Twenty Secret Tests to Give Your Boyfriend

"Young Love"by drewleavy is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

So you're dating, but you're not sure whether this guy is husband material? Fear not, there is a way to find out what he's really made of. Spend the rest of your relationship laying secret tests for him to decide whether to move to the next level.*

1. The Judgy McJudgy Test: Tell him your worst sins and watch for the telltale silence and withdrawal.

2. The Slob Test: Leave a dirty dish in his sink and see how long it lies there.

3. The One-upmanship Test: Mention your past achievements and see if he interrupts to insert his own.

4. The Perfectionist Test: Sing a love song to him really loud and off-tune to see if he’s tactful and kind enough not to stop you immediately or to stick his fingers in his ears.

5. The Handkerchief Test: Break into tears or better yet, get a heavy cold to find out if he’s a true gentleman who carries clean handkerchiefs with him to offer those in need.

6. The Patience Test: Make him wait while you change your outfit five times while telling him 'Just two more minutes' multiple times.

7. The Chauvinist Test: Ask him to make you a sandwich and check if he seems surprised or outraged.

8. The Shallow Test: Never wear make-up to find out if he thinks you're beautiful just the way you are.

9. The Phone Test: Hide his phone for a few hours to see if he is addicted.

10. The Fatherhood Test: Thrust a crying baby into his arms unexpectedly to see if he’ll be an amazing father.

11. The Fortune Hunter Test: Tell him you won the lottery and you haven't made a will. Check how fast he proposes.

12. The Gullible Test: Tell him you gave it all away to the first person who asked. If he believes you, either he doesn't know you very well, or you're a saint. Oh wait, saints don't lie about lotteries.

13. The Temper Test: Trip a server at a restaurant so that he/she drops food all over his favourite shirt to see if he has a bad temper.

14. The Anti-Science Test: Casually point out your baby vaccination marks on your shoulder to find out if he is an anti-vaxxer.

15. The Conspiracy Theorist Test: Mention that you’d like to ‘travel around the world’ to check if he’s secretly a flat-earth conspiracy theorist.

16. The Vampire Test: Cook him a great Italian meal, add a lot of garlic to everything and sprinkle holy water in his drink. Also gift him a crucifix and see if he recoils.

17. The Mass Murderer Test: Search his room for a bag of mementos or newspaper clippings to rule out the possibility of him being a serial killer.

18. The James Bond Test: Take apart his watch to find out if it's really a high-tech communication system he uses to facilitate his double life as a secret agent with a license to kill.

19. The Superman Test: Look at him with and without glasses to ensure he is not a secret superhero in disguise.

20. The Survivor Test: Steal his wallet, cards, keys and vehicle and leave him stranded in the middle of nowhere to see if he knows how to survive in the wild (essential husband and father skills).

*Are you crazy? What kind of manipulative person are you anyhow? Stop laying traps. Instead be honest and communicate. Although there's nothing wrong with being observant, while keeping in mind that nobody is perfect. Also, if you think this is funny, imagine how you'd fare if someone gave YOU these tests. Yeah, not so cocky now, are you, Ms. Impatient Vampire Slob?

Click on this link for more lighthearted posts from the past seven years.

Like my blog? Sign up as a patron for just Rs 200 or $3 per month and receive my ebook and a weekly behind-the-scenes video! Email solosenilejive@gmail.com or visit my Patreon page to know more.