New Year’s Resolutions for the Motivationally Challenged

You’re trying to avoid it, but you just can’t. Why yes, it is indeed that ‘New year, new me’ time when everyone starts posting inspirational messages about the new year, making resolutions, and setting goals. But not you. You know it’s all a gimmick, just another way to set yourself up for failure. Whose new year’s resolutions last past the first week of the brand new shiny year? Not yours, by George. So why bother? Let’s just post a couple of witty but cynical New Year’s memes and move on. Realistic is your middle name. Any of that sound familiar?

Well I’m here to tell you that’s a load of baloney. Cynicism and negativity don’t look good on Christians. The very concept of new beginnings and second chances is at its heart Christian, the reason Jesus came at all. If we scoff at new beginnings, there is no place in our hearts for salvation. 

Here’s the truth. People CAN change. You can change. I am one of the laziest, least motivated people I know. I could lie on a couch all day every day and do nothing. I am full of faults and weaknesses. (I won’t list them all here, that’s what Confession is for.) I still struggle with many of them. And yet, I too have grown and changed. Change is possible! You can do this!

Here are some tips that might help you.

1. Make a resolution: ‘You’ve got to have a dream, if you don’t have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?’ If you aim at something, you may fail. But if you don’t aim at anything, you’ve definitely failed. ‘And you ask “What if I fall?”Oh but my darling, what if you fly?’

2. Small, achievable goals: You can’t change everything overnight. You don’t have to try to do everything that sounds like a good idea. “I’m gonna eat healthy, and start exercising, and go for daily mass, and read the Catechism and all the works of Shakespeare, and be patient and spend less money and help the poor and start volunteering and DO ALL THE THINGS!” Don’t be crazy! Pick one, two or three resolutions, and then break them down to manageable, specific chunks. So rather than saying “I will be a more positive person”, decide to say one encouraging thing to somebody every day whether it is in person, or by text. Instead of deciding to ‘grow in your faith’, decide to read a spiritual book every day before bed for at least 15 minutes. If it’s achievable, it gives you the satisfaction of success which is enough motivation to keep going. It’s okay if it’s so small that it sounds stupid to someone else. You do what you need.

3. Tell someone: The only way I know for sure I am willing to change is when I am willing to humble myself and tell someone the decision I have made. It helps with accountability, and it uses your pride to your advantage (you’re more likely not to take seconds if you’re eating with someone who knows that that is what you have decided). Tell someone to check on you and ask you how you are doing. Or get together with a small group, and share your goals, and decide when you are going to re-meet to share your progress. Just knowing I have to tell someone helps me stay motivated.

4. Remind yourself why it matters: I have a picture of Saint John Paul II on my cupboard in my room. It says, “Are you capable of risking your life for someone? Do it for Christ.” Sometimes when I don’t want to get out of bed, I see it there, and tell myself, “Do it for Christ.” I used to mumble to myself during one challenging Lenten sacrifice, “Remember what you really want.” Ask yourself why it matters, and when you feel like it doesn’t, remind yourself why it did. “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods,” says C.S. Lewis. Growth and discipline need that kind of faith.

5. Be patient with yourself: “Always forget the past and never worry about your falls, many as they may be. So long as you get back on your feet, no harm will have been done; whereas, a great deal of harm will occur if you lose heart, or if you berate yourself too much for your failures,” says Ven. Francis Libermann. You get a new chance every time you fall. Just don’t stay down. Don’t give up the fight. If you are fighting for holiness until your last breath you may be assured of heaven, even if you failed that very morning. If God is patient with you, you can afford to be patient with yourself.

6. Be around the right people: Choose to spend your time with people who will help you become the man or woman God has called you to be. If your friend circle or social circle are the ones doing all the stuff you are trying to avoid, or mocking your efforts to grow or change, perhaps you need new friends. '

If you’re still a little nervous about this, here are some ideas for small achievable goals. Don’t forget- don’t pick more than three!

1. Go to sleep on time. Set an alarm for 30 minutes before you want to go to bed, and put away anything that tempts you to stay awake longer- cell phone, books, laptop.

2. Switch off your phone data for a specified amount of time each day (perhaps 10 pm to 8 am).

3. End your day by writing your goals and to do list for the next day, with tasks written in order of importance.

4. Delete time-wasting apps from your phone. Instead, choose one book to read every night before bed. Make a list of books to go through, and make sure they are easily available to you- put them on your bedside table, or on your kindle. (I have plenty of recommendations- Something Other Than God, Searching for and Maintaining Peace, He Leadeth Me, Time for God, Sober Intoxication of the Spirit, the Prayer section of the Catechism, Fill These Hearts.)

5. Every time you catch yourself criticizing someone, or complaining, force yourself to say three good things about the person or situation.

6. Start a prayer journal and write three things you want to thank God for every day.

7. Memorize one bible verse every day. Send it to a friend, or illustrate it it or write it on a white board so you can see it all day.

8. Visit an Adoration chapel for 15 minutes every day before or after work.

9. Go for weekday Mass every day or twice or thrice a week (on pre-assigned days, and tell someone you’re going. It’s too easy to change your mind last minute if you don’t.)

10. Draw a picture every day. Or write every day.

11. Do some Zumba every day.

12. Go for a walk with a friend three times a week.

13. Plan to meet up with or visit one person every week- a friend, family member, or someone who needs a friend.

14. Add Confession to your monthly calendar.

15. Do an Examen at the end of each day.

You have your life ahead of you. It is full of possibilities, full of potential! You CAN become the person God has called you to be! Let us begin.

Five Christmas Gifts- Stories of Hope

As we fight the good fight against negativity, and strive to not just survive but thrive this Christmas (yes, I really just did that), it helps to notice and share the little and big signs of hope that we see. I constantly see signs to panic, signs that people are weak and judgmental and cold, that the world is going to hell and I want to scream, “Stop the earth, I want to get off!” But that’s not a true reflection of reality, is it? Love continues to fertilize and water the dry earth, and wherever it does, the seed that God plants sprouts and grows, and I catch a glimpse of hope and beauty. These signs of hope are my Christmas gifts to you.

-The Gift of a Birthday Sacrifice- 

A young wife and mother that I know comes from a humble and far from wealthy background (she recently moved out of the slum where she lived with her husband and his family). Most people cling to their hard-won privilege. But this young woman heard that we were raising money to send groceries to poor families from a school we work with. She texted me and told me, “My birthday is this month, so we plan this year that I will not buy new clothes and we will not have a party at home, and that money my husband wants you to give to two families which will help them for Christmas.”

Wow. I had tears in my eyes as I read her message. Mother Teresa said, “Love to be real, it must cost – it must hurt – it must empty us of self.” I don’t think I give very often with that real sacrificial heart.

-The Gift of a Home- 

Another friend and relative casually mentioned last month that she had practically adopted a young boy who they had rescued from the streets in the town where her family lives. Her family had befriended and tried to help his mother who was homeless and troubled, and they gave this young boy a part-time job around their property, put him in a better school (than the public one where the teachers never showed up), and eventually he began to sleep in their home, sharing a room with her son. He adores her, and follows her around.

Again, wow. I know lots of people who want to help the poor (as I do), and come up with projects or programmes or make donations. But how many of us are willing to care enough about anyone enough to be personally inconvenienced by them, to open our homes to them, and love them? I’m inspired. I think the key seems to be open your eyes to the people in front of you, and start there.

-The Gift of Literacy- 

I stopped by my great-aunt’s home the other day to drop off something. She lives next door to us, and we have a very friendly middle-aged maid who cooks for her and stays with her during the day. But when I opened the door, I saw my mother and the maid sitting side by side, heads buried in a notebook. That’s when I realized my mother was teaching her how to read and write. She practises in her notebook when she is free. Again, what a simple and small way to love someone, without a big fuss or drama about ‘look at me HELPING THE POOR’. Part of my work requires that I share the projects that we do, because our benefactors need to know what the volunteers are up to, and it helps people get involved. But it is a very simple and beautiful thing to love and serve without taking a photo to share on Facebook.

-The Gift of Music in the Slum- 

A couple of weeks ago, a friend’s brother texted me. He told me that his group of friends and their spouses and kids go carol singing every year to an orphanage. He asked me if there was any group of people that we volunteer with whom they could do it for this Christmas. These are all well-to-do professionals, who have every excuse to make their Christmas wholly about themselves- parties and gifts and good food. I’m sure their schedule could be filled up with decorating their own homes and buying their own families gifts. They don’t belong to any group that requires them to do any social service activity at Christmas. And yet they choose to make this a part of their lives and schedules. 

When I was a teenager I was part of the church youth group that went carol-singing to all the areas of the parish. But for us, it was mostly about having a good time, flirting with each other, and hoping the areas would provide good snacks. On the days when we visited the wealthier areas, all the youth would show up, but on the days we had to go to the poorer areas of the parish, the group would be a little scantier. Yeah, we were pretty shallow.

But this group of young families headed to the slum where our local parish has a tuition class, and made a fun evening for a bunch of kids who probably appreciated it far more than our little rich kids would. They brought their kids too! I once invited a teenager to help with a summer club we were doing in the slum and she told me her mother wouldn’t allow her to, because she thought it wasn’t safe. We can’t help people if we don’t go to where they are, and meet them there. And we can’t teach our kids to be different if we bubble wrap their existence so that they don’t even have to ever face other people’s sufferings and difficult lives.

-The Gift of a Family- 

A Salesian sister, a friend of my sister, came to visit two days ago. She was warm and kind and friendly, and chatted easily about her life. As she shared, she mentioned two young men, brothers, who were orphans and who she had met some years before. They were Protestant and had grown up in a Protestant orphanage. She said that she decided to befriend them. She took them home to her family, and over the years her family became their family. When they married, her family were the ones to buy the brides sarees and gifts as representatives of the young men’s families. She told us how much the young men loved them. The younger one told her, “You are an answer to my prayers for many years. I told God that everyone else has someone, except for me. I told Him, please send me someone to be MY family. It wasn’t a coincidence that we met, God sent you to me.”

Those of us come from warm, close-knit families often take it for granted. Or we feel bad for those who don’t have anyone. But how many of us are willing to open up that circle of love, and draw others into it? This Sister and her family did it. Now that Sister is posted in a different state, her family continues to love and welcome the young men who have become a part of their family.

There are probably many, many more stories like this. Not everyone is gossiping and slandering and criticizing and complaining. There are many, many souls who have opened themselves not just to the true 'spirit of Christmas', but the true GOD of Christmas- the God of love. Like Jesus, they give priceless gifts- gifts of love, mercy, kindness and acceptance. If He comes back today, I hope I may be counted among them.

Finding Myself in Each Downton Character

For the Downton fans. Everyone else, move on.

I've been re-watching Downton Abbey, and going through all the emotional upheaval all over again (though I cheat and fast-forward through the unpleasant bits). But while feeling all the feels (why did you die, Matthew?), my INTJ brain was identifying with several of the characters, and not always in the most flattering light.

Am I Lady Mary with her cool, calm, emotionless manner, a T (of Myers-Briggs) with all a T's faults and strengths- logical, the opposite of a drama queen, keeps her head in every circumstance, and capable of expressing her thoughts forcefully and confidently. She seems to be unable to resist nasty digs at her sister's neediness and weakness, flowing no doubt from the biggest flaw of an extreme INTJ- a lack of empathy. But she has a streak of softness brought out by love, and a battle between her softer and harder sides.


Or am I the Dowager, a very similar character to Lady Mary with her biting wit, her sarcastic tongue, her skepticism, and her boundless confidence? No slip will go unnoticed or unremarked when the Dowager is around. There seems to be nothing that would shake her, no social situation she is not in command of. And she will ALWAYS have the last word!


Or am I Lord Grantham, with his authoritarianism, his love of the way things are, and his dislike of change? He likes to get his own way, always thinks he knows best, and is rather high handed about making decisions for others. He gets annoyed when people challenge him, and doesn't give in very gracefully. Not that much of a team player.


Or how about Mrs Crawley with her high-minded idealism, wanting to not only save the world, but be personally involved with every aspect of saving it? She has a knack of trying to making people feel guilty, not hesitating to point out injustice, and people's complicity in it, regardless of tact or diplomacy. But she truly has a good heart, and would never shirk an unpleasant duty if she believed it to be right. And if ever anyone was in need, everyone knew she could be relied on to help, and to fight for the underdog.

I'll tell you who I'm not- Lady Sybil with her sunny, sweet, kind nature, unruffled by other people's nastiness. Or Lady Grantham also with a sympathetic and warm manner, quick with a friendly word and a charming smile to bridge awkward silences, a little gullible in her sympathy for Thomas and O'Brien. I don't think I'm like Thomas, who is just needlessly nasty all the time, and loves plotting and weaving webs of deception.


I will say I'm occasionally like Miss O'Brien, when I feel sour and bad-tempered and want to pour cold water over everyone else's enthusiasm. But hopefully I control myself a little better. Most of the time. I don't feel at all like Edith, who just seemed bitter and resentful most of the time, because she hasn't received the love and affirmation that she craves. I'm not like Bates, he's far more of a brooder than I am, and seems to have an anger problem, even though he is a man of integrity.

But who would I really like to be like?


I wish I could be a little more like Matthew- he's just kind, down to earth and wholly himself. He believed in Mary, and loved her into the best version of herself. He wasn't overly dramatic in his love, but just HAPPY and unashamed to be so. He was balanced, good-tempered, and while he wanted to do what was right and just and helpful (like asking Tom to be his best man, and encouraging Edith to write for the papers), he did it with a much lighter touch than his mother.


I wish I could be a little more like Anna, who is truly kind, dependably so. She had a genuine good-will to all, and was willing to get involved to be kind. She never seems to be moody and rarely has an uncharitable word for anyone. I would consider my life well- lived if that could be said for me at the end of my life. She went through so much suffering, but it sweetened and deepened her goodness, instead of turning her bitter.

But you may be surprised who I think the real hero of the show is- Mrs Hughes!


To me, she embodies one of the most central maxims of the Christian faith- mercy triumphs over judgment. She has a strong sense of right and wrong, but that never makes her judgmental or unmerciful. On the contrary, she has such a strong sense of mercy that she innumerable times gives second chances to those who have done nothing to deserve it. She always offers a way out, a way to move forward. Unlike Carson, she won't rub it in when someone messes up, nor will she dole out quick condemnation or a word of blame. What a gift! If only more of us were like that! Compassion does not require that we betray or water down the truth. But love for truth does not require that we be harsh, cold or rigid when it comes to people. The sooner Christians learn that lesson, the sooner the world will be transformed.

Also read: The Downton Abbey Episode That Made Me Bawl My Eyes Out

Eight Tips to Surviving Christmas

You may be one of those crazy people who starts counting down to Christmas from October, who gets dreamy at the thought of Christmas gifts and traditions, hot chocolate and carols, Midnight mass and fluffy socks. But most likely once the season is upon you, that illusion comes crashing down. You suddenly have too much to do, too many commitments, nothing to wear, you’re tired, and everyone expects too much of you, and more and more corners of your house need cleaning. Your family members still push your buttons, and the more tired you are, the more you remember everything in your life that is going wrong, like the fact that you’re STILL single, or your marriageable children are, or your marriage is not picture-perfect, or you are childless or you just lost someone close to you… and it’s all too much to handle, and Christmas is not dreamy and charming, but frustrating and exhausting and can we go back to normal life already?

So is there any way to avoid this cycle of pain? Is there any way to redeem Christmas? Here are my best tips:

1. Make room for silence: Somehow or the other, prayer is relegated to the way way bottom of our to-do lists during Christmas. “Hold on, Lord, I know, I know, ‘Jesus is the reason for the season’ etc, but really it’s super-important that I spend another few hours online shopping for the perfect gift for everyone I know, I’m sure you understand.” 

Just put it all to one side, put your phone in another room, quiet your heart and your mind, and be with the One who loves you best. 

“The best time to make a holy hour is in the morning, early, before the day sets traps for us,” said Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. Schedule it in, or it won’t happen. Personal prayer is important, and so is family prayer. I remember a Christmas Eve a few years ago when my family was in the middle of all the typical bustle of decorating, gift-wrapping, looking for matching clothes, shoes and jewelry for Midnight Mass, fighting over the one ironing board… and then we stopped everything, switched off all the lights and sat quietly before the crib, with its one light on, and prayed together. It was exactly right, but how easily we could have missed that moment.

2. Make room for love: Plan a visit to a poor family, or an elderly relative. Those are the kind of plans that won’t automatically happen unless you choose them. Christmas dances, family parties and big meals will happen one way or another, but the less glamorous appointments must be deliberately prioritized. But it’s not just the big gestures of love, but the little ones too. Plan each day to something encouraging or kind to each member of your family. Wash the dishes for your mum. Thank your maid. Tickle your kids. People over tasks.

3. Don’t over-commit: It’s easy during Christmas season to want to do it all. And there’s usually a LOT to do - parties, visits, home-decorating, errands, cooking feasts, an array of different types of sweets. But if you’re tired, it’s okay to say no. If you don’t have time to pray, it’s okay to say no.  if you’re over-stimulated, your room is a huge mess and you’re surviving on five hours of sleep every night, it’s okay to say no. It doesn’t really make a difference if you make three types of sweets instead of five. It’s okay if you skip a few social engagements to spend a quiet evening at home. make good choices. Don't spread yourself too thin.

4. Don’t over-eat, drink too much or spend too much: It’s embarrassing that Christians celebrate the birth of our God in the dwelling of a poor and humble family by reveling in the sin of gluttony and alcohol abuse and greed. Of course, celebration and feasting is good - Catholics love their feasts! But feasting is not equal to gluttony or drunkenness. Plus you know you feel bloated, unhealthy,  lethargic or hung over after overdoing it too many times. Why not enjoy the good things of life without letting them destroy us? Maybe you could give away the extra food, or the money saved by eating leftovers or buying less alcohol or other stuff, in the true spirit of Christmas.

5. Feed yourself with something satisfying: Read a good book. Read the bible. Listen to a good podcast. Do some art. Feed your soul and your mind, don’t just put them on hold while the body takes over. The bubble of this life is going to burst one day, and what will you have left on that day?

6. Play some beautiful music: Not just poppy Christmas-themed music, but music that calms you and feeds your soul, helps you remember who you are and who God is, that there is more to life than this frenzied pursuit of pleasure. Do your chores to the soundtrack of beauty.

7. Go for Confession: I have never failed to have my soul-cobwebs cleared out each time I have been to Confession. Yes, it’s hard, yes, I don’t feel like doing it and can think of any number of other things I would rather be doing, and yet I go – because it clears out the junk and once again I see myself and the world with the eyes of Truth… and hope. I went for Confession three days ago, and it was about time.

8. Fight the urge to compare: Envy creeps in at times like this, a dissatisfaction with the way things are, with the imperfect life we have been given. Nostalgia, an imperceptible sense of “If only…” pervades everything, and steals our joy. Reality doesn’t seem to satisfy. Wake up, friends - it’s a lie! No one has that perfect life. It awaits us in heaven, when every tear will be wiped away. Meanwhile, the imperfect, messy life you have been given holds beauty. But you might need to stop and look for it. And when you find it, give thanks!

I pray that each person reading this article finds joy this Christmas, that you may judge wisely the things of earth, and hold firm to the things of heaven, and that you may find your security in the gentle arms of our Lord who gave up heaven just to be ‘Emmanuel’.

The Poison We All Breathe

I live in a big Indian city, surrounded by pollution-saturated air. We breathe it in as a matter of course, and consider it normal life to regularly get sick, to have skin break outs and  grimy hair after being out in the traffic for a while, to have breathing problems, especially in the winter. But a couple times a year, my family heads to the hills, and suddenly everything feels different. Our bodies start feeling healthy and energetic again, we breathe deeply of the fresh, clean, pure, cool air, and our sleep is sounder, deeper and more refreshing.

This is not an air pollution blog post. I want to talk about another kind of poison, one that has insidiously affected everything in my world. Most people I know in India have been affected by it, but most seem unaware that it is not normal, or healthy, or even that it exists.

I’m talking about the poison of negativity, the darkness that has influenced most thoughts, ideas, conversations, interactions, relationships and even decisions for the future. You may say, “Who, me? I’m not a negative person! I do know some people like that. But I’m not one of them!”

Well here’s a checklist to find out if you are one of ‘those people’:

1. Which of these topics are you more likely to talk about when you meet up with friends, family, or random acquaintances?

a. How corrupt the government is/ how bad the traffic and pollution are/ how the world is going to hell/ how hard your college course is/ how tired you are/ how busy your life is/ how mean and unfair your boss is/ how stupid/judgmental/annoying people in your life are/ dramatic retelling of the latest annoying/frustrating thing that happened to you

OR

b. The latest cool thing that happened/ a blessing you experienced/ an unexpected thing that worked out/ an achievement you’re proud of/ an answered prayer

2. When someone talks about a plan or dream or new idea, are you more likely to say:

a. Oh, but have you thought about (all possible obstacles to their plan)/ But have you finished working on your last project yet?/ You’re a bit of a dreamer, aren’t you?/ I don’t think it will work, because…

OR

b. Wow! What a great idea! You can do this!/ How can I help?/ That’s exciting! I’ll pray that it all works out!/ That’s really interesting! How do you envision moving forward?

3. When someone makes a mistake, how are you most likely to respond?

a. I TOLD you not to do it that way!/ Next time be more careful./ You’re always like this- too hasty, too distracted, you don’t think things through./ You asked for it! You should have thought about it before getting into it. Now don’t expect me to save you.

OR

b. It’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes./ I’m sorry that happened. How can I help?/ Are you okay?/ It’s not that bad. We could fix it by…

4. When YOU make a mistake, how are you most likely to talk to yourself?

a. Idiot! I can’t believe you did that again!/ Ugh, I’m such an idiot. I’m never trying that again/ Aargh, if only (so and so) had helped me when I had asked none of this would have happened/ I suck at life.

OR

b. (Calming voice) It’s okay, calm down, everyone makes mistakes./ It’s not the end of the world. We can figure this out./ Jesus, please help me fix this.

5. When you are talking about other people, are you more likely to be talking about:

a. People who annoy you- Their annoying habits and their weaknesses/ the unsatisfactory interaction you had with them/ the way they behaved that didn’t meet your standards/ why they are the way they are

OR

b. People who inspire you- Their gifts/ the kind or creative or thoughtful acts they did that you noticed/ why you like them and are glad they are in your life/ the way they inspire you

6. When you hear about someone doing something new, something that hasn't been tried before, how are you likely to react?

a. Talk about how they are probably going to fail/ feel vaguely resentful or irritated/ talk about how their efforts are most likely going to backfire and negatively impact existing structures and efforts/ watch and wait skeptically

OR

b. Feel inspired and excited by what they are doing/ hope for the best and pray that their efforts are fruitful/ offer to collaborate or help/ encourage them 

7. When thinking about your upcoming day/week/month/year/life, what do you usually think of and feel?

a. All the possible things that could go wrong and the reasons why they probably will/ A vague sense of doom and disaster/ What people are probably thinking and saying about you, and why you don’t measure up to where they think you should be/ A sense of failure because you’re pretty sure you’re not going to be where you thought you would be

OR

b. All the potential that the future holds/ a sense of anticipation and excitement for the surprises around the corner/ a sense of purpose and determination as you think of goals you plan to work towards/ “I don’t know, but it’s going to be AWESOME!”/ A sense of peace- “I don’t know what my future holds, but I know Who holds my future.

8. How do you talk to or relate to children?

a. Constantly tell them to be careful or they will fall or get hurt/ watch them and critique every action and word/ constantly remind them to say thank you, say sorry, be polite, be respectful, study hard, study harder, do well in their exams/ only talk to them when you are correcting them or giving advice

OR

b. Ask them about their interests and listen to their answer/ tell them things that you noticed about them that you really liked (I love how you are playing with your little sister, and watching out for her!)/ make funny faces at them and play with them

9. What kind of expression does your face usually hold?

a. Gloomy/ serious/ little frown between your eyes/ preoccupied/ RBF

OR

b. Quick to smile/ pleasant upturn of your lips in moments of repose/ interested and alert

I could go on forever. So… mostly As or mostly Bs? Be honest! With a lot of us, it’s an overwhelming chorus of As. So do you believe me when I say we have a problem? The easiest way to bond with people is to share a common grievance. It’s almost like we don’t know anything else that we could talk about. We see the world and its events through a lens of sadness or hopelessness, as if everything and everyone was doomed to failure. That is all we have heard from most people in our life. 

Why does it matter? Can't we just enjoy our shared negativity as this quirk of our society and world?

The truth is negativity is silently destructive. It brings us down, and brings everyone else down with us. It makes us less likely to try new things, to take a risk, to do good. Every act is seen as a possible disaster. And if everything is doomed to failure, why try anyway? Negativity is a prison that prevents us from becoming the people we are capable of being. It prevents us from changing the world because negativity whispers that it is incapable of change, and what do we have to offer anyway?

Negativity is catching. I’ve been both a recipient of other people’s negativity and a sharer of my own. Is that all there is? Are we doomed to standing around until we die huddled in little circles repeating all the reasons for despair?

No! We need something new, and it is within our reach! Especially for those of us who are Christian, we have a reason to hope. We need to live as people of hope. How many Christians do you know who you could describe as people of hope and joy? Not as many as you should, right? So how do we detox? How do we move out of this poisonous atmosphere, and start breathing the pure, sweet air of hope?

1. Choose hope: It is a choice! It’s not just that some people were born sunny-tempered and optimistic and the rest of us are genetically predisposed to be grumpy grinches. The action often comes before the feeling. You can FEEL bad-tempered and still choose not to ACT bad-tempered. You can train yourself to hold your tongue when all you can think of is negative or uncharitable words to say. You can train yourself to speak words of hope and encouragement (take another look at all the ‘b’s above.) Speak the truth aloud and eventually you will internalize it. Make a list of things that you are grateful for every day, the positives in a difficult situation.

2. Surround yourself with people who are choosing hope too. If there are negative people who often bring you down, speak to them and tell them you need something different in your life. Speak words of hope to them, and be persistent even when they are resistant to change. I went through a period of life when I struggled with anxiety and negative thoughts, but I had people around me who told me again and again, “You’ve got this! Everything is going to be okay!” I was like, “No! It’s not! I can prove to you why everything is NOT going to be okay!” But they didn’t give up on me. And eventually I began to hope again too. Hope and joy are catching too!

3. Go for regular Confession: This seems unrelated, but every time I have been struggling in a bog of negativity, and then gone for Confession, the darkness lifted. It was like drowning and then reaching the surface and taking a big breath of air. It is probably because negativity is related to the spiritual realm; despair, accusation and hopelessness the favourite language of the Prince of Liars. It takes weapons of light to fight weapons of darkness.

4. Face your fears: Spend time in prayer, and be very honest about the things that you are afraid of, the people who are negatively influencing your life. Journal about it. And then read the bible. There are some powerful hope-filled words in there! ‘ALL things work for good, for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.’ ‘The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?’ The truth is that God has won the victory already, so no suffering in our life in permanent; no person has the power to steal my peace and joy. My future IS full of hope, because I am headed for heaven. Life on earth is short, and that is not something to be afraid of!

5. Do things that make you happy: Sometimes our lives ARE hard, and we carry heavy burdens. We may live with people who are difficult, or maybe we are stuck in a job that does not satisfy. Maybe we are at a time of transition, where a lot of things are uncertain. Maybe we have big battles we are fighting at this stage in our lives. This is ALL THE MORE reason to make place in your life for joy. Sing songs aloud, do some zumba with a friend, paint a picture, go for a walk, watch a (non-depressing) movie, do some praise and worship. Don't wallow in idle pits of despair. Remember why life ISN’T sad and bad and scary.

6. Make a change: Some things about our life we can’t change. But some we can! If you’re stuck in a depressing job with negative co-workers, look for a new job! If you live in a negative environment, look for a new home, with new roommates. Make new friends. Read new books. Listen to new music. Spend your leisure time in new ways- serving others.  If the negativity is more deeply rooted, go for counselling. Pray, ask God for guidance, and act! Don’t be afraid to try something new.

In the words of Pope Saint John Paul II, 'I plead with you--never, ever give up on hope, never doubt, never tire, and never become discouraged. Be not afraid.'