The Wedding Chronicles: The Secret to a Peaceful Bride

I don't really like weddings. Well, in theory they sound exciting and fun, but in reality they're usually overwhelming and just too much... and that's just as a guest. If you ask a bride and groom to be honest about the wedding, it's much worse. All that planning and organization, all the expectations thrown at you by everybody, all the people to meet and greet and take care of, all the little details that can go wrong... it's a recipe for anxiety.

I was worried about the wedding from the beginning. "What if I don't sleep well the night before? I know what a mess I am when I'm tired. How do I smile for 700 guests and the photographer? I can't smile on demand. How do I even relate to 700 people? How do introverts survive their own weddings?"

Many months before Joel and I had prayed about it, and I felt the Lord asking me to surrender having the wedding in my own hometown, and having it in Joel's village instead. There were a variety of reasons, but in the end, the Lord told me clearly to give up my attachments to my plan.

The week before the wedding I read a bible passage during my prayer time:

Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 12: 24-25

I love my comfort zone, doing things the safe way, the predictable way. But God was telling me again that if I wanted to grow, to be fruitful, to be happy,  I had to stop clinging to comfort and to safety and to the things that I thought would make me safe and happy, and allow HIM to be in charge of both my peace and my happiness.

We had a crazy wedding day. There were completely unexpected heavy rains in the weeks leading up to the wedding, and despite the prayers, it rained heavily the day before the wedding. There was no alternate reception venue indoors because of the numbers, so we stuck to the grounds where we originally planned to have it, but large parts of the ground were marshy and wet. The weather was sweltering and humid. I was mopping up sweat under my veil during the Mass.

The priests didn't enter as we expected, so our entrance hymn which we both had looked forward to was cancelled. Our caterer and decorator turned out to be inept and messed up most of the things we asked him to take care of. The centerpieces I planned didn't happen, there were no fairy lights, the stage was rickety, people toasted us in plastic cups, the sound stopped working intermittently. I could go on, but I should stop.

In the midst of all this chaos, was I an anxious, angry wreck? Praise be to God, we were both happy and peaceful. It was the Miracle of the Wedding at Vasai.

Because of an attitude of abandonment and trust, we prayed our way through every struggle that came up. The day before the wedding we were not supposed to see each other, and in fact, were supposed to remain in our respective homes. Instead, Joel and I together with my maid of honour headed out for Confession, spent time at an Adoration chapel, and had lunch together. In the evening after the wedding rehearsal, we had a time of quiet prayer with some of our family and friends in Adoration.

Fr. Jacques Philippe says, ''Any reasons to lose your peace are bad reasons."

Though so many things went wrong that day, I received so many gifts I would have missed if I had been anxious or controlling.

- There was peace and perfect harmony between Joel and me and our immediate families throughout.

- I slept NINE hours the night before the wedding and was peaceful and relaxed even when I kept hearing about things going wrong. In fact, Joel had left me a letter to be opened IN CASE I felt anxious... and I didn't need to open it at all.

- The church looked beautiful and was packed. One of my desires was that I had a full church at my wedding, in opposition to the common practice many guests have of skipping the wedding Mass and coming for the reception.

- My sweet bridegroom actually did cry as I walked up the aisle to him. He said he was able to fully enter into the liturgy and received a lot, which was one of our prayers beforehand.

- So many of my friends and family travelled all the way (some from out of the country) to be with me on this important day, and even though I couldn't spend much time with most of them, it blessed my heart that they loved me enough to be present.

- In the moments of realizing the imperfections around me, and beginning to get stressed out, the Lord sent me my little niece who stuck to me through most of the reception.

- We had some fun moments with the wedding march and a group dance we call the Belgian dance that lots of guests joined in.

- There were many touches of beauty that soothed my heart - my aunt put together gorgeous bouquets, my mum created the wedding cake, the stage backdrop was exactly what I asked for, my bridesmaids'outfits that I had envisioned looked beautiful (I had picked very unusual outfits for them so I wasn't sure how it would all work), my hair and makeup done by my cousin and friend survived the humidity, and of course you read about the dress.

By the end of the reception though, I was hungry, tired, and totally done. I actually burst into tears and told my new husband I wanted to go home. The next morning we had to go for 7 am Mass (I was dressed in the traditional shalu) and then there was a bangle ceremony at his home. I was exhausted, but I made it through all the traditions and expectations (a very toned down version of typical weddings in his culture).

A few days later we returned to Pune for a small party with my family and some friends, and my cousins and friends went out of their way to make sure the party was beautifully decorated. I finally got my fairy lights and centerpieces!

Being a bride was definitely not a fairy tale, and I don't think it is for most women. At the end of the wedding celebrations, I was exhausted, and ready to return to a life of introversion. But my heart was at peace, because I knew I had married the right man, and was able to start my life together with him. I could have missed out on the joy of marriage if I had allowed the fear of discomfort to control me.

So what was the secret to a peaceful bride?

An attitude of abandonment and trust, and detachment from the perfect wedding. God didn't promise us that everything would be perfect, but He did promise us His presence and His peace if we were willing to accept it... and He kept His promise.

Related Reading

The Secret to Peace, Lent and Everything

The Wedding Chronicles: God Designed My Wedding Dress