I don’t know what it is, but as soon as I see an interesting/ thought-provoking/controversial headline or Facebook status, my eyes and my cursor are irresistibly drawn to the ‘Comment’ button.
“Don’t do it!” screams the rational and sane part of my brain, “You know what’s going to happen!” But like a teenage girl to an obsessive boyfriend, I just can’t/won’t stay away. Why do I do it?
My brain craves stimulation: A common INTJ problem. I just want to know what people are thinking and saying. I want to tickle my brain with more opinions, snarky retorts, and the answer to the question: ‘What does the general public think about this?’
I want someone to do my homework for me: A LOT of the time, I don’t actually want to read the article. But I do want to fact check, and I just know there will always be the Critic who will point out the obvious flaws or factual errors in the article or status. My assumption is that if no one challenges the statement, it’s probably true.
Morbid fascination: Sometimes I just KNOW it’s going to be bad. Any news article even slightly connected with the Catholic Church is going to have everyone with a (justified or ignorance-fuelled) grudge against the Catholic Church expressing their fury in no uncertain terms. Anything about Trump will have both the usual liberal Trump mockers, and the Trump supporters yelling pointlessly at each other. “Fake news! No other President has been treated so badly!” “You ignorant racist Trumpsters have brought this on us!” And I still I click on that button.
How has this Facebook comment fascination worked out for me?
Facebook comments have sucked away hours of my life: Some of my friends who are wives and mothers keep talking about how much time they had when they were single, to exercise, to read, to create, to pray, to reach out. I agree in a non-committal way, trying hard to hide my guilty expression as I realize I’M SQUANDERING THE GOOD YEARS OF MY LIFE ON FACEBOOK COMMENTS.
I’m often left frustrated with the idiocy of vast swathes of humanity: It’s like entering a stadium and finding huge mobs of people screaming abuses at each other, while absolutely no one listens to anyone. But how much less of an idiot am I by choosing to be in that stadium at all? I could shout “Civil respectful dialogue! Try to listen to one another! STOP CALLING EACH OTHER NAMES!” but that’s as effective as parents yelling over their screaming children, “STOP YELLING! INSIDE VOICES!” (This is not only an online problem though. I realized today that I need to work on listening to understand, not talking to change someone’s opinion.)
This doesn’t help with my mission to love people: Facebook commenters are usually faceless voices. Well, they have faces, but I don’t notice them. Most people I know in real life are not plain good or bad, but a complicated mix of a lot of things. They are more than their opinions for sure. But on comment threads, they are nothing but opinions with names. So it’s easy for me to write them off, judge them, and close my heart to them. In real life though, I can see more of the WHOLE person. I got into a heated discussion with a couple of friends about Trump today, but most of our friendship has nothing to do with Trump. It’s harder to see on Facebook that most people are usually well-meaning with big blind spots, that they are PERSONS first, and as such, worthy to be loved in spite of their weaknesses. (And prayed for!)
Comment threads seem to bring out the worst in people: Commenters usually seem very defensive, offensive, or a scary mixture of the two. I can’t even imagine a real life exchange where people would use that many mean names, or make overt personal attacks.
But they also bring out the scary people: Sometimes people aren’t well-meaning. Sometimes they are mean, angry and violent. I’m going to make a leap, and guess that they may have psychological problems, traumatic or abusive childhoods, or an upbringing that encouraged hate speech and anger towards certain groups. They probably don’t have very fulfilling, balanced, joyful offline lives, and live much of their daily life fighting nasty battles online. This includes (but isn’t limited to) many extreme right-wing Indians who proudly defend a misogynistic, communal worldview or ideology. I find myself mumbling, “How is it possible that people really think like this?”
And mostly they bring out the people who can’t spell. What more can I say? How many times a day can one wince at a wrongly used ‘there’, ‘their’ or ‘they’re’? Let’s not even go into ‘its’ and ‘it’s’!
The reality of echo chambers is brought home: Because I’m a Catholic who believes in the importance of social justice issues as well as defending the truth of traditional morality, not to mention being pro-life in the defence of the unborn as well as every other marginalized and threatened life, I am caught in the middle of two very strongly opposing sides. I see on my Facebook feed very different opinions, news articles, and shared statuses. From these opposing sets of Facebook comment threads, it seems like there is some kind of weird broken reality, or an alternate universe where each side’s opinion makes perfect sense to them, each side is VERY sure they are right, and the other is completely wrong. Each group all seem to follow the same set of news articles and political or religious commenters, and simply echo what they say, reassuring themselves and each other that everyone with any sense believes the same thing.
So where is the love part of this love-hate relationship?
You’re going to find this very hard to believe, but I have come across a very rare phenomenon- a balanced, thoughtful, respectful, and often funny set of comment threads. I’m talking about Simcha Fisher, a Catholic blogger and author. Not that there haven’t been some unpleasant moments (and a few rather rude commenters), but on the whole I have found that Simcha seems to have gathered a community of intelligent and thoughtful (if somewhat snarky) Catholics. There are usually heaps of anecdotes, often intelligent criticism or questions, and I leave these threads feeling edified and encouraged… even when I don’t agree with everyone. I know there will be at least one devil’s advocate to help a discussion move forward, and not just pointless name-calling or back-patting.
So is there a point to this post?
Yes.
1. I need to swear off all Facebook comment threads.
2. Except the ones that edify me. '
3. And so should you.
4. Oh, and also, get off your darn phone and talk to some real life people! (Talking to you, Sue!)
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