How Not To React to the Sex Abuse Scandal in the Church

If you follow American Catholic media at all, and even if you don’t, you’ve probably heard some shocking news in the past few weeks – specifically revelations in a Pennsylvania grand jury report about decades of abuse and cover-up by predator priests and church official as well as credible sex abuse allegations against now-ex-Cardinal Theodore McCarrick. Euggh. How do we even react to this news? Here are some responses Catholics are tempted to make-

“It’s all lies made up to smear the Church.” 

 Um, no. Credible news sources (including respected Catholic news agencies) have reported all this, Just because you don’t like the news doesn’t make it fake news.

“I knew it. All priests and bishops are perverts or hypocrites. I never trusted them anyway” 

NOT ALL PRIESTS. There are a GREAT many holy, humble, sacrificial priests who don’t make the news, but lovingly serve the people entrusted to their care. Most of us Catholics know several priests like that. They are as deeply disgusted and shocked by the news they are hearing.

“The Catholic Church is a deeply corrupt institution.” 

 Many of us have not understood that the Church operates on two levels – the hierarchical and visible structure, and the spiritual communion of all those who are believers in Christ and therefore the Body of Christ. The plan and hope and idea was that those two levels were to be beautifully integrated. The hierarchy should have been visible representatives of Christ the Good Shepherd, lovingly guarding and guiding His sheep. Alas, many who should have been shepherds have indeed been corrupted by power, by lust, by ego, by sin, and become the enemies of both Christ and His sheep. And yet the CHURCH is still the Body of Christ. And so I can criticize and demand reform in the hierarchical structures of the Church, and yet continue to love the CHURCH, the body of Christ of which I am a part.

 “I cannot bring myself to go to Mass after hearing this news.” 

It is understandable that people who have been traumatized by priests might find it very hard to return to the Church. We are not called to judge them. BUT, if you are reading this, don’t let sinners and abusers keep you away from Christ, who is present in the Eucharist. The sacraments are priest-proof.

 "I think I am as sensitive as you (or any other Christian) to the 'scandals', both of clergy and laity. I have suffered grievously in my life from stupid, tired, dimmed, and even bad priests; but I now know enough about myself to be aware that I should not leave the Church (which for me would mean leaving the allegiance of Our Lord) for any such reason: I should leave because I did not believe, and should not believe any more, even if I had never met any one in orders who was not both wise and saintly. I should deny the Blessed Sacrament, that is: call Our Lord a fraud to his face." JRR Tolkien 

“There is sin everywhere in the world, and abusers in every institution and denomination. Why are we making this such a big deal?” 

 Because this IS a big deal! How much more evil it is for those who are standing ‘in persona Christi’ to rape, to molest, to abuse, to take advantage of the trust and respect given to them by the little, innocent ones. It makes me sick. And even worse are those who knew and covered it up, and enabled them to continue. And if we act like it’s not a big deal, we are complicit too because we are denying justice to those who are crying out to be heard, and we are enabling an environment where such things can continue.

“Must we focus on the negative? There are so many good things happening in the world.” 

Saint Augustine said, “Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.” We cannot hope for or work for change if we cannot admit that there is a serious problem. Not only do we need anger and courage, we need to be willing to ‘weep with those who weep’ instead of shushing them as they have been shushed too many times before. If one part of the Church is hurting, the whole Church is hurting. If there is poison in one part, it will affect the whole.

“This is all because of the liberals/the gay priests/the conservatives/etc.” 

Don’t make this about your pet issue. This is a bipartisan issue, and we need to approach it together. Whether you are right wing or left wing, if you are against abuse and for accountability, then we can work together to eradicate it from the Church. All priests who have SSA are not abusers. Many are chaste and sacrificially serving the Church. Don’t demonize everyone. The people to blame are the people who have been documented to have committed crimes.

“We are all sinners. Who are we to judge?” 

 No. When you hear about a rapist, the correct response is not 'we are all responsible in some way'. That is practically victim-blaming. The one who is to blame is the perpetrator and anyone who covered it up, or could have done something and didn’t. If you know about abuse within the Church and are covering it up, then yes, you are to blame. The point isn’t judgment or condemnation, but justice, fighting for and speaking up for the oppressed and victimized. You can’t stop crime by calling everyone a criminal. Yes, we are all sinners, but we have not all raped, molested or covered up abuse.
 
"How could a good God allow this? Either He doesn't care enough or He is not powerful enough or He doesn't exist." 

God knew. God cares. He cared enough to allow His Son to die on a bloody Cross to share in the ugliness and the pain of those that suffered. God is on the side of the oppressed. God cares about justice. Every abuser will have to face Him one day. The tears of every one who has been abused will be wiped away one day. He promises that one day EVERYTHING that is wrong will be made right. I don't know why not yet. But I know He cares.

“I can’t believe Pope Francis would cover up abuse/ I KNEW Pope Francis was complicit!” 

So far, one Papal Nuncio has accused Pope Francis and Pope Benedict of knowing about ex-Cardinal McCarrick. I SINCERELY hope he is lying. And yet, I am waiting for proof one way or another. I will not defend or accuse anyone without proof to substantiate his claims. It's going to come out sooner or later. But I will not let my previous loyalties or dislike of anyone influence me either. 

“What’s the point of talking and writing about it if we can’t do anything about it?” 

But we CAN do something about it! We can fast, pray and demand accountability. We can beg God to bring renewal to our unholy and yet holy Church. We can commit to speaking up for the voiceless, in spite of what it costs us. We CANNOT care more about our good name or the good name of the Church than we care about the protection of the innocent. Like the movie Monsoon Wedding, where Naseeruddin Shah's character saying as he throws out a beloved trusted male family member who turns out to have molested his niece, "I will protect my family even against myself."  We cannot compromise or be hypocrites. We can ask God to raise up prophets and saints, and we need to be willing to be the ones He calls on. We need more like Saint Catherine and Saint Francis. And we need to be the change we want to see. 

We also need to take up our call as laity to see ourselves as the Church as much as priests are the Church. We need to continue the work of Christ in the world whether or not we have a holy and humble hierarchy working with us. Be a leader. Be a saint. Be a prophet. Good will prevail.

"This is an American problem." 

 I'm very afraid that in India where there is even more fear of and unquestioning obedience to authority, fear of shame and scandal, and a tendency to treat priests like they are gods, that we have an environment very conducive to abuse and cover-up. I am both afraid of when it's all going to come out, but in a way, also hopeful that it will happen. It will be disgraceful and humiliating, but if that's what it takes to get justice for the silent victims, and to begin change in the way we do things, then let it be so. Already a few stories have started coming out, and I have heard whispers of others. Have mercy on us, Lord. Let's be prepared.

There is so much more to say about this. But let us start by praying, fasting and begging God for renewal.

Recommended Reading 

Sexual Abuse, Sackcloth, and Ashes: Meeting Scandal With Acts Of Reparation 

Wounded by Silence

Fr. Mike Schmitz on the Sex Abuse Scandal [video]

UPDATED: Bishop Robert just posted this video. As usual, he is a voice of reason and wisdom.

What’s Wrong with Catholic Youth Groups

Pope Saint John Paul II long before he was a pope (lying down, third from left), during a camping and hiking trip with some of his students from the Catholic University 

I know, I know, Sue being critical about yet another aspect of her life and the Church. But I tear down only to build up! We can’t change if we think we’re doing fine the way we are.

First of all, here are some observations about most Catholic youth groups I’ve come across or been involved with-

1. Most youth group members disappear from anything Church-related once they start working or get married. Many eventually identify as agnostic or atheist.

2. Most think of prayer and spiritual activities as boring and to be avoided. You will rarely see a youth group member at a weekday Mass or in the Adoration chapel.

3. The lifestyle of most youth group members doesn’t seem particularly different from their non-Christian peers – in the way they spend their leisure time and resources, in their mode of dressing or relationships, in their consumption of media, in their abuse of alcohol, and most likely in their sins.

4. If you were to ask most youth group members what they believe and why, you are quite likely to find either a shallow pluralistic ‘let’s all get along’ perspective which has little to do with Jesus or the teachings of His Church, or a blind faith and loyalty to cultural religious traditions without a strong reason or understanding of the ‘why’.

5. Almost no vocations to the priesthood, religious or missionary life are coming out of our Catholic youth groups.

So what’s going on? What is wrong with Catholic youth groups? What are we missing? And how can we change?

1. I think the biggest problem is that we have the wrong goal. We’re running hard, but in the wrong direction. It seems as if the goal of youth groups is just to get young Catholic ‘involved in the parish’. They are seen as a resource, a labour force to help out with various activities of the parish, or to organize events and activities, which look good in a report at the end of the year. This is not just a youth group problem. I think it’s a general Catholic parish problem - our highest goal is to have ‘active parishioners’. Unfortunately you can have swarms of active parishioners, and active, energetic youth members, and you can still have people who do not reflect Christ in their lives.

Another false goal I have heard is – “We are looking at the all-round development of the youth – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. So we have activities and events and workshops to help with all these issues. Prayer is not the only thing we do.” How is a Catholic youth group different from some Rotary club or generic secular group? Just that we say a prayer at the beginning, if that?

2. We think of youth groups in terms of a yearly schedule of activities and events. This is such a natural default position. And of course, a schedule is necessary. Events have to be planned beforehand. But the problem comes in when the event and schedule becomes the focus, the inflexible god before which everyone must bow. Or the events that we do one year are by default what we do every year, without asking if they are fulfilling the main aim of the youth group. We often have the wrong focus.

3. Youth group is limited to a weekly meeting. The seminarian or priest usually meets with a youth group once a week. Of course you have to have regular meetings. But meeting for a couple of hours once a week is not going to bring lasting change or deeper formation to young people.

So what IS the goal of a Catholic youth group? What SHOULD our focus be? And how can we achieve that goal? The primary goal of a Catholic youth group should be the aim of every Catholic group, organization, community and parish – TO FORM DISCIPLES.

But of course different people have different ideas of what a disciple is, so let’s be more specific.

We should be forming young people to know Christ in an intimate, personal way, and to re-orient their lives so that they reflect HIS truth, love and priorities. 

What would young disciples look like?

• Their lives would shine with the joy of Christ, because they have found the One who loves them fully. 
• They would be praying every day, would jump at the chance to spend time with Jesus in the chapel, and often show up to daily Mass. 
• They would be familiar with the Word of God, and read it every day. 
• They would be quick to serve the poor, and take the initiative in coming up with new ways to do so. 
• They would be able to share how Jesus has been changing their lives, and why they believe what they believe. 
• They would be eager to share Jesus with those who don’t know Him, and they would be open and welcoming to people who are different from them. 
• They would engage their intellect too in understanding how Jesus speaks through the Church, and would be willing to research and explain these truths to those who question them. 
• They would actively seek God’s will for their vocations, careers and life partners, rather than going with the flow. 
• They would take their struggles with sin to the Lord and frequent the sacrament of Confession.

How many of us can say that about the youth we know from our youth groups? Ah, you say, Sue, you are living in a fantasy world. Youth are youth, and you have overly high expectations. Youth are always shallow, pleasure-oriented and the best we can hope is that they show up, ‘get involved’, and then continue to be ‘active parishioners’ later in life, once they’ve had their fun.

Nonsense! Pope John Paul II believed in young people and so do I!

“Dear young people, it is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you; He is the beauty to which you are so attracted; it is He who provoked you with that thirst for fullness that will not let you settle for compromise; it is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life; it is He who reads in your hearts your most genuine choices, the choices that others try to stifle.”
“There is no place for selfishness and no place for fear! Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice” 

Also, I KNOW many young people who ARE disciples. However, most of them have are not the product of parish youth groups, they received their formation in other places. Most of our young people only receive their formation in the parish youth group.

So. What are some practical ways to form disciples in our youth groups?

1. Leaders must be disciples: The priest or seminarian leading the youth group need to be disciples themselves first. Not just social workers, inspirational speakers, ‘one of the gang’, or an authority figure. Only disciples can form disciples. If you love JESUS (not just the Church or being a good person), and are willing to speak of your friendship with Him, about what He said to you in your personal prayer time, how He has been challenging and changing you, that is the most powerful way to form others. "There is nothing more beautiful than to know Him and to speak to others of our friendship with Him." Pope Benedict XVI And of course, LOVE and PRAY FOR your young people by name.

2. Lay youth ministers: We need to be willing to form and release lay youth ministers and lay core teams. Not all priests are able to relate well with youth. Not all seminarians are able to stay with a youth group for more than a year, or spend time with the youth apart from the weekly meeting. A lay youth minister is more than a youth group president or an assistant for the seminarian or priest, but a leader in his or her own right, working in cooperation and communication with the priest or seminarian. Of course, the youth minister and lay teams MUST be disciples, or you’re creating more problems than you solve.

3. Relationships over events: Most of discipleship happens in one on one relationships. Every youth should have someone from the core team of disciples checking in on them, taking them out for chai and asking about their life at least once a month. This is how FOCUS functions in US college campuses, and I know of many who have come to know Christ through these relationships. When I was 15, I belonged to a small group from the lay Catholic community my family belonged to, and my on on one conversations with my leader (a single woman in her 30s) helped me process many of my decisions in the light of Christ and affected my choices once I went to college.

4. Small groups and bible studies: Apart from the larger youth group meetings, young people need to be divided into groups of 4-6 (even seven can become unwieldy) who can meet in each other’s homes and keep in more regular contact with each other at least every couple of weeks. They are guys'and girls' groups who they know they can turn to when they’re struggling, and if they need help or prayers (yay Whatsapp groups). Usually they won’t get that in a larger group setting. It’s difficult for everyone to care for everyone without cliques forming, or people slipping between the cracks. What can they do when they meet? Read the bible together, and share what God is saying to them. Share what’s going on in their lives, and pray for each other. So simple, and yet so fruitful.

5. Encounter retreats: The most important event that every youth group should have every year is a live-in retreat with a chance for every youth to hear the message of Jesus’ personal love, and His invitation to turn away from sin and live with Him and for Him. You could invite a group (like mine ;-)) to lead the retreat, or you could take them to Divine Retreat Center, or you could organize it yourself and invite speakers or you could send them to a retreat organized by another group. This is where we need to get rid of rivalry and suspicion, and come together to use our gifts for each other. If they have never had a chance to have a personal encounter, everything else is superfluous.

6. Evangelization and service to the poor: After they have had their encounter, invite the youth to think of ways they can bring this same love to others. Let them take the initiative, and support them and guide them. I’ve seen all sorts of cool outreaches, from young people taking the streets handing out packed meals to beggars and talking and praying with them, to handing out coffee and saying ‘Jesus loves you’ to random passersby on Main Street, to running summer clubs for kids from the slum, to organizing retreats themselves, to visiting and serving with the Missionaries of Charity in Kolkata. The key is that it should be THEIR project, not just something we are forcing them to do, or micromanaging.

7. Regular Adoration: One of the most-attended monthly events a group I belonged to had was just an hour-long visit to an Adoration chapel. Young professionals would flock to it. Silence and time with the Lord is something so beautiful, and so intimate, but sometimes we need someone to organize it or invite us into it. It could be even more beautiful if it started with some reverent songs of worship (Wonder by Bethel, Since Your Love, O Come to the Altar, Jesus (Holy and Anointed One)) but was followed by just silent prayer. If you want to make disciples, you need to give them some Spiritual Radiation Therapy with the Son.

8. Solid talks at the weekly meeting: We need to give our young people solid food if we want them to grow into spiritual maturity. That means youth group meetings can’t just be used for practises, planning and organization of parish events. What kind of solid talks? Talks that are relevant to their lives – how to deal with conflict in a Christ-like way, how to resist temptation, how to deal with attraction, when and how to start a relationship, how to discern God’s will, how to pray, spiritual warfare, Theology of the Body. Use the bible, church teaching, and the wisdom of the saints. Introduce them to the YouCat and the Catechism. Invite solid speakers. Make sure there is time for discussion groups and QnA.

9. Personal prayer, Scripture reading and Confession: Emphasize the importance of daily personal prayer and Scripture reading, and check in on them regularly about how they are doing. Share with them testimonies of those who experienced grace through Confession and encourage them to go monthly. Let them know a regular time when the priest is available.

10. Praise and Worship: Start every meeting with a time of praise and worship. It doesn’t have to be long – just 15 minutes, but it can focus their attention on the Lord. Encourage the guitarists of the group to take the lead. Disclaimer- ACTION SONGS are NOT praise and worship.

11. Respect their freedom: Don’t pressure youth into taking more responsibility than they’re ready for. That just leaves them with a resentful heart. If people are feeling overloaded, or they have a lot of pressure from college, home or work, listen to them, and let them step back for a while. Events are not more important than people. Also, if youth group is a place of joy and growth, you won’t have to force youth to attend. They’ll come. Don't baby, bully, boss or manipulate them. Treat them as equals with a voice. Propose, do not impose. Also, go house to house and invite youth who do not attend for an event (they're more likely to come for an outreach event where they get to serve).

12. Have fun: Putting Christ at the center of everything doesn’t mean signing up for a boring life. On the contrary, when we know the Lord and use our energy and heart to love and serve Him, it transforms our fun times too. Board game nights, movie nights, dancing, football matches, karaoke – encourage and participate in healthy and fun activities. Give them an alternative to clubs and expensive restaurants.

Young people are lonely. They are searching for meaning and something authentic in a world of fakes. They do not need just a social club. They desire something more. They are capable of so much more. "Life with Christ is a wonderful adventure." Let's invite them into that adventure.

So, what are you waiting for? Approach your parish priest and ask him if you can help with the youth group. Or if he is unwilling, just start doing these things with the youth you know. If you need help with getting some of these started, my group can help! Let me know. Let’s pray for true renewal in the Church starting with our young people.