Most women have their hospital bag list, and their getting ready for baby list. But do they have their own personal postpartum list? What do you need to survive these first few weeks and months?
Patience: As my body faces aches and pains, achy finger joints, stitches that take some time to heal, I have to remember it WILL get better day by day. I thought when I was done with labour and delivery, the pain would all be over, but the weeks that follow have their own share of struggles. But it DOES get better.
Midnight snacks: Did not know how hungry breastfeeding mothers constantly are. It’s a tough night when I forget to keep a snack within reach. Want to bless a new mom? Gift her some snacks! (Some of my awesome fam did that!)
A nursing pillow: Thank the Lord for all these little inventions that make the life of a breastfeeding mom a little easier. Did you know new babies feed almost EVERY TWO HOURS? My arm has been saved by using this pillow. (Yet another great gift for a new mom.)
A hands-on, understanding husband: The long nights are a little easier with a husband who says “Give her to me when you finish feeding and get some sleep,” and then holds the baby, burps the baby, soothes the unhappy baby and changes diapers. Also a good husband is essential for when a postpartum wife keeps bursting into tears (I did not know this was a thing! Yay crazy postpartum hormones) Other tasks of a good husband is reassuring his wife that her body will get back to normal eventually, NOT commenting on how tired she constantly looks, providing food and water and hugs and prayers when she needs them, and not expecting anything of her except survival.
Two bedrooms: Obviously this is for those whom it is possible. We realized we would both do better if we took turns to sleep and care for baby. I took night shift in our extra room so Joel could sleep undisturbed. I would hand baby over in the early hours of the morning, and sink into sleep for a few hours.
A support system: My mother came to stay with me for two weeks after the delivery, and then I stayed at my parents’ home for another two weeks. My mum went above and beyond- cooking for us, taking the baby at all hours including the middle of the night so I could catch some sleep, holding and rocking baby when she was crying her head off, showing me how to care for a tiny human being from bathing her to identifying her needs. Some friends sent food over, especially helpful immediately after returning from the hospital when all of us were exhausted. (Another post on this coming up.)
Low expectations: Don't expect to cook or clean or go back to work or do anything except survive at the beginning. The bare minimum is a LOT. Get a tiffin, or order food, and don't be embarrassed about it. You will have so much more peace of mind if you give up unnecessary guilt.
An internet connection: There are awesome Instagram accounts that help me remember I'm not the only one struggling. There are articles, support groups and forums for every question I have about my baby and her struggles. I’ve researched everything from how to help a baby with vaccination pain, reflux, gassiness, to tricks to burp baby, to why my baby wakes up as soon as I put her down, and a LOT more, sometimes in the dead of night while holding her yet again.
Perspective: This one is easy to lose when you’re in the trenches, in a blur of tiredness and breastfeeding and diapers and spit-up, and it seems like baby won’t stop crying and you’re never going to sleep again. But it’s super-helpful to remember that it’s perfectly normal for everything to seem overwhelming especially in the first three months, that baby crying doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong or that you are scarring baby for life with your incompetence, that it WILL get better, and you WILL feel normal again, and you WILL sleep for more than an hour at a time.
Boundaries: It's okay to tell people that no, you are not up to guests, or that you need to take your baby in to feed now, or that you need to go sleep because you're exhausted, or that no, you can't attend that meeting or wedding or whatever because it's just too hard right now. You don't have to be embarrassed to say no, nor are you under any obligation to please everyone else. Your priority is your baby and your own survival. You don't have to be rude or get mad- they probably just don't remember or know how hard the newborn stage is.
Humility: At the beginning I was so weak, all I could do was feed baby, as my mother and husband literally fed me. My mother or husband cooked (or we ordered), I didn't set foot in the kitchen for months. My mother even massaged my painful body. I felt so helpless. But I remember thinking- your baby is dependent on you, and you are dependent on them... and that's the way it is. Some day you will be the one taking care of them, but for now allow yourself to be looked after.
What else would you add to this list?
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