of his audience, while he KILLED his original self by dropping into an upright coffin size locked tank of water where he would drown himself. The movie ends with a view of a big room filled with rows and rows of tanks of water with a corpse in each one. Brr.

But what it made me think of was the morality of his action (yup, back to the Catholic INTJ’s mind)- since it was a clone of himself, did he have the right to kill it? Since he created it, couldn’t he also dispose of it?

And of course that comes back to the pro-choice argument- my body, my choice. Of course it’s more complicated in The Prestige, because it seems like almost suicide. Which is of course, the perfect example of ‘my body, my choice’, and which is becoming legal in some places.

For suicide in general, the reason why Catholics do NOT believe it is a valid moral choice is because your life is not really your own. You DIDN’T create yourself, life is a gift loaned to you, and you are not the final arbiter of your own life or death (or anyone else’s). Obviously for many people who do commit suicide, it happened under great mental strain, sometimes brought on by a long struggle with depression. The Church entrusts those people to the Lord, knowing that HE knows. BUT we believe that where there is life there is hope, and no matter how much suffering a person is going through, life is never to be thrown away.

Which brings us to The Prestige and pre-born babies. If it was my act that caused this life to exist in the womb, then is it not my right to dispose of it as I wish? But of course, that comes from a warped idea of personhood, or seeing other persons merely as a means to some kind of end, or their value only connected to the way they affect one’s own life. The Prestige protagonist created life and destroyed life (even his own) just as if human life was any other kind of resource.

But the Catholic perspective is that there IS something different about a human life. We are not just resources. Every life is precious, valuable, whether or not it is ‘wanted’ by the co-creators, which is all parents really are. Every ugly and cruel society comes from forgetting this basic truth. Think of the Holocaust, or any other genocide, the child soldiers of Africa, sex slavery, even colonialism. It comes from the evil of forgetting the worth, the unrepeatable value of every human being, and choosing to use them, abuse them or dispose of them, according to the perceived way they affect one’s own life.

The Prestige reminded me of how common that worldview is, and how chilling.

The Day I Realized I Was Old

Hardly a day goes by when I don’t mention my age to someone. Thirty-one is significant enough that it seems to warrant a great many mentions. And yet, with my lucky genes that make me look about ten years younger, I JOKE about old age, but quite comfortably feel young, dress young, and assume most people think I’m young.

But the moment of truth unhappily arrived two days ago. I was on my annual family vacation in the hills, and the mango tree of my childhood called temptingly to both my very energetic nieces.  With a loop of rope attached to a branch, a hoist up by a ten year old second cousin, and they very smoothly swung themselves on to it. They were regularly spotted perched up in the tree.

“Ah, tree-climbing is the best! I think I might try it again.” I’ve been a tree-climber from the age of five, and have spent many happy hours up a tree. I had climbed trees as an adult too, and was quite pleased with myself when other people oohed and aahed at my skill. I had climbed the selfsame mango tree not long before, I thought. Maybe a couple of years ago? Or perhaps five or six years ago? I don’t really remember, I’ve been an adult so long, the years roll into each other.

I approached the tree confidently as the children welcomed me. But something seemed wrong. I feel like the tree seemed larger than it did a few years ago. Wasn’t it supposed to work the other way round? “I’ve done this heaps of times. Piece o’ cake.” But where do I put my foot? There seemed to be no foothold anywhere close by.

My ten-year-old second cousin, a solid little boy, offered me a foothold of his looped hands. Eh, that should work. I’m pretty light. Just hold still, Mikey.

Crash! I brought him down with my tiny frame. Okay, maybe not. Now what? I gazed at the tree, not wanting to give up that easily. Perhaps I could grab the rope and swing my legs up like my niece had?

There are some things in life one just KNOWS. And I KNEW that I did not have the arm strength, body strength, or general flexibility to pull that off. I have never regularly exercised in my life, never lifted weights, and yet have managed most physical exertion fairly easily. I knew I wasn’t fit, but I never felt really UNFIT until that day. (Apart from being winded the other day after just two dances at a wedding.)

My younger brother decided to cheer me on and tell me I could do it. He just couldn’t understand my SURENESS about what I could not do. Probably because he is a mere 25 years of age. He finally gave me a hoist up. I grabbed the branch, and clung for dear life to it. “Aah! I can’t do it! I can’t do this! I’m stuck!” “Are you joking? You’re joking, right?” asked my brother. That’s the problem with regularly being over-dramatic about everything.  I assured him about my seriousness about my dilemma by continuing to scream. He finally pushed me up. Not the most graceful moment for someone who tries to avoid awkward situations.

Somehow I got my legs up. Is the same body I’ve owned my entire life? Why won’t it do what I want it to do? I enjoyed my brief moment of glory up in the tree, but couldn’t get any higher than the first fork in the branches. “Angle the camera so I look like I’m higher up!” And then of course, I had to face the descent. How bad could that be? I’m 5’4” and it was probably only a foot more than that. But once again, I was immobilized by fear. I just knew that hanging from the branch by my arms and then dropping was going to be useless because of the aforesaid lack of arm strength. But I had no option. After playing it all out in my head several times, I finally did it, scratched my hands and landed on the ground safely.

I suppose now is when I should seriously start thinking of Couch to 5k, or Zumba, or not sitting on my butt all the time. Or I could just blog about my deteriorating strength. I guess you know which option I’ve chosen today. Welcome, old age. 

What Not To Say in Confession: An Open Letter to Priests

Dear Father,

Thank you! Thank you for saying yes to Jesus, and to His call. We live in a world hungry for grace, and we receive that in the sacraments, that YOU give us.

We know that there are many Catholics who don't make it to Confession very often. Confession is one of those things that people either think is super cool, or super weird. For many of us, we understand that Jesus is giving us the great gift of speaking our sins out loud, physically and spiritually dumping them into His hands, and then receiving the free gift of forgiveness- through YOU. How cool is it that as you say the words "I absolve you of your sins...", it is really Jesus speaking through you.

I have been blessed by the grace of Confession many, many times in my life. I have often been in a pit, feeling low, lost, negative and dispirited, but after going to Confession... SOMETHING changes. There is a lightness, a new hope. Grace touches my soul. And I begin again.

However, as someone who has been to many, many Confessions over the 31 years of my existence, I've noticed some trends that I thought I would point out. I've heard the Church call for dialogue, and priests and bishops who want to hear back from the laity. So this is me responding.

So, Father, can I ask you, please, not to say or do these things?

1. "Don't be so hard on yourself." Actually I'm not being hard on myself, I just have a pretty good awareness of how I'm messing up. I'm honest. Don't mistake that for scrupulosity. Or even humility. Believe me when I say I've sinned. That's why I'm at Confession. I actually said that to a priest once. "No Father I'm not being too hard on myself. I don't even try very hard to do things differently." "Oh," he said and thought for a moment. "Well then, try harder." "Thank you!" I said, relieved. Thank you for believing me, and saying what I needed to hear.

2. "That's not really a sin." Well, the Church says it is. Or if God has asked me to do something, and I've refused him (whether it's praying for an hour every day or going for daily Mass), then that's a sin. Don't minimize or dismiss my sins because they are not the same as other people's sins. I've started preparing a little speech about why my sins are really sins because this happens so often. "Yes I knew what God was asking of me, and I chose to do something else. I had an option, it was not impossible, but I ignored the grace that Jesus offered."

3. "If you really loved Jesus, you wouldn't sin." Well, Father, I guess I don't love Jesus enough, but I'm trying. And I want to. Please don't make me feel bad about the fact that my love is imperfect and weak. Or that my sin means I don't have a relationship with Jesus, or have never had a real encounter with Him. I once quoted Saint Paul to a priest who said this- "For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." (Romans 7: 18-19)

4. "Don't focus on your sins. Focus on God's love." The REASON I'm at Confession right now is BECAUSE of my sins. Yes, it is unhealthy to be constantly focussing on my own sins. However, I NEED to acknowledge the weight and ugliness of my sins in order to fully receive the mercy of God. And Confession is exactly the place to do it. I need to say them out loud, and I need to say how many times. It is so much easier just to gloss over them, or be vague about them, or rush through them. But that may not be what I need. If I don't accept how bad the bad news is, I'll never believe how good the good news is.

5. "Didn't you come for Confession just two days ago?" Yes, Father, and I messed up after that, which is why I'm back here. Similarly, "You take us priests for granted by coming so often for Confession." Jesus said seventy times seven, so I'm taking Him at His word. You get to be Jesus. That's what "in persona Christi" means. Pope Francis said "God never tires of forgiving us, it is we who get tired of asking for forgiveness." Father, we need to know that it's okay for us to come back EVERY time we fall. If we were not trying to change, we wouldn't be coming back to Confession.

6. "You're coming to Confession after 30 years?? How dare you?" Father, the correct response when someone comes back to Confession after years of being away is "Praise God!" If the angels are rejoicing in heaven, perhaps we humans can allow ourselves to as well. Pope Francis said, "I want to remind priests that the confessional must not be a torture chamber but rather an encounter with the Lord’s mercy which spurs us on to do our best."

7. "We don't hear Confessions at this time/place." You are holding in your priestly hands a valuable treasure- the gift of forgiveness, mercy, and reconciliation. How can you refuse to give that to those who need it? Of course, there are some times when it's just not possible. But if it IS, thank God, and make yourself available. I once made my Confession in a car at an airport parking area just before an international flight. A friend in the States who was about to get on a flight, realized she needed to go to Confession, and just happened to see a priest at a pharmacy. She approached him, and he agreed to hear her Confession. Who knows what courage it took the penitent to finally approach you? How could you risk turning this soul away from God? There is NOTHING more important, except perhaps Mass. No administration work, meeting, or meal can be more important. (IMHO :-D)

Instead, could you do/say these things?

1. Welcome the penitent with eye contact and a smile. Sinners are returning to God! Rejoice! Make them feel welcome, and at home with you. How would Jesus receive a penitent sinner? Perhaps not impersonally or in a clinical manner.

2. Tell them "Thank you for that beautiful confession." Let them truly feel like they encountered mercy.

3. Tell your parishioners "I'm available whenever you need me for Confession. Just text or call me, and we can set it up." What a beautiful gift! I know priests who do that. What a gift and witness they are!

4. Have a regular weekly time when Confession is available at the parish, and make announcements again and again so people know. Come early to daily Mass, and tell parishioners you are available for Confession. Make it easily accessible.

4. Don't rush them. Let them say everything they need to say. Ask "Anything else?" and wait. One of my friends experienced a profound conversion because a priest asked her, "Is there ANYTHING else you need to confess or talk about?" and she shared a heavy load with him... which she would never have done if he hadn't asked.

5. Um, and also allow them to say the Act of Contrition aloud. Most priests I know don't, and I'm pretty sure we're supposed to.

Also, did I say thank you? Many, many souls have experienced their deepest moments of grace and conversion in this beautiful sacrament. "With great power comes great responsibility."

I'm praying for you!

Sue

Rad-Trads, Liberals, and Finding Balance in the Catholic Church

I once wrote a tongue-in-cheek blog post about Catholic Camps, people who identify themselves as liberals or traditionalists. My views haven't changed, but once again I've been thinking more about this topic. It seems like most Catholics fall into one or other extreme, and lose track of the holy balance God is calling us to. Why does it worry me? Because both sides can lead others astray, and both have loud voices and influence on the faith of simple uncatechized Catholics, and people joining the Church, who don't know what to think. And it seems like leaders of both extremes are leading their flocks astray.

Why I'm Concerned About RadTrads/Catholic Fundamentalists*:

Many traditionalists seem to live a life of fear and suspicion. They see the devil hiding behind everything that isn't explicitly Catholic. It seems like nothing is morally neutral to them. If it isn't explicitly for God, it is for the devil. If the Church has left something to the prudential judgment of the faithful, leaders in this movement will come up with a more black and white ruling.

Life seems to be one big death trap. They are very concerned about the truth, but often at the expense of love. Some live in the past, seeing danger in modernity. Many see the salvation of the world as inextricably tied up with beautiful liturgy, as if Jesus came to this world solely to give us a beautiful Mass. So often it seems like they are legalistic, concerned more with winning an argument than winning a soul. One of the worst trends I've seen is of Francis-bashers- so called faithful Catholics who literally consider themselves more Catholic than the Pope. There are entire websites and blogs devoted to bashing Pope Francis. Often people with this extreme worldview spend a lot of time writing and blogging and nitpicking about everything. They often see apologetics as their mission, their sole way of evangelizing. Also, they seem to be very contemptuous of liberal/progressive Christians. I've seen a LOT of name-calling, and uncharitable behaviour.

Radtrads are very suspicious of anything that sounds or looks Protestant, as if there is nothing good that can come from a non-Catholic Christian church. (We can't sing that hymn in church, a Protestant wrote it! Praise and worship? No thank you, Adoration seems more Catholic. Accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour? That sounds too Protestant to me.)

Strangely enough, overlapping with the radtrads are the Catholic fundamentalists, very influenced by their Protestant counterparts. Many of them are stridently pro-Trump. Like Christian fundamentalists, they are overly focussed on outward appearances, very specific rules about modesty are often found here. They send a lot of Whatsapp forwards quoting exorcists about the devil's latest way to get you (Halloween and Harry Potter), don't believe anything that the mainstream media reports, and believe everything that the conservative media or conservative commentators on FB do (even WHEN IT'S ALL IN CAPS). They also love conspiracy theories.

You often know radtrads more for what they disapprove of than what they love, and they can be hard to identify with or talk to.

Why I'm Concerned About Liberal or 'Progressive' Catholics*:

Liberals swing far far to the other extreme of radtrads. Practically everything goes (except authentic Christian doctrine). In India, we have many very liberal priests, religious, theologians, and seminaries. These are the guys teaching seminarians that the Church's perspective is just one of many perspectives to be considered. And when that foundation goes, so does everything else. Many liberal Catholics seem very angry with the Church. Down with the patriarchy, they cry! God is Father and Mother! Never mind what Jesus said. Women priests! It's only a matter of time. Yoga? Great idea! Let's build retreat houses and spiritual formation based on yoga. What are you worried about?

Liberals will rarely seriously consider that Satan is not just a concept, but a person. The only evil is ignorance, they say. And down that slippery slope they fall, some seminarians studying other religions, and joining them. The fact of new age practices leading to spiritual oppression or possession is ignored or disbelieved. The spiritual aspect of the Church's mission is all but dismissed. Our mission is to build a society of justice and peace, bring the Kingdom of God through eradication of poverty, and empowerment of women. Evangelization is a dirty word. The world needs a Kingdom of love, but we don't think they need a King. Anyway, Jesus is hidden in every religion, so really what's the point in evangelizing.

Liberals are very 'liturgically innovative' as I like to phrase it. The Mass as it is is just not good enough for them. "For the Sign of Peace, let us turn to our neighbour, take their hand, trace a cross on it and say 'Jesus loves you'." "I can't just make a sign of peace, Father?" "For the Communion Rite, we will pass the Communion bowl around, and everyone just pick up your own Communion." "Aargh, Father, liturgical abuse!!" "For the first reading, we will take a passage of St. Ignatius' writings as it is his feast." "That is NOT okay, Father!" Liberals see the half-asleep state of many Catholics, and their solution is to make the Mass 'creative', 'lively', and 'interactive'.

Liberals are a little bit obsessed with the environment. A friend of mine went on a Lenten retreat a few years ago during Holy Week. I asked her what the theme was, and she said it was all about the environment. Not sin and salvation? Not repentance? Not dying with Christ, so that we can live with Him? Nope. The environment. The culminating activity was going out and planting trees.

Liberals seem to be as contemptuous of traditionalists, as traditionalists are of them. Sometimes I think of liberals and traditionalists as opposing personality types- the type who love rules and structure and black and white, and the rebels who love pushing boundaries, and struggle with authority. Interestingly enough, I've met both liberals and traditionalists who are equally skeptical of the Charismatic renewal. Then again, I've found Charismatics who have fallen into errors of both extremes.

So how do we find balance between these two extremes?

There is just one answer: Faithfulness. Be faithful to what Jesus has already given us! Read the Catechism and the documents if you're not sure. Don't add, and don't take away. Pray, study, and be humble. Jesus loves you, and has promised to keep His Church free from error (in teaching, not in the individual morality of each of Her members). If you trust Him, trust His Church. This practically means:

1. Don't condemn practices that the Church has not condemned. However, study what the Church DOES say on the topic, and share that with others.

2. Don't support or advocate or excuse practices which the Church has specifically rejected or condemned. The Church is usually very careful about what it rejects, and has a ton of reasoning for why it does so.

3. Follow ALL of the Church's teachings and disciplines- including the ones on contraception, care for the environment, avoidance of New Age practices, care for the poor, Lenten fasts, etc. Why is THAT particular teaching important? Look it up. Don't just dismiss it because you don't think it's important.

4. Listen to what the Pope is saying, even if it's not about your pet topics, or the topics you think he SHOULD be speaking about. Ask God for the heart of one willing to be taught.

5. Be charitable with those you disagree with whether online or off. Assume the best motives, even while you patiently correct, rebuke and encourage. And stop reading blogs or watching videos that are overly negative, uncharitable or reactionary.

6. Love and treasure the truths and sacraments of the Church, but don't be scared to learn from non-Catholic Christians. Ecumenism is not a bad word.

7. Please, please don't mess with the Mass! 'The priest must remember that he is the servant of the sacred Liturgy and that he himself is not permitted, on his own initiative, to add, to remove, or to change anything in the celebration of Mass.' General Instruction on the Roman Missal. Fix these words in your heart! The Mass is already awesome, we need to enter into that, not change it to make it something else.

8. On matters that are not clearly defined by the Church, pray and make a prudential decision for you and your family. And don't judge or condemn Catholics who made a different decision.

9. Be known as much as for your love as for your willingness to stand up for the truth.

In other words, if God has called you to be Catholic, BE CATHOLIC!

*This is not specifically about YOU. I've met many people who fit into these categories. If the cap fits, wear it. If it doesn't, pray for those whom it does.

Further Reading

The Two Most Revolutionary Verses in the Bible - Peter Kreeft

Excerpt: The strong point of conservatives is that they conserve. They are faithful. They keep the faith. They are anchored in the faith. Their weak point is that they tend to be pugnacious and angry and graceless and merciless and loveless.

The strong point of liberals is their soft heart, their compassion. Their weak point is their soft head, their lack of principles, faith, fidelity, and anchors. They are strong on mercy, but weak on justice and on objective and unchanging moral principles—strong on love but weak on truth.

The Trouble with Yoga- Catholic Answers

Excerpt: Should you take up yoga? As a spiritual path, yoga is incompatible with Christian spirituality. But if you can separate the spiritual/meditational aspects of yoga from the body postures and breathing techniques common to yoga, then you might be able to use those postures and techniques beneficially for health. If you’re at all unsure of your ability to do so, you may well be advised to find another form of exercise.

I Used to Be Anti-Harry Potter

Excerpt: As Catholics, we DO believe in black and white, but also that there are also a great deal of matters which are not so clear, which the Church has NOT clearly condemned or approved, and which need prudence, and wisdom, and healthy discussions in order to choose how to approach.

The tendency is either to be overly fearful (everything that is not explicitly Christian is evil!) or to be overly lax (no censorship at any cost, children have to learn to deal with anything that is out there), or even naive (how much will it really influence them?)

Nitpicky Church Rules

Excerpt: There is grace in humility and obedience. That doesn't mean blind faith or blind obedience-just doing stuff because anyone says so. But it means taking seriously the faith I profess- I am no longer my own, I belong to Jesus. Trusting God has to mean something.

When I Get Tired of Being Catholic

Excerpt: I dream of a day when I can go to Mass and hear solid, challenging, truth-filled homilies, where our pastors are visibly 'other Christs', in their humility, wisdom and love, treating parishioners as coworkers in the Kingdom, not inferiors, where the hymns radiate beauty and lift our hearts to heaven, where parishioners are DISCIPLES first, whose love for one another is visible, who welcome the outsider with open arms, whose priority is service to the poor and mission.