Wedding Stories, Tips and Advice

Once again (or it never  really stopped), it seems like everyone is getting married. If they're not getting married, their relatives are pressuring them to get married. If they are already married, they are related to or friends with someone who is getting married. Life is weddings. I'm very glad my Year of The Wedding is over, but I've recently talked to many young women who are in their own Year of the Wedding, so I may as well share some thoughts. Well, first read the posts I already wrote - Seven Things I Have Learned about Wedding Planning, The Secret to a Peaceful Bride and When Your Facebook Feed Explodes with Weddings. Oh, and a couple of cool wedding dress stories - God Designed My Wedding Dress and The Tale of the Free Wedding Dress.

----1----

A wedding is literally just one day in your life.

Okay for some people, it's a week or more of events, but my point is, it really is not everything it's hyped up to be. It really doesn't have to be a perfect day, or the most beautiful day of your life, or everything you've ever dreamed of. (Maybe you need other dreams?) Don't set yourself up for disappointment. That way, if it's a fun, happy day, you'll be pleasantly surprised, and if everything goes wrong and everyone is mad at you for different reasons, you can shrug your shoulders and say, "Oh well, it will soon be just a distant memory."

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Be a rebel when it comes to choosing your marriage partner and the details of your life together, but be ready for compromise when it comes to the wedding details. 

A marriage is for a lifetime, the wedding is just for a day. It doesn't matter if the wedding is less than perfect when you are happy with your choice of marriage partner. On the other hand, the most perfect wedding cannot make up for a spouse you are unsure of, uncomfortable with, or unhappy about marrying. Social approval will not make or break your marriage, so don't get married for the wrong reasons. In India, many young people are pressured to choose a marriage partner after just a few meetings. You need to rebel! This is not a wise way to make the biggest decision of your life! You need to push back, and demand enough time to really get to know the person and be sure that you want to marry him or her. The wedding details on the other hand are really not that big a deal. Don't sweat the small stuff.

----3----

A wedding is a good time to learn how to set boundaries.

Yes, I've promised a boundaries post that I haven't written yet. But here is how that might work during a wedding - together with your spouse, decide what you want to insist on, and what you are willing to compromise on. Communicate those things clearly and kindly with your family members. Don't let people manipulate you and pressure you. Don't let 'But what will people say?' influence all your decisions. You might compromise on some things because they are important to your parents or in-laws, but you do not need to make all your decisions based on every single family member's opinions. Not everyone has equal weight in decision-making. (Whoever is paying for the wedding will have a little more weight.) And if people get unreasonably mad at you, don't let their emotions control yours. Tell them, "I'm sorry you feel that way, and it was not my intention to hurt your feelings, but it is my wedding and perhaps we need to agree to disagree." Make sure they know you value the relationship, and then let it go.

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If possible, try to have an eco-friendly wedding.

I didn't want thermocol confetti at my wedding. Thermocol is horrible for the environment, and yet is remains a prominent part of many Indian Catholic weddings and events from the confetti to the backdrop. We used shredded marigolds instead, which is apparently not unusual in India. I would suggest rose petals instead though, because the marigolds hit a little too hard, got into my hair, dress and mouth and was not the most pleasant of confetti experiences. One of my cousins did bubbles which was very pretty too. I also requested that we did not have little plastic bottles of water for every guest - what an unnecessary and excessive usage of plastic. I hoped for big water dispensers where people could fill up when they wanted water instead, but in the end our wedding was so chaotic I don't even know if there was water available. Fire crackers are just painful to the ears and create air pollution, so that's another tradition that needs to go. Check with your venue and caterers what eco-friendly options they have in place.

----5----

You don't need to spend all your money on a wedding.

You definitely don't need to get into debt for a wedding. Figure out how much money you both have to spend on the wedding, and budget accordingly. Find ways to save money. Not all traditions need to carry on. Instead of buying outfits for every extended family member, get a small meaningful gift and card instead (unless it's immediate family members and they can't afford a new outfit, and you have the money). Dowry or expected 'gifts' needs to be a thing of the past! Put your foot down! Trousseau shopping can be expensive too - get what your need, not fifteen sarees you're rarely going to wear. Why does getting married mean yo have to be decked out in fancy clothes for the next year? A neighbour told my mum that she has huge quantities of silk sarees from her wedding she never wears now.

You don't need lavish innovations at the reception to make your wedding memorable. Be creative, and find ways to create your own decorations or cake or centrepieces. For my sister's wedding, we made paper lanterns to hang everywhere. For my other sister's wedding, with a Wedding at Cana theme, my brother and sister-in-law created a chuppah to hang over the cake - inexpensive and beautiful. You don't have to invite the whole village, or every person you have ever met or who wishes you well. You don't have to have a lavish buffet. Choose nice over lavish.

Chuppah

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A honeymoon doesn't have to be at an exotic location.

It's not about the sights or the adventures. A honeymoon is about the two of you, and a chance to be together, alone! You don't need o go abroad or spend huge amounts of money on a honeymoon you can tell people about. We were perfectly happy with our honeymoon in Coonoor - the weather, the food and the natural beauty were perfect, and we did our own thing, moved at our own pace, rented a bike to explore, and enjoyed our honeymoon a hundred times more than our wedding.

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Don't forget to get photos with the important people.

Although a wedding shouldn't revolve around the photographer, it is nice to have memories especially of people who traveled far to be there for your wedding, or of your whole extended family who may not always get together except at weddings. That is one regret I had from my wedding, that we didn't manage to get photos with the whole family, and many of my friends who I only manged to meet very briefly.

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Assign someone to feed the bride and groom.

In India, the bride and groom and their families eat last, after everyone else has eaten and even left. But I learned the hard way that when you don't eat, everything else gets a lot harder. Towards the end of the reception, I was exhausted and I did't realize it, but I was also hungry. I burst into tears, and told Joel I was done and I wanted to leave and go to sleep. But he pointed at the tables that were set out for the family to eat, and told me we couldn't leave yet. "I don't want to eat. I'm too tired to care about food."Yet, I had to sit. He was hungry, and I nibbled at the food, which turned out to be really tasty (one thing that didn't go wrong). After getting some food into my stomach, I suddenly felt better and realized the world wasn't such a terrible place and perhaps I could last another half an hour.

Wedding food!

-----9-----

If you are a relative or friend of the bride and groom, be merciful and let go of your expectations.

I was extremely grateful for all my family and guests who traveled to a new place for the wedding, had to make plenty of adjustments, hardly got to see or talk to me at all, and still extended nothing but love towards me. They realized how stressful the day must be for the bride and groom, and didn't place any expectations on us at all. In fact, no one even told me when things were going wrong, but they just took care of any problems that came up, socialized and had fun with each other, and came willing to be pleased. I can only hope that I will be that gracious at all weddings I go to. Too many people in India think that the wedding is about them, and that they need to be honoured or paid attention to. Blessed are those who do not take offence easily!

-----10-----

Plan a few little elements of your wedding that are just for you and your new spouse.

Bring aware that you are going to have to compromise on a lot, and a lot of things are going to go wrong, if you can, reserve a few small elements that you know will give you joy. One of mine was choosing the 'Stars on 45' track as our wedding march song - a song my dad used to regularly play for us when we were kids, and was a familiar and beloved tune in the midst of an unfamiliar and crazy day. The other thing was planning a small party after the wedding where dancing was the centre of the evening as Joel and I love to jive together, and we knew it wouldn't be a major element of our actual reception.

Alright guys, that's all! Do you have any wedding tips for people beginning to stress out about their upcoming weddings?

The Wedding Chronicles: The Secret to a Peaceful Bride

I don't really like weddings. Well, in theory they sound exciting and fun, but in reality they're usually overwhelming and just too much... and that's just as a guest. If you ask a bride and groom to be honest about the wedding, it's much worse. All that planning and organization, all the expectations thrown at you by everybody, all the people to meet and greet and take care of, all the little details that can go wrong... it's a recipe for anxiety.

I was worried about the wedding from the beginning. "What if I don't sleep well the night before? I know what a mess I am when I'm tired. How do I smile for 700 guests and the photographer? I can't smile on demand. How do I even relate to 700 people? How do introverts survive their own weddings?"

Many months before Joel and I had prayed about it, and I felt the Lord asking me to surrender having the wedding in my own hometown, and having it in Joel's village instead. There were a variety of reasons, but in the end, the Lord told me clearly to give up my attachments to my plan.

The week before the wedding I read a bible passage during my prayer time:

Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 12: 24-25

I love my comfort zone, doing things the safe way, the predictable way. But God was telling me again that if I wanted to grow, to be fruitful, to be happy,  I had to stop clinging to comfort and to safety and to the things that I thought would make me safe and happy, and allow HIM to be in charge of both my peace and my happiness.

We had a crazy wedding day. There were completely unexpected heavy rains in the weeks leading up to the wedding, and despite the prayers, it rained heavily the day before the wedding. There was no alternate reception venue indoors because of the numbers, so we stuck to the grounds where we originally planned to have it, but large parts of the ground were marshy and wet. The weather was sweltering and humid. I was mopping up sweat under my veil during the Mass.

The priests didn't enter as we expected, so our entrance hymn which we both had looked forward to was cancelled. Our caterer and decorator turned out to be inept and messed up most of the things we asked him to take care of. The centerpieces I planned didn't happen, there were no fairy lights, the stage was rickety, people toasted us in plastic cups, the sound stopped working intermittently. I could go on, but I should stop.

In the midst of all this chaos, was I an anxious, angry wreck? Praise be to God, we were both happy and peaceful. It was the Miracle of the Wedding at Vasai.

Because of an attitude of abandonment and trust, we prayed our way through every struggle that came up. The day before the wedding we were not supposed to see each other, and in fact, were supposed to remain in our respective homes. Instead, Joel and I together with my maid of honour headed out for Confession, spent time at an Adoration chapel, and had lunch together. In the evening after the wedding rehearsal, we had a time of quiet prayer with some of our family and friends in Adoration.

Fr. Jacques Philippe says, ''Any reasons to lose your peace are bad reasons."

Though so many things went wrong that day, I received so many gifts I would have missed if I had been anxious or controlling.

- There was peace and perfect harmony between Joel and me and our immediate families throughout.

- I slept NINE hours the night before the wedding and was peaceful and relaxed even when I kept hearing about things going wrong. In fact, Joel had left me a letter to be opened IN CASE I felt anxious... and I didn't need to open it at all.

- The church looked beautiful and was packed. One of my desires was that I had a full church at my wedding, in opposition to the common practice many guests have of skipping the wedding Mass and coming for the reception.

- My sweet bridegroom actually did cry as I walked up the aisle to him. He said he was able to fully enter into the liturgy and received a lot, which was one of our prayers beforehand.

- So many of my friends and family travelled all the way (some from out of the country) to be with me on this important day, and even though I couldn't spend much time with most of them, it blessed my heart that they loved me enough to be present.

- In the moments of realizing the imperfections around me, and beginning to get stressed out, the Lord sent me my little niece who stuck to me through most of the reception.

- We had some fun moments with the wedding march and a group dance we call the Belgian dance that lots of guests joined in.

- There were many touches of beauty that soothed my heart - my aunt put together gorgeous bouquets, my mum created the wedding cake, the stage backdrop was exactly what I asked for, my bridesmaids'outfits that I had envisioned looked beautiful (I had picked very unusual outfits for them so I wasn't sure how it would all work), my hair and makeup done by my cousin and friend survived the humidity, and of course you read about the dress.

By the end of the reception though, I was hungry, tired, and totally done. I actually burst into tears and told my new husband I wanted to go home. The next morning we had to go for 7 am Mass (I was dressed in the traditional shalu) and then there was a bangle ceremony at his home. I was exhausted, but I made it through all the traditions and expectations (a very toned down version of typical weddings in his culture).

A few days later we returned to Pune for a small party with my family and some friends, and my cousins and friends went out of their way to make sure the party was beautifully decorated. I finally got my fairy lights and centerpieces!

Being a bride was definitely not a fairy tale, and I don't think it is for most women. At the end of the wedding celebrations, I was exhausted, and ready to return to a life of introversion. But my heart was at peace, because I knew I had married the right man, and was able to start my life together with him. I could have missed out on the joy of marriage if I had allowed the fear of discomfort to control me.

So what was the secret to a peaceful bride?

An attitude of abandonment and trust, and detachment from the perfect wedding. God didn't promise us that everything would be perfect, but He did promise us His presence and His peace if we were willing to accept it... and He kept His promise.

Related Reading

The Secret to Peace, Lent and Everything

The Wedding Chronicles: God Designed My Wedding Dress

The Wedding Chronicles: God Designed My Wedding Dress

Full disclosure: It was on the 11th of December last year, before Joel had even proposed that I started texting my maid of honour, Teresa, about wedding dress options. I knew I was going to marry this guy. I had already decided I didn’t want to buy a dress, and wanted to borrow one from another mutual friend. I had attended her wedding a few years ago, and LOVED her dress, and had hoped I could use it since then since we were of a similar build. The mutual friend agreed, and in February, I had a wedding dress! As Joel and I struggled through making headway with the rest of wedding planning, I would joke, “At least I have a dress! The essentials are in place.”

Unfortunately two months before the wedding I came to the realization that the minor adjustments I thought I needed to make were not so minor. I was (gasp) a little broader than the owner of the dress. I very, very regretfully, urged on by my mother, tailor and fiancé, gave up the idea of wearing that particular dress.

Two months to the wedding, and no dress! Wouldn’t that be a valid reason for a Bridezilla meltdown? Okay, I’ll admit I shed a few tears, but since the Lord had been training me for a while to be detached from ‘stuff’, I was able to let go.

“You could buy a dress, you know,” my fiancé suggested.

“But I don’t want to. I’m sure the Lord will provide something. I’ll ask around.”

So I asked around. I sent out discreet messages though different friends who were likely to know recent brides. My good friend, Adele, called back.

“SUZIE!!! God has a plan for your wedding dress!!!”

She told me that she shared my message on her ministry team group, and to her surprise, a young unmarried man contacted her.

“I have some wedding dress material, enough to make a dress, to give away.”

What was a bachelor doing with wedding dress material?? Apparently a relative of his had ordered the material from Dubai for her own wedding dress, but it hadn’t arrived in time, so she bought another dress to use, and told him to give away this material to anyone who needed it.

Adele was beside herself with excitement, while I was, as is my wont, skeptical. Just because it’s free, doesn’t mean it’s the type of material I would like. I couldn't tell from the picture. Anyway, it is extremely expensive to get a dress stitched from scratch, so I was still hoping for a ready-made dress that would somehow miraculously fit me and be the style I wanted. But her excitement made me feel like I should at least give this free material a chance. I arranged with the guy who had it to pick it up from him on my next trip to Mumbai.

Meanwhile I asked another close friend if I could use her dress, as I was sure it would fit. It wasn’t exactly the style I wanted, but in the end a wedding dress is just a white dress, right? I picked up her dress the same weekend I was supposed to go to Mumbai, but didn’t try it on. When I picked up the material, I still couldn’t tell if I really liked the style. It was some kind of net with heavy embroidery and beading all over it, and there was a LOT of material. I took it back home with me to get my mum’s opinion.

I returned from that trip and finally tried on my friend’s dress. It fit perfectly, like it had been made for me.

“Well, I guess I have a dress!”I told my mum.

“Let’s just look at the material too,” she said.

We opened it up and held it against the satin of the skirt of the dress. To our surprise, it looked beautiful over the satin. We looked more closely, and suddenly realized that the existing bead work on the bodice of my friend’s dress matched the material from Dubai exactly! I realized we wouldn’t have to make a dress from scratch, just find a tailor willing to add the material to the skirt and make sleeves for the dress too. I did find a tailor willing to do it within my budget, and willing to have it ready two weeks before the wedding. My aunt made a veil for me, and edged it with the same material as the skirt and sleeves.

The dress was beautiful. I felt beautiful in it. It was modest, old-fashioned, and almost regal. I had a couple of little girls fascinated with my dress, who would just come up and stroke it. I grabbed the opportunity to wear it twice – once on my wedding day, and a few days later at a smaller party in my hometown. When I wrote about a friend’s wedding dress miracle a few years ago, I didn’t realize I would get my own too. Although God isn’t a magician or a genie who appears to grant our every wish, He is a Father who loves to surprise and delight His children with his unexpected gifts. Although not every detail of my wedding went the way I would have preferred, I was surprised, delighted and blessed by a beautiful wedding dress.

Ps. My sister-in-law, sister and I came up with a cool idea. We want to create a database of wedding dresses that women are willing to lend new brides in Pune and Mumbai. The new bride would look through the pictures of dresses, contact the owner of the one she likes, try it on, pay a deposit, use it, dry clean it and return it. It would save new brides a lot of money and be a small way for brides to bless other brides. Who is in?

Wedding Month Break

Much as I love you guys, and much as I am committed to this blog, and especially my patrons, there comes a time in every blogger's life where she must take a break and disappear from the online world so she can be fully present to her REAL LIFE OF GETTING MARRIED AND GOING ON A HONEYMOON AND MOVING TO A NEW HOME AND CITY WITH HER HUSBAND!

So goodbye for a month! I'll see you all in December hopefully with socially awkward wedding stories and pics. Meanwhile, I leave you with these wonderful wedding memes.

I sent this to Joel. Way to spoil an actual emotional moment :-) Now he'll remember this when I'm walking down the aisle, and have to work on not laughing instead.

Reminder to everyone: It's not 'the bride's day'. 

And everything else the bride chooses. Also, pro-tip, once something is bought, hold back that honest opinion, and find something nice to say. 

 Seriously, Indian weddings are just a whole different level of intense. Another way my family was different - all my siblings had 200 or less guests at their wedding. Mine... will be different.

Indian insider joke: Typically caterers are paid per plate, even if you put almost nothing on the plate. So for goodness sake, guests, don't take a separate plate for your two year old! And don't take a second plate for yourself because you changed your mind and want more food. 

That's all folks! Pray for us!

Related Reading

The Strange Effect Weddings Have on Me 

When Your Facebook Feed Explodes with Weddings 

Why I Can’t Stand Marriage Jokes

Misconceptions: Marriage is Just a Piece of Paper

Seven Things I Have Learned about Wedding Planning

My sister got married last year, my brother and a bunch of cousins in the past four years, I've been a bridesmaid seven times, and I'm getting married in four months, so obviously I am an expert on wedding planning. Not. But I'm here to share some great tips, that will give you an insight into the wonderful world of wedding-planning.

1. It's not like Hollywood. Actually, that goes for everything about life, but especially romance, marriage, wedding planning and weddings. For some reason, my entire life I thought wedding planning was this dreamy, magical activity where a normal woman becomes a BRIDE-TO-BE, and is surrounded by a sparkly glamour as she shops and picks out colors and tastes cake. But.... There are no soundtracks. It's not magical. It's not everything you ever dreamed of. It's just life. Sorry for the false expectations. It's your own fault for watching too many cheesy rom-coms.

Pro tip: Stop comparing your life with the movies, and just enjoy the normalcy of everyday magic.

2. Wedding planning is really just organizing and planning a very big event. I totally understand why rich people have wedding planners, because not everybody has the time or the skill or the inclination to actually plan a huge event. Yes, at the heart of a Catholic wedding is the sacrament which IS magical and awesome, but mostly everything else around it is a big event. This can be overwhelming if you've never planned a huge event before, and sometimes it means you don't even know where to start and how to answer every second person who asks you "How's wedding planning going?"

Pro tip: Start planning early enough so that there is room to make mistakes and fix them.

3. It's all about everybody else. I used to state very confidently to my sister that *I* was going to have an unconventional small wedding that was going to be tailored to be fun and it didn't matter what everyone else thought I should do. Well, she had the last laugh as it turns out that weddings ARE largely about what works for everyone else, and it's a big fat lie that 'it's all about the bride' or 'it's all about the couple', or 'it's YOUR day'. I have seen every single bride-to-be across cultures and countries having a version of this conversation with her mother:

Bride (in tears): But I want it this way! Isn't it supposed to be MY wedding day?
Mother: It's not all about you! You have to consider what the guests will want and like and expect.

It's easier to move forward when you accept that fact and that everything is not going to be exactly the way you would have preferred.

Pro tip: Tell yourself it's the marriage, not the wedding that is the goal you're moving towards

4. Weddings are not worth losing your peace over. Actually, nothing is worth losing your peace over. I'd like a pretty, aesthetically pleasing wedding, with a beautiful liturgy, and everything well organized and planned beforehand. I want everyone else to be relaxed and pleased with my choices. But I don't want any of that so much that I'm gong to lose my peace over not getting it. That doesn't mean I don't have temptations to lose my peace, but I have to make the deliberate choice every time something comes up to say a prayer and remind myself  to chill out because it's all going to work out one way or another in the end.

Pro tip: Don't forget to spend time in quiet prayer every day. Helps with perspective.

5. You can't invite everyone. When we were kids, we would eagerly check if wedding invitations has '& fly' on them. Sometimes they didn't and we indignantly wondered why anyone wouldn't want to invite my parents AND their five lovely children. NOW I know. We all have such big social circles in our lives, and so many people we have been friends with over the years. But you just can't invite them all. So now I don't worry about it if I'm not invited to a wedding, and I hope other people feel the same about mine. But I'm also aware there will always be some people who are offended, and I can't control that. #boundaries

Pro tip: Don't make your guest list decisions based on who expects to be there, because that's a losing battle.

6. Wedding planning is a great way to get to know your fiancé better. Is your fiancé a control freak? Do either of you struggle with anxiety and tend to micromanage things? Is he disorganized? Does she procrastinate? Do you both have very different taste in music and colors? Does one insist on their own way every time? Does she cry over stupid things? Does she like to consult her entire friends' network before any decision? Does he refuse to consult anyone before making a decision? How do you each feel about excel sheets and budgeting?

Wedding planning is when you find out those things. This is, by the way, a good thing, because you need to love and accept this person with their weaknesses and struggles and blind spots, and learn to communicate and compromise and call each other on to holiness, and you can't do that if you don't get to know each other well. But wedding planning can also be a great time to discover you LIKE working on projects with your sweetheart, and that you have fun doing things together - something kind of important if you're planning to spend your life together.

Pro tip: Make sure you're doing MARRIAGE prep during engagement, and working on communication, conflict resolution, etc. It actually helps with wedding prep too!

7. Relationships are the most important part of wedding planning. If you're happy about getting married to your fiance, then all of the trouble is worth it. It's about this person. [REMINDER: You should be DELIGHTED when you think about marrying your fiance. If you're not, you're cheating yourself and the other person.] Old and new friends show up to offer help, and that is a beautiful part of this time. Family steps up and takes on different responsibilities. Everyone in your life who bumps into you is SO HAPPY for you. Your parents reflect with you about God's goodness and faithfulness in answering prayers. You make sure you have shared your news with everyone who has been important in your life. The outfits and decor and food and theme are not as important as these relationships.

Pro tip: Take time to hang out with family and friends and fiancé and enjoy their company as you get ready to transition into a new stage of your life, even if it means less than perfect wedding details.

I still have a few months left, and a lot more to learn. Any wedding planning insights or tips you would add?

Related Reading

The Strange Effect Weddings Have on Me 

When Your Facebook Feed Explodes with Weddings 

The Tale of the Free Wedding Dress

The Tale of the Free Wedding Dress

“Let’s go wedding dress shopping!” A normal statement for a maid of honour to make to a bride-to-be. But this wasn’t a normal situation. Kristi* and Annie* were Americans, working as full-time Catholic volunteers in Taiwan and India, respectively, and the conversation was happening in the Philippines. And the bride wanted a free wedding dress.

Let’s back up. Two years into her non-traditional life as an itinerant Catholic volunteer serving the poor in India, Annie met Ajay*, a young Catholic man from a traditional Maharashtrian family. Deeply impressed with each other’s faith, they soon started discerning marriage. Many were skeptical of their choice to trust God and put Him first in their decisions. “Can serving God fill your bellies?” they were asked. They prayed and steadfastly continued to prepare for a simple wedding.

Most brides expect to pay huge amounts for a wedding dress, but Annie wanted to spend as little as possible. She planned to borrow a friend’s dress because it would be free. But her maid of honour, Kristi, had other ideas. When they met in the Philippines for a visa run and retreat, she convinced Annie to look at wedding dresses. She skeptically agreed. Kristi made HER preparations for the shopping trip- by praying that God would guide them. They believed in a God who was involved with the little details of their lives.

The two girls walked through the shopping area of Cagayan de Oro, a busy city in Mindanao, in the south of the Philippines. There was a plethora of wedding dress shops, a big business in the Philippines. Some of the shops were a little seedy, with dressing rooms made up of a curtain drawn across a wire. There were so many ugly wedding dresses! And still so expensive! Annie was soon tired, and ready to give up.

Then Kristi saw one little boutique with just one wedding dress in the window. The store window next to it was bursting with wedding dresses, but Kristi ignored it, and purposefully walked into the little one. Something told her this was the one. As they entered, Annie was overawed by how posh it seemed- a big mirror, fluffy white couches.

“We should leave,” she thought uncomfortably. “This is going to be way too expensive.”

They sat down and talked to the proprietor, a little Filipino lady in a expensive-looking cocktail dress.
“I don’t make dresses, I design them,” the lady told them.

 “Oh, great!” said Kristi, brightly. She knew Annie's modesty standards were becoming difficult to find. But Annie just wondered how soon they could leave without being rude.

 “We’re Catholic volunteers,” they told her, and she seemed happy to hear that.

“I’m Catholic too! And I give discounts to Catholic volunteers. I’m grateful to God for the blessing of this store, so it’s my little way of giving back.”

Annie and Kristi shot looks at each other. This was beginning to sound more promising. But then she pulled out a piece of paper with the price ranges, and their hearts sank. The range was from 45,000 pesos to 300,000 pesos (about $950 to $6300).

“Can you manage 45,000 pesos?”she asked them kindly.

After looking at each other, they both answered, “No,” dismally.

“Never mind. Can you stand up?” Annie stood up, confused, and turned around, and the lady looked her up and down, as if she was calculating how much fabric she would need to dress her.

“What kind of dress do you want? Tell me.” She pulled out a paper and pen, and sketched as Annie described a modest, old fashioned, lacy wedding dress of her dreams. She commented several times, "You are really conservative." It's true, thought Annie. That was why none of the other dresses were what she wanted.

“Do you like this?” she showed her the finished sketch.

“Ye-ess… It’s really pretty.. But I can’t afford it. We’re volunteers.”

“Okay. What can you afford?”

“Less than 10000 pesos ($220).”

“That’s nothing! That wouldn’t even cover the cost of the material,” she responded.

“But.. I’ll do it for that.”

That was unexpectedly generous, but Annie, cautious as ever, was still worried. That was still $220 more than free. They looked at fabric, and then told the lady they needed to think about it. They left the shop, and sat together at an empty bar, eating french fries.

“I don’t think I should do it. I could still borrow a dress for free.” They stopped and prayed, and asked the Lord what she should do.

“I think the Lord wants you to have it,” said Kristi. “From 45,000 pesos to 10,000 pesos! I’ve been praying all day, and this is a gift from the Lord.”

So they went back in and said, “We want it!”

They left for the retreat, but Annie was still whispering to the Lord, “Please, Lord! Can I get it for free?” She told the other girls at the retreat the story, and they were amazed at the miracle of a wedding dress for $220, and yet she told them that she was begging the Lord to give it to her for free.

In preparation for paying for the dress, Annie emptied her bank account. She had only $6 left in her account. She had no money left for her remaining three days in the Philippines. A friend gave her money for her taxi to the airport, so she hid that away. But she had nothing else. She and Kristi lived off dry oats and chocolate bars, because that was the only thing they had with them. Annie’s stomach felt strange, and she was hungry all the time, and couldn’t stop thinking of food. Someone had even offered her food once, and she politely refused, because in India she had been trained to say no the first time, and yes when the offer was renewed, but to her disappointment, her refusal was accepted.

During the week, they returned for a few dress fittings. Each time they would talk with the owner, getting to know her better. They asked about her family members, and they found out she was a famous designer all over Mindanao. On their last visit, Annie asked her if she knew where they could get a taxi that would take them to the airport in the middle of the night.

“Oh, my personal driver can take you!” she said, nonchalantly.

“How much will that cost?” ventured Annie.

“Nothing!” she replied, laughing.

Annie was in awe at God’s providence. “This is the nicest person in the world.” As they chatted, Annie asked if they could write down the names of her family members so they could continue to pray for them. She wrote down the names, and then they prayed with her for her work, and her family. After they prayed, she asked for the paper with the names back, and made two copies of it. She began to roll the paper up, and they saw a glimpse of money being rolled in with the papers.

“That’s so generous, after everything else she has done for us” thought Annie. She thought she had seen a hundred pesos.

“This is for your volunteer work in India and Taiwan,” she told them, and they thanked her. Then she presented them with the bill for 10,000 pesos, and Annie in that moment turned to the Lord and said, “Okay, Lord. It’s fine. I prayed that you would give it for free, and even though I am paying now, I will trust you. I don’t have any money left. But it’s fine.” She pulled out the money, and handed it over.

The owner laughed as she received the money and said, “You’re giving me money and it’s like I’m giving it right back to you.” That’s true, thought Annie, since she’s given us a small donation.

They thanked her for doing it so fast- she made a wedding dress in a week! Then she handed them two boxes of Dunkin' Donuts which she had lying by her. Kristi and Annie walked out with the wedding dress, handing out doughnuts to the street children, and beggars that they saw, feeling like Santa Claus. They headed to Jollibee, the most popular fast food chain in the Philippines, and ordered fried chicken and french fries and ice cream with the taxi money.

As Annie returned to their table with the food, she saw Kristi’s face in shock.

“I think you just got a free wedding dress.”

“What?”

“There’s 5000 pesos in my envelope. Look in yours.”

Annie opened her folded piece of paper, and there was 5000 pesos. She started crying, and they both started shouting ‘Praise you, Jesus! Thank you, Jesus!’ aloud, oblivious of the other Jollibee customers.

Because through this miracle of the free wedding dress, God had confirmed in her heart that this man and this wedding WAS God’s plan for her, that He COULD fill the bellies of those who served him and trusted Him, and that He loved not just her, Annie, but Kristi, and the boutique owner enough to get them all involved in and blessed by His surprises and extravagant love.

*Names have been changed.

The Strange Effect Weddings Have on Me

Since last July I have been in the Age of Weddings. One of my closest friends married my cousin, another friend married another cousin, and then another cousin got hitched, and an uncle and now a brother... You get the idea. I used to think weddings were super fascinating, with all their details- bridesmaids' dresses and choice of hymns, first dance, colour schemes, bridal entourage photo shoots, etc. Partly coloured by watching too many Hollywood rom-coms at a young age, no doubt (Runaway Bride, 27 Dresses, The Wedding Planner... for all the broken marriages, looks like Hollywood is still pretty obsessed with weddings).

And then I went from a vague idea of what weddings are like to reality- which apparently involves a LOT of organization... excel sheets, to do lists, schedules, meetings, choices, family discussions, hard work, creativity, meltdowns, compromises, communication, Whatsapp groups, practices, family time, and so on. Not all sweet dancing to romantic music as you can see.

Still, I mostly thought that weddings were fun... until I got to the actual wedding. And then I began to notice a pattern. This is what I saw:

At weddings, I turn into a raging melancholic introvert (and avoid everyone).

Even my closest friends. I just get overwhelmed by all the people and social situations and expectations and loud music and my introspection volume turns up to loud and I'm thinking about my last romantic disappointment and feeling sad and dissatisfied and plus I want to dance but no one asked me, and I'm hungry but the starters missed me again, and life is nothing but disappointment and pain.

 Speculating on my future

I develop a painful guilt complex.

I don't just sit in a corner and avoid everyone. I sit in a corner and feel horribly guilty, because look, there are so many great people that I know who I should be spending time with, and so many opportunities to network, to connect but I JUST CAN'T DO IT. Or maybe I'll talk to a couple people, be very distracted, and then go hide again. Most unsatisfying social interactions ever.

But I also turn pretty and get compliments/insults.

 So as most people who know me IRL know, I don't often dress up. So at weddings when I put on a little make up, wear a pretty dress and get my hair done, people are ASTOUNDED and AMAZED. Almost too much, if you ask me... I'm hearing, 'I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU COULD ACTUALLY LOOK HALFWAY ATTRACTIVE OCCASIONALLY, SUE!' In fact, one auntie told me, "If you dressed like this more often, maybe yours would be the next wedding!" I'm sure it was well-meant, but aargh. And my eight year old niece's first words to me were "You don't look like Sue!" (And this after I put on the lightest level of makeup) A very small part of me remembered Meg from Little Women being dressed up for a party- 'They've turned you into a doll", but I reject the implication, and mostly just enjoy the feeling of being the pretty girl.

Wedding hair. I shed pins throughout the evening.

Post wedding I turn into an emotional drama queen

This is the effect of tiredness plus melancholy. I come back home from weddings wanting to obsess about everything with my sister, and then we talk too late, and I wake up after too few hours of sleep feeling sucked dry, and emotional. And then I'm mad at everyone, can prove logically that everything in my life is horrible, and burst into tears, and sob for really no good reason except that I'm single and tired. And life sucks. I basically turn into my eight year old niece when she's tired.

Thankfully, life returns to normal pretty soon after. The transition point is the BIG FAT NAP I take after the wedding, and the quiet personal prayer time. Nothing like prayer and sleep to get life back in perspective. (This time I broke my own introvert record by sleeping for the first hour and a half of the family party we organized the day after the wedding. I'm sure no one noticed.)

So weddings... not all they're cracked up to be. However, I will say that the food, the jiving and the flash mobs make weddings mostly worth it. Oh, and the sacrament.

When Your Facebook Feed Explodes with Weddings

You know it's happening. I'm pretty sure every day of December that you looked at Facebook, you were hit by an explosion of gorgeous wedding pictures of classmates, cousins, friends of friends, YOUNGER SIBLINGS of friends, and everybody in between. There are two possible reasons for this occurence:

1. It's a Leap Year this year, and they tell me that's 'unlucky'. So everyone wanted to get married in 2015.

2. I am almost 30. In my world, that's it. That is the last possible age. 24 is too early, 31 is too late. So if you didn't manage to find a spouse yourself, your parents have probably been looking and hounding you until the magic age of 30 forced you to say yes.

Now there are a variety of ways single people deal with this:

1. You could declare that SINGLE PEOPLE ARE HAPPIER AND MORE INDEPENDENT AND SMARTER AND NOT AT ALL ENVIOUS.

2. You could just vicariously enjoy everybody else's photos and cute wedding videos, even if you weren't invited for the actual wedding. Likefest! 'Sue sees people wedding pics and doesn't feel bad or get mad because she wasn't invited. Sue realizes weddings are expensive and we're not that close anyway. Sue is reasonable. Be like Sue.'

 
3. You could start questioning your own life and self-worth and get sucked into a vortex of EVERYBODY ELSE HAS THEIR LIVES FIGURED OUT EXCEPT ME WHY DOES MY LIFE SUCK SO MUCH?!!?

4. You could be superior and look down on all those marriage-obsessed sheeple who are trying to find meaning in their lives by getting married and creating smaller versions of themselves probably because they haven't yet figured out there's more to life than marriage, babies and the domestic life.

5. You could fight the feeling of desperation rising up within, and think about settling for that guy who is still hung up on you because he's your best option. Or call your parents and finally agree to meet some possible guys that they have been trying to get you to meet for the past 5 years.

6. You could jump into something else which seems to give your life meaning and validity or at least probably makes you seem less like losers to all the people whom you assume think of you as losers. Take a trip abroad, go on a holiday somewhere, go to a nice restaurant.. anything!

I can't recommend most of these options. Here are my tips for dealing with Facebook Wedding Season.

1. Just BE HAPPY for these people. Just because I'm not married yet, doesn't mean I don't want people to find love, get married, and start families. The human race doesn't have to end because I'm single! Think about all those sweet babies they're going to bring into the world. When someone has a good, stable, happy marriage, that benefits us all! A happier, more stable world! Thank God we were not the generation who couldn't get married.

2. Pray that their marriages last and are truly happy! We know that it's becoming harder, and we pray pray pray that India doesn't go the way of the West where most children have been affected by divorce or unhealthy marriages.

3. Don't forget that you never know the whole story. Behind a seemingly happy Facebook wedding photo could be a number of different factors, including parental pressure, financial struggles, health issues, arranged-but-not-yet-love, years of heartbreak, loneliness or previous broken relationships, family problems, struggles with sin. Don't envy other people's lives because you never know the hidden struggles.

4. Close your Facebook and go do something else. It's kinda unhealthy to be constantly gazing at other people's lives. Not just their lives, but their PORTRAYAL of their lives. Finally you need to live your own life. Spend time with friends. Colour a picture. Visit a neighbour. Find ways to love. Learn a new skill. Talk to your parents. Pursue a dream.

5. Remember that before or after marriage YOU are still YOU. If you struggled with discipline before you got married, you'll struggle with discipline after you get married. If you think you're not good enough before marriage, you'll think you're not good enough after marriage. If you act like a jerk to people before marriage, you'll act like a jerk to people after marriage. Marriage doesn't stop you from having to deal with YOU 24/7. Marriage means someone else will have to live with your issues too. So maybe work on that.

6. Re-examine your life priorities and goals but not under the influence of what everyone else is doing, or of what anyone else expects you to do. Here's another tip: the only life goal really worth pursuing is one that will outlast your life- LOVE.