Monday, 19 May 2014

More Awkwardness

On Answering the Phone

This is me, when my phone rings.


Like Jordan in the video, "Oh no! My day is ruined! It was going so well before you called me and brought out all my insecurities and now I feel like an idiot! THANK you!" (Well, maybe not that bad, but close.)

Ignore it for a while, and hopes that it stops, and that the person on the other end changed their mind.

Try to think of good reasons why I don't need to answer.

Put phone on silent and leaves it lying around, so I won't even know when it rings.

If it's a number I don't know, I assume it's a wrong number, and also that if it's important enough, the person will text me. (What, isn't that normal?)

When I DO have to answer it, I use my perfected method of keeping to business, and smoothly ending the conversation ASAP!

"So, yeah, anyway, got to go, see ya, bye." Hang up with a giant sigh of relief.

On Hugging

When I have the choice, and I don't know the person well, I just don't. No hug is better than fake hug.

It's not that I don't like hugs. I just prefer REAL hugs. So if I don't know the person well enough for a real hug, but they expect me to hug them anyway... I fake it. And following the phone rule, get out of it ASAP.

Actually, this is my rule for all awkward situations: FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. (Says Sue of 'Keeping It Real' fame.)

Sending the Text to the Wrong Person

Thank the LORD this has not happened to me. However, it HAS happened to my brother more than once. And my over sensitive awkwardness phobia meter goes off the charts every time I even think of what happened, and I'M the one going "NO PLEASE GOD NO PLEASE BRING IT BACK NO NO NO WHYYYYY?"

I have often speculated on how horrible it would be to play a nasty prank on someone you know well where you got into their phone, and switched the numbers of their closest friend with the person they had a crush on. OHMYGOSH THE POTENTIAL AWKWARDNESS! I even stop a moment before I send texts like that, to contemplate how horrible it would be if it went to the wrong person.

Having to Ask What Someone Said the Second Time

I have mastered the art of noncommittally agreeing the second or third time I need someone to repeat something. I listen to the tone of their voice, judge whether it seemed like something I NEEDED to know, guess what they most likely said, and then "Mm- hmm" at them. I have occasionally had to be honest and admit I didn't hear, but usually it's just not worth it to keep asking. "What?" "Huh?" "What was that?" "You did what?" This only does not work if the person said completely unexpected things in a matter of fact tone, and you find yourself agreeing to something that you did NOT plan to.

Actually, I'm usually the mumbler, getting frustrated that people keep asking me "What? What?" As I keep mumbling answers back at them, I'm yelling 'WHAT ARE YOU, DEAF?' in my head. Yeah, this usually happens when I'm really tired.

Thankfully Indians don't have the toilet paper awkwardness situation. We do however have the same problem with the absence of running water, a mug and soap. This is why I don't use bathrooms outside my home. :-)

Actually, over the years I have learned how to deal with most potentially awkward situations where they don't rattle me anymore. However, sometimes horribly awkward situations just come out of nowhere and hit me over the head when I least expect it. One of them happened last week. I was at a wedding reception of a couple I didn't know well, with a family and culture very different from mine. The reception hall was basically a dim room with disco lights and deafening club music playing. I was also with the only white people in the room sitting on a sofa, and being stared at by all the other guests. No, that wasn't the awkward part.

The awkward part happened when the groom decided that there should be some 'couple dancing'... and when no one was getting up, shouted my name on the mic, forcing me to get up and dance with one of my American friends. COUPLE DANCE. TO CLUB MUSIC. (My rhythmic soul screamed 'Kill me now!') While multiple guests TOOK PHOTOS AND VIDEOS of my humiliation.

Oh awkwardness, my arch enemy. You won that round.


  1. Shoot me if i'm wrong, but you are a master at getting yourself into an awkward situation.