Why 'Not Very Indian'?

Where do I even start with this one?

First of all, I really am Indian. I promise. I may have some Portuguese and French-Lebanese blood (don't ask), but I'm still mostly Indian. (Definitely not pure-blood though.) However, my excuse for the following is of course the fact that India was a British colony for about three hundred years. Somewhere in my ancestry, my family became more British than Indian, and my very strange family culture is the result.

1. My first and only language is English. We speak 'the Queen's English', minus the accent. (Which is sad because I don't think it's racist to suggest that British accents seem cooler than Indian ones. Though less wise.) I did study Hindi and Marathi in school, but as my teachers assumed that OBVIOUSLY every Indian child in Maharashtra already KNEW Hindi and Marathi, they didn't actually teach the language, and I spent my entire school life faking my way through those classes.

2. ... Which means that I can't communicate with (or eavesdrop on) the man on the street unless he speaks some English, or very, very simple Hindi. (Actually as a female in India, I shouldn't communicate with the man on the street, but that's another post.) Yes, it's embarrassing. However, I promise I am working on it. I just started studying Hindi with an online language learning website. (Yeah, I know, real dedication.)

3. The kind of clothes that I grew up in, and feel the most normal in are 'Western' clothes- jeans, t-shirts, skirts, dresses, etc. My grandmother wore a saree for the first time at the age of sixty-something at her son's marriage to a Hindu girl. I do wear salwar kameezes sometimes, and sarees for very special occasions, but it definitely doesn't come naturally.

4. We haven't had an arranged marriage in three generations (and maybe more). The first thing you ask a new married friend in India is "Love or arranged?" When we tell people that not only did our parents but even our grandparents have 'love marriages', and that we don't even know HOW to arrange marriages, they immediately know us for what we are- fake Indians.

5. I wouldn't be able to name more than two or three old Bollywood movies, let alone quote them. On the other hand, I can sing most of the songs from Sound of Music, My Fair Lady, Fiddler on the Roof and Mary Poppins.

Okay, I'm sure you're convinced.

It's taken a while for me to work through this identity crisis of being Indian, but not feeling Indian, of feeling like a foreigner, but not having a foreign land to belong to (apart from British India). There is a lot of hostility towards the 'westernization' of India, so there is also a fair amount of guilt. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure my ancestors were the elite who didn't take part in India's freedom struggle.

But I've reached the stage where I realize my culture is both an inheritance, and a choice. I have received many good things from my ancestors (including my Catholic faith), which I want to keep, but I can also choose how I want my life to look and how integrated I want to be with the rest of India.

So, yes to Hindi lessons. No to arranged marriages.
Yes to a community-oriented life. No to dowry.
Yes to an interest in the details of other people's culture and traditions. No to polytheism.
Yes to working with and loving people who don't belong to the little group 'like' me. No to joining in on their poojas or going to their babus.
Yes to modesty. No to the caste system.
Yes to openness to spirituality. No to horoscopes.

There's so much more, but I'm still working on it. I'm only 27. I have my life ahead of me. It's going to be interesting.

Have you ever felt that you didn't quite fit in with the prevalent culture you grew up in?