I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is 'Tough Topics'.
Although the Church's stance on same-sex marriage is not the central or most important teaching of the Church, it is one of the more controversial ones, and one that seems to be a hot-topic online. I'm writing about it because I know it can be a confusing issue especially for young Catholics who care passionately about social justice issues, equality, and human rights, and if Catholics don't explain it well it could easily alienate them from the Church.
First of all the reason this is such a tough topic to broach is that social justice issues seem to be presented as package deal. If you care about women's rights, you are supposed to fight for abortion rights. If you care about LGBTQ struggles, you should be fighting for their right to marry and adopt. And if you do NOT accept everything, most people assume you're on the same page as 'Gays go to hell', 'Women belong barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen' kind of extremists.
Let’s clear up a few beliefs that I as an orthodox Catholic have:
- I do NOT believe it’s a sin to ‘be gay’ or to be attracted to the same sex. Neither is a person with such an orientation a mistake or an accident.
- Self-identifying as LGBTQ is not the same as a statement of someone's sexual activity.
- I do not believe that people who choose to call themselves ‘gay’ or LGBTQ (instead of ‘struggling with SSA, etc) is a terrible thing, and definitely not a sin. Your sexual orientation is obviously not your whole identity, but it is an important part of your identity which has consciously or subconsciously influenced your relationships, your perspective on the world, your idea of your own value, the way people have treated you, the confusion you may have faced as a teenager, etc. It’s fairly easy to see how big an influence it is when we listen to any real life stories or experiences of LGBTQ people. Naming that experience or struggle can help you feel you’re not alone. (There are some who disagree with me.)
- I think the representatives of the local Catholic Church need to do much better at talking about these struggles instead of ignoring them or pretending they don’t exist.
- I believe homosexual activity should be decriminalised. Not every sin is a criminal matter.
We need to stop acting as if other people’s sins are far more repulsive than our own. LGBTQ sexual activity is on the same level as all other sexual sin - premarital or extramarital sex, masturbation, pornography, contraceptive sex or pretty much any sexual activity outside of God’s design - free, total, faithful and fruitful sex between a man and woman committed to each other for life.
- I think we need to do far more to help LGBTQ people especially with creating safe spaces where bullying is not tolerated, and with addressing the high rate of depression, self harm and suicide found among them.
- I think there are so-called Christians who have done a great deal of harm to our witness to the LGBTQ community- from parents kicking out their children who come out to them, to the crazies with their ‘God hates fags’ posters, or those obsessed with narrowly defining true masculinity or femininity, or those whose hackles rise as soon as the label LGBTQ is used.
- I think our first response to someone who comes out as LGBTQ to us should be acceptance and love, not immediately checking whether they are chaste or not. That conversation can happen if and when the Spirit prompts. Lead with love, as always.
Most of the beliefs I’ve stated above are not very controversial on social media. But being Catholic means being willing to hold on to and talk about the unpopular aspects of our faith too.
As a Catholic, I believe-
- God’s design for marriage was between a man and a woman, for life. Our bodies are created in such a way that even in a world marred by sin and dysfunction, it’s fairly easy to see the original design and plan for human sexual relationships.
- The healthiest and most secure place for a child to grow is with a mother and a father who are faithful to each other and who emulate the love of God to their children. Of course there are many who have not had that privilege due to death, abuse, divorce or other factors out of their control, and God is able to bring healing and provide what is lacking. But that doesn’t change His original design and plan. (The polygamy of the OT was part of the dysfunction of a world twisted by original sin, but Jesus came to restore God’s original plan.)
- If I really love and care for an LGBTQ person, I cannot cheer them on in a relationship that cuts them off from God’s good plan for their lives. However I can and should love them and find other ways to build that relationship (apart from getting excited about their love life).
- If I really love an LGBTQ person, I will help them find healing* from any abuse or trauma they have suffered rather than just affirming and celebrating their sexual orientation. (Obviously this is not the situation for all LGBTQ people, but it is not uncommon.)
The reason Catholic beliefs about homosexuality are so hard to swallow is because they have been presented as an opposition to the overly simple phrase - Love is love.
This is how it is articulated- love is love, whether it’s between a man and a woman, or between two men, or between two women. We don’t choose who we love. Everyone deserves to be in a loving relationship/to find love. These thoughts are always presented alongside a picture of a cute affectionate same sex couple.
It is so much easier to go with the flow and think “Well yeah, everyone DOES deserve love.. so what if they love in a different way than I do? They’re so cute. I can’t imagine the God of love would have a problem with this.’
Who could fight with it when you put it like that? So Catholics either ignore the inconvenient teachings of the Church, or try not to think about them, or choose to hope the Church will eventually ‘get with the times’.
What DOES the Church say about this? Here's part of the Catechism's section on chastity:
2357 Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered." They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.
2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.
2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.
And here are some of my thoughts about the ‘love is love’ statement:
Love is love, whether it’s between two men, or between two women.
What about between three people - two women and a man? Sounds a little weird? Well, polyamory has already become socially acceptable in many circles. What about between an adult and a child? Or between siblings? If you call it ‘love’ and take cute pics, does it somehow become acceptable? We need to be wary of the ways we are being emotionally manipulated to accept lies as truth.
People used to be against interracial marriage or inter caste marriage or inter-religious marriage. This is the same thing.
No it’s not. The colour of our skin and our beliefs or family backgrounds are very different from our basic biological make up. Our bodies are not just our shells, but who we are. We are embodied spirits, not just souls knocking about in an outer casing.
We don’t choose who we love.
We don’t choose who we are attracted to, but attraction is not the same as love. The same rationale is used to allow people to cheat on their spouses. Love is willing the good of the other, doing what is best for them. If you truly love someone, you help them follow God’s plan for their lives and find a deeper peace and a clear conscience, even if it includes self-denial and sacrifice.
Everyone deserves to be in a loving relationship/to find love.
This is true! But marriage is not the only loving relationship we should have. We have made an idol of marriage or romantic relationships, acting as if that is the only path to fulfillment and love. No wonder single people feel such pressure not to land up ‘alone, with cats’. Not all are called to marriage for different reasons. It’s our job to encourage and build up holy relationships and communities so all can find a home, a community where they feel accepted and loved.
There is obviously a LOT more to discuss and think about and say on this topic. But most importantly, let's remember - As Catholics, we have to accept the uncomfortable position of not fully belonging to any camps, but following faithfully in the footsteps of Jesus who is love AND truth**. We are called to speak for truth, whether those particular truths are popular or unpopular. We are called to act with love whether it feels comfortable or uncomfortable.
*There's a really nice podcast that addresses a lot of these issues sensitively. It's called Restore the Glory.
**I have been blessed to follow some Catholics who get this on Catholic Twitter. It's very freeing to know you don't have to accept the bad beliefs of either side, and that you can and should call out the problems you see on 'your own side'.
Related Links
The Very Touchy Topic of the Christian Perspective on Homosexuality
A conversation with my gay friend by Jennifer Fulwiler
And this video:
The Third Way from Blackstone Films on Vimeo.
