Keeping It Real: Diary of a Not Very Indian Girl: Letter to My Teenage Self

Monday, 1 July 2019

Letter to My Teenage Self

Dear young, awkward, skinny Sue,

First of all, don't freak out, but you turn out to be 33 years old and not yet married. Yeah, you don't get married in your early twenties and have a bunch of kids. Didn't expect THAT, did you? But that is the least of all the unexpected things your life holds! I have some news, and some advice, and some lessons I want to share (because people in their thirties like to do that kind of thing).

1. Stop obsessing about romance, marriage and crushes. It's not just something people say to make themselves feel better about being single, but there REALLY REALLY is a LOT more to life than romance. There are SO many good and exciting and challenging things to do and learn and explore, and YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME READING ROMANCE NOVELS AND WATCHING CHICK FLICKS. Did I say that loud enough? Did you hear me? Put that book down (or even better, throw it away), and jump into something more challenging and interesting.

2. Life gets better once you cross 25. There is nothing like the confidence of the late twenties and thirties. Man, you just won't care anymore! Remember when you were excruciatingly aware of your awkward gait, and self-conscious body language, and you used to practise walking confidently on your way home from college? That totally stops being a thing. You start fitting into your own skin. Also, bonus, you finally start having regular good hair days, and even know how to look pretty without too much effort. But sorry, you never really figure out make-up and how to switch on a photogenic smile, but that's okay. You're beautiful and you finally believe it.

Making weird faces at cameras for three decades

3. You need to start working on discipline. It's not something that magically appears when you cross a certain age. If you don't exercise those self-control muscles now, you will be struggling with it fifteen years later. You have GOT to learn to switch self-indulgence for self-denial. I promise you the fruits of self-denial are much much sweeter. If you don't know where to start, make a daily schedule, set goals for yourself, and make yourself accountable to someone. Start something, and keep at it. It will get easier.

4. Adventures are not as scary as you think they are. Guess what, you travel to the US three times, live in the Philippines for two years, leave your home and family to start afresh many times in MANY different homes, and with many different sets of people, and you actually enjoy a lot of that. You are sometimes homesick and you make mistakes, but you also make lifelong friends, and learn to survive on your own, you learn to travel (although home is still your favorite place), and to figure out how to get things done when you need to without paralyzing anxiety. Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. If you cling to it too firmly, you will never grow or change or become the woman you were meant to be.

Adventures: Even boring introverts need them

5. Your faith means nothing if it is not transformed into LOVE. Yes, I know you are super into apologetics, and understanding and explaining the truth of the Catholic faith. And you may be happy to know that 33 year old Sue still loves the beauty and the truth revealed by Jesus through the Catholic Church. But reading blogs and hanging out on Catholic forums and arguing with people is never going to change the world. Look for ways to love people. Fill up your time with service to the poor. Spend more time sharing your faith than defending it. I promise it's worth it.

6. You don't land up marrying ANY of the many crushes you have now. Instead, you meet and fall in love with a doctor (I know, what?!!) from a very different culture than you. You're 32 when you meet him, but all the experiences and lessons of the previous decade have prepared you for this man, and the new life God is inviting you into with him. You can't skip steps. God works things out exactly when and how He wants to, so stop worrying or obsessing about it and live fully the present moment. There is no shame in being single. By the way, when romance finally happens, it is exactly as sweet and beautiful as you hoped it would be, and makes the years of waiting worth it.

Romance in your thirties is just as sweet

7. You never have everything totally figured out. Apparently, nobody does. There are many unanswered questions, self-doubt and struggles with impostor syndrome, problems to solve, decisions to make at EVERY stage of your life. It's not that you magically find your one true career or calling and then live it our perfectly. You're a teacher, a blogger, a full-time Catholic worker, but you will soon be a wife, hopefully a mother, and probably an author (yes, you're supposed to be working on a book). You may do other things and be other things too as life goes on. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just need to ask God what's next, and be faithful to that thing.

Life is good, young Sue! Be happy! Don't be afraid. Stay close to Jesus, and trust that He's going to help you figure things out. And like they say, survive, chuckle, show affection.