My sister got married last year, my brother and a bunch of cousins in the past four years, I've been a bridesmaid seven times, and I'm getting married in four months, so obviously I am an expert on wedding planning. Not. But I'm here to share some great tips, that will give you an insight into the wonderful world of wedding-planning.
1. It's not like Hollywood. Actually, that goes for everything about life, but especially romance, marriage, wedding planning and weddings. For some reason, my entire life I thought wedding planning was this dreamy, magical activity where a normal woman becomes a BRIDE-TO-BE, and is surrounded by a sparkly glamour as she shops and picks out colors and tastes cake. But.... There are no soundtracks. It's not magical. It's not everything you ever dreamed of. It's just life. Sorry for the false expectations. It's your own fault for watching too many cheesy rom-coms.
Pro tip: Stop comparing your life with the movies, and just enjoy the normalcy of everyday magic.
2. Wedding planning is really just organizing and planning a very big event. I totally understand why rich people have wedding planners, because not everybody has the time or the skill or the inclination to actually plan a huge event. Yes, at the heart of a Catholic wedding is the sacrament which IS magical and awesome, but mostly everything else around it is a big event. This can be overwhelming if you've never planned a huge event before, and sometimes it means you don't even know where to start and how to answer every second person who asks you "How's wedding planning going?"
Pro tip: Start planning early enough so that there is room to make mistakes and fix them.
3. It's all about everybody else. I used to state very confidently to my sister that *I* was going to have an unconventional small wedding that was going to be tailored to be fun and it didn't matter what everyone else thought I should do. Well, she had the last laugh as it turns out that weddings ARE largely about what works for everyone else, and it's a big fat lie that 'it's all about the bride' or 'it's all about the couple', or 'it's YOUR day'. I have seen every single bride-to-be across cultures and countries having a version of this conversation with her mother:
Bride (in tears): But I want it this way! Isn't it supposed to be MY wedding day?
Mother: It's not all about you! You have to consider what the guests will want and like and expect.
It's easier to move forward when you accept that fact and that everything is not going to be exactly the way you would have preferred.
Pro tip: Tell yourself it's the marriage, not the wedding that is the goal you're moving towards
4. Weddings are not worth losing your peace over. Actually, nothing is worth losing your peace over. I'd like a pretty, aesthetically pleasing wedding, with a beautiful liturgy, and everything well organized and planned beforehand. I want everyone else to be relaxed and pleased with my choices. But I don't want any of that so much that I'm gong to lose my peace over not getting it. That doesn't mean I don't have temptations to lose my peace, but I have to make the deliberate choice every time something comes up to say a prayer and remind myself to chill out because it's all going to work out one way or another in the end.
Pro tip: Don't forget to spend time in quiet prayer every day. Helps with perspective.
Pro tip: Don't make your guest list decisions based on who expects to be there, because that's a losing battle.
6. Wedding planning is a great way to get to know your fiancé better. Is your fiancé a control freak? Do either of you struggle with anxiety and tend to micromanage things? Is he disorganized? Does she procrastinate? Do you both have very different taste in music and colors? Does one insist on their own way every time? Does she cry over stupid things? Does she like to consult her entire friends' network before any decision? Does he refuse to consult anyone before making a decision? How do you each feel about excel sheets and budgeting?
Wedding planning is when you find out those things. This is, by the way, a good thing, because you need to love and accept this person with their weaknesses and struggles and blind spots, and learn to communicate and compromise and call each other on to holiness, and you can't do that if you don't get to know each other well. But wedding planning can also be a great time to discover you LIKE working on projects with your sweetheart, and that you have fun doing things together - something kind of important if you're planning to spend your life together.
Pro tip: Make sure you're doing MARRIAGE prep during engagement, and working on communication, conflict resolution, etc. It actually helps with wedding prep too!
7. Relationships are the most important part of wedding planning. If you're happy about getting married to your fiance, then all of the trouble is worth it. It's about this person. [REMINDER: You should be DELIGHTED when you think about marrying your fiance. If you're not, you're cheating yourself and the other person.] Old and new friends show up to offer help, and that is a beautiful part of this time. Family steps up and takes on different responsibilities. Everyone in your life who bumps into you is SO HAPPY for you. Your parents reflect with you about God's goodness and faithfulness in answering prayers. You make sure you have shared your news with everyone who has been important in your life. The outfits and decor and food and theme are not as important as these relationships.
Pro tip: Take time to hang out with family and friends and fiancé and enjoy their company as you get ready to transition into a new stage of your life, even if it means less than perfect wedding details.
I still have a few months left, and a lot more to learn. Any wedding planning insights or tips you would add?
Related Reading
The Strange Effect Weddings Have on Me
When Your Facebook Feed Explodes with Weddings
The Tale of the Free Wedding Dress
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