tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75062855089489385772024-03-20T20:37:28.004+05:30Keeping It Real: Diary of a Not Very Indian GirlSue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.comBlogger321125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-7880469902237609912022-03-05T04:26:00.003+05:302022-03-05T04:28:23.708+05:30How to Bless Parents of a Newborn <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgi6-71o86N5MMv0kzhvVNwVXW4bOvZ6PNo9od3J6az_q9jBYBG-9lAJnfLm4yVbY6fdQr8-5FTOWChzS6X-IOzVvKUxaMsF_2CKOWFx_uOcTGZJqjkxTs1acgsjB2aTvSZv2Iu5zAhwYBBIMM-XnubocuB3JO-Nh8NYtjm47xGTXu60aEo9A5PuKrwnQ=s1152" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="544" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgi6-71o86N5MMv0kzhvVNwVXW4bOvZ6PNo9od3J6az_q9jBYBG-9lAJnfLm4yVbY6fdQr8-5FTOWChzS6X-IOzVvKUxaMsF_2CKOWFx_uOcTGZJqjkxTs1acgsjB2aTvSZv2Iu5zAhwYBBIMM-XnubocuB3JO-Nh8NYtjm47xGTXu60aEo9A5PuKrwnQ=s320" width="151" /></a></div><br /><p>As I get closer to the arrival of my second baby, I'm once again bracing myself for the very challenging postpartum weeks and months, that I experienced just a year and a half ago. I have other close friends going through the same stage of life, and I want to write this post because I realize now how easy it is to be completely clueless about what parents of young children are going through. I'm sure I might forget too, so this is a guide for my future self too.</p><p>So here goes, how to bless parents of a newborn, some practical suggestions:</p><p>Don't wait for them to ask, or offer help vaguely like "Let me know if you need anything." Offer concrete help. </p><p>Drop off fresh meals (especially for immediately after they return from the hospital) and small nutritious snacks for Mama (constant breastfeeding is hungry work). Some ideas: Mini quiches or sausage egg muffins that can be frozen, homemade granola bars, cookies, hummus and chopped carrots and cucumbers, cheese and crackers, banana bread or carrot cake, laddoos, kheer kebabs, fresh fruit juice or milkshakes, smoothies, chicken soup, cut fruit or salads, meatballs, anything that doesn't involve any work except reheating.</p><p>Take older kids out for walks in the mornings. Take a snack and water. Prepare to change diapers or take them to the toilet when necessary. Go regularly if possible. </p><p>Go over and just hold the baby if needed so parents can take a nap or shower. </p><p>Intense level help: If you're a close friend or relative, and if they have noone else, offer to go stay with them overnight/ for a few days/weeks to help with night wake ups, chores, and entertaining older kids. You'll be tired but you can go home and sleep after your sacrifice! </p><p>Go over and wash dishes or clean the kitchen or fold laundry or do anything to reduce the chaos. </p><p>Do not expect to be entertained or hosted or fed when you're visiting. Only go to help, no social visits till the parents say they're ready. And even then, keep them short. </p><p>Don't offer any unsolicited advice or make negative comments about anything. Postpartum hormones are pretty wild, and there may be tears. </p><p>Offer mama a massage (if you're a close female friend or relative).. her body is painful and achy for quite a while after giving birth. </p><p>Wash your hands before holding the baby. Don't visit if you have a cold, or you've been sick, or you have kids who are sick. </p><p>Take some good photos and videos of parents and baby if they're up to it. </p><p>If you can't do any of this, just pray for them and offer them words of encouragement and support. </p><p>Additional suggestions by other young moms: </p><p>Even dropping off chapatis helps! Or a sweet note with some store bought granola bars and coffee sachets. </p><p>Hold the baby <i>and</i> entertain the kid/s if you can manage it. </p><p>Be a blessing to the parents and make them chai or coffee in their house, and take snacks or fruit </p><p>Small things like calling before you go over and offering to buy fruit, veggies, bread, milk or curd for them.</p><p><i>Parents of small babies, any other suggestions?</i></p>Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-5580688426382724322021-06-17T16:16:00.000+05:302021-06-17T16:16:42.168+05:30Covid and the Invitation to Extend Grace<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx_a7PJiPlm6SP_A0iAa-_7SYwa3mn4EcPRAlpCewX8Yoqy1fwSZZycDgkXYtWFOkCHBr_wrHoDpl8I_9VxrasRd5AA_EpiX7LsRTYqk5Y8IUqXdpHFRveYIz5tYORnt52yAsgw38K2MhA/s2048/20210503_132237.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx_a7PJiPlm6SP_A0iAa-_7SYwa3mn4EcPRAlpCewX8Yoqy1fwSZZycDgkXYtWFOkCHBr_wrHoDpl8I_9VxrasRd5AA_EpiX7LsRTYqk5Y8IUqXdpHFRveYIz5tYORnt52yAsgw38K2MhA/w240-h320/20210503_132237.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><p>The past year has been tragic for many people - deaths of loved ones, severe health problems, job loss, financial hardships, mental health struggles, and so much more. </p><p>But for some of us, one of the difficult things about the past year and a half has been a seemingly smaller problem - trying to figure out what is safe to do, and what isn't. Of course there have been guidelines that have been updated by the health authorities - wash hands, wear masks, stay home, keep a safe distance, etc. But as a few months have turned into over a year, it's not always been possible or easy just to hit pause on life. </p><p>Some people have laughed off the dangers of covid, ignored the risks not only to themselves, but also to the high risk people they could encounter. But many of us took the pandemic seriously, and still have had very different ideas of what an acceptable risk is. </p><p>Should I hire a maid to clean? It's risky but she probably needs the job and the money, and we are drowning under housework and childcare. </p><p>Should I go to the dentist? How long can I put off my dental work? </p><p>Should I run an errand for a friend? Will their need outweigh the risk to myself and my family? </p><p>Should I visit my old grandparents? They are high risk, but they are also desperately lonely and need family to visit them occasionally. </p><p>Should I take my young child to see her grandparents? It's a risk to them and to us, but is the solution not having a relationship for over a year? What if they get sick at the end of the year anyway from some other source, and we missed out on the chance to build our relationship?</p><p>Different people have had different answers to these questions. </p><p>Many didn't have an option about staying home. My husband is a doctor, so while he wears PPE at the hospital, we have not been completely isolated since the start of the pandemic. We heard that some doctors' wives and kids moved to a different home to be safe, but my husband and I didn't think that was what God wanted of us- for him to miss out on the first year of our daughter's life, or our own married life together. We'd face the risks together (while trying to take every precaution possible). </p><p>Several of my family had or are having pandemic babies. My daughter too was born in August 2020. We didn't have an option about going for check ups and different doctors' visits. </p><p>I asked my mum to come help me for the first few weeks of my baby's birth. She knew there was a risk involved, but she felt that my need outweighed the risk. My husband and mother were both with me through my long, painful labour and for the actual delivery. Amazingly, though we later found out my doctor had covid, none of us contracted it. Others who took every possible precaution, still contracted it. </p><p>So many different situations, and so many difficult decisions, that needed to be re-evaluated with new data, new needs and struggles, and as cases went up and down. So much thinking and overthinking, discussing, reading, researching, and analyzing. </p><p>That was difficult enough. But another more painful problem seems to have arisen across the globe - a high level of judgment and anger and hurt about other people's decisions, often within families and communities. I saw people discuss this on Twitter and Facebook threads, and realized a lot of people are going through the same struggle. </p><p>I began to realize sometime last year that this particular decision-making is difficult for everyone, and it's not my job to make decisions for other people. I didn't always agree with everyone else's ideas of acceptable risks, and I'm sure not everyone agreed with mine. </p><p>Then I remembered a lesson I had learned many years ago - that one of the best gifts I could receive or give was the gift of 'extending grace'. To me that meant trying to believe the best instead of the worst about people's motives, always giving the benefit of the doubt, withholding judgment, and being kind regardless. It meant trying to put myself in the other person's shoes, and trying to understand where they were coming from, even if I couldn't fully agree with them. </p><p>It was helpful to take into account different people's situations and personalities. In some ways, many introverts thrived on the hermit- like life asked of them. No social engagements or obligations? Yes, please. (That's me.) Extroverts on the other hand have been slipping into depression. Some people are naturally more cautious and risk-averse, so in some ways this pandemic has played into their inclinations and confirmed their fear that the world is a dangerous place and too many people are crazy risk takers. I recently read on one FB thread that the more cautious personalities did better at the height of the pandemic, and became more and more anxious as things opened up. More adventurous personalities were NOT inclined to 'stay home, stay safe', but many did it anyway... until months passed and it just became too much. People from very community-oriented backgrounds couldn't really grasp the concept of not socializing, or not inviting people into their homes. A lot of the older generation just couldn't seem to get it. These were things I just couldn't control, nor was I asked to do so. </p><p>My responsibility was to make decisions with my husband for OUR family. Which brings me to the other important concept I began to reflect on - boundaries. Boundaries are a reminder of what I was responsible for, and what l wasn't. One of my most important life lessons (especially because I keep thinking it's my job to make sure everyone is happy, healthy, holy and safe) is the motto: I can't control what other people do, but I can control what I do. </p><p>These two ideas actually worked well together - I could sympathize or empathize with other people's decisions, but finally I had to make my own decisions (after praying and talking to my husband). I had to respect other people's decisions, as I expected them to respect mine. </p><p>Like any hardship, the pandemic presents us with an opportunity to allow God in, or shut Him out. We are always offered an invitation to choose love, mercy and grace in the midst of the most difficult of situations. </p><p>"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6: 36-37</p>Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-92065723916761784722021-05-14T01:28:00.001+05:302021-05-14T12:11:11.217+05:30My List of Postpartum Must-Haves <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwVHFYx3kMdH-Qjm6OOXfnEKTDHrWLdXAqK2DuvUKjLxvnNgJJ6y5ESArtsp-1EoD3cSo_xit5CWjXs3tr7KYopNlxJ8mxdOEtklGTvgpCM5EDthZ_JDeJdii6TlhphQaNZGUROCkw3fd4/s1040/81f39ecc-87a3-4956-b2da-d4793c3cf49e.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1040" data-original-width="780" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwVHFYx3kMdH-Qjm6OOXfnEKTDHrWLdXAqK2DuvUKjLxvnNgJJ6y5ESArtsp-1EoD3cSo_xit5CWjXs3tr7KYopNlxJ8mxdOEtklGTvgpCM5EDthZ_JDeJdii6TlhphQaNZGUROCkw3fd4/s320/81f39ecc-87a3-4956-b2da-d4793c3cf49e.JPG" /></a></div><i>My baby is now almost 9 months old, but I wrote this when she was just a few months old. I had no idea how rough those first few weeks and months would be, so I thought I'd share, both for those who are going to have babies themselves, for their husbands and families to understand what they're going through, and just as a record for myself. </i><p></p><p>Most women have their hospital bag list, and their getting ready for baby list. But do they have their own personal postpartum list? What do you need to survive these first few weeks and months? </p><p><b>Patience: </b>As my body faces aches and pains, achy finger joints, stitches that take some time to heal, I have to remember it WILL get better day by day. I thought when I was done with labour and delivery, the pain would all be over, but the weeks that follow have their own share of struggles. But it DOES get better. </p><p><b>Midnight snacks:</b> Did not know how hungry breastfeeding mothers constantly are. It’s a tough night when I forget to keep a snack within reach. Want to bless a new mom? Gift her some snacks! (Some of my awesome fam did that!) </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-FZjKoE00QrgJSr94YXhhtJ4Dyeyya7mtoCMQoXGBks5-U6d050Z2qbCDlEmBUzYQ7SQ2iCr1Bm4pBgHKe0gZwVdgoalSrG051qJhv7gJ5juD1cca4Q3Jq2Fj0SKcLzIqq_B_BLYrjCOD/s769/IMG_3166.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="769" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-FZjKoE00QrgJSr94YXhhtJ4Dyeyya7mtoCMQoXGBks5-U6d050Z2qbCDlEmBUzYQ7SQ2iCr1Bm4pBgHKe0gZwVdgoalSrG051qJhv7gJ5juD1cca4Q3Jq2Fj0SKcLzIqq_B_BLYrjCOD/s320/IMG_3166.jpg" /></a></div><p><b>A nursing pillow: </b>Thank the Lord for all these little inventions that make the life of a breastfeeding mom a little easier. Did you know new babies feed almost EVERY TWO HOURS? My arm has been saved by using this pillow. (Yet another great gift for a new mom.) </p><p><b>A hands-on, understanding husband: </b>The long nights are a little easier with a husband who says “Give her to me when you finish feeding and get some sleep,” and then holds the baby, burps the baby, soothes the unhappy baby and changes diapers. Also a good husband is essential for when a postpartum wife keeps bursting into tears (I did not know this was a thing! Yay crazy postpartum hormones) Other tasks of a good husband is reassuring his wife that her body will get back to normal eventually, NOT commenting on how tired she constantly looks, providing food and water and hugs and prayers when she needs them, and not expecting anything of her except survival. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiP-GAAzQ9L8PKZKl7qKyjoUUyCa50qRn7YLDTOUg735jbqoF0jq0hf9vEkdOKPkM8C-QP-Lh0LPwWV0M4vrmuj83D6G-ii642IBHaSJ55Uv4fJHLlasbZDsA192DkTzQhcnVSlYcbkatT/s939/711a9de4-02b1-4416-b0ec-5172915ecb9a.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="939" data-original-width="544" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiP-GAAzQ9L8PKZKl7qKyjoUUyCa50qRn7YLDTOUg735jbqoF0jq0hf9vEkdOKPkM8C-QP-Lh0LPwWV0M4vrmuj83D6G-ii642IBHaSJ55Uv4fJHLlasbZDsA192DkTzQhcnVSlYcbkatT/s320/711a9de4-02b1-4416-b0ec-5172915ecb9a.jpg" /></a></div><br /><b>Two bedrooms: </b>Obviously this is for those whom it is possible. We realized we would both do better if we took turns to sleep and care for baby. I took night shift in our extra room so Joel could sleep undisturbed. I would hand baby over in the early hours of the morning, and sink into sleep for a few hours. <p></p><p><b>A support system: </b>My mother came to stay with me for two weeks after the delivery, and then I stayed at my parents’ home for another two weeks. My mum went above and beyond- cooking for us, taking the baby at all hours including the middle of the night so I could catch some sleep, holding and rocking baby when she was crying her head off, showing me how to care for a tiny human being from bathing her to identifying her needs. Some friends sent food over, especially helpful immediately after returning from the hospital when all of us were exhausted. (Another post on this coming up.) </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc_ESVi6uGgXMe8WYIBIokwTh8RC33HIEGlwALGuNcpfwEXC2yHgsG60xRSBuP1NEOJgQgeYAIBZ0XlAhkDyb4SHAPAcsq-szjTbcIZLBTFFcd8De74gSPwU8CfKnW0qXQhgeR7SGq8vhK/s1040/e5ec90c0-f184-43f4-8504-1e67ecf1643b.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1040" data-original-width="780" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc_ESVi6uGgXMe8WYIBIokwTh8RC33HIEGlwALGuNcpfwEXC2yHgsG60xRSBuP1NEOJgQgeYAIBZ0XlAhkDyb4SHAPAcsq-szjTbcIZLBTFFcd8De74gSPwU8CfKnW0qXQhgeR7SGq8vhK/s320/e5ec90c0-f184-43f4-8504-1e67ecf1643b.JPG" /></a></div><p><b>Low expectations:</b> Don't expect to cook or clean or go back to work or do anything except survive at the beginning. The bare minimum is a LOT. Get a tiffin, or order food, and don't be embarrassed about it. You will have so much more peace of mind if you give up unnecessary guilt. </p><p><b>An internet connection: </b>There are awesome Instagram accounts that help me remember I'm not the only one struggling. <b> </b>There are articles, support groups and forums for every question I have about my baby and her struggles. I’ve researched everything from how to help a baby with vaccination pain, reflux, gassiness, to tricks to burp baby, to why my baby wakes up as soon as I put her down, and a LOT more, sometimes in the dead of night while holding her yet again. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiCU6puSbDaGEdT3dlhTrZ5rP0tSxhVqjLj6yHdz4B4kgb3a8-ZRGm_aKOw1kttv8xvIcGIUZZ19VC1Kd33U57C26Bcr7KH0rwn5iidrzIo_jKsnZ6lmf2MROHI20E7drSIfQmsAXTq-iC/s640/IMG_3410.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="564" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiCU6puSbDaGEdT3dlhTrZ5rP0tSxhVqjLj6yHdz4B4kgb3a8-ZRGm_aKOw1kttv8xvIcGIUZZ19VC1Kd33U57C26Bcr7KH0rwn5iidrzIo_jKsnZ6lmf2MROHI20E7drSIfQmsAXTq-iC/s320/IMG_3410.jpg" /></a></div><p><b>Perspective:</b> This one is easy to lose when you’re in the trenches, in a blur of tiredness and breastfeeding and diapers and spit-up, and it seems like baby won’t stop crying and you’re never going to sleep again. But it’s super-helpful to remember that it’s perfectly normal for everything to seem overwhelming especially in the first three months, that baby crying doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong or that you are scarring baby for life with your incompetence, that it WILL get better, and you WILL feel normal again, and you WILL sleep for more than an hour at a time. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFrIoujarewY-3EzaW9TkkFgQwIe-13l2cVRIeuHAbniPiq68EnxNkkWjoaDRYITrVsZz43zUERtk9RpzgfC8BSB3tAG-kJbsX_p5v-WkfvjG1BKzMRyslL4ly3bVOOzMWnwEBGbPmGU0L/s374/IMG_3194.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="374" data-original-width="370" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFrIoujarewY-3EzaW9TkkFgQwIe-13l2cVRIeuHAbniPiq68EnxNkkWjoaDRYITrVsZz43zUERtk9RpzgfC8BSB3tAG-kJbsX_p5v-WkfvjG1BKzMRyslL4ly3bVOOzMWnwEBGbPmGU0L/s320/IMG_3194.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p><b>Boundaries:</b> It's okay to tell people that no, you are not up to guests, or that you need to take your baby in to feed now, or that you need to go sleep because you're exhausted, or that no, you can't attend that meeting or wedding or whatever because it's just too hard right now. You don't have to be embarrassed to say no, nor are you under any obligation to please everyone else. Your priority is your baby and your own survival. You don't have to be rude or get mad- they probably just don't remember or know how hard the newborn stage is. </p><p><b>Humility: </b>At the beginning I was so weak, all I could do was feed baby, as my mother and husband literally fed me. My mother or husband cooked (or we ordered), I didn't set foot in the kitchen for months. My mother even massaged my painful body. I felt so helpless. But I remember thinking- your baby is dependent on you, and you are dependent on them... and that's the way it is. Some day you will be the one taking care of them, but for now allow yourself to be looked after. </p><p>What else would you add to this list? </p>Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-59537971240295781862020-12-20T12:52:00.000+05:302020-12-20T12:52:16.405+05:30INSPIRE2020: Why I Am Catholic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja3CJifykmVLQjc3Ggh4Rz7j1eT-j-Y8BOdwFPj4ascfvFg9SpSE_kYmKjUF3m-jRpZxhOL1k5Q-jw7JqwvZkP4OGyl77rXb1e5l2wOHaw_zgqkvLAVMJhPStg8EEp8T0Y-dXIrUFAhyyS/s786/Eucharist+01.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="553" data-original-width="786" height="450" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja3CJifykmVLQjc3Ggh4Rz7j1eT-j-Y8BOdwFPj4ascfvFg9SpSE_kYmKjUF3m-jRpZxhOL1k5Q-jw7JqwvZkP4OGyl77rXb1e5l2wOHaw_zgqkvLAVMJhPStg8EEp8T0Y-dXIrUFAhyyS/w640-h450/Eucharist+01.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><p><i style="background-color: white; font-family: Cantarell; font-size: 15.4px;">I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is 'Why I Am Catholic'. Also, follow Desi Catholics on Insta and FB!</i></p><p><span style="font-family: Cantarell;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 15.4px;">I am Catholic because my parents chose to have me baptized. But I am a faithful, believing Catholic instead of an agnostic or atheist because of a combination of many factors:</span></span></p>
A consistent life ethic <div>The litany of the saints </div><div>Truth, Beauty, Goodness </div><div>The Eucharistic Jesus </div><div>Adoration chapels </div><div>The grace of Confession </div><div>Theology of the Body </div><div>Mother Teresa </div><div>Saint John Paul II</div><div>The call to holiness </div><div>Holy balance </div><div>A place for every culture and nation </div><div>A place for the little ones </div><div>A commitment to social justice </div><div>Redemptive suffering </div><div>A place for the misfits and outcasts </div><div>The Catechism of the Catholic Church </div><div>The Emergency Novena </div><div>Consecration to Jesus through Mary </div><div>Travelling Rosaries </div><div>Mary’s maternal care </div><div>Spiritual warfare and sacramentals </div><div>The St. Michael prayer </div><div>Guardian angels </div><div>Reason and faith </div><div>The Church of Peter </div><div>The promise of Jesus</div><div>The early Church Fathers </div><div>Authority given by Jesus to dispense the sacraments </div><div>Faithfulness to the truth entrusted by Jesus </div><div>The Charismatic renewal </div><div>The living saints </div><div>An openness to renewal and re-examining ways of doing things </div><div>Vatican 2 </div><div>Catholic communities focussing on discipleship and evangelization </div><div>Catholic Twitter </div><div>The fellowship of wise and holy Catholic brothers and sisters </div><div><br /></div><div>I’m Catholic in spite of </div><div><br /></div><div>The abuse scandals </div><div>The hypocrisy of many leaders </div><div>The polarised political American Catholic Church </div><div>The lack of clarity and unity in communication and teaching from most Catholic leaders </div><div>A failure to live by the Spirit </div><div>Lack of fellowship and accountability in most Catholic parishes </div><div>Parish politics </div><div>My Catholic convent school </div><div>My parish youth group</div><div>My parish culture</div><div>Many loud Catholic celebrities and speakers </div><div>A failure to evangelise even our own flock </div><div>The lies and half-truths coming out of many seminaries </div><div>A culture of authoritarianism and clericalism </div><div>Horrible Church music </div><div>Rad-trads</div><div>New Ages practices promoted by Indian Catholic priests</div><div>Pauline bookstores</div><div>Action songs </div><div><br /></div><div>“The difficulty of explaining ‘why I am a Catholic’ is that there are ten thousand reasons all amounting to one reason: that Catholicism is true.” (G.K. Chesterton, Why I Am A Catholic)</div><div><br /></div><div>I wrote a more detailed post here: <a href="http://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2016/01/when-i-get-tired-of-being-catholic.html" target="_blank">When I Get Tired of Being Catholic</a></div>Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-5585122680850720152020-12-05T14:22:00.004+05:302020-12-05T14:22:56.722+05:30INSPIRE2020: Tough Topics - Love is Love... Or Is It?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV7mjebu8BQM3QPc3r25ejtvDoOrsIl-JvlLUeGZGsoqYIKMvA2iZ6USDW3hLv5eOIDn6fLBgt446m7rpaxP84X9vv28QSDRqGh6a6DatsMffoA0gFpeDp3bVFTy10i4oQDY8kNvN6l77E/s858/IMG_7781+-+Copy.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="858" data-original-width="709" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV7mjebu8BQM3QPc3r25ejtvDoOrsIl-JvlLUeGZGsoqYIKMvA2iZ6USDW3hLv5eOIDn6fLBgt446m7rpaxP84X9vv28QSDRqGh6a6DatsMffoA0gFpeDp3bVFTy10i4oQDY8kNvN6l77E/w330-h400/IMG_7781+-+Copy.JPG" width="330" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><i>I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is 'Tough Topics'. </i></div><div><br /></div><div>Although the Church's stance on same-sex marriage is not the central or most important teaching of the Church, it is one of the more controversial ones, and one that seems to be a hot-topic online. I'm writing about it because I know it can be a confusing issue especially for young Catholics who care passionately about social justice issues, equality, and human rights, and if Catholics don't explain it well it could easily alienate them from the Church.</div><div><br /></div><div>First of all the reason this is such a tough topic to broach is that social justice issues seem to be presented as package deal. If you care about women's rights, you are supposed to fight for abortion rights. If you care about LGBTQ struggles, you should be fighting for their right to marry and adopt. And if you do NOT accept everything, most people assume you're on the same page as 'Gays go to hell', 'Women belong barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen' kind of extremists.</div><div><br /></div><div>Let’s clear up a few beliefs that I as an orthodox Catholic have: </div><div><br /></div><div>- I do NOT believe it’s a sin to ‘be gay’ or to be attracted to the same sex. Neither is a person with such an orientation a mistake or an accident. </div><div><br /></div><div>- Self-identifying as LGBTQ is not the same as a statement of someone's sexual activity.</div><div><br /></div><div>- I do not believe that people who choose to call themselves ‘gay’ or LGBTQ (instead of ‘struggling with SSA, etc) is a terrible thing, and definitely not a sin. Your sexual orientation is obviously not your whole identity, but it is an important part of your identity which has consciously or subconsciously influenced your relationships, your perspective on the world, your idea of your own value, the way people have treated you, the confusion you may have faced as a teenager, etc. It’s fairly easy to see how big an influence it is when we listen to any real life stories or experiences of LGBTQ people. Naming that experience or struggle can help you feel you’re not alone. (There are some who disagree with me.)</div><div><br /></div><div>- I think the representatives of the local Catholic Church need to do much better at talking about these struggles instead of ignoring them or pretending they don’t exist.</div><div><br /></div><div>- I believe homosexual activity should be decriminalised. Not every sin is a criminal matter.
We need to stop acting as if other people’s sins are far more repulsive than our own. LGBTQ sexual activity is on the same level as all other sexual sin - premarital or extramarital sex, masturbation, pornography, contraceptive sex or pretty much any sexual activity outside of God’s design - free, total, faithful and fruitful sex between a man and woman committed to each other for life. </div><div><br /></div><div>- I think we need to do far more to help LGBTQ people especially with creating safe spaces where bullying is not tolerated, and with addressing the high rate of depression, self harm and suicide found among them. </div><div><br /></div><div>- I think there are so-called Christians who have done a great deal of harm to our witness to the LGBTQ community- from parents kicking out their children who come out to them, to the crazies with their ‘God hates fags’ posters, or those obsessed with narrowly defining true masculinity or femininity, or those whose hackles rise as soon as the label LGBTQ is used. </div><div><br /></div><div>- I think our first response to someone who comes out as LGBTQ to us should be acceptance and love, not immediately checking whether they are chaste or not. That conversation can happen if and when the Spirit prompts. Lead with love, as always.</div><div><br /></div><div>Most of the beliefs I’ve stated above are not very controversial on social media. But being Catholic means being willing to hold on to and talk about the unpopular aspects of our faith too. </div><div><br /></div><div>As a Catholic, I believe- </div><div><br /></div><div>- God’s design for marriage was between a man and a woman, for life. Our bodies are created in such a way that even in a world marred by sin and dysfunction, it’s fairly easy to see the original design and plan for human sexual relationships. </div><div><br /></div><div>- The healthiest and most secure place for a child to grow is with a mother and a father who are faithful to each other and who emulate the love of God to their children. Of course there are many who have not had that privilege due to death, abuse, divorce or other factors out of their control, and God is able to bring healing and provide what is lacking. But that doesn’t change His original design and plan. (The polygamy of the OT was part of the dysfunction of a world twisted by original sin, but Jesus came to restore God’s original plan.) </div><div><br /></div><div>- If I really love and care for an LGBTQ person, I cannot cheer them on in a relationship that cuts them off from God’s good plan for their lives. However I can and should love them and find other ways to build that relationship (apart from getting excited about their love life).</div><div><br /></div><div>- If I really love an LGBTQ person, I will help them find healing* from any abuse or trauma they have suffered rather than just affirming and celebrating their sexual orientation. (Obviously this is not the situation for <i>all</i> LGBTQ people, but it is not uncommon.)</div><div><br /></div><div><b>The reason Catholic beliefs about homosexuality are so hard to swallow is because they have been presented as an opposition to the overly simple phrase - Love is love. </b></div><div><br /></div><div>This is how it is articulated- love is love, whether it’s between a man and a woman, or between two men, or between two women. We don’t choose who we love. Everyone deserves to be in a loving relationship/to find love. These thoughts are always presented alongside a picture of a cute affectionate same sex couple. </div><div><br /></div><div>It is so much easier to go with the flow and think “Well yeah, everyone DOES deserve love.. so what if they love in a different way than I do? They’re so cute. I can’t imagine the God of love would have a problem with this.’
Who could fight with it when you put it like that? So Catholics either ignore the inconvenient teachings of the Church, or try not to think about them, or choose to hope the Church will eventually ‘get with the times’. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://img.libquotes.com/pic-quotes/v1/g-k-chesterton-quote-lbs5a0n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="420" data-original-width="800" height="336" src="https://img.libquotes.com/pic-quotes/v1/g-k-chesterton-quote-lbs5a0n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><b>What DOES the Church say about this? Here's part of the Catechism's section on chastity:</b></div><div><br /></div><div><i>2357 Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity, tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered." They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved. </i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.
</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection. </i></div><div><br /></div><div>And here are some of my thoughts about the ‘love is love’ statement: </div><div><br /></div><div><i>Love is love, whether it’s between two men, or between two women. </i></div><div><br /></div><div>What about between three people - two women and a man? Sounds a little weird? Well, polyamory has already become socially acceptable in many circles. What about between an adult and a child? Or between siblings? If you call it ‘love’ and take cute pics, does it somehow become acceptable? We need to be wary of the ways we are being emotionally manipulated to accept lies as truth.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>People used to be against interracial marriage or inter caste marriage or inter-religious marriage. This is the same thing. </i></div><div><br /></div><div>No it’s not. The colour of our skin and our beliefs or family backgrounds are very different from our basic biological make up. Our bodies are not just our shells, but who we are. We are embodied spirits, not just souls knocking about in an outer casing. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>We don’t choose who we love.</i> </div><div><br /></div><div>We don’t choose who we are attracted to, but attraction is not the same as love. The same rationale is used to allow people to cheat on their spouses. Love is willing the good of the other, doing what is best for them. If you truly love someone, you help them follow God’s plan for their lives and find a deeper peace and a clear conscience, even if it includes self-denial and sacrifice. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>Everyone deserves to be in a loving relationship/to find love. </i></div><div><br /></div><div>
This is true! But marriage is not the only loving relationship we should have. We have made an idol of marriage or romantic relationships, acting as if that is the only path to fulfillment and love. No wonder single people feel such pressure not to land up ‘alone, with cats’. Not all are called to marriage for different reasons. It’s our job to encourage and build up holy relationships and communities so all can find a home, a community where they feel accepted and loved.</div><div><p>There is obviously a LOT more to discuss and think about and say on this topic. But most importantly, let's remember - As Catholics, we have to accept the uncomfortable position of not fully belonging to any camps, but following faithfully in the footsteps of Jesus who is love AND truth**. We are called to speak for truth, whether those particular truths are popular or unpopular. We are called to act with love whether it feels comfortable or uncomfortable. </p><p><i>*There's a really nice podcast that addresses a lot of these issues sensitively. It's called <a href="https://www.restoretheglorypodcast.com/" target="_blank">Restore the Glory</a>.</i></p><p><i>**I have been blessed to follow some Catholics who get this on Catholic Twitter. It's very freeing to know you don't have to accept the bad beliefs of either side, and that you can and should call out the problems you see on 'your own side'.</i></p><p><b>Related Links </b></p><p><a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2014/11/the-very-touchy-topic-of-christian.html">The Very Touchy Topic of the Christian Perspective on Homosexuality</a></p><p><a href="http://www.conversiondiary.com/2012/07/a-conversation-with-my-gay-friend.html" target="_blank">A conversation with my gay friend</a> by <a href="http://www.conversiondiary.com/jen" target="_blank">Jennifer Fulwiler</a></p><p>And this video:</p><div dir="ltr" trbidi="on"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="213" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//player.vimeo.com/video/93079367?color=5c7132" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> </div><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/93079367">The Third Way</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/blackstonefilms">Blackstone Films</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.</p><p></p></div>Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-37752968654169083692020-10-29T19:52:00.000+05:302020-10-29T19:52:14.486+05:30#INSPIRE2020: Moments with Mary <p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAiB9xutlV28LzOWZ2xMN1xA4nBpJ7YjC7GwgnB-CNi6OsY5uP74kwjEuYQos92dBfDE0ubF5Eax23CMD25uGkStl3zGx2CUWRwJ6s7sDgD7v-NeVlTG7BveCqVkLwlNXEmfvaLZA4T4uG/s679/PHOTO-2020-09-03-17-52-52.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="679" data-original-width="510" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAiB9xutlV28LzOWZ2xMN1xA4nBpJ7YjC7GwgnB-CNi6OsY5uP74kwjEuYQos92dBfDE0ubF5Eax23CMD25uGkStl3zGx2CUWRwJ6s7sDgD7v-NeVlTG7BveCqVkLwlNXEmfvaLZA4T4uG/w300-h400/PHOTO-2020-09-03-17-52-52.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><i style="background-color: white; font-family: Cantarell; font-size: 15.4px;"><p><i style="font-size: 15.4px;">I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is 'Mama Mary'. If you are an Indian Catholic, and would like to participate, sign up here: <a href="https://forms.gle/o5A1ZzBNFM94HoFP8" style="color: #cc6600; text-decoration-line: none;">https://forms.gle/o5A1ZzBNFM94HoFP8</a> </i></p></i><p></p>Although I grew up very Catholic, I didn’t always relate well to Mother Mary. I must have played her in several Nativity plays in Sunday School, prayed many Hail Marys over the years, could explain and describe all the mysteries of the Rosary and had a picture of her up next to the Sacred Heart of Jesus in our home. I even wrote an essay biblically defending her role as Mother of all Christians in my Catechism class in the ninth standard (which I remember with much pride because I got full marks).
<div><br /></div><div>And yet... she remained a distant figure. As my faith and intimacy with Jesus grew as a teenager, I began to feel irritated by the way many Catholics seemed to relate to her. It was as if SHE was the approachable, gracious Queen, and Jesus was the distant unapproachable King. I knew Catholics who were far more likely to turn to her, than to Jesus. And then of course, I saw many treat her like a goddess, almost indistinguishable from the way Hindus treat their idols - a giant statue at home at which flowers and garlands and incense were placed, no sign of Jesus anywhere, many Rosaries piously mumbled (at top speed, with no reflection on the mysteries), and a focus on miracles granted by Mother Mary, with little or no reference to Jesus, the Father, or the Holy Spirit.</div><div><br /></div><div>The statues of Mary didn’t help. She always seemed so perfect, so emotionless, or maybe a little sad. She didn’t seem very human. </div><div><br /></div><div>I remember wrestling with her place and role in my life. Obviously I knew that Jesus WAS approachable, tender, easy to turn to, and that He desired a close intimate relationship with me. Then what was all the hullabaloo about His Mother? Could I just be inspired by her yes without necessarily being in a relationship with her? What was the will of Jesus in all this? </div><div><br /></div><div>There were a few things that convinced me that I DID need her too. </div><div><br /></div><div>- I had a relationship with Jesus for many years, and still often struggled with sin, darkness, lukewarmness, etc. I began to realize that while my relationship with Christ was foundational, He loved me enough to give me additional ways or tools to bind myself more closely to Him, and aid me in my Christian life. His own Mother was a gift from Him, not to take His place, but to draw me closer to Him. I began to see her as a belt that would bind me more closely to Christ. </div><div><br /></div><div>- This view was strengthened when I read <a href="https://www.amazon.in/Saint-John-Paul-Great-Loves/dp/0991375408">a book about Saint John Paul II</a>, who obviously had a close and personal relationship with Jesus... and a strong love and devotion to Mary. Because of his witness, I consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary a few years ago (using the reflections from the book <i>33 Days to Morning Glory: A Do-It-Yourself Retreat In Preparation for Marian Consecration by Michael E. Gaitley</i>). </div><div><br /></div><div>- Some years ago I had a few experiences which I felt were spiritually oppressive. It only happened a few times, usually just before I was about to make some major life change. It would start with a (normal) nightmare and then turn into a strong sense of oppressive evil that I couldn’t escape from, a sense of abandonment, being cut off from God. In those moments, I called out to Jesus... and to Mary, and I felt a strong sense of her presence and protection. Catholics have often held that Mary has been given a special role in spiritual warfare. </div><div><br /></div><div>- In the past two months, I have felt a special connection to Mary as a mother. On the nights when Baby is crying in pain, I’m exhausted and near tears myself, I call out to her and to her cousin Elizabeth (after whom our baby is named). ‘You know what it’s like to care for a baby! Your babies probably struggled with gas pain and reflux. Babies through the ages have had the same struggles. PLEASE come and babysit for me so I can get some rest!’ And I believe they do come, and help me. Jesus loves me enough that He gave me not only Himself, but a whole bunch of heavenly (and earthly) friends and intercessors to accompany me and aid me in my struggles. </div><div><br /></div><div>I still feel that there are many Catholics who do not have a Christ-centred devotion to or understanding of Mary. But I also believe that we are missing out if we refuse the gift Jesus gave us - a relationship with His Mother, who is known as the Star of Evangelization, because her mission is to draw us closer to Christ. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>Related Articles</b></div><div><br /></div><a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2018/06/if-my-friends-and-i-were-mary-and.html" target="_blank">If My Friends and I Were Mary and Elizabeth at the Visitation… </a><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2013/12/reflecting-on-immaculate-conception.html" target="_blank">Reflecting on the Immaculate Conception</a></div>Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-86545866719752658422020-10-01T19:10:00.003+05:302020-10-01T19:10:54.236+05:30#INSPIRE2020: The Time I Searched for Jesus in Delhi<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzOLwIFHsaMOlNd1xfQE7JIvN0IxipUtuwBpyZ5_XSAsDQ1KsxXnjKBreOEGJdjVOCQhNKvxzDCToV4I9-mF-APYGIDYBCghjwJHun5oa6PW8rMiOwZ6h5Enuh5RmXKE_7wVS9Wz7HJlgu/s615/adoration.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="615" data-original-width="493" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzOLwIFHsaMOlNd1xfQE7JIvN0IxipUtuwBpyZ5_XSAsDQ1KsxXnjKBreOEGJdjVOCQhNKvxzDCToV4I9-mF-APYGIDYBCghjwJHun5oa6PW8rMiOwZ6h5Enuh5RmXKE_7wVS9Wz7HJlgu/w321-h400/adoration.png" width="321" /></a></div><i style="font-family: Cantarell; font-size: 15.4px;"><p><i style="font-size: 15.4px;">I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is 'The Eucharist'. If you are an Indian Catholic, and would like to participate, sign up here: <a href="https://forms.gle/o5A1ZzBNFM94HoFP8" style="color: #cc6600; text-decoration-line: none;">https://forms.gle/o5A1ZzBNFM94HoFP8</a> </i></p></i><p></p><p>Like most Catholics, I grew up with Sunday Mass being a regular, unquestioned part of life. I didn’t like or dislike it, it just WAS. I do remember feeling like it was VERY long, one hour can seem like an eternity to a child. I don’t think I thought much about God during Mass. It was more fun to look at people’s shoes and clothes as they walked up to receive Communion. </p><p>When I was about sixteen, I saw some visiting foreign missionaries genuflect with great reverence as they entered the church. ‘There must be more to the Eucharist than I thought’ was my subconscious thought. I began to make an effort to focus more on Jesus at Mass. I would shut my eyes tight after receiving Communion (those shoes and outfits remained a temptation) and remain kneeling to talk to Jesus even though everyone else was sitting and staring at the choir as if they were at a concert. </p><p>As my own faith grew stronger, and I invited the Holy Spirit to draw me closer to Jesus, my experience of Mass began to change too. I actually began to hear the readings, instead of zoning out as I used to do. At every Mass, I would hear something God was saying specifically to me.
But to a large extent I still took the Eucharist and its availability for granted till a little incident in Delhi when I was 24 years old. </p><p>I was visiting my Protestant aunt and uncle for a couple of weeks, and I wanted to make sure I found a Catholic Mass on Sunday. I looked up Catholic Churches and masses online, and it turned out all the masses that Sunday were cancelled except for one big Mass outside the city because it was Christ the King Sunday. No problem, I thought, I’ll just find a Saturday evening Mass. </p><p>I was used to my home city where we have several Catholic Churches within a few kilometres of each other, and plenty of options for Sunday mass timings. But it turned out that the north of India did not have such a high concentration of Catholic Churches. </p><p>Finally I located one on the map which didn’t seem too far, and together with one of my (Catholic) cousins who was working in Delhi then, we ventured out in search of Saturday evening Mass. </p><p>To my dismay, it wasn’t as simple as it seemed. There was no church when we arrived at the location. We asked some locals, and no one seemed to have heard of it or any other Catholic Church. Finally someone responded positively- “Ah yes, the church!” and gave us some directions... which we followed into a residential area, and found ourselves at a small Protestant church. </p><p>Meanwhile I was getting more and more distressed. I resigned myself to arriving late to Mass, but by this time I was obviously not going to make it at all. I was in a strange, unfamiliar city, and the more we searched, the more desperate I began to feel for Jesus in the Eucharist. “I just want to meet you, Lord! Please! I miss you!” </p><p>I called up my mum, close to tears. She reassured me, reminding me about spiritual communion, the ability to receive Jesus almost as intimately, when it was not possible to receive Him sacramentally. That was a consolation, but I still longed for the Eucharist. </p><p>The Lord answered my prayer- my mum managed to contact a religious sister she knew who was posted in Delhi, and she told us about a Mass that was being celebrated for Catholics in the different foreign consulates. We ventured into the very beautiful consular area of Delhi that Sunday morning and to my great joy, participated in the Mass in a school hall along with a bunch of foreigners. It was the Feast of Christ, the Universal King. </p><p>That day I experienced ‘my soul thirsting for God, as a deer pants for water’. Over the years, especially as I left home and spent time in the US and the Philippines as a full-timer, I found joy, consolation and familiarity in many Adoration chapels and Masses in various churches and languages.
Since March 2020, public Masses in India have been suspended. I have the familiarity of my own home and husband, and what with going through the discomforts of pregnancy and now the demands of caring for a small baby, I’m grateful not to have any social obligations including long Masses to attend. So it hasn’t been as intense an ache or longing. It’s like I’ve become satisfied with a long-distance relationship instead of meeting my Beloved in person. </p><p>I got the chance just once two months ago to receive the Eucharist (we made a special request to a priest we knew because I was going to be giving birth soon). There was no big dramatic experience as I received Him, but I was just so happy and grateful. </p><p>I am looking forward to meeting Jesus once again in His Eucharistic presence. I hope I will not let that love and longing fade away or be forgotten. Maybe this deprivation will give me and others a greater appreciation for this gift. I hope so anyway. </p><p><i>Reawaken my desire for You, O Lord. Increase my love and longing. You are the only One who can truly satisfy my soul. Please make a way for Your people to meet you in Your Eucharistic presence soon</i>.</p>Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-22335988413150473302020-08-28T23:35:00.000+05:302020-08-28T23:35:44.364+05:30How I Have Experienced the Love of God<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgidGz9NvW_D9krSxuYsSw-9ACd5dajAGW6vPFtC1AA7xYCGLLKq9eIZcYwDjLemhE8w5q78CIeWezyZIIWiBh2g5itJI6RTS27SRO3yldMs599pkR8jmcUIePy2zV999KQTiWdbdteCn6m/s677/love.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="399" data-original-width="677" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgidGz9NvW_D9krSxuYsSw-9ACd5dajAGW6vPFtC1AA7xYCGLLKq9eIZcYwDjLemhE8w5q78CIeWezyZIIWiBh2g5itJI6RTS27SRO3yldMs599pkR8jmcUIePy2zV999KQTiWdbdteCn6m/s640/love.png" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Cantarell; font-size: 15.4px;"><i>I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is 'Experiencing the Love of God'. If you are an Indian Catholic, and would like to participate, sign up here: <a href="https://forms.gle/o5A1ZzBNFM94HoFP8" style="color: #cc6600; text-decoration-line: none;">https://forms.gle/o5A1ZzBNFM94HoFP8</a> </i></span><br /><div><br /></div>I’m not the most touchy-feely, emotional kind of person, as I’ve mentioned before on this blog. I’m more likely to analyse feelings of love than to just feel them. I wouldn’t say ‘I love you’ to my now-husband until I did some more research and reading and thinking about what it really meant to ‘love’ someone. Part of this was personality, and part of it was growing up in a family that didn’t easily express verbal or physical affection. Verbal sparring and witty comebacks were more common than saying ‘I love you’ or hugging. <div><br /></div><div>In many ways, this analytical approach to life has made it a little more difficult to experience God. God is love, at the core of the Christian faith is a relationship, not just a set of beliefs. But for some of us, moving from the head to the heart is a challenge. </div><div><br /></div><div>I grew up in the charismatic renewal which often seems to prize and prioritize experiences, so I often felt disappointed and cheated when everybody else was having experiences except for me. ‘What about me, God?’ I would cry out as yet another friend would share some amazing experience of feeling loved.
</div><div>But little by little I let go of the desperate need for that experience. I had enough reasons to believe. I had read a lot of apologetics, I had come across enough rational believers, I had seen many answered prayers, and read about many changed lives. CS Lewis says ‘Faith is the art of holding on to what your reason has accepted in spite of your changing moods.’ So that’s how I approached my faith. </div><div><br /></div><div>As I let go, as I surrendered myself more honestly and sincerely, letting go of long-held sins, as I prioritized prayer, sacraments and obedience to His promptings, something began to change. There was healing and growth in my family relationships, and a door opened in my heart to God too. I let myself be found.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>‘Slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.’ </i></div><div><br /></div><div>I began to experience the tender love of the Father, who was not impatient with my mistakes and sins, not demanding instant perfection, and who was willing to help me get up again and again and again. Reading the book ‘Searching for and Maintaining Peace’ by Father Jacques Philippe was one of the healing tools God sent into my life. I once went on a two day personal silent retreat without any specific plan of what I would do there. I landed up just reading and meditating on that book, and it was immensely healing. God showed me that He wanted to heal my heart of its lack of hope. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>‘A God who delights in me with singing’ </i></div><div><br /></div><div>I began to learn how to receive His love and delight in me, His unconditional love, not dependent on what I could do for him, or what I had accomplished. He first sent my little nieces into my life to teach me that lesson, and then my husband, and now my own little daughter. Sometimes my husband asks me, “Why do you love me?” And I always answer, “Because you are mine.” And as I learn to receive and give this kind of love on a human level, God shows me that THIS is how He loves me too - just because I am His. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>‘A God who hears and answers’ </i></div><div><br /></div><div> When I was five years old, my dad was supposed to pick me up from kindergarten. But when I came out of the classroom, there were a lot of people and no sight of my father. I burst into tears. But I remembered my mum telling me that if I was ever scared, to close my eyes and talk to Jesus. So I did. I closed my eyes and said, “Dear Jesus, please send my Dada.” And I opened my eyes, and there he was. Obviously this made a big enough impression on me that I remembered it years later. But I knew something very profound then- that our dear Lord loves to be approached with confidence and trust, and that He can and will show is His love and presence in very practical ways if we are willing to ask Him to. I’ve seen this to be true again and again through my life. He’s not a vending machine or an ATM, nor are we guaranteed that all suffering will go away (He never promised that anyway, quite the contrary). But He has shown me His love through His provision innumerable times, usually only when I’ve asked. </div><div><br /></div><div>How do I continue to tap into His love? It’s easy to let my heart grow cold, to doubt, to forget, to become cynical. But His love remains accessible. Like my relationship with my own husband, I have to allow him to hold me and love me, instead of getting wrapped up in my own world. </div><div><br /></div><div>So some of the channels of God’s love for me, ways and places and times that I experience His love are- </div><div><br /></div><div>Listening to or worshipping with Bethel music </div><div>Sitting in an Adoration chapel (haven’t been able to do this in a long time) </div><div>Reading certain passages from the bible, and certain spiritual books like He and I by Gabrielle Bossis or anything by Fr. Jacques Philippe. </div><div>Writing down and rereading past encounters in my prayer journal or blog (I have such a short memory)</div><div>Going on good retreats (not all retreats are equal) </div><div>Asking Him for big and little miracles for myself and others- then giving Him credit and acknowledging His loving providence when He grants them </div><div>Asking others to share their own testimonies and encounters with God- it’s always so edifying </div><div>Daily personal prayer, honest conversations and crying out to Him in the midst of rough days </div><div>Spending time and building relationships with people who reflect His love to me, whose faces reveal Jesus </div><div><br /></div><div>God’s love isn’t meant to be just a theory, a belief, a theme for hymns or inspirational posters. It is something He desires even the most cold-hearted or cynical of us to experience. It may not happen immediately. But if you really desire it, and ask Him, and make yourself available to Him, as you allow Him to heal you... He will reveal it to you, as He did to me.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Related Posts</b></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2019/06/you-are-delightful.html" target="_blank">You Are Delightful</a></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2019/07/stop-bothering-god.html" target="_blank">Stop Bothering God</a></div><div><p><a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2015/07/jesus-knows-my-love-language.html" target="_blank">Jesus Knows My Love Language</a></p><p><a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2018/09/a-ten-year-old-teaches-her-auntie-to.html" target="_blank">A Ten-Year-Old Teaches Her Auntie to Pray</a></p><p><a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2018/10/the-delicate-touches-of-love.html" target="_blank">The Delicate Touches of Love</a></p><p><a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2015/12/to-be-someones-darling.html" target="_blank">To Be Someone's Darling</a></p></div>Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-82744594796682814812020-07-14T16:38:00.001+05:302020-07-14T16:38:49.051+05:30Ten Typical Temptations in the Battle of Prayer<b>I am participating in the six-month #INSPIRE2020 challenge, in which Indian Catholic content creators write about a particular topic every month. This month's topic is The Battle of Prayer, a <a href="https://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p4s1c3a2.htm">section in the Catechism of the Catholic Church</a>. If you are an Indian Catholic, and would like to participate, sign up here: <a href="https://forms.gle/o5A1ZzBNFM94HoFP8">https://forms.gle/o5A1ZzBNFM94HoFP8</a> </b><div><b><br /></b></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvDGjEgWeKEhv7SR9EPGMOrYe6VPlMGHV5t0dwmA_EK9s8i1ncEfmapG1rUaFJ0C_EbBPCXNs7hrRjLBWEGWwHJxJ8PbEaXG37JpDwtKmH4XKDsu0pVHl8tE2ebWS8bLm1EgNjC2LdEkYc/s1880/inspire2020+battle+of+prayer.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1576" data-original-width="1880" height="419" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvDGjEgWeKEhv7SR9EPGMOrYe6VPlMGHV5t0dwmA_EK9s8i1ncEfmapG1rUaFJ0C_EbBPCXNs7hrRjLBWEGWwHJxJ8PbEaXG37JpDwtKmH4XKDsu0pVHl8tE2ebWS8bLm1EgNjC2LdEkYc/w500-h419/inspire2020+battle+of+prayer.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><b><br /></b><div><i>Prayer is both a gift of grace and a determined response on our part. It always presupposes effort. The great figures of prayer of the Old Covenant before Christ, as well as the Mother of God, the saints, and he himself, all teach us this: prayer is a battle. Against whom? Against ourselves and against the wiles of the tempter who does all he can to turn man away from prayer, away from union with God. CCC 2725</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>You'd have thought after about twenty years of attempting to follow Jesus and prioritize prayer, I would have this down. I should have been a prayer expert by now- effortlessly awaking at dawn to spend a few hours in joyful communion with my Creator. Right? Wrong. I still struggle! Some seasons of life are easier than others, but more often than not, I am still tempted to compromise on my prayer time.</div><div><br /></div><div>What are the typical lies and temptations I face?</div><div><br /></div><div><b>1. If it was meant to be, it would be easier:</b> This is just a general lazy principle of life, a lie I subconsciously tell myself, allowing me to take the easier path, to do what I feel like rather than what I know I should do, choosing instant gratification over long-term fruit. It's so much easier to just go with the flow and ride with the tide, but usually the flow doesn't take me into consistent personal prayer.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>2. I'm not in the right state of mind:</b> I tell myself that I can't present myself to God just yet, because I'm distracted, tired, not really in a 'spiritual frame of mind', and that when I'm in the right mood, of course, I'll come to prayer. What an easy way to forget that God wants me AS I AM, and not as I think I should be. He embraced the prodigal son while he was still dirty, dusty, smelly, sinful... and then HE cleaned him up.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>3. I have many more productive things I should be doing: </b>Somehow prayer doesn't give me the adrenaline shot of feeling like I've ACCOMPLISHED THINGS. So I'll wander around the house doing laundry, putting away dishes, writing schedules on my whiteboard, and I'll feel really good about myself... but I haven't prayed. It's the lie that achieving things makes me valuable, and valued, that my life has meaning because of what I achieve. Because it's so much harder to accept the truth that I don't have to be useful to be loved.</div></div><div><i>Others overly prize production and profit; thus prayer, being unproductive, is useless. CCC 2727</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>4. I am just not good at prayer:</b> There are probably some people out there who pray easily, who have focussed, calm, holy minds. Unlike me - my mind is constantly jumping from one thing to another, I am distracted, pulled in so many different directions, more likely to start thinking of a blog about prayer instead of actually praying. Minds like mine aren't contemplative... so why even try?</div><div><i>Some people view prayer as a simple psychological activity, others as an effort of concentration to reach a mental void. CCC 2726</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>5. It's really my own fault that I can't pray, the guilt and shame and embarrassment keep me from trying:</b> I know I'm making excuses. I know I have allowed habits of laziness and indiscipline to grow and take control of my life. I know I COULD try harder. Why am I like this? If I was God, I would be so done with all these stupid excuses. I make God like me, impatient, unforgiving, demanding, instead of recognizing that He is ready to receive me EVEN when it's my own fault that it's so late, so second best. A contrite spirit He will not spurn.</div><div><i>Another temptation, to which presumption opens the gate, is acedia. The spiritual writers understand by this a form of depression due to lax ascetical practice, decreasing vigilance, carelessness of heart. "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." The greater the height, the harder the fall...The humble are not surprised by their distress; it leads them to trust more, to hold fast in constancy.</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>6. I just don't love God enough: </b>If I really loved Him, wouldn't prayer always be a sweet and easy experience? Wouldn't I desire His presence above all things? Why then do I return to social media, to the accomplishment of tasks, to my phone games, to anything except Him? Obviously my love is weak, or at best, fluctuating. But I forget - love comes down to the will, the choice. And the desire to love Him is of value to Him.</div><div><i>When we begin to pray, a thousand labors or cares thought to be urgent vie for priority; once again, it is the moment of truth for the heart: what is its real love?</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><b>7. It's too late now:</b> I should have developed holier habits decades ago. I should have picked up my cross daily years ago. But now I am so far behind. I should have started praying earlier this morning. I should have never wasted those two hours. It's already night, it's too late to pray now. But the truth is - it's never too late. I have the choice to BEGIN AGAIN right now, the moment the thought comes to my mind. Even if it's ten minutes instead of an hour, Jesus would rather have ten minutes of my attention than a continued cold shoulder.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>8. I'm never going to get better at this: </b>I am going to get old and gray and still be struggling to have fruitful times of prayer. I am always going to have a head full of distracted thoughts, I am never going to learn to pray before looking at my phone, I am always going to be behind in this area. </div><div>This is the lie of despair and hopelessness. In Jesus, there is ALWAYS hope. Things change. People change. I can change. There ARE some sins of the past I don't struggle with now. Why not this? Can I visualize a more rooted, prayerful me? It is possible.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>9. Prayer feels like an obligation, a necessary but annoying task:</b> This perspective leaves out the truth that prayer is about <i>relationship</i>, and that it is a PERSON waiting to meet me and love me, not a taskmaster, with crossed arms and a tapping foot demanding why I haven't prayed YET. That perspective can change everything. No wonder Satan tries to distort our idea of God. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>10. Prayer has to happen all inside my head:</b> I so often forget the helpfulness of singing aloud, or speaking aloud, of praising God aloud, of reading His word aloud. It seems as if it's just me and my distracted thoughts having a conversation when I'm 'in prayer'. Using my voice, my body, writing in a journal, and reading the Word helps me escape the prison of my own thoughts. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>'Prayer and Christian life are inseparable, for they concern the same love and the same renunciation, proceeding from love; the same filial and loving conformity with the Father's plan of love; the same transforming union in the Holy Spirit who conforms us more and more to Christ Jesus; the same love for all men, the love with which Jesus has loved us.' CCC 2745</i></div><div><br /></div><div>It shouldn't surprise us that the Liar and Accuser works extra hard when it comes to separating us from prayer. This is a battle, but the first step in winning it is recognizing it AS a battle, and identifying attacks and lies and traps. Next, we need to figure out how to defend ourselves with weapons of truth.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Coming Up: Ten Simple Truths to Hold on to in the Battle of Prayer</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Related Links: </b></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2018/09/a-ten-year-old-teaches-her-auntie-to.html">A Ten-Year-Old Teaches Her Auntie To Pray</a> </div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2019/06/you-are-delightful.html">You Are Delightful</a> </div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2019/07/stop-bothering-god.html">Stop Bothering God! </a></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hl8we3R5HhA&t=62s">Basics of Personal Prayer</a> (Youtube video interview with my mum)</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPUsRl_5MFg">Hearing from God in Prayer</a> (Youtube video interview with my mum)</div>Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-42544256732739303802020-06-24T17:08:00.001+05:302020-06-24T17:08:34.640+05:30Pregnant Thoughts - Part Two <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU9TDmjwJY_dSCbyTdjo7e-rmJrayhWN4F3fEbVM-OY4nH9OwQn6dmq2kqYGrTfTmYbYA0JbLJTkrRQvsvIluCZeEJ6ShdEV7LIhJimIpBQX73ZEP7b29shoPk7bQk8D5CFQrUqUmfqeMO/s1600/98d4aa3d-56fd-474b-96f8-694794b5135e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1007" data-original-width="544" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU9TDmjwJY_dSCbyTdjo7e-rmJrayhWN4F3fEbVM-OY4nH9OwQn6dmq2kqYGrTfTmYbYA0JbLJTkrRQvsvIluCZeEJ6ShdEV7LIhJimIpBQX73ZEP7b29shoPk7bQk8D5CFQrUqUmfqeMO/s640/98d4aa3d-56fd-474b-96f8-694794b5135e.jpg" width="344" /></a></div>
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Some years ago a friend serving in the Philippines was telling another friend and me how she had helped a poor mother give birth to twins in her bamboo shack in a squatters’ hilly settlement. “We delivered the twins, but we had to take them to the hospital, so we just wrapped them up, didn’t even cut the cord, and climbed the narrow hilly paths, babies in arms, to get to the main road.”<br />
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My friend and I gaped in astonishment. How did that even work? Where was the mother? We visualized the babies and mother attached by the cord wandering up and down the hills. That was the moment when we both found out we had the misconception that the umbilical cord of the baby was attached directly to the mother’s uterus, instead of the placenta, and neither of us had any idea that the placenta or ‘afterbirth’ got detached from the uterus and was delivered after the babies were.<br />
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It’s kind of embarrassing to admit my ignorance, and yet I realize that I probably have a lot more basic knowledge about childbirth JUST from all the books I’ve read through the years, and there are probably many women who have far less idea of the details of pregnancy and childbirth, and how it all works. I guess most just get a hodgepodge of guidance and information from the older women of their families, fact and experience mixed with superstition and tradition (for example, I was told not to cross my legs during pregnancy).<br />
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I’m grateful for apps like Ovia pregnancy which gave me week by week updates on the baby’s development, and my own expected physical and hormonal changes. I also was lent a book called ‘Made for This: The Catholic Mom’s Guide to Birth’ which among other things gives a detailed description of what exactly happens during childbirth. One of the things the author talks about is how a woman’s body is made to nurture life, even without our conscious participation, which was a relief to hear because I kept thinking I didn't know what the heck I was doing, and feeling overwhelmed and under-prepared.<br />
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I remember thinking during the first trimester how uncomfortable and weird I felt, not like myself at all, and how even though I had grown up with the understanding and celebration of the fact that marriage, sex, pregnancy and babies all naturally were supposed to go together, that I could understand why so many women think of pregnancy as some kind of cruel trick of nature, an unpleasant aspect of being a woman, and spend most of their lives trying to avoid pregnancy.<br />
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The other extreme were women who told me, “This (pregnancy) is the best time of your life! Enjoy it!” Really? Constant acidity and indigestion, exhaustion, depression, inability to get anything done, needing to pee all the time, my body changing and becoming unfamiliar, and a host of other uncomfortable symptoms- this was supposed to be the best time of my life?<br />
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I think we need to prepare young women (and men) from an early age to think of pregnancy and childbirth as a normal part of life, not something weird or icky or horrible or to be avoided at all costs. In fact, a beautiful (if painful) gift, a kind of fruitful suffering that we can embrace instead of resent. But such a perspective works when we fit it into a larger worldview that doesn’t see comfort and avoidance of suffering as the ultimate good. It also comes from being educated about our own bodies and fertility, and seeing our bodies as GOOD.<br />
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On the whole, I’ve experienced Indian culture to be very supportive of pregnant women- people keep offering to bring me food (unfortunately COVID lockdowns has prevented them from being able to do so), most people seem very excited to hear that I’m having a baby, traffic stops for me on the street, and my husband gets asked more about me than about himself by people I don’t even know.<br />
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I wonder though whether that support and approval is because it’s a first baby, and whether disapproval would take its place if it was my fourth or fifth baby. But mums probably need even more help and care with multiple kids. The number doesn’t decrease the value and importance of each child. I often think in awe of my mum who had five, my aunt who had seven, and the many years they spent pregnant. In the midst of first trimester horribleness, I could easily imagine saying “Ugh, never again.” And much more so during the actual delivery. And yet they said yes again and again, and my siblings and cousins and I are grateful for the gift of our lives.<br />
<br />
Different families have different situations - many would have had more kids if they could, there are probably many who couldn’t afford to have more than two. But there are also probably many who never thought that maybe God had another precious gift to entrust to them, if only they were willing to receive it.
I am so impressed by someone I know here in my new city who had three kids aged 15 to 23, and then unexpectedly conceived another child. She and her husband and family welcomed the baby with joy. <a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2020/05/what-covid-19-seeking-spouse-and.html">Life with God is a wonderful adventure, with twists and turns, and surprises around every corner... if only we will trust Him and let go of our plans and control.</a><br />
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Anyway, that’s a lot of deep thoughts that comes with third trimester insomnia (wrote this at 4 am last night). Here are some more practical tips and thoughts-<br />
<br />
<b>Pregnancy pillow</b> - hadn’t ever heard of it, until my sister-in-law lent it to me, but it has been a game-changer after many uncomfortable nights as my tummy got bigger and I just couldn’t get comfortable. The more pillows, the better! Invest in or borrow a pregnancy pillow! They’re so comfortable, even my husband wants one now 😄<br />
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When you're up with pregnancy insomnia at 3 am, look up <b>'pregnancy memes'</b>, nothing like stifling giggles so your husband doesn't wake up as you realize you're not the only one.<br />
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<b>Pregnancy brain and clumsiness</b> is a thing, so cut yourself some slack. I started bumping into things and breaking things for the first time since childhood (when, fun fact, I used to be known as Calamity Jane because I couldn't put my hand in a glass cabinet without breaking something). I dropped a glass of juice, it shattered, and I burst into tears, so my husband told me to stand back as he cleared it up and comforted me. Now he tells me to be careful every time he sees me holding a knife. And the next time he found a broken glass, he asked me, "Did you cry?" :-D<br />
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<b>Don’t drink alcohol </b>even if you MAY get pregnant. No one told me this, but apparently even a little bit of alcohol at conception or early pregnancy could hurt the baby’s development, and I had a nice glass of Bailey’s a few days before I realized I was pregnant, and beat myself up about it for a while. The baby seems fine though, but I wish I had known that before. And if you smoke, you’ll need to quit months before you conceive.<br />
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<b>An app I highly recommend for all women, married or single, is FEMM</b>, which basically helps you keep track of your menstrual cycle, and know when you’re fertile. My sister convinced me to start using it long before I was married or even dating, and I’m glad she did! I’m surprised at how many women don’t know how their body works. I read somewhere about a woman who would not have sex with her husband on her fertile days, because she thought the mucus was a sign of an infection... and then she wondered why they weren’t getting pregnant! The app is also very helpful in practising Natural Family Planning, if you need to delay a pregnancy by avoiding sex on fertile days.<br />
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<b>Get tested for infections</b> before you get married. Even if you’ve never been sexually active, there are other infections that you can easily pick up without realizing it that can harm your unborn baby. I had never heard of any of these until I was already pregnant, and was sent to do various tests. If you do have an active infection, avoid pregnancy until it clears up.<br />
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<b>Even if your baby IS at risk for physical or mental disabilities does NOT mean you need to abort!</b> Apparently many doctors present this as an obvious choice or recommendation, as if you are shopping for a product and have to discard potentially ‘defective’ products. That baby already exists, already belongs to you, is a part of you, and God will give you the grace to love and care for your baby, even with special needs. It’s probably a good idea to talk about those possibilities with your spouse... even before you get married.
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We have often referred to the pregnancy as 'our pregnancy'or 'when WE got pregnant'. That's because we see it as a joint effort. <b>Talk to your husbands about how you need them to support you</b> during this time, because their involvement, empathy and support can make a huge difference to a peaceful pregnancy.<br />
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<i>“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1: 5
</i><br />
<br />
<i>Before I was born the Lord called me;
from my mother’s womb he has spoken my name. Isaiah 49: 1
</i><br />
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<b>Related Posts</b><br />
<i><br /></i><a href="http://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2020/06/pregnant-thoughts-part-1.html">Pregnant Thoughts - Part 1</a><i><br /></i>
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2013/10/small-family-happy-family-really.html">Small Family = Happy Family... Really?</a></div>
Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-2399733471644449362020-06-18T22:04:00.001+05:302020-06-18T22:06:17.341+05:30Pregnant Thoughts - Part 1 <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I often think twice about sharing publicly about my experiences of pregnancy. Not for the typical Indian reasons (I’ve heard people are afraid of being cursed by jealous or malicious onlookers? Or they don’t want to have to admit to the pain of miscarriage if they lose the baby). But the reason for my second thoughts is because I know there are so many who are longing for babies themselves, and it may be a source of great pain to them to hear the raptures of yet another pregnant mama. And yet, I remember rejoicing over my friends getting married when I was mourning my own loneliness. Somehow these two realities coexist.<br />
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I’ve been around a lot of pregnant women. And yet somehow there were a lot of pregnancy surprises. I had no idea, for example, that acidity and indigestion would become a daily occurrence for the first time in my life, practically from the first month. Or that my body would start changing almost immediately. Or that I could feel the baby’s movements from halfway through the pregnancy and not just at the end.
I didn’t realize that part of the first trimester struggles was not just physical exhaustion but emotional lows too. I’d sleep for hours during the day and then lie in bed feeling depressed and overwhelmed by my dirty house and because I wasn’t doing anything productive (I thought). I was reminded by another young mum that making a baby is the most productive and creative work I could ever do.<br />
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The good news was I didn’t have first trimester nausea (only threw up once, on Christmas morning, a few minutes into Christmas Mass, at my in-law’s village church, probably because I was wearing a tight saree blouse.. I had to rush out, threw up in the church compound and got taken home by my husband. Did I become the talk of the town? I still don’t know.)
Also, once the second trimester started, I realized that a lot of my sad thoughts and outlook on life went away, which is when I realized that my hormones had been playing cruel tricks with my emotions.<br />
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I realized how privileged I am (yet again) as other mothers, old and young, told me their pregnancy experiences- living in a joint family and expected to continue doing household chores while fighting nausea and exhaustion; or throwing up early in the morning and then leaving for work; or apparently two generations ago , working in the fields while pregnant, giving birth, and then getting back up to work in the fields the same day.
I on the other hand got to stay home all of my pregnancy, the part time work I do is all online and flexible, and I have an accommodating and supportive husband who not only lets me moan to him about every tiny discomfort I’m feeling, but would cook when I couldn’t, or run to the store (pre-COVID) to buy mountains of junk food when I demanded it (please don’t ask how many packets of chilli limon potato chips I ate a few months ago).<br />
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I’ve been thinking more about ‘my body, my choice’ of late, and the tragedy of abortion. Never before has it been so obvious that this is not MY body - there is another body inside my body, that squirms and hiccups and kicks and jerks, regardless of me. It’s so crazy and yet so cool... a tiny human being growing inside me. I can hardly grasp it. So I occasionally google pictures of ‘baby in mother’s womb 31 weeks’ etc so I can try to wrap my mind around this reality and miracle hidden by a big tummy.<br />
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My husband and I both feel a desire to one day be involved in a pro-life ministry, providing support and encouragement and resources to women going through crisis pregnancies, creating more awareness of the truth and beauty of the life and personhood of these tiny, vulnerable human beings, and perhaps creating an easily accessible network of resources including healing retreats for post-abortive women. I’m sure there are Catholics (especially religious sisters) who do help women in need, but there is so little awareness and so much shame involved that I’m not surprised abortion is as common as it is.<br />
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I recall a correspondence I had with a self-professed religious Catholic woman who was not on board with my pro-life stance. She said ‘Of course, children are a gift from God, and that is why most of the time they are referred to as Angels. But would you consider the child borne due to a rape to be the same? I would term this as an unexpected pregnancy and would leave it to the woman to decide what she would like to do with her body. This is not anyone’s place to judge.’<br />
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Unwanted or longed for, unexpected or eagerly awaited, with special physical or mental needs or perfectly healthy, the result of a happy marriage or a traumatic rape, a baby is a BABY and deserves to be loved and cared for, not discarded. Our job is to love and help BOTH mama and baby when they need it most.<br />
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I have more thoughts, which is why I’m going to write a Part 2.<br />
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Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-26924742570256636592020-06-05T12:48:00.000+05:302020-06-05T18:18:18.562+05:30The 'Am I a Racist?' Test for Indians<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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“I’m Indian! I’m brown! I can’t be racist!”<br />
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Oh, no?<br />
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Do you think fairer people are objectively more attractive? Have you complimented someone’s looks by referring to how fair they are, or how they look like (white) foreigners?
Do you often comment on your own or others’ skin tone changes after being in the sun? Do you tell people to cover up so they don't get darker? Do you wear socks and gloves and long sleeves when you go out in the sun because you're afraid of getting darker? Do you think ‘fair North Indians’ are more ‘beautiful’ than ‘dark South Indians?’<br />
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How often do you see Indian couples with very different skin tones? Does it surprise you when you do? Do you think it's natural that someone who is darker is less likely to find a spouse easily? Do you think it's natural that a fairer skinned applicant would be preferred in many jobs? Have you noticed fairer kids in school are treated better by the teachers than darker-skinned kids?<br />
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Do you feel bad for parents when their new baby has a darker skin tone? Have you seen siblings treated a little differently because one is darker and the other fairer? Have you ever comfortingly told someone that they’re also fair? Not that dark comparatively? Have you ever heard kids use nicknames based on the darkness of someone’s skin? Have you used nicknames like that? Have you ever felt instinctively that darker-skinned people are 'dirtier', and shied away from touching them?<br />
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Have you ever felt the lack of dark skinned dolls? Or thought it was normal to colour skin with what is called 'skin colour' but which is really pinky-peach? Have you ever encouraged kids to colour pictures of themselves with their actual skin colour- usually brown?<br />
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Do you instinctively trust someone who is fairer, or assume they must be educated and privileged? Do you look with suspicion at darker strangers?
Do you use fairness products and get your own skin bleached? Do you think it’s normal for brides to look five shades fairer on their wedding day?
Are you more likely to be respectful and accepting of white foreigners than black foreigners? African students in India have shared many horrible experiences at the hands of locals. But white foreigners are usually treated like royalty.<br />
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Have you noticed how often billboard advertisements for everything from housing societies to hospitals to schools feature families of white foreigners instead of Indians? And when they do feature Indians they are very fair too? Most movies and ads use fairer skinned actors and models. It’s extremely rare to see even medium brown skin on a main character, let alone really dark skin.<br />
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We are all the product of the prejudices of our society, of our families, of the people around us, of the media we consume and are exposed to. Biases don’t automatically go away unless we acknowledge them and work on allowing the truth into our minds and hearts. It’s not only skin colour. It's weight, height, and clothes. It’s subconscious biases based on education, community (aka caste), religion, language, and wealth. It's every time we refer to an entire group as ‘those people’. It’s easier to see it when other people are doing it. But self-examination is far more fruitful than pointing fingers and feeling self-righteous.<br />
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Sometimes when I work with kids, I’ve had these kinds of conversations:
“Which is better? Dark skin or fair skin?”
If they know me well, they hesitate, knowing that the obvious answer may not be right.
Sometimes they’ll answer the obvious answer:
“Fair skin!”<br />
<br />
“Why is fair skin better? Did you know God made people all over the world with different colours?”<br />
<br />
I show them pictures.
“Do you think God loves some more than others? Or he made a mistake? No! He gave each one their own skin colour because he thinks they’re ALL beautiful! Now we just have to look at people the way God looks at them!”<br />
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Then we look at babies of different ethnicities and skin tones and say “Wow! So cute!” to all of them.
“He thinks you are beautiful too! And your skin colour is lovely!”
They look at their arms in surprise. You can see the slow change of perspective. It will probably take a while. But we must start somewhere. Preferably with ourselves and our own families.<br />
<br />
<b>Related Posts</b><br />
<br />
<a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2017/05/fluency-in-english-is-white-privilege.html">Fluency in English is the White Privilege of India</a><br />
<br />
<a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2019/03/we-belong-to-each-other.html">We Belong to Each Other</a></div>
Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-5182607720870057492020-05-22T01:02:00.000+05:302020-05-22T22:14:44.339+05:30What COVID-19, Seeking a Spouse and Discipleship Have in Common<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i>A surprising wedding, marriage and spouse</i></div>
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I started <a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2020/02/introducing-catholic-disciples.html">a matchmaking service</a> a few months ago. It was something I had been thinking about for quite a while, largely because of the many years I had spent single and rarely encountering the kind of man I was looking for. 'There have GOT to be more disciples out there!'<br />
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Well, I met my spouse unexpectedly - not through a matchmaking agency, not through a set-up, not in my mission organization, but at a youth retreat that my team was speaking at. Neither he nor I were 'youth', but in our thirties, and he just happened to be there as one of the youth leaders of their community.<br />
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There were so many unlikely aspects of our relationship and eventual marriage. Though we both loved Jesus and the Church, and had been formed in the Charismatic renewal, he came from a very different culture than mine, and it was quite a surprise to his family that he was seriously pursuing someone so far removed from their world. Marrying him meant leaving my home base in Pune, and moving to the small-town world of Vasai, where most people prefer to speak Marathi (and his family speaks a dialect of that called Kadodi), and have a different set of traditions, expectations and relationships than I am used to. We both made adjustments to each other, and our families had to do the same. No one got exactly what they wanted, especially with the wedding. Also, he is FAR more educationally qualified, we're from completely different fields, and even our personalities are quite different. If I had just looked at his profile, and seen his Myers-Briggs personality type, I would have not expected us to get along at all. Almost no one who knew both him and me thought of setting us up. And yet, after just one conversation, I could see there was something there, and after a few short months, I knew I wanted to marry him. There were many questions about the future, but I felt sure about him, and about the Lord.<br />
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I felt sure - God would provide. God would work it out. God was enough. And He did, and He was.<br />
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So what's this got to do with COVID-19, seeking a spouse and discipleship?<br />
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<b>One of the big lessons that God has taught me over the years is the lesson of detachment from my own will, letting go of control, abandoning myself to divine providence and being open to God's surprises. </b><br />
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Practically it meant not holding on to ANYTHING more than God's will for me. Missionary life stripped away many of my comforts and preferences. Living in a foreign country and working closely with other people meant things often didn't go the way I expected them to or planned them to. I like having a plan. I like having control, because then I can ensure a particular outcome (in which my comfort is a priority).<br />
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But that illusion of control was stripped away pretty soon. Everything was often crazy. When that happened, I had two choices - frustration or abandonment. Of course I chose frustration. I used to get mad and frustrated about so many things - meetings we were expected to go to that went on forever, team members who were late for everything, leaders who failed me, ministries that didn't work out, people who made bad decisions that affected me, so many factors that made my life less than perfect.<br />
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It took a while, but FINALLY I began to learn to let go. People weren't perfect, situations weren't perfect, I didn't always have everything I thought I needed, and yet, and yet... there was peace. I learned to go with the flow, to see God's hand in the unfamiliar and unexpected, to seek His will when doors closed or obstacles came up. I loosened my grip on the reins. And I began to see fruit in my own life and the people around me. I would never exchange the gifts I received in the painful but transforming years as a foreign missionary.<br />
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A few months ago COVID-19 came and upended our world with its surprising and scary influence. No one has escaped their lives being affected. For some, it has been a matter of life and death, for others, it's been an inconvenience, isolation, a change in schedule and a limiting of our freedom and preferences. For many, it has serious potential consequences, affecting their careers and incomes, their family's health and education. Many have lost relatives. Anyone in essential services, especially healthcare professionals, have entered a world of higher risk.<br />
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I'm having a baby in less than three months. My husband is a doctor who still has to go to the hospital every day, and come in contact with patients (so much for physical distancing for us). The hospital where we plan to deliver is in Mumbai, one of the worst hit of the COVID hotspots. My parents who I hope will be there with me live in Pune which has also been badly hit. This is not exactly how I imagined my first delivery, or even my first year of marriage.<br />
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And yet, there is peace. God will provide. God will work it out. God is enough.<br />
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<b>COVID-19 is an opportunity for all of us to give up the illusion of control. We are NOT in control. We do our best to keep our lives secure, but really our lives and this world are fragile, and everything that is normal to us can be swept away in the blink of an eye, with or without COVID-19.</b> <b>So we may as well let go of the anxiety and frustration.</b><br />
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God will provide. God will work it out. God is enough.<br />
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For my matchmaking candidates, I've been hitting some unexpected walls. The basis of this matchmaking service is a common faith and discipleship. Even with different personalities and ages and backgrounds, I hoped that there would be many good conversations between potential matches, opportunities to meet and get to know people with the same foundation, and see if there's something more.<br />
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But I find many people come in with preconceived ideas, with their hands firmly on the reins, with a very specific idea of what they are and aren't open to. That's not always a bad thing. It's good to know what you want. But with too many conditions, too much desire for control, too much value on self-protection and self-preservation, they will not even talk once to a potential match for reasons that seem to me to be more about externals than the persons themselves. Character matters, externals less so.<br />
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<b>Discipleship means being OPEN to God's surprises, letting go of our need to control everything, and having an iron-clad list of what will and won't make us happy.</b> We THINK we'll be happy in our comfort zones, but God knows us better, and we have to be willing to give Him a chance. If I hadn't learned that lesson, I would not have been able to receive the gift of my husband and baby and new life and adventure together.<br />
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God is surprising. Life with God is a beautiful adventure. But the cost of the adventure is letting go of OUR plans and OUR lists, and letting Him write the story. Like Saint John Paul said, "Be not afraid!"<br />
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God will provide. God will work it out. God is enough.<br />
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<i>P.S. If any of my matchmaking candidates read this, please say yes to talking to someone before deciding you're not interested!</i></div>
Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-69478771060819461542020-04-30T22:54:00.001+05:302020-04-30T23:24:58.756+05:30On Husbands Making Chapatis <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Today as usual I woke up late (the effect of another late night + pregnancy tiredness) and started off my day with a few tasks around the house, and then coffee and my phone. Joel left for the hospital late morning after kissing me goodbye as usual.<br />
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I was going to have my prayer time after that, but decided to cook lunch first and get it over with as it was late. I made dal, roasted eggplant (baingan bartha) and chapati dough, and washed some dishes as the sweat rolled down my body.<br />
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Just as I finished, made myself some cold mango milkshake, and was about to sit down in my cool bedroom, Joel returned home.
Any other Indian housewife would have immediately jumped back up, started making hot-hot chapatis, and served their husband lunch. However I asked Joel if he’d mind if we sat for a little while as I was tired and had just finished cooking.<br />
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So we sat in our bedroom, talked about his morning at the hospital and random bits of news from our social media feeds.<br />
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Then I asked him, “Any chance you want to make chapatis? I started making them, but some more have to be made.”<br />
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“Sure, is the dough ready?”<br />
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“Yes, everything is ready on the counter.”<br />
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“You should have told me as soon as I came in, I would have made them.”<br />
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So for fifteen minutes as he was in the kitchen making chapatis, I lay in my bed typing out a blog post.<br />
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We talk about this a lot - how apparently even nowadays many Indian men think that it’s their wife’s job to serve them constantly and take care of all the household tasks. If they do anything around the house, they’re ‘helping’ her, as if they both didn’t live in the home.
We see ourselves as partners, as team mates, and we divide the jobs to be done at home. When I cook, he does dishes, and vice versa. We both clear up after a meal. He cleans the bathrooms, and I sweep and mop (both not as often as we should). We both do laundry. He takes the trash out, and I make the bed. He works at the hospital and I work part time from home, so we both have other work we need to prioritize too. But we are both trying to serve each other by taking care of our home and each other. We're still figuring out all the other extra tasks, and we have a baby on the way, so things will get harder and more complicated in a few months. But we've started well.<br />
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Why is this so unusual? I think it's a variety of reasons - men have seen their dads come home, sit down with a newspaper, and their mums remain working non-stop (in and out of the home). Women have seen their mums never ask for anything for themselves, rarely have any leisure time, and assume that's normal. Perhaps they wonder if they're selfish for expecting their husbands to do more. I think many women also LIKE being the queens of their household, and being the only ones who know how to do everything and have everyone else need them. Maybe they also like to have everything done perfectly and their way, and it's just easier if you do it all yourself, right?<br />
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Sometimes the men's excuse is "I don't know how to cook." Like women, you too are capable of learning! All it takes is willingness to ask... or even google it!<br />
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People joke about men being expected to be thanked and praised every time they do anything in the house. But I think it's good for every member of the house to be acknowledged and appreciated for their acts of service. My mum (and dad) trained us to thank her and say something nice about the food she set before us every day.<br />
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Especially for Christians whose God said "I came not to be served but to serve", we are ALL called to be servants of one another... not just women of men. A Christ-centred marriage and family is one where we are willing to look out for each other's needs, but also call each other on when we are not living out our call to serve. This goes for children too.<br />
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Parents, please train your sons and daughters to serve, and not just be served. Start early, appreciate their efforts, and teach them to take joy in knowing how to take care of themselves and others, whether by cooking a hot meal, doing dishes, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning bathrooms, or keeping the house and personal stuff organized and neat. It doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience, as long as they feel appreciated. But let them experience the consequences if they just WILL. NOT. TRY. ('If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.' 2 Thess 3:10) Husbands and sons, if you don't know where to start, ask your wife/mother to list all the chores she does throughout the day, and then take some off her list. And let's all stop making jokes about how inept and useless men are at home.<br />
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If each one takes on this mission of service in the home, there will be far less nagging and resentment, and passive-aggressive behavior, and far more joy in shared familial life.<br />
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<i>What has been your experience of who does household chores and cooking at home?</i></div>
Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-58978919825609160882020-04-20T22:44:00.001+05:302020-04-20T22:44:55.568+05:30Can God Protect Us From a Pandemic? And Other Tough Questions about God and COVID-19<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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To all those religious people out there, this is a no-brainer. Of course He can! Isn't He a Protector? Isn't that what Psalm 91 is written for? What better refuge have we than our mighty God?<br />
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But for those who are rationalists, it's not such an easy answer.<br />
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If God CAN protect us from a pandemic, why are so many people dying? Why doesn't He just stop it with one word? 'THUS FAR, AND NO FARTHER!' That's what we want Him to say, so why won't He? Doesn't He care about the suffering of our world?<br />
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Or could this be a test of faith, a call to repentance, and a chance for those who believe in Him to experience miracles?<br />
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Again, a question with complicated answers. If it WAS, then are we assuming all those who suffered and died din't have faith? Or didn't have enough faith? They didn't ask for miracles?<br />
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Well then maybe He CAN'T do anything about it. But then how can He be God, the ALL-powerful? Is our religion just a coping mechanism, something to help us face a cruel, meaningless, random world, and are all the atheists right? Is this all there is?<br />
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Tough questions, right? Let's all become agnostics.<br />
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Or let's not.<br />
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Something in us recognizes that chaos and suffering is not normal, not the way things were supposed to be. Something in us is drawn to goodness, to order, to harmony. Something in us longs for a Good, greater than all goods we have known in this world. That Ultimate Good is God, not just a force, or an energy, but a Person who revealed Himself by entering into our world. Jesus is the the face of God, the proof that God not only exists, but cares about His creatures.<br />
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Some of us have experienced that personally, through answered prayers, supernatural encounters with God's presence, or breakthroughs and conversions in ourselves and our families.<br />
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But still, confronted with the widespread suffering in this world, we cannot but ask: "Where are You, Lord? Where is Your goodness and Your power now, when we need it most? Why would you allow this to happen anyway?"<br />
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I answered some of these questions when Nepal was slammed with destructive earthquakes in 2015: <b><a href="http://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2015/04/where-was-god-when-earthquake-hit-nepal.html">Where was God when the Earthquake hit Nepal?</a> </b><br />
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We can't know or understand everything, but there are some things that we can hold on to:<br />
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<b>1. God is not a vengeful judge who sends suffering as a punishment. </b>While suffering, sin and disorder entered our world as a natural consequence of man's broken relationship with God, His response as a loving Father is to help us, to draw near to those who are crushed and broken in spirit. Why would He send a punishment that disproportionately hurts the poor and weak and old?<br />
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<b>2. God does not SEND suffering, but He does permit it for a time:</b> We don't have some ready-made answers for WHY He does so, but we are invited to trust that He would only allow temporary suffering because He could draw some eternal fruit from it. Every event in our life is an opportunity to turn to God, and allow ourselves to be transformed by Him. This pandemic can be too. Every disaster is a reminder that our lives on earth are temporary, and we must prepare for our deaths.<br />
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<b>3. God promises to draw near to all who call on Him:</b> We can choose whether we allow God into our suffering, into our fear, into our insecurity, into our need, into our loss. Many have testified the supernatural peace and help they have received when they have turned their gaze upwards, and called out in desperation to Him. He drew so near that Emmanuel, God-with-us, shared our suffering and even tasted death.<br />
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<b>4. God CAN heal and protect us if we ask Him to: </b>In the Gospels, Jesus healed all who asked in faith, and many believers have experienced supernatural healing over the years. The God who created the universe and its laws is able to suspend them occasionally - to confirm His presence, and show that He is still around. So go ahead and ask for those miracles!<br />
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<b>5. Illness and death is not something to be feared:</b> Not all who ask are physically healed, and EVERYONE tastes suffering in their life, and eventually death. But ALL are promised an end to suffering, and a place in our eternal home, if they will only turn to God and die at peace with Him.<br />
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<b>6. God can use our prayers to end the pandemic:</b> This is one of those mysterious ways of God, that He allows to participate in His saving plan. Our prayers are the key He has handed to us to open up His good gifts.<br />
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<i>Our Father knows what we need before we ask him,<span style="font-size: 13.3333px;"> </span>but he awaits our petition because the dignity of his children lies in their freedom. We must pray, then, with his Spirit of freedom, to be able truly to know what he wants. </i><i>CCC 2736</i><br />
<i><br /></i><b>7. We are invited to pray in a spirit of trust and hope: </b>Pray in joyful hope, that God will provide for those in need, console those who are dying alone, and bring great good from what seems like a horrible disaster. Negativity, pessimism, despair do not reflect the eternal realities - of the ultimate victory of good over evil, of life over death.<br />
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<i>Do not be troubled if you do not immediately receive from God what you ask him; for he desires to do something even greater for you, while you cling to him in prayer. </i><i>CCC 2736</i><br />
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<b>8. God can use US as part of His answer to our own prayers: </b>Prayer moves us to action. So many heroic people are participating in the very Jesus-like action of putting their lives at risk for the sake of others. Others are looking for ways to help and serve and comfort and encourage, some are donating money, some are distributing food, some are calling to check in on those who are struggling.<br />
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God has not abandoned us. God is not far away. God is here, and sincere and fervent prayer is a sure way to experience this truth whatever we are going through.<br />
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<b>Related Posts and Other Links</b><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Cantarell; font-size: 15.4px;"><a href="http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/evil.htm" style="color: #cc6600;" target="_blank">The Problem of Evil by Peter Kreeft</a></b><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Cantarell; font-size: 15.4px;"><a href="http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/suffering.htm" style="color: #cc6600; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">God's Answer to Suffering by Peter Kreeft </a></b><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Cantarell; font-size: 15.4px;"><a href="http://gwcatholicforum.blogspot.in/2010/10/natural-disasters-from-god-or-because.html" style="color: #cc6600; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">Natural disasters - from God or because of us?</a></b><br />
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<b style="background-color: white; color: #cc6600; font-family: Cantarell; font-size: 15.4px; text-decoration-line: none;"><a href="https://youtu.be/kNo15lFMAwo" style="background-color: white; color: #cc6600; font-family: Cantarell; font-size: 15.4px; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">You Were on the Cross- Matt Maher (Youtube song)</a></b><br />
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<b><a href="http://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2015/04/where-was-god-when-earthquake-hit-nepal.html">Where was God when the Earthquake hit Nepal?</a> </b><br />
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<a href="http://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2020/03/how-not-to-do-coronavirus-self.html"><b>How NOT To Do the Coronavirus Self-Quarantine</b></a><br />
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<b><a href="http://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2020/03/how-to-be-holy-and-happy-during.html">How To Be Holy and Happy During the Coronavirus Quarantine</a></b><br />
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Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-91879285766623498742020-03-24T23:32:00.001+05:302020-03-25T00:00:38.531+05:30How To Be Holy and Happy During the Coronavirus Quarantine<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>BREAKING NEWS: India has just been put on lock down for the next three weeks, so this post is even more relevant. PS Please ration your supplies!</i><br />
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It's easy to write <a href="http://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2020/03/how-not-to-do-coronavirus-self.html">a post about what NOT to do</a> because all I have to do is take notes from my own life and everybody else I know. But what we really need is a not-too-complicated list of what we CAN and SHOULD do. So here goes:<br />
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<b>1. Make a daily schedule! </b>Structure structure structure! Anyone who works from home can tell you the best way to sabotage yourself is to have great ambitions and refuse to put them into a schedule. Spontaneity is all very well for a while, but most of us humans need some kind of rhythm to our life in order to be productive and peaceful. Some of my friends have done this (especially those with kids). It doesn't have to be a tight schedule with every minute accounted for, but it should exist.<br />
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<b>2. Get offline for at least a few hours every day! </b>The Online World of Coronavirus News is a disease in itself. There's too much information! It's everywhere! There are gossip, jokes, news, opinions, medical advice, explanations, home remedies, warnings, predictions, but they can leave us sucked dry, motionless, anxious, panicky, or just distracted. You will find you mind relaxing, and your heartbeat returning to normal as you cook while listening to instrumental music, or clean your house, or <a href="https://www.simchafisher.com/2020/03/15/introducing-withdraw2020-a-daily-art-challenge-for-covid-19/">draw a picture</a>, or play an instrument, or go for a walk (for those who are still able to).<br />
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<b>3. Pick two or three online pastimes, but stop there:</b> Apart from Coronavirus news, there's also SO MANY productive options to spend time online - <a href="https://www.staceysumereau.com/be-not-afraid-conference">online retreats</a>, online Masses and rosaries and reflections, <a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/audible-made-hundreds-kids-audiobooks-free-during-coronavirus-quarantine-2020-3">free audio books</a>, free operas, free concerts, online museums. We're spoiled for choice. We could learn new languages, watch movies, documentaries, learn crafts, research topics we're interested in... but if you're anything like me, perhaps the fact that there are so many options is paralyzing, and it's easier to just keep scrolling through social media feeds and thinking about how many great options there are and perhaps I should do that one.. and that one.. or perhaps that one? Just pick two or three, add them to your schedule, and stop there.<br />
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<b>4. Take prayer breaks: </b>Start your day with prayer and coffee, end your day with prayer, but don't forget to take little pauses during the day to pray too. Some people say a Hail Mary every time they wash their hands. I've been trying to do an Examen at least once a day. Say little prayers like "I love you, Lord." "I offer this moment to you." "Jesus, I trust in you." Participate in an online Mass if that helps you. Say a Rosary. My husband reminds me to pray the Angelus when the church bells ring. Pray a Divine Mercy chaplet for people dying alone. It's surprising how these little prayer habits make room for peace in your heart, home and day.<br />
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<b>5. Take time alone and together: </b>If you're living with other people, add some alone, quiet time to your schedule. If you tend to do things by yourself most of the time, add some people time to your schedule. Eat meals together and watch a movie. Play board games. Do jigsaw puzzles. If you're living alone, set up a video call to a friend at least once a day. This is a good time to reconnect, to love each other by <a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2018/09/how-to-love-well-some-practical-tips.html">'wasting time together'</a>. Don't let the desire to be productive or the temptation to anxiety and panic rob you of family time or people time.<br />
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<b>6. Talk about things other than the pandemic:</b> It's already on everyone's minds. But there is more to life than that, and our minds need a break from it. So intentionally choose to talk and think about other things as well - hopes, dreams, plans, memories, ideas, jokes.<br />
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<b>7. Rediscover the Bible:</b> Rather than focussing on what we have been deprived of (the sacraments, for a while). let's rediscover the gift and jewel most of us have lying in our homes. Eh. the bible, you say. Approach it in new ways! Start reading one book of the bible, underline verses that stand out and journal about them. (Look up a commentary to help you understand them.) Do a bible sharing with your family every day. Pick one bible verse every day to memorize and illustrate. Play bible trivia games:<br />
- Everyone gets one chapter or book of the bible to read and study, and quiz questions will be asked at the end of the day.<br />
- Everyone gets 5 minutes to study and memorize the names and order of the books in the bible, and then write them out without referring to the bible.<br />
- Pick a bible verse at random and get the rest of the family to guess which book it comes from.<br />
- Find the biblical passages certain famous hymns are based on.<br />
- Choose a keyword like 'light', or 'bread', or 'mountain' and see how many bible verses each person or team can find in 10 minutes.<br />
- Say a bible reference (book, chapter and verse) and the first person to find it wins the point<br />
- Write your own song or tune based on a Psalm. Record it<br />
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<b>8. Find ways to reach out to others:</b> Just because you have been asked to distance yourself socially doesn't mean you have full permission to be as selfish and self-absorbed as possible. Ask God to show you how you can still reach out to others. Phone someone who might be lonely. Donate to those who have lost their livelihood because of the shutdowns. Make sure you are continuing to pay your maids, domestic workers, etc who are not allowed to go to work. Check in on your friends. Find little ways to bless your family members or housemates - join them in activities they would prefer, help them in their work, ask them how they are doing.<br />
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<b>9. Take time for silence: </b>You don't have to fill up every moment of the day. Take a few minutes here and there just to BE, to breathe, to surrender. It's hard, I know. But in the moments of silence, your soul will breathe.<br />
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<i>Are you doing any of these things already? Any other suggestions?</i><br />
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Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-89680180558203093512020-03-20T22:07:00.002+05:302020-03-20T22:41:08.799+05:30How NOT To Do the Coronavirus Self-Quarantine<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Welcome to the Coronavirus Pandemic of 2020. Most of our cities, places of work and worship, and public areas are closed. We are constantly being blasted with messages to self-quarantine, aka Just. Stay. Home. How do we respond?<br />
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<b>1. Pick up your phone the moment you wake up.</b> Spend all day obsessively scrolling through every news article, Whatsapp forward, social media post about COVID-19, and forward them to everyone you know. If you know everything that's happening, moment by moment, you will feel more in control! Right?<br />
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<b>2. Spend all day wallowing in indiscipline.</b> Binge-watch another TV series on Netflix. Forget about all your Lenten commitments and fasts. It's a worldwide state of emergency, you are excused from being a productive, or fruitful member of society. Holiness is for normal days, not such strange ones as the ones we live in. God will understand.<br />
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<b>3. Get mad at the bishops for suspending public Masses.</b> They <i>obviously </i>don't care about the state of our souls. If I were in their place, I would make better decisions. Somebody elect me Pope! I'll show those cowards how to take care of a 1.2 billion member Church during a worldwide pandemic.<br />
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<b>4. Wallow in self-pity. </b>What an unfair twist of events! I had so many plans for the next few weeks that are cancelled or postponed. This was not how my life was supposed to go! Yet here I am stuck in my home with the Internet and food and water and too much free time to know what to do with. How unlucky I am!*<br />
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<b>5. Give full reign to panic and fear.</b> Doomsday is here! The end of the world is nigh. Never before has the world been in lockdown! I was right - everything really IS terrible and bad and scary and hopeless! Even if the world doesn't end, a global recession is coming! Unemployment and poverty and homelessness is going to increase! Is God REALLY in control? Doesn't look like it.<br />
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<b>6. Go into conspiracy or blame or extreme religious theory mode. </b>This whole coronavirus thing is a hoax created by the sellers of face masks and sanitizers to make a profit. Or it is a punishment by God for our irreligious behaviour. He's angry so He's unleashing plagues like in the Old Testament. But the blood of the lamb is the only vaccine <i>I </i>need! My family and I are safe, nothing will happen to us because we trust in God (unlike those sinners out there who have been infected). If only the world will repent, the coronavirus will end.<br />
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<b>7. Ignore this whole coronavirus nonsense and party on. </b>Unexpected holidays? Perfect time to get the gang together, go on a family outing, get some shopping done, visit some old friends, hit the bars. People are just exaggerating the danger. <i>I'm</i> going to be fine. They can't really expect me to stay at home for weeks on end, can they? That's probably fake news.<br />
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<b>8. Go into selfish survivor mode.</b> Stockpiling is the only sensible thing to do! There's a pandemic, I'm sure that basic necessities are going to somehow disappear any moment now. BUY ALL THE STUFF! Who cares about the rest of the world? It's each man for himself!<br />
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<b>9. Go into fallacious hyper-spiritual blind faith mode.</b> I am a Christian, and I refuse to live in fear! So I will go about my daily life as normal trusting that God will keep me safe. There is no way that going to MASS could be dangerous to anyone. Anyway, which is more important - the body or the soul? Isn't God more powerful than a mere virus? If I really believe that, there is no need to self-quarantine.<br />
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Which of these are you struggling with? Which ones have you seen other people doing, and are driving you crazy?<br />
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<i>*I assume the people REALLY struggling are not here reading my blog post. </i><br />
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<b>Coming Soon: How To Be Holy and Happy During the Coronavirus Quarantine</b></div>
Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-83394213392181312232020-03-11T19:00:00.000+05:302020-03-12T09:43:41.290+05:30Adventures in Panchgani<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Last week my husband and I spent a couple of days in Panchgani, my favourite holiday spot a few hours away from the big cities. It was a special trip with just the two of us as a birthday treat for me – yes, I’m 34! Though a quiet, serene spot in the lap of nature (I sound like a resort commercial), we did not miss out on our share of adventures.<br />
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<b>The Prophesying Wife </b><br />
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I have been known to sleep-talk in the past. I thought I was mostly over it, until our first night in the Panchgani cottage. We had just finished watching a season of Dr. Who, so I was dreaming about saving the universe. In my sleep, I shouted, “Don’t be afraid!”<br />
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My husband woke up from a dream where he was worried about the future. “What did you say?”<br />
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“Don’t be afraid!”<br />
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What I meant to say after that was, “We have found enough traces of human DNA in the TARDIS to reboot the universe,” but apparently that was too complicated for my sleep-addled brain to enunciate. I did half-wake up and realized I was sleep-talking, so then I also tried to say, “That’s good advice no matter the occasion,” but according to my husband, I didn’t actually say those words aloud either.<br />
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Anyway, isn’t he privileged to have a wife who gives him solid biblical advice to respond to his nightmares in the middle of the night?<br />
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<b>The Drunk Local </b><br />
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As we walked home from town one evening, we saw an obviously drunk old man weaving his way down the road. The mountain roads were narrow, and with vehicles speeding along them, so we were a little alarmed. “Jesus, please keep this man safe,” said my husband aloud. The next moment a young man on a bike stopped by the drunk man. “Thank you, Jesus, that was quick.”<br />
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My relief dissipated in a moment as the old man got on to the back of the bike, and promptly fell off as the bike started moving. The younger man couldn’t have been a relative because he seemed amused. “How much have you drunk?” he said to the man in Marathi. My husband starting crossing the road to help them, and called out in Marathi, “Hey grandfather, hold on tight.” He got on again, clutched the rider tight, and they rode off as I prayed, and my husband’s concern turned to uncontrollable chuckles at the comic sight. I guess the town drunk is funny to everyone else, but probably not to his family.<br />
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<b>The Angry Pregnant Lady </b><br />
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Just next to the cottage where we were staying is a campsite run by my mum’s cousin. We happened to be there at a time when a big group of young people were there for a camp. We passed them playing team building games in a field.<br />
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The first afternoon I was exhausted, and fell asleep in the bedroom with the curtains on the big glass windows open. My sleep was deep, but somehow loud voices intruded. Deep in my subconscious I realized someone was intruding, but I couldn’t wake myself up to deal with it. Instead I dreamed that we were sharing the house with a honeymooning couple with all their friends and family dropping in to visit.<br />
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In my dream, I kept getting more and more outraged as they overstepped boundaries, used our private kitchen, and talked REALLY loudly and partied in the veranda. I woke up to realize there were really three young people who were not just outside the house talking, but had actually taken over a table in the veranda and were working on a poster for their camp, while chatting away… EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD SEEN ME SLEEPING IN THE BEDROOM.<br />
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I’m not typically an angry kind of person, but the righteous anger of my dream took hold of me, and I stalked out and informed them that they were in a private area and that they needed to stay in the campsite area. I’m polite even when I’m angry, but I think the message got across and they soon left. I was fuming! Was it the pregnancy hormones? Oh yes, *I* was the angry pregnant lady. I feel like I would have been even more impressively scary if I had been visibly and heavily pregnant while telling them off.<br />
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A little while later, I heard someone announcing to the kids in the next field, “Please don’t make a noise, there are people staying in the house and they will shout at you.” You bet they will! Grr. In spite of that, a guy and a girl showed up that evening taking selfies in front of the house and seemed surprised when I asked them to take their stuff (that they had deposited again in our veranda) and leave. “Just one more picture.” Some people have no concept of boundaries.<br />
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<b>Related Stories </b><br />
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<a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2018/10/the-tale-of-city-girl-in-nature.html">The Tale of a City Girl in Nature</a><br />
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<a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2018/10/the-delicate-touches-of-love.html">The Delicate Touches of Love</a><br />
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Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-12327021919873631962020-03-10T21:24:00.000+05:302020-03-11T19:10:08.717+05:30How Do I Know If I’m a Disciple? <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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A lot of us grew up in Catholic homes, attending Sunday Mass as a matter of course, the same way we attended school and wrote exams and ate our meals – just because it was a part of our life and culture and family tradition. As teenagers or adults, some rebelled or just lost interest and no longer identified as Catholic, while others just continued as a matter of course.<br />
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But being baptized a Catholic and growing up in a Catholic family no more makes one a disciple than hanging around in medical school makes you a doctor, or sitting in a car makes you a driver. Becoming a disciple takes intentionality and choice. You can’t sort of drift into a life-changing relationship.<br />
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But maybe you’re not sure. “I take my faith pretty seriously. It’s an important part of my life. Am I or am I not a ‘disciple’?”<br />
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Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself this Lent to know whether there is perhaps a further step God is inviting you.<br />
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<b>1. Do I KNOW Jesus as a person, not just as a concept or name or idea?</b> Am I able to talk to Him intimately every day, and believe that His presence is as real as my family members around my house? Am I able to chat to Him about what is going on in my life, or am I more likely to talk to myself, and remember Him at the end of a formal prayer at the end of the day… ‘in Jesus’ name, Amen.’ Being a disciple is primarily being in a relationship with Jesus, not just following a set of moral teachings.<br />
<i>If you don’t, ask Him to reveal Himself to you as a person, put your phone down, start sitting alone with Him every day for 20 minutes, and be very, very honest. He is more than able to reveal Himself to those who desire to meet Him. </i><br />
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<b>2. Do I hear God speaking with me regularly? </b>Not as an audible voice, but usually through the bible, through the events and people of my life. I remember once reading my bible on the way to a youth camp where I was a volunteer, and a young man of about 16 asked me why I was doing so. I told him God often spoke to me through the words I read. He seemed shocked. “God actually TALKS to you?”<br />
<i>If you don’t, tell him you’d like to hear from Him, and start reading a short passage from the bible every day. We can’t expect to hear Him if we will not use the means He uses to communicate with us. </i><br />
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<b>3. Am I aware of my own personal sin?</b> It’s so much easier to be aware of all the other sinners in the world than to take responsibility for my own selfishness, laziness, lack of love, deliberate neglect of God and His invitations and commands. Once you start rationalizing your sin, there is no room for a Saviour in your life. "Those who (think they) are healthy do not need a physician, but the sick do. I have not come to call the righteous to repentance, but sinners." Lk 5: 31-32<br />
<i>If you are not and feel like you’re on the whole a pretty righteous person, ask God to shine His light into every corner of your life and heart and reveal to you the truth. </i><br />
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<b>4. Am I engaged in ongoing repentance and conversion?</b> It’s not enough to be aware of my sin, to wallow in my own dirt, and to get complacent about the fact that I’m a sinner. ‘Oh well, a sinner I was conceived in my mother’s womb.’ Shrug. I need to be actively fighting the sin in my life, going to Confession regularly, asking forgiveness of the people I am hurting, and allowing the mercy of Jesus to cleanse me of my sin. When’s the last time I asked someone to forgive me?<br />
<i>If you are not, go to Confession, and do a daily Examen. Ask God for a greater desire for holiness. </i><br />
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<b>5. Do I talk and think more about Jesus than about anything or anyone else? </b>This is a good way to know who or what my passion is. Not that we are not called to have interests, passions and hobbies as disciples, but where do our hearts lie? Who or what do I think of as I fall asleep at night? What do I get into passionate discussions about regularly? What do I promote and want people to know about? Even if we talk more about the Catholic Church, or a particular saint, or our community or organization, or some devotion, or some awesome leader, than we do about JESUS Himself, we’re missing out on the core of being a disciple.<br />
<i>If you do not, ask Him to help you fall in love with Him again (or for the first time). </i><br />
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<b>6. Am I willing to change my plan when I hear God convicting me to do so? </b>We all have plans, preferences and desires, and we often make our choices based on them. But a disciple brings everything to the Lord and allows Him to direct his or her life. It could mean giving up a plan to emigrate, pursuing reconciliation in a relationship that I’d rather wash my hands off, being open to a spouse and a life in a different culture than I wanted, using my free time for His work, making a career change, and a great number of other things.<br />
<i>If you are not, ask Him for the grace to trust Him more than you trust yourself, to give up the illusion of control, and to grow in obedience and abandonment. </i><br />
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<b>7. Am I willing to obey the challenging teachings that Jesus gives me through His Church?</b> If the only teachings I obey are the ones I am comfortable with, then I have chosen myself as God, and not Him. Trust includes obedience and humility. Just because I do not fully understand why Jesus asks the things He asks, doesn’t mean He is wrong and I am right. Like a child who takes his medicine or eats his vegetables because Mama says so, sometimes we obey even as we seek understanding. For example, staying away from artificial methods of birth control, accepting that IVF, surrogacy and artificial insemination are not legitimate ways to bear a child, choosing to love those with same-sex attraction while not endorsing gay marriage or relationships, reserving sex for marriage, rejecting abortion even in the case of unexpected or difficult pregnancies, rejecting the death penalty, etc. It also means accepting the smaller but also difficult requirements like fasting for an hour before receiving Communion, not eating meat on the Fridays of Lent, fasting on Good Friday and Ash Wednesday, attending Mass on Sunday and other days of obligation without fail, etc.<br />
<i>If you are not able to accept these teachings, ask God to open your heart and help you understand. There are good reasons for all these hard teachings, and we need to be willing to find out what they are. (Links below.) </i><br />
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<b>8. Have I intentionally placed myself in relationship with other disciples?</b> It’s easy to think you’re being a disciple on your own because there’s no one to call you out, to challenge you when you’re getting complacent or lazy or making excuses, and to encourage you when you’re slackening in zeal. It’s obvious that Jesus didn’t come to save us in isolation, but in community. Unfortunately our parish communities don’t usually offer an opportunity to grow in relationship with other disciples, so we have to be very intentional about fighting our laziness and our fear of vulnerability and either joining some kind of community or creating some kind of community.<br />
<i>If you have not, start looking for disciples and ask them where they find fellowship. </i><br />
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<b>9. Am I regularly consuming content that remind me of what it means to be a disciple? </b>Whether it is attending solid talks and formation, listing to podcasts, reading spiritual books (apart from the bible), learning about the saints, we need to consume healthy disciple-making food, or our growth will be stunted. I can see the difference when I stop doing that, or when I only consume mindless entertainment – I lose my appetite for God. We are what we eat.<br />
<i>If you do not, Lent is a great time to start! Ask me for recommendations: Abiding Together podcast, any Henry Nouwen or Fulton Sheen or Jacques Philippe, etc.
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Related Links</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #5a595c; letter-spacing: 1.04px;">[Video] </span><a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DQq1xvPdvkCI&source=gmail&ust=1583941826816000&usg=AFQjCNHUIIt4b_slhUDUizJppKv0OgVcuw" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq1xvPdvkCI" target="_blank">Why We Don't Use Contraception in Our Marriage</a> by Jackie and Bobby Angel
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><a href="https://lifeteen.com/blog/after-the-vows">After the Vows: Sex Within Marriage</a>
By Brian Kissinger
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">[Video] <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3DLOmWQKCoLd4&source=gmail&ust=1583941826816000&usg=AFQjCNGBD6oqgKhBM4CfGJB-Nc2kWdMvAQ" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOmWQKCoLd4" target="_blank">Fr. Mike Schmitz explaining IVF and Contraception</a> </span></div>
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<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.catholic.com/tract/birth-control&source=gmail&ust=1583941826817000&usg=AFQjCNGCTD_fI8fos1G559Dq7iJ1zV2hYw" href="https://www.catholic.com/tract/birth-control" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Birth Control - Catholic Answers</span></a></div>
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<a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?q=https://jenniferfulwiler.com/catholic-teaching-on-openness-to-life/&source=gmail&ust=1583941826817000&usg=AFQjCNHk0RV2rHDXUV9Cq_h8uKQQFjuYBg" href="https://jenniferfulwiler.com/catholic-teaching-on-openness-to-life/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Catholic Teaching on Openness to Life - Jennifer Fulwiler</span></a></div>
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Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-74777362242809216822020-02-19T22:20:00.002+05:302020-02-19T22:20:18.018+05:30How To Write a Dating or Matrimonial Profile<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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As you might have noticed, I have just ventured into the <a href="http://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2020/02/introducing-catholic-disciples.html">world of matchmaking</a>. Part of the process is inviting applicants to fill in some details about themselves. I don't know if it's because we don't encourage self expression in India, or because written communication is sometimes hard, but many people seem to get stuck at the 'About Me' section. </div>
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Why is this section important? Because you are more than a checklist, more than a list of beliefs of even hobbies. (You are definitely way more than your height, weight, complexion, salary or degrees which is why those aren't even a part of the form.) </div>
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You are a unique, unrepeatable creation of God, and it is that unique person that needs to shine out of a profile. When another person reads that profile, they need to get a glimpse of YOU, not a generic list of traits that could be practically anyone. Easier said than done though, right? </div>
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<b>Here are some tips that might make it easier:</b></div>
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1. Be prepared to write at least two short paragraphs for each of these type of questions (or more, if you feel inspired.) A few adjectives on their own don't say much. Set aside some time to think and prepare what you want to say and how you want to describe yourself. If you don't care enough to work on it, it is less likely that someone viewing your profile will care enough to pursue the person behind the description.</div>
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2. Think of some of the words that could describe you. It could describe the work you do, the things you get excited about, your skills and talents, your good qualities, your quirks and oddities. </div>
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3. Ask a close friend (or a few of them) to describe you as they see you, and if their descriptions seem apt, use them. I once wrote a dating profile for a close friend, and she loved it because I knew her well and was able to encapsulate what made her unique and lovable.</div>
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4. Be very honest. Don't make yourself sound more or less than you really are. Don't be afraid to be yourself, because it is the real you that you are taking into dating and marriage. Just don't make yourself sound like a paragon of all the virtues, or joke about real vices. </div>
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5. Don't write generic words like god-fearing, caring, homely, etc. Try to find either more specific words or explain what you mean. 'I love cooking and finding ways to care for the people in my family.' 'I value family prayer and always try to do what God asks me to do.'</div>
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6. If you're still having a hard time, here are a list of words or phrases as well as questions you can ask yourself that might spark ideas. Don't just pick from this list, but try to be creative in your choice of words, and think deeply about what YOU are like, and what YOU want.</div>
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<b>What are some words that describe your personality?</b></div>
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Examples: Funny, loud, adventurous, over-thinker, positive, lively, chatty, easygoing, control freak, hardworking, honest, blunt, serious, organized, ambitious, exuberant, high energy, mischievous, sarcastic, simple, lifelong learner, introvert, extrovert, life of the party, good listener, quiet, thoughtful, always on the move, deep thinker, active, introspective, sensitive, outgoing, quirky, unconventional, emotional, empathetic, compassionate, motivated, competitive, goal-oriented, neat freak, absent-minded, patient, creative, practical, trustworthy, reliable, energetic, loyal, non-judgmental, determined, passionate, persistent, decisive, loner, daydreamer, independent, contemplative, prayerful, lover of people, lover of God, peaceful.</div>
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<b>What do you like to spend your time on?</b></div>
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Examples: I love making birthday cards for my friends, you can usually find me playing online word games, I spend a lot of time baking and trying out new recipes for my family, I love talking to people and finding out what makes them tick, I love my job and spend a lot of time learning more about my field, my friends and I put on karaoke videos on Youtube and sing and dance for fun (we are a crazy bunch), I am obsessed with cars and can identify the make and model of most cars as I pass them, I tend to watch a lot of documentaries, I love gardening and have started growing some vegetables, I often go out with friends and listen to their problems and counsel them, I love organizing social events for people to get together, I spend most weekends running or climbing mountains or finding new physical challenges to conquer, I love hanging out with my family and chatting about everything over a cup of tea. I spend a lot of time reading Catholic blogs and study apologetics for fun. I am in a worship band and we get together every weekend to sing God's praises. I tutor underprivileged kids on the weekends.</div>
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<b>What are some dreams or hopes you have?*</b></div>
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Examples: I hope to start an NGO one day that reaches out to street children and gives them a safe place to study and play. I am trying to read 50 books this year. I hope to visit all the continents of the world with my family. I would love to learn more about the bible and even teach others about it. I hope to start my own catering business one day (maybe with the help of my spouse). I want to buy a car, have a bunch of kids and do road trips all over India. I would love to be part of a musical. I want to start my own vegetable garden. </div>
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<b>What kind of family and marriage do you hope to have? </b></div>
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Examples: I want to have the kind of home and family where the poor are always welcome to share a meal. I hope my spouse and I will be able to grow together and learn together about how to keep our marriage strong. I would like to be able to communicate well with my spouse in a way where we both feel comfortable sharing the little, big, and most intimate details of our life. I would love to do ministry with my spouse, reaching out to others and sharing Jesus together. I would like a marriage where we are equals, sharing responsibilities especially in the home and in raising children. I visualize a family that is an active part of a Christian community, not isolated or alone. I would like my spouse and I to teach our children to love God and to be adventurous in serving Him. I want an honest marriage where we are comfortable talking about our past wounds and helping each other heal. I would like a marriage where in-laws and outsiders do not interfere and we make our own choices according to God's will. </div>
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<b>What kind of spouse are you hoping for?</b></div>
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Examples: Someone who listens to and respects my desires and thoughts and feelings. Someone who loves God and puts Him first. Someone who is calm even in the face of trials and provocation. Someone who is financially responsible and willing to work hard for the sake of the family. Someone who is affectionate and loving. Someone who is as adventurous as I am. Someone who supports my desire to stay home and focus on our young children. Someone who is comfortable with sharing household and parenting responsibilities. Someone who is willing to support me in my dreams and career. Someone who does not drink alcohol (or drinks only occasionally in moderation). Someone who will be a good father. Someone who will prioritize family over career. Someone who is willing to be part of the prayer community that I am in. Someone who will love my family as his/her own. Someone who will love me in spite of my health issues. Someone who flexible and adaptable. </div>
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<b>Examples of deal-breakers: </b>Someone who expects me to join the joint family and become like a servant of the home. Someone who will not accept the responsibility of my aged parents. Someone who is a workaholic. Someone who loses his/her temper and shouts and screams when angry. Someone who is very introverted. Someone who will not allow me to work outside the home. Someone who is controlling. Someone who is very conservative or liberal. Someone who smokes or drinks. Someone who only wants one or two children. Someone who cares too much about what people say (or what their parents say). Someone who is not open to my charismatic prayer community. Someone who does not follow the teachings of the Church. Someone who hates dogs. Someone who is too serious and doesn't like to go for movies or parties. Someone who is too frivolous and only likes to play, never pray.</div>
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<b>Examples of non-negotiables (this overlaps with deal-breakers):</b> I can only marry someone who is willing to move to my city. I am only open to someone who is willing to prioritize prayer and the spiritual life of our family. I am only open to someone who has lived away from home for some time (for work/studies). I am only open to someone willing to take at least a few months to date/court/get to know each other. I need someone who is willing to accept my choice to live as a missionary. I need someone who is fluent in English/ my mother tongue. </div>
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<b>Picking a profile pic: </b>Let people get a glimpse of who you really are by giving a real smile, taking a close up photo, and removing all obstacles like sunglasses or hats. Stand up straight, no need to pose in front of a car or bike, be casual but alive. A photo says so much. And it isn't too difficult to get good quality photos these days - just catch a friend with a good phone camera, find a nice backdrop (nature is usually great), be willing to pose for a few shots and choose the best one.</div>
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<i>Anything to add? Any other ideas or suggestions for writing dating or matrimonial profiles?</i></div>
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Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-4273578601648865932020-02-13T22:04:00.003+05:302022-03-22T12:55:14.763+05:30Introducing the Catholic Disciples Matchmaking Service <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b>IMPORTANT UPDATE: </b>We have created a password-accessible <a href="http://www.catholicmatchmaking.in" target="_blank">CDMS website</a>, for members to view profiles. There will be no more personalized matching. However, there will still be a personal processing of each application. Please visit the website if you are <a href="https://catholicmatchmaking.in/blog/2020/11/23/interested-in-joining-cdms/" target="_blank">interested in joining CDMS</a>.<br />
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Are you a Catholic disciple who feels called to marriage but have almost given up hope of finding a like-minded partner? Have you ever wished that someone would introduce you to more like-minded potential partners? Have you ever bemoaned the lack of easy ways to connect with eligible Catholic disciples? Has the traditional arranged marriage system and the casual dating system failed you so far?<br />
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Do you know people like that and wish you could help them out?<br />
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I’m here to help! (God willing) I’ve been pondering a matchmaking service for a while – but one with a difference.<br />
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<b>First of all, who am I and why do I think I'm qualified to run this?</b><br />
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My name is Susanna, I'm a 33 year old (almost 34) Catholic disciple who has been working with young people for over a decade. I've run across the same problems and struggles again and again - disciples who feel that they have no options when it comes to looking for a good spouse. I've had my own struggles, but last year MY matchmaker (aka God) worked things out beautifully and I married another Catholic disciple and have begun to live out my vocation with him (fun read: one year ago I wrote '<a href="http://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2019/02/valentines-day-special-what-it-is-like.html">What It's Like To Have a Catholic Boyfriend</a>'). I'm based close to Mumbai, but I'm originally from Pune. My only qualification is that I feel inspired by the Holy Spirit to do this, and I don't know anyone else in India who is doing it. I've written a lot about <a href="http://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/search/label/Romance%20%26%20Relationships">relationships, dating, courtship,</a> etc, and guided some people in real life too.<br />
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<b>Second, what does ‘Catholic disciple’ mean?</b><br />
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<b>Catholic</b> – Faithful to all the teachings of the Church including the tough ones, willing to learn and grow in knowledge and practice of the Catholic faith, openness to and love for Mary, the saints and the sacraments; and committed to the Catholic understanding of marriage and family.<br />
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<b>Disciple </b>– Committed to doing the will of Christ, trying to walk with Him every day, having a personal relationship with Jesus through a prayer life, dealing with personal sin, pursuing holiness, willing to ‘go wherever He asks you to go, do whatever He asks you to do, say whatever He asks you to say, and give up whatever He asks you to give up’.<br />
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I wrote more about it here: <a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2020/03/how-do-i-know-if-im-disciple.html">How Do I Know If I’m a Disciple?</a><br />
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<b>Here’s what Catholic disciple does NOT mean:</b> Perfect in every way, no longer struggling with any sin, only interested in talking about religious topics, extremely knowledgeable about every aspect of the Catholic faith, fanatical about all things Catholic. Yeah, no.<br />
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<b>So how is Catholic Disciples Matchmaking Service going to work? </b><br />
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1. Interested people fill in a Google form to help me get to know you better. It will include a photo, a bio, and a bunch of relevant questions. Job, salary, height, complexion, educational qualifications are NOT asked here. (If those are important to you, this is not a good place to join. You will eventually learn these thing after meeting someone, but they are not the most important things.) Instead, there will be questions about your interests, priorities, spiritual life and hopes for a spouse. The form should include a name and number of a priest you know who can vouch for you if necessary. Members pay a one-time registration fee.<br />
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2. As matchmaker, I personally will go through each member’s profile, and match members. I will send the photo and profile to two matched people, and if they both say yes, I’ll give them each other’s email ids to start a correspondence. If they feel comfortable doing so, they exchange numbers and eventually meet. There will be certain dating guidelines that all members should agree to – for example, that they should try to meet in person within a month of communicating (even if they’re from different cities), that both agree that no commitments or promises are implied in agreeing to go on a date, that they will maintain good boundaries, etc.<br />
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3. Once the two members have met in person, they will each debrief with me, and let me know what they thought and if they want to move ahead. Dating and courtship guidance will continue for those who want it.<br />
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4. As matchmaker I’m here to help and facilitate, but I am ultimately not responsible for your choices. It is up to each member to take this seriously, to be holy and responsible and prudent in the way they go about this process.<br />
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5. I hope to eventually add relationship advice videos and posts which will be available to members only.<br />
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<b>What kind of attitude should a potential member have? </b><br />
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<b>1. Openness:</b> Don’t come with a cardboard cut-out of the perfect spouse, or over specific ideas of how gorgeous they are, or where they are located, or their cultural background. Let God surprise you!<br />
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<b>2. Adventurousness: </b>You have to be willing to take a risk, to be courageous, to meet more than one person who may NOT be right for you. If you aren’t willing to take a risk, how can you hope for something amazing to happen to you?<br />
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<b>3. Patience:</b> It may not happen immediately, and it may not happen in your expected time frame. Some people take longer than others to know for sure. Marriage is a big enough commitment to merit investing time and patience into the search for the right spouse.<br />
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<b>4. Willingness to step out of your comfort zone: </b>Whether it means travelling to a different city for a date, or learning about love languages and marriage preparation and discernment, or more about your faith, or trying out spiritual activities that are new for you, or just learning to communicate with a completely different person, you can’t play it safe, or protect yourself completely. Be a learner! Whether or not you land up marrying that particular person, God can teach you a lot through the process.<br />
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<b>5. Openness to God’s guidance:</b> Commit to daily prayer for your future spouse, try out a novena or ask for a particular saint’s intercession and help, get your spiritual life in order, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you at each step. Trust that HE is your ultimate matchmaker.<br />
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Interested? Have suggestions? Have ideas about how to publicize this service? Shoot me an email at solosenilejive@gmail.com.<br />
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<b>UPDATED:</b> Here's the link to the Google form to register: <a href="https://forms.gle/UjWsqyMBuNe3t8zU9">https://forms.gle/UjWsqyMBuNe3t8zU9</a><br />
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<i>P.S This service is mostly aimed at people in India to make real-life meeting more possible, but if you have the possibility of visiting India regularly (like our many Indian friends working in Middle-Eastern countries), you are welcome too.</i><br />
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<i><b>UPDATED: Indians from other countries have expressed an interest too, so go ahead and register wherever you are, and if God sends other people from your part of the world, I'll set them up with you. If you are in the US, I'd suggest you look up Emily Zanotti, the Catholic Yenta, who is doing something very similar there.</b></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i><i>P.P.S. Please share this blog post in all the Catholic disciples' groups you can think of, and ask individuals to spread the word too! </i></div>
Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-68171911095928393012020-02-11T00:55:00.000+05:302020-02-11T01:01:29.945+05:30Five Hacks to Be More Disciplined and Productive <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Hello to all the undisciplined, lazy, unmotivated, negative people out there! This is for you. You’re not alone, you’re not a complete failure, and things CAN and WILL get better.<br />
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<b>1. Stop telling yourself you are undisciplined and have no self control and you can’t help it:</b> Like my dad keeps saying, “It’s all in the mind.” Well, maybe not ALL, but a lot of it. If you put yourself in a box, and slap a label on it, guess what, you’re going to stay there. It’s okay to admit it’s a struggle, but remind yourself it’s possible to change, even if it happens one small habit-changing step at a time. Think of the other areas that you used to struggle with ten years ago that you no longer even think about. Also, stop celebrating laziness and indiscipline and making jokes about it. It’s holding you back.<br />
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<b>2. Acknowledge the main areas of indiscipline in your life:</b> When it comes to time-wasting, you know I’m talking about your phone. You’re not alone. Apparently a LOT of people are struggling with phone addictions, but not everyone knows they are, or are willing to do anything about it. How do you know your phone use is becoming a problem? When you can’t go anywhere without your phone, when you automatically reach for it as soon as you have a minute free, when you return to social media sites just to refresh your feed, when you haven’t read a book in months or years, when you are in the middle of a conversation or a movie or even a book and you reach for your phone again… I’m here to tell you – YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. Another typical area of indiscipline is going to sleep on time (connected with phone use) and eating unhealthily. If you don’t acknowledge where the problem lies, you cannot move forward.<br />
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<b>3. Place some obstacles between you and your favourite areas of indiscipline: </b>I don’t have Facebook and Youtube apps on my phone, I have to go the browser and find them. I used to have to put in the password every time I used Facebook. I don’t allow notifications from any of my apps, so I basically don’t allow distractions to pop up in my life screaming “LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!” Choose certain hours of the day where you and your family members place your phones out of reach, and choose to talk or read a book or play a game instead. Just physically putting it out of reach helps. Don’t buy the junk food you want to avoid. If it is in your house, guess what – you’re going to eat it in a moment of weakness. You’re a lot less likely to go down to the shop and buy snacks than just pull it out of the kitchen cupboard.<br />
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<b>4. Take the drastic step of deleting accounts or subscriptions or games: </b>Whenever I feel like something is going out of control, when I know I can’t rely on my own sense of balance and will-power to help me use that thing well, I have to be ruthless. After messing up several times, I realize I cannot have Netflix or Amazon prime or anything with TV shows on my phone. So I finally just deleted my subscriptions and we currently live in the olden times and watch DVD movies for movie night. I feel stupid that I can’t keep it under control, but you know, maybe I have an addictive personality, and I’m much happier with zero TV shows in my life than with non-stop obsessive TV show bingeing. <a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-time-i-went-on-five-day-silent.html">(Also, long-duration entertainment (aka TV shows) sucks the depth out of your spiritual life.)</a><br />
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<b>5. Give yourself positive achievable goals to replace bad habits:</b> Fill in the empty spaces with good goals and make them easy to achieve - place good books by your bed, fill your home with fruit and healthy snacks, take up a hobby, start listening to a good podcast. Sacrifice has to be for some purpose. Decide what you REALLY want, and make a list and a plan to fill your free time. Celebrate small victories, and get someone to celebrate with you. Basically, set yourself up for success. Once you taste success – you finished reading a book! You lost some weight! You wrote a story! You created art! You woke up in the morning feeling rested and energetic! – you will want more of it. And then you will be able to take on slightly harder goals.<br />
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Alright, guys! What other hacks have worked for you?<br />
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Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-82947786932581702032020-01-28T23:50:00.000+05:302020-01-28T23:50:07.523+05:30Wedding Stories, Tips and Advice<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Once again (or it never really stopped), it seems like everyone is getting married. If they're not getting married, their relatives are pressuring them to get married. If they are already married, they are related to or friends with someone who is getting married. Life is weddings. I'm very glad my Year of The Wedding is over, but I've recently talked to many young women who are in their own Year of the Wedding, so I may as well share some thoughts. Well, first read the posts I already wrote - <a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2019/07/seven-things-i-have-learned-about.html">Seven Things I Have Learned about Wedding Planning</a>, <a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2019/12/the-wedding-chronicles-secret-to.html">The Secret to a Peaceful Bride</a> and <a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2016/01/when-your-facebook-feed-explodes-with.html">When Your Facebook Feed Explodes with Weddings</a>. Oh, and a couple of cool wedding dress stories - <a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2019/11/the-wedding-chronicles-god-designed-my.html">God Designed My Wedding Dress</a> and <a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-tale-of-free-wedding-dress.html">The Tale of the Free Wedding Dress</a>.<br />
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<b>----1----</b></div>
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<b>A wedding is literally just one day in your life.</b><br />
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Okay for some people, it's a week or more of events, but my point is, it really is not everything it's hyped up to be. It really doesn't have to be a perfect day, or the most beautiful day of your life, or everything you've ever dreamed of. (Maybe you need other dreams?) Don't set yourself up for disappointment. That way, if it's a fun, happy day, you'll be pleasantly surprised, and if everything goes wrong and everyone is mad at you for different reasons, you can shrug your shoulders and say, "Oh well, it will soon be just a distant memory."<br />
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<b>----2-----</b></div>
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<b>Be a rebel when it comes to choosing your marriage partner and the details of your life together, but be ready for compromise when it comes to the wedding details. </b><br />
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A marriage is for a lifetime, the wedding is just for a day. It doesn't matter if the wedding is less than perfect when you are happy with your choice of marriage partner. On the other hand, the most perfect wedding cannot make up for a spouse you are unsure of, uncomfortable with, or unhappy about marrying. Social approval will not make or break your marriage, so don't get married for the wrong reasons. In India, many young people are pressured to choose a marriage partner after just a few meetings. You need to rebel! This is not a wise way to make the biggest decision of your life! <a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2017/10/a-catholic-perspective-on-arranged.html">You need to push back, and demand enough time to really get to know the person and be sure that you want to marry him or her. </a>The wedding details on the other hand are really not that big a deal. Don't sweat the small stuff.<br />
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<b>----3----</b></div>
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<b>A wedding is a good time to learn how to set boundaries.</b><br />
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Yes, I've promised a boundaries post that I haven't written yet. But here is how that might work during a wedding - together with your spouse, decide what you want to insist on, and what you are willing to compromise on. Communicate those things clearly and kindly with your family members. Don't let people manipulate you and pressure you. Don't let 'But what will people say?' influence all your decisions. You might compromise on some things because they are important to your parents or in-laws, but you do not need to make all your decisions based on every single family member's opinions. Not everyone has equal weight in decision-making. (Whoever is paying for the wedding will have a little more weight.) And if people get unreasonably mad at you, don't let their emotions control yours. Tell them, "I'm sorry you feel that way, and it was not my intention to hurt your feelings, but it is my wedding and perhaps we need to agree to disagree." Make sure they know you value the relationship, and then let it go.<br />
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<b>----4----</b></div>
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<b>If possible, try to have an eco-friendly wedding.</b><br />
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I didn't want thermocol confetti at my wedding. Thermocol is horrible for the environment, and yet is remains a prominent part of many Indian Catholic weddings and events from the confetti to the backdrop. We used shredded marigolds instead, which is apparently not unusual in India. I would suggest rose petals instead though, because the marigolds hit a little too hard, got into my hair, dress and mouth and was not the most pleasant of confetti experiences. One of my cousins did bubbles which was very pretty too. I also requested that we did not have little plastic bottles of water for every guest - what an unnecessary and excessive usage of plastic. I hoped for big water dispensers where people could fill up when they wanted water instead, but in the end our wedding was so chaotic I don't even know if there <i>was </i>water available. Fire crackers are just painful to the ears and create air pollution, so that's another tradition that needs to go. Check with your venue and caterers what eco-friendly options they have in place.<br />
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<b>----5----</b></div>
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<b>You don't need to spend all your money on a wedding.</b><br />
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You definitely don't need to get into debt for a wedding. Figure out how much money you both have to spend on the wedding, and budget accordingly. Find ways to save money. Not all traditions need to carry on. Instead of buying outfits for every extended family member, get a small meaningful gift and card instead (unless it's immediate family members and they can't afford a new outfit, and you have the money). Dowry or expected 'gifts' needs to be a thing of the past! Put your foot down! Trousseau shopping can be expensive too - get what your need, not fifteen sarees you're rarely going to wear. Why does getting married mean yo have to be decked out in fancy clothes for the next year? A neighbour told my mum that she has huge quantities of silk sarees from her wedding she never wears now.<br />
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You don't need lavish innovations at the reception to make your wedding memorable. Be creative, and find ways to create your own decorations or cake or centrepieces. For my sister's wedding, we made paper lanterns to hang everywhere. For my other sister's wedding, with a Wedding at Cana theme, my brother and sister-in-law created a <i>chuppah</i> to hang over the cake - inexpensive and beautiful. You don't have to invite the whole village, or every person you have ever met or who wishes you well. You don't have to have a lavish buffet. Choose nice over lavish.<br />
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<i>Chuppah</i></div>
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<b>----6----</b></div>
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<b>A honeymoon doesn't have to be at an exotic location.</b><br />
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It's not about the sights or the adventures. A honeymoon is about the two of you, and a chance to be together, alone! You don't need o go abroad or spend huge amounts of money on a honeymoon you can tell people about. We were perfectly happy with our honeymoon in Coonoor - the weather, the food and the natural beauty were perfect, and we did our own thing, moved at our own pace, rented a bike to explore, and enjoyed our honeymoon a hundred times more than our wedding.<br />
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<b>-----7-----</b></div>
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<b>Don't forget to get photos with the important people.</b><br />
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Although a wedding shouldn't revolve around the photographer, it is nice to have memories especially of people who traveled far to be there for your wedding, or of your whole extended family who may not always get together except at weddings. That is one regret I had from my wedding, that we didn't manage to get photos with the whole family, and many of my friends who I only manged to meet very briefly.<br />
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<b>----8----</b></div>
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<b>Assign someone to feed the bride and groom.</b><br />
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In India, the bride and groom and their families eat last, after everyone else has eaten and even left. But I learned the hard way that when you don't eat, everything else gets a lot harder. Towards the end of the reception, I was exhausted and I did't realize it, but I was also hungry. I burst into tears, and told Joel I was done and I wanted to leave and go to sleep. But he pointed at the tables that were set out for the family to eat, and told me we couldn't leave yet. "I don't want to eat. I'm too tired to care about food."Yet, I had to sit. He was hungry, and I nibbled at the food, which turned out to be really tasty (one thing that didn't go wrong). After getting some food into my stomach, I suddenly felt better and realized the world wasn't such a terrible place and perhaps I could last another half an hour.<br />
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<i>Wedding food!</i></div>
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<b>-----9-----</b></div>
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<b>If you are a relative or friend of the bride and groom, be merciful and let go of your expectations.</b><br />
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I was extremely grateful for all my family and guests who traveled to a new place for the wedding, had to make plenty of adjustments, hardly got to see or talk to me at all, and still extended nothing but love towards me. They realized how stressful the day must be for the bride and groom, and didn't place any expectations on us at all. In fact, no one even told me when things were going wrong, but they just took care of any problems that came up, socialized and had fun with each other, and came willing to be pleased. I can only hope that I will be that gracious at all weddings I go to. Too many people in India think that the wedding is about them, and that they need to be honoured or paid attention to. Blessed are those who do not take offence easily!<br />
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<b>-----10-----</b></div>
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<b>Plan a few little elements of your wedding that are just for you and your new spouse.</b><br />
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Bring aware that you are going to have to compromise on a lot, and a lot of things are going to go wrong, if you can, reserve a few small elements that you know will give you joy. One of mine was choosing the 'Stars on 45' track as our wedding march song - a song my dad used to regularly play for us when we were kids, and was a familiar and beloved tune in the midst of an unfamiliar and crazy day. The other thing was planning a small party after the wedding where dancing was the centre of the evening as Joel and I love to jive together, and we knew it wouldn't be a major element of our actual reception.<br />
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Alright guys, that's all! Do you have any wedding tips for people beginning to stress out about their upcoming weddings?<br />
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Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-57438590602087101822020-01-23T01:56:00.002+05:302020-01-23T02:02:33.054+05:30On Being a Bookworm<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i>Cousins and siblings and me</i></div>
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My four siblings and I grew up without cable TV, and with our noses in books at every possible moment - when we were supposed to be studying (hidden behind our study books of course, or smuggled into the bathroom for long 'bathroom breaks'), during family holidays in Panchgani, during class in school (did our teachers know and just ignore it as not worth caring about?), during our larger family parties where no one would notice one or two grandchildren missing (of course one carries a storybook to parties), and so on.<br />
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My parents never had to figure out what to give us for Christmas and birthdays, we were usually into one particular series of Enid Blytons and were perfectly satisfied to receive another book to add to the collection (not to mention, as soon as we finished our own books, we would exchange with our siblings).<br />
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My parents were bookworms themselves, and most afternoon rest time and late nights before bed, they would pick up their current book and read a few more pages. They had much more discipline than the rest of us though, who would usually not stop reading until we finished our book, even if it meant reading by torchlight or cell phone light so we wouldn't get in trouble if my parents saw the light on in the early hours of the morning.<br />
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<i>Yes, I had a book at a picnic</i></div>
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I am currently rereading Little Women in anticipation of the movie coming out in a few weeks. As I read, I am reminded of how the books we read and grow up reading form us and become a part of us. The characters in Little Women not only seem like old friends I know well, but as I read about Meg's efforts at homemaking, I was reminded that keeping a home clean and beautiful is a worthwhile gift to give my family (well, my husband at the moment), and I actually left my book to go and complete my many half-done household chores. As I read about Jo going 'into a vortex', as she started writing her stories, I remembered my dear blog and the joy I get out of <i>my </i>scribbles, and out of sharing them with others.<br />
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I have <a href="https://notveryindiangirl.blogspot.com/2015/04/i-dont-miss-school.html">often bemoaned my (lack of an) education in convent school</a> - I feel like I wasted many years of my life parroting facts, daydreaming and learning how to be invisible. What I <i>should </i> have been doing was discovering the world, how big and interesting it was, and how fascinating learning could be. But what I missed out in school, I gained through my storybooks. I learned about the world through those books, I learned what history <i>felt </i>like through fiction and non-fiction set in different times and places and ages. For the general knowledge I have now, the familiarity with different cultures, the vocabulary and the writing skill I possess, I credit the books I voraciously consumed through my life.<br />
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<i>Of course I chose 'Books' as my topic for Topic Week during my teacher's training course</i></div>
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But I have also come to the conclusion that being a bookworm is not a permanent identity, and it can (and has) been easily stolen by the temptations of the Internet. I have not been a bookworm for several years now, choosing instead to consume the written word on Facebook and Twitter. What a waste of time most of that has been. I recently asked a friend to change my Twitter password, and my new year's resolution has been to read more books, which has been happening aided by spotty Internet (a mixed blessing). If I want to grow and learn, I have to give up something to get something. If I want my kids to love to read as I did, they'd better not see me stuck to my phone.<br />
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I have also realized that not all books are worth consuming, and that I need to be a little picky about how I spend my reading time. When I was young I consumed every book I could get my hands on. I must have read every book I found in my home (we had a big bookshelf filled with books), not just the children's books. In the process, I came across some thrillers with graphic violent and sexual scenes that scarred my mind. It's hard to remove mental pictures once you see them. I also spent a few years reading sexually explicit romance novels, a sinful habit that was addictive and hard to break but thanks be to God was finally able to. I wish I had never come across some of those books, and will do my best to make sure I read every book in my house because if my kids are anything like me, they will have the same struggles.<br />
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The solution is not to ban books, but to fill your home with good books, books worth reading, books that inform and enlighten and illuminate, books that lift you up out of yourself, or give you a glimpse of the good, the true and the beautiful, books that make you want to fight injustice and be a better person and love and live without fear.<br />
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<i>Reading one of The Chronicles of Narnia to my nieces a few years ago</i></div>
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I also wish I had been exposed to more Indian authors and storybooks, because my knowledge of my own country is lacking. I know more about life in Nazi Germany than I know about the Indian freedom struggle. I wish there were more easily available and readable books about the normal lives of different types of Indians of different times. It is such a diverse country, and there is so much to learn. I feel like I've learned more about lives of Indians by following Humans of Bombay than I have in years of reading books. I'm sure there are more books, I just have to be more intentional about seeking them out and buying them. Reading Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie was quite the eye-opener.<br />
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As a teenager and as an adult, the Catholic and Christian books I read formed my conscience, my imagination and my desires, and slowly helped me set my mind on higher things. Books like The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom, The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, He and I by Gabrielle Bossis, Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Fr. Jacques Philippe, and even The Chronicles of Narnia were very formative. Little Women and books by Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey (what a mouthful) had Christian worldviews, and while perhaps they were not always subtle, they were effective in making me want to be holy, to be less selfish, to be better.<br />
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I wish we had more well-stocked public libraries. I visited a beautiful one in Panjim, Goa. I still hope one day to start a library that makes good books accessible to underprivileged children. But I also wish educated and privileged parents would invest in story books for their children. Reading doesn't seem to be a popular pastime in India. Another dream I have is to be a professional storyteller who goes to different schools and groups and tells stories and gets kids excited about books. I did that during the one year I taught in a village school, and all my children loved reading by the end of the year.<br />
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One dream at a time. I'll start with me, and try to return to the world of books this year.<br />
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<i>What good books have you read lately? Do you read as much as you'd like to?</i><br />
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<i>My class in the village school, with the 'library corner' far left</i></div>
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Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7506285508948938577.post-38148113236020523072020-01-10T23:29:00.002+05:302020-01-11T14:29:48.127+05:30Five Things I've Learned about Living with a Spouse<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i>A month ago a friend asked me to write an article for the bulletin of the Family Commission Centre, with just a day's notice. I managed to complete it, and I thought I'd share it here with my blog readers... to make up for the weeks when I didn't post anything (sorry!).</i><br />
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I got married just one month ago, so as a newly married wife, I am obviously now an expert on marriage. Just kidding! I am in the process of learning to live with and love another human being, a lifelong process. My lessons started long before I met my spouse - in my family, and in different women’s households over the past nine years. The lessons I learned have been invaluable, and are serving me well, as I begin life with a husband.<br />
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<b>1. Your spouse is different from you, and that is okay:</b> It is so tempting to want our spouse to become another version of us, to do things our way. I prefer quiet, contemplative prayer times where I listen to an audio bible reflection and journal as I drink my coffee. I can hear my husband on the other hand in the next room strumming the guitar loudly, singing worship songs vigorously and reading Scripture aloud. Which is a better way to pray? That’s a silly question! God makes us different so we can learn from each other and be blessed by each other’s unique gifts and perspectives.<br />
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<b>2. Gratitude changes everything:</b> One of the sneakiest ways Satan tries to attack our relationships, is by planting seeds of resentment. The best way to combat that temptation is to cultivate gratitude. Look at your spouse, and your life together and thank God (and your spouse) for the gifts you see. None of us are perfect. But life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful. "Thank you for loving me." "Thank you for cooking that meal, that was delicious." "I am so blessed to have a husband like you. I feel so loved." See how these words can transform our relationships.<br />
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<b>3. Mercy must replace blame: </b>We were driving from Pune to Mumbai last weekend when we suddenly realized that I had left our house keys in Pune. Our ONLY set of house keys. It was completely my fault as I had overstuffed my handbag and they had fallen out. In that moment, Joel extended grace and mercy to me. Not only did he NOT say "What were you thinking? You should have been more careful!", he instead prayed for me and the situation because he could see that I was upset by my mistake. What a beautiful witness of Christ-like behaviour! It was also a good reminder to me that the next time he made a mistake, I should remember I am far from perfect.<br />
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<b>4. My project is ME, not my spouse:</b> This might be particularly a wife’s temptation, but it’s so easy to want to improve and change one’s spouse. It is so much easier to see their faults and shortcomings than our own. Jesus had some clear words. ‘First take the log out of your own eye, before trying to take the speck out of your husband’s.’ My job is to work on my own holiness. So I try to avoid nagging and criticizing and constantly making suggestions for improvement.<br />
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<b>5. There is actually grace in the sacrament:</b> We don’t have to do this on our own strength, because we can’t. Sacramental marriages have a special grace attached to them. ‘Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses…, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another's burdens, to "be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ," and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love.’ CCC 1642 We need to claim that grace and thank God for it. We also need to acknowledge the Third Person in our marriage, and receive His grace afresh, by spending some time together in prayer every day.</div>
Sue Zannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02092468307029938877noreply@blogger.com2